by Katt Rose
“I don’t know. I haven’t decided yet.”
“Well, if you need my help I’m all for it. Whatever you decide.”
“Thanks, Elayna.”
“No problem.” Elayna wrapped her hands around the coffee mug and pulled it close. “How are you feeling? How’s your mom?”
“I’m fine. My mom seems okay, I guess.”
“Em, what’s wrong?”
I let out a heavy sigh. “It was different before when she was in the care home. I felt like I had backup if she wasn’t herself, you know? Now…being back home, seeing her in that house. I don’t know, it feels like everything could break loose at any given moment and I don’t know how to handle it.”
Elayna offered a sad smile. “I’m really sorry you guys are going through this but I think you should spend time with your mom. Give your aunt a break. I bet your mom would love it. I can go with you if you’d like.”
“Thanks, but this is something I should do on my own.” My mind drifted to Aaron’s box locked away in the closet. I pushed the chair back and stood. “I want to show you something.”
Elayna stood and followed curiously. I opened the closet door, and stood on my tip toes reaching for the old shoe box. I opened the old cardboard and fished out Aaron’s box. I grabbed the photos and handed them to Elayna. She took them carefully and studied the pictures. “It’s not much to go on, but that could be Miranda’s hair for sure. It’s flawless.”
I rolled my eyes. “As per usual.”
Elayna’s eyes fell to the box. “Do you mind?”
I surrendered it to her. “No.”
Elayna sat cross legged on the floor and rummaged through the contents carefully. She read the letters quickly and frowned. “I don’t like these.”
I sat beside her. “Me either. Nothing is making sense. I could be crazy, Elayna. I could be obsessing about absolutely nothing. There was nothing suspicious about the accident. I could be projecting on an idea that drags me away from what I’m avoiding.”
“Sure, I completely agree. But on the other hand, your gut instincts are usually pretty good and why else would Aaron hide these things away?”
“I remembered the accident vividly about a week ago. For years I blocked it out, but I finally allowed myself to remember. There was this moment, right before Aaron passed out. He asked me ‘Did she get out?’ Everyone assumed he was alone. But what if he wasn’t? I also remember a necklace under the passenger seat as I was pulled out.”
“Oh, Em. What does Chase think about all this?”
I focused my gaze to the floor. “I haven’t told him.”
Elayna’s voice rose. “Why not?”
“He has enough on his plate right now.”
Elayna tsked. “You should tell him.”
“I will, eventually.”
Elayna studied the box again and she gave a wry smile. She picked up the baggie with the joint. “What do you say, Em? Care to de-stress a bit?”
My eyebrows rose. “What are you, sixteen?”
Elayna stood and stretched her back. “C’mon, let’s go outside and unwind.”
I studied her dubiously and put Aaron’s box away in the shadows. Elayna wandered to the kitchen and fished out her toque from her purse. “Bundle up buttercup. Let’s go outside for a quick toke, shall we?”
I murmured curses silently but did as told. We sat on the outdoor couch under the covered porch and said nothing. The hazy sky once again spat snow. I watched it swirl every which way covering up the already white landscape. Elayna placed the joint between her lips and lit the end. She took a long drag and blew the smoke out slowly. The skunky sweet smell lingered between us as she handed the joint to me. I studied the white paper hesitantly before I grasped it between my fingers and placed it between my lips. I took a long inhale. As the sweet smoke filled my lungs I began to cough.
Elayna chuckled and took it from me. “Inhale slowly. You went too fast.”
She took another drag and handed it to me once more. I inhaled slowly and held the smoke in my lungs for a moment before releasing. I watched as the frigid air lapped at the sweet haze greedily. We leaned back in the chair as the numbing rush hit our heads and fell over our bodies.
“You look more relaxed already.”
“Where did you get that?”
Chase’s loud voice caused us both to jump from our seat. “Chase! You scared the bejesus out of me.”
Chase stepped forward and grabbed the paper from Elayna’s fingers. “Where did this come from?”
“Aaron,” I admitted sheepishly.
Chase rose his eyebrows. “Excuse me? How much of this have you had?”
Elayna took the paper back and sat on the couch, folding her legs in a neat tuck. She motioned at me with her eyes. I held my head down and took Chase’s hand in mine. “Follow me, I’ll show you.”
Chase looked between us accusingly but followed wordlessly. I gave him the box and filled him in on my thoughts. Chase handed it back to me very carefully. “Em, I don’t know what to say to you right now.”
I lowered my gaze to the floor. “Chase, I remembered the accident. Aaron wasn’t alone. He asked me if she got out, and I saw a necklace under the passenger seat.”
“Then you should ask her, point blank. Don’t torture yourself over an assumption.” Chase stood and pulled me with him. “C’mon let’s get it over with.”
“What, now?”
“I’ll drive you girls.”
“Chase, you’ve got to be kidding me.”
“Nope. You need to stop worrying over everything you can’t control. Take the box with you.”
