by Katt Rose
I stiffened. “A consequence? I thought God was supposed to be forgiving and kind.” It was a statement, not a question.
The Reverend’s eyes sparkled. “There is much to be learned.”
My mouth gaped as I stared back. The man was a riddle, he provided me with no absolute concrete words of wisdom.
Aunt Sam leaned forward and gripped my hand. “Your Mom has been talking to the Reverend a lot lately, it helps her. I think we should give them some privacy.”
I looked toward my mom who seemed at ease. She was actively taking in our words. I sighed and stood. “Thanks for your time, Reverend.”
“Of course. We hope to see you back soon.”
Chase took my hand in his and gave a reassuring squeeze. I gave him a look that said “there’s no way in hell we will be back here.” He nodded in agreement. We left the church at a brisk pace and came to a sudden halt as Miranda leaned against Chase’s truck. I shot him an uneasy glance.
“Get in the truck, Em.”
I nodded and did as asked. I left my door open a crack to hear what she had to say. Miranda stepped back from the drivers side and offered an apologetic smile. “I’m sorry if my dad made you uncomfortable, he’s a little over protective.”
“You couldn’t have told me your dad was a Reverend?”
“If I did, you wouldn’t have come near me.”
Chase sighed heavily and ran a hand over his scruff. “No, I wouldn’t. I don’t want to get mixed up in things like that.”
Miranda hardened and glanced my way. “It doesn’t matter anyways. As long as your dear Emmy is around there’s not much hope for you and I.”
Chase softened his voice. “Miranda…we never stood a chance from the start. I’m sorry. You deserve to be with someone wh-“
Miranda cut him off. “Don’t give me the pity speech. You can tell Emmy that she and I have much more in common than she knows.”
Chase furrowed his brow. “I’m not sure what you mean.”
Miranda glared and stormed away without a word. Chase slid in the truck and I spoke. “What was that all about?”
“Beats me.” He stared at the church. “I don’t know why people enjoy coming here. I don’t know about you, but I don’t feel comforted at all.”
I stared at the concrete building and chills crept up my spine. “Me either.”
CHAPTER TWENTY
“You haven’t been by to see me.”
I shook my head. “I can’t.”
“Why not?”
“I just can’t. You’re not there anymore.”
“Technically, I am.”
“Aaron, hush. You’re not.”
“I know you went to where it happened. I’m proud of you. Are you learning anything yet?”
“Not yet. I haven’t figured it out but something’s not right.”
Sadness spilled across Aaron’s face. “No, it wasn’t right.” He leaned back and looked at the sky. “I wasn’t done yet, y’know? Dammit. I wasn’t ready.”
I leaned forward and wrapped my arms around him. “I wasn’t either.”
“Watch out for Mom, okay?”
“Always.”
“No, really. Watch out for her. She’s vulnerable.”
“I know, I’ll take care of her.”
Aaron stood up and brushed the seat of his jeans. He took a step forward and grabbed on to my shoulders. “Dig in her mind, the answer is there. She knows.”
My eyes widened. “What do you mean?”
“Dig, Em. Really dig. She knows.”
“Mornin’ pretty girl.”
Lips pressed against my shoulder and I rolled over, smiling. “Morning handsome.”
“How did you sleep?”
“Okay.”
“Just okay?”
I smiled. “I slept great.”
Chase leaned down and pressed his lips against mine. “Good, you needed it. How about you and I go out for breakfast this morning?”
I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him closer. “We’re in no hurry this morning, right?”
Chase smirked. “Nope.”
“Excellent, let’s take our time.”
Half an hour later we were on the road. We pulled into the café and walked inside hand in hand. We slid into a corner booth and placed our order. I took a sip of strong coffee when Chase’s face suddenly fell. I shot him a curious look and someone slid next to me. I stared in surprise as Sean’s shoulder connected with mine.
Sean spoke quickly. “I don’t want any trouble.”
My eyes were wide. “What are you doing here?”
“I came to apologize. I really am just passing through for work. I’m heading home this afternoon.”
Chase fought to keep his voice calm. “What do you want?”
Sean shot him a look of silence. “I didn’t come to apologize to you. I came to apologize to her.” Sean sent me a desperate look. “Last chance, Em. Are you sure you want to waste away in this hole? Come back with me.”
I fought to keep my jaw from dropping. Sean took my hand in his and I tore it away. “You need to leave.” I said coldly.
Sean’s eyes cast to Chase and his face crumpled. He stood up as though he were tossed with cold water. He shook his head slowly. “I thought I’d give you one last chance, one more out. Be smart, use your brain. Take it.”
“I’d be an idiot to accept your offer. You were never there, Sean. Never in my life had I been so alone than when I was with you. I can’t do that again. I won’t. I’m happy here. Please leave.”
Anger took a firm hold of Sean. “There really is no helping you. Such a waste.”
I flinched at his words and spoke before Chase could. “And that’s why we would never work. When something doesn’t go your way, you are so quick to toss someone under the bus.”
Chase stood. “I can show you where the door is if you’d like.”
Sean glared and said nothing. I could only imagine how hard it must have been for him to keep his mouth shut. I watched him storm out and tear out of the parking lot.
Chase slid in the booth next to me and placed his arm around me. “You okay?”
I leaned into him. “Yes. Thank you for being there.”
“Anytime. Let’s brush that off and salvage what’s left of the day.”
I patted his lap. “Sounds like a plan.”
After breakfast we strolled through town and enjoyed the local shops. Chase got called in to work and he dropped me off at home. I decided to take a nice hot bath and slid deep into the soapy bubbles. The aroma of vanilla and spice filled the room and I sighed in bliss. I lounged in the tub until the water turned cold. I got changed into some leggings and an over sized sweater, scooped my hair into a loose topknot and snuggled into slippers. I began to dig through my boxes and found what I was looking for; old photos. Through the mess, I found an empty photo album and began to make an album for my mom. I wanted her to remember our life whenever she disappeared. Once I was satisfied with it, I set it aside.
Thoughts turned to Aaron and my mind began to turn recent events over. Something wasn’t right between the letters, and the newfound memories. An uneasy feeling clawed within my gut. I felt like I was so close to finding an answer, yet so far. A knock at the door pulled my attention. I peeked outside and froze as I spotted an unfamiliar car.
I hesitated before answering the door. The Reverend stood outside, looking rather cold as he jostled side to side. “Good morning, Emmy. May I come inside?”
I looked around uneasily. “Uh, sure. What brings you here?”
The Reverend’s face lit up as he spotted the roaring fire. “Thank goodness, its toasty in here.” I said nothing and waited for him to answer me. He smiled apologetically. “I hoped the two of us could have a chat about your mom.”
My stomach dropped, as it usually did when it came to my mom. “Please, have a seat.” I gestured to the kitchen bar.
He hopped onto a stool. “Thank you. Would it be to much trouble to ask fo
r a coffee?”
“Not at all.” I began our brew and placed the mug in front of him.
“Ah, thank you.” He took a cautious sip and nodded. “This is good.” His eyes took in his surroundings quickly before settling back to me. “As you know your mother has been coming to see me regularly.”
I nodded. “So I’ve heard.”
The Reverend continued. “We often talk when she is having an episode. Her mind is grasping at straws, it’s sometimes hard to follow but I can gather enough information from her to make some sense of it.” He paused and cleared his throat. “She also comes to me when she is fully lucid. A lot of our conversations come back to your brother, Aaron.”
The dreaded cold sweat appeared. My breathing quickened and I grew fidgety. “What does she say?”
“She comes to me for comfort and forgiveness.”
“Forgiveness?” I whispered. “For what?”
“For what happened to your brother. What we say is in confidence, but I feel it is my duty to come forward, at least with you. You are her family and because of your mother’s condition, well, I feel it is the right thing to do.”