I tore my hand from his and placed my hands upon my hips. He sighed and crossed his arms, waiting. I stomped my foot like a child but obliged. I grabbed the box, tucked it under my arm and marched passed him. “I am not happy about this.”
“Take another inhale on that joint, it might get you there.”
Elayna stepped inside and widened her eyes. “Uh, you guys okay?”
I glared at Chase as he grabbed his keys. “We’re going to end this once and for all. C’mon, Elayna, you’re coming too.”
I grabbed Elayna’s hand and towed her along. We hopped in the truck and sat in silence as Chase drove to Miranda’s house. He pulled in the driveway and cut the engine. “I’ll wait here. You girls go on.”
I stared at the front door and Miranda’s car piled high with untouched snow. “I don’t want to do this. I have no idea what to say.”
“Pull the trigger and get it over with. Go on.”
Elayna shoved me to move. “Let’s get this over with,” she muttered.
We unwillingly stepped outside and slammed the truck door closed with a glare. Elayna and I walked in silence, shoulder to shoulder as she knocked loudly against the door. Footsteps sounded and the door swung open. A blast of heat met our cool skin. Miranda stood in front of us, looking put together, the poster child of a magazine. Dammit. Why couldn’t we have caught her in sweatpants and looking dishevelled for once in her life? Miranda stepped outside quickly and shut the door behind her. Elayna and I stepped back in surprise.
“What are you two doing here?” she hissed.
The harshness of her tone made my tongue go numb. “Um, well you see…” I glanced at Elayna for some help.
Elayna stumbled over her words just as I had and she clasped her mouth shut. “I don’t how to do this,” she whispered.
Miranda crossed her arms and glanced quickly at Chase’s truck. “I’ll say it again, what are you two doing here?”
I straightened my shoulders back and met her glare. I held Aaron’s box up to my chest. “Do you recognize this?”
Miranda’s eyes fell to the box and she paled. “Where…”
In that moment her door opened and Audrey stood behind her. “I finished the verse but I’m still confused.”
My jaw dropped and Miranda sent me a plea. “Mom, what are you doing here?” I breathed.
Audrey looked at me, con
fusion etched in her features. My heart hammered in my chest as I knew that look. She wasn’t there. I pulled my gaze away from my mom and focused the brunt of it on Miranda, whose anger had dwindled away. “What is my Mom doing here?”
The door of a vehicle slammed closed behind me. I knew it was Chase coming to investigate. “Care to invite us in?” I propped.
Miranda looked at us like a frightened rabbit. She let out a heavy breath and nodded. “Fine, come in.”
I had never set foot in Miranda’s house before. As I looked around, my stomach grew uneasy. God was everywhere. I took in my surroundings briefly and stared at Miranda in question. The image of her and the contents of her home didn’t fit. Miranda motioned for Audrey to sit. “Read the next page, Audrey. I’ll be back to help you finish.”
Audrey studied us curiously but disappeared into the kitchen. Chase cleared his throat and watched me carefully. He stood next to me and clasped his fingers in mine. “Miranda, what’s going on?”
“I’m giving your mom private Bible study. She does better one on one than in a group.” Miranda lowered her eyes. “She comes to me for comfort.”
My heart skipped a beat. “Comfort? For what?”
Miranda’s face paled. “I think you already know the answer to that.”
“No I don’t. Care to enlighten me?” I spat.
Chase tightened my hand. “Miranda, tread carefully here.”
Miranda’s tone became clipped. “This is my house. What are you all doing here ganging up on me? Who do you think you are?”
Elayna held up her hands. “Whoa, whoa, whoa. We came to ask you a question and we’re all a little taken back at the fact Audrey is here.”
Miranda placed her hands on her hips. “Your mom has been seeking solace at church. She came to me one day and asked me to go through some verses with her to find comfort. I’m helping your mom, unlike you.”
Her words were a slap in the face. Guilt fell heavy over my body. I looked away and tightened my lips. Chase spoke for me. “How long were you and Aaron together for?”
I glanced quickly at Chase in surprise and stepped closer to him. He gave my hand a squeeze but kept his eyes locked on Miranda. Her eyes widened as she gazed back at us like we were snakes. Her mouth fell open. “Excuse me?” she breathed.
I worked quickly and my hand slipped from Chase’s to open the box. I fished out the photos and held them up to her. “I think this is you.”
Her eyes stared at the photos. I watched her closely but she gave nothing away. Her mouth closed and her eyes grew vacant. “Please leave.”
“Miranda, it’s a simple yes or no. Is this you?”
“Leave my house, all of you or I will call the police.”
Chase muttered under his breath but he ushered us toward the door. He opened it widely and Elayna stepped out first. I turned to face Miranda once more. “There was a necklace under the passenger seat of Aaron’s Jeep. He asked me if ‘she got out.”
The hardness in Miranda’s eyes wavered. “Get out.”
Chase gave a gentle shove to the small of my back and Elayna took the cue to grab my hand. She yanked me toward her as Chase shut the door. We climbed into the truck and sat in silence. Chase spoke first. “I think you got your answer and a helluva lot more questions.”