My mind crashed and it brought me back to that night. Flashbacks filled my vision followed by a searing pain in my forearm. I remembered the deep shard of glass that tore through my flesh as if I were made of paper. The feeling of the warm red liquid that oozed from me followed quickly. Out of habit, I began to rub my forearm rapidly.
“Emmy, are you alright?”
The Reverend’s voice brought me back. “What about Aaron? What does she say?”
He paused before continuing. “She told me there was an incident when she was driving. She drove into a pole but she doesn’t remember how she got there.”
I paled. “It only happened the one time. She stopped driving after that, and then she was diagnosed.”
“Is there a chance symptoms could have started earlier?”
“What are you trying to say?”
The Reverend held up his hands in a calming matter. “I’m not accusing anyone of anything. It’s just that…well, your mother is having doubts. She appears to be having nightmares, or flashbacks that are causing her some concern. She is having difficulty making sense of everything and that’s why she comes to me.”
The Reverend softened his voice. “She is worried that her condition is a punishment for what she’s done.”
I jumped off the stool. “It sounds to me like your accusing my mom of something awful. How dare you?” My thoughts scrambled to absorb the words he said. “Have you gone to anyone with this information?”
He shook his head. “What we say is in confidence. Your mother is going through enough in her life, no need to make things worse.”
“You need to leave. Please leave.”
The Reverend stood. “Emmy, God offers everyone forgiveness. I am doing my best to comfort her in her time of need.”
I held the door open wide. “Please go.”
He stepped outside and offered a small smile. “Your mother is not lost. God is always close by.”
I slammed the door in his face and locked it quickly for good measure. I covered my face with my hands and sank to the floor. His words couldn’t hold any truth. They just couldn’t. The dream from my morning flitted through my head. She knows. Dig deeper, Em. She knows. My eyes widened and I let out an angry yell. I sprang to my feet and tossed the coffee mug against the wall. The mug exploded into tiny fragments and I watched as the black liquid oozed across the floor. My anger quickly dissipated and I began to sob.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
Thunderous hooves beat into my eardrums. Ace held a steady pace as we tore through the field. His speed blew away the tears that escaped my ducts. I leaned forward and asked him to go faster. Once Ace had enough, he slowed and I let him. His breath blew out in quick snorts. White plumes filtered from his nostrils as the heat from his breath mixed with the frigid air. I let him gather his breath and adjusted my tuque. The hazy sky above had begun to spit snow. I watched as the first flew flakes twirled down from above, only to be lost amongst the already white ground.
I gave Ace a quick pat and pointed him toward the road. We ambled along at a relaxed pace. I kicked my feet free from the stirrups and let them hang loosely at Ace’s side. It was time to see Aaron.
I took an unsteady breath and kept Ace marching forward. The cemetery came into view and I let out a sob. I choked it back and kept moving forward. I maneuvererd Ace carefully around the grave sites and dismounted. I ground tied him and weaved myself until I stood in front of Aaron’s resting spot.
My vision blurred and I reached out to touch his stone. Aaron Jacobs. Forever loved, forever missed. Taken much too soon. I hung my head and closed my eyes. This spot felt foreign, it felt final. I had never set foot in this place. I didn’t even attend the funeral. I had seen enough. I had watched the life slip out of him. I held him until his body went hard and cold. It would forever haunt me. I did not need to watch him be lowered in the ground while the community and loved ones cried for the loss of a young life.
I sank to my knees and placed my hands on his stone. “I miss you, so much. I’m sorry its taken me so long to visit. Not a day goes by that I don’t miss you.” I bit my lip and chewed it thoughtfully. “Somebody came by today and told me something awful about mom. Please tell me it isn’t true. It can’t be. I promise I will sift through her mind. I will find out the truth.”
Ace snorted loudly in the distance. I stood up stiffly and threw my arms around my horse. The smell of leather and the sweet scent of horse sweat filled my nostrils. I breathed in deep and slow, trying to make sense of the world. I pulled away and mounted in a fluid motion. We made our way back to the road when a familiar rumble sounded behind. I pulled Ace to a stop as Chase pulled up beside us.
He rolled his window down and his voice softened. “You went to see Aaron?”
I nodded and wiped away the last of my tears. “I did.”
Chase’s eyes filled with pride and emotion. “I’m so proud of you. Are you okay?”
I smiled weakly. “I’m not sure to be honest. I think so.”
“Do you want me to meet you at the barn?”
“No, that’s okay. I need some time to pull myself together.”
“Be safe. I’ll see you at home.”
Chase drove away and I guided Ace back to the barn. I gave him a thorough grooming and led him back to his clean stall. I filled his hay net full and said my good night. I crossed my arms and leaned over his stall door, watching him pull eagerly at his hay. His brown eyes watched me softly and I smiled. Though he couldn’t speak, his eyes said so much. Life is a funny thing. Timing is everything, whether it leads to good or bad. Selling Ace had broken my heart, but now, here he was. He was and always will be my lifeline, forever willing to take me away from the madness and heartbreak of the world.
“He’s a good looking horse.”
I jumped at the sound of Craig Brook’s voice. “Oh, Craig. You scared me. Thanks.” I eyed him suspiciously. “What are you doing here? This isn’t exactly your scene.”
“It’s not. Miranda needed a ride, her cars giving her trouble. I’m just waiting for her to finish up.”
“Oh.”
“How’s Chase doing?”
“He’s good, thanks. His swelling has settled down.”
Craig nodded. “That’s good.” He eyed me carefully. “You sure everything’s okay between the two of you? You look upset.”
Heat crept into my cheeks and I looked away. “I went to see Aaron.”
Craig whistled. “That’s a big move for you. What brought that on?”
Miranda’s shrill voice followed. “You went to see him? You?”
Her tone sent my defenses up. “He is my brother,” I snapped.
“I know that,” she retorted. “Why would you see him?”
“Miranda,” Craig scolded. “Wait for me in the truck.”
She glowered at him then twirled away. I sh
ot Craig a look. “Why does she care?”
“She has a lot going on. Don’t take it personally.”
“Hey, Craig. Can I ask you something?”
“Shoot.”
“I didn’t know your dad was a Reverend. Are you religious?”
His face darkened. “I don’t buy into all that. Some people take it to seriously. They get warped by it.”
“What do you mean?”
“They can’t tell the difference between right and wrong. In their mind they’re fulfilling some sort of prophecy or something. Miranda took after dad.”
I barked a laugh. “Yeah right. She doesn’t strike me as the forgiving, warm type.”
Craig grimaced. “Like I said, there’s a dark side. Some people take it too far.” He glanced at the time.”I should go. See you around.”
“Bye.” I watched him walk away and pushed myself off Ace’s stall. “See you tomorrow, bud. Sweet dreams.”
I slid into my car and my phone rang. I glanced at the screen and saw it was Chase. I smiled and answered the call. “Hey, you.”
“Hey. Are you on your way back here soon?”
I tensed at the stiff tone of his voice. “I’m leaving the barn now, why? What’s wrong? I hear it in your voice.”
“I was chopping wood in the shed. I found a letter as I was stacking wood on the porch. It’s for you.”
“Did you open it, what does it say?”
“Em, I want you to come home, k?”
“I’m on my way. Chase, what does it say?”
He paused before speaking. “Don’t trust those you keep close. Someone is lying. You need to leave.”
My blood went cold. “I’m on my way.”
Chase and I sat at the kitchen table and I shared the Reverend’s house call with him. His eyes widened and he ran his hand through his hair. He blew out a breath. ‘This is bigger than you, Em. I don’t like where this is going.”
“I don’t either. But it can’t be true about my mom. Somebody knows something, and I intend to find out answers.” I grabbed the letter on the table. “Who in the hell is sending me these damn things? They know something.”