Over the next few days, I kept my distance. I did not see Miranda at the barn, I did not run into Craig in town. I paced the house restlessly, still in my yoga gear from the morning’s class. I was mindful to keep noise to a minimum as Chase napped in preparation for his night shift. I paused at the window and stared at the blue sky. For once, it wasn’t snowing. The sky was blindingly blue, not a cloud to be seen. I tapped my fingers impatiently on the sill and made up my mind. I slammed a tuque over my dishevelled braid and left a quick note for Chase on the counter. I slid into my car and drove to my mom’s. I parked in the driveway and made my way carefully to the front door. My knuckled tapped on the door three times before it swung open.
Audrey stood in the doorway, her hair was swept up on the top of her head and she smiled brightly. “What a pleasant surprise, come in!”
I smiled back and stepped inside, stripping off my coat. I placed it on the wall rack and the familiar scent of cinnamon and dough tempted me. “Oh! Do I smell cinnamon buns?”
Audrey winked and nodded for me to follow. “My special recipe. They just came out of the oven, do you want one?”
“Do you even have to ask?”
Audrey reached for a plate and placed a steaming, gooey bun in front of me. She sat beside me and handed me a fork.
I took my first bite and grinned dreamily. “These are amazing. I haven’t had one of these in years.”
“I’m glad you like it. I’m also glad the recipe is still in here.” She tapped the side of her head.
Immediately I grew uneasy and offered a small smile. I placed another piece of bun in my mouth. Audrey smiled and looked out the window. Her smile faded and she focused her eyes on her fingernails. “Mom, what’s wrong?”
“Its days like these that I miss driving the most; the freedom of it, the open road, music playing on the radio, the smell of gasoline.” She sighed. “When you kids were little summer was the best time for road trips. I would bank my holidays so I could have three weeks off every July.”
I set the fork down and grasped my mom’s hand. “Of course I remember. They were the best.”
Audrey squeezed back and stood quickly, putting away the ingredients. She kept her back to me, and an overwhelming amount of sadness gnawed at my heart. My mother was a strong, proud woman. She had raised Aaron and I on her own, got a good job, and she always found a way to keep her kids happy and safe. I realized that I had failed her. Instead of rising to the plate, I was retreating into the shadows.
“Where’s aunt Sam?”
Audrey waved her hand. “Church.”
My back went up. “And you didn’t want to go?”
Audrey turned to me and wrinkled her nose. “I don’t enjoy it very much.”
A part of you does; you just don’t remember. I placed my plate in the sink and scribbled a note to aunt Sam and placed it on the fridge. “Get some warm clothes on, Mom. We’re going for a drive.”
Audrey raised her eyebrows. “Really?”
“You bet. Now go, dress warm. The sun may be out but it’s freezing outside.”
Audrey smiled and rushed to her room. She came back moments later, grinning. We slid into my car and I turned the key. I backed out of the driveway and took the exit out of town. Audrey flicked on the radio and began swaying to an old familiar song. Her eyes were glued to the passing landscape and she laughed from pure joy. I settled into the driver seat and allowed my heart to swell with the contagious happiness. It was so nice to hear my mom laugh and see her eyes twinkle. I loosened my grip on the wheel and bopped to the rhythm floating from the speakers. Chase’s voice echoed in my thoughts. Spend time with your mom. Cherish the moments. Get to know her, every version of her.
I stole a quick glance at my mom. “Well, where too?”
She didn’t even hesitate. “Grande Lake.”
I smiled wide; it was one of our favourite places to go as a family in the summer. “Make yourself cozy, we have a long drive ahead of us.”
Audrey leaned forward and turned up the radio. She winked and began singing as loudly as she could.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
“It looks quite different in the winter.”
I zipped my coat as high as it could go and took a sip of the steaming coffee. I peered at the ice-covered lake before us; the trees were coated in white and the summer cabins looked deserted near the shore. “It’s still beautiful though,” I breathed.
“It’s amazing. Thanks for bringing me here, Emmy.”
“You’re welcome.” I glanced briefly at my mom before I spoke. “Why did you stop dancing?”
Audrey stiffened. “What did you say?”
“When you were at the care home you performed t
he most beautiful dance. I’ve never seen anyone so graceful. At the end of the dance, you asked if you got in.”
Audrey let out a twinkling laugh. “That was a lifetime ago. Before you kids.” She leaned against the car and sighed. “I had hoped to be a professional dancer, and for a while I was. That’s where I met your father, actually.”
“Did you stop because of us?”
“It was no longer my path. After your dad left we all had to change our lives.”
I stared at the crisp snow. “If it brings you happiness don’t ever stop, Mom.”
Audrey smirked. “This speech sounds familiar.”
“It is.” I straightened my posture and leaned inside the car. I turned the key in the ignition to flick on the radio. As I searched through the stations, an upbeat tune filtered through the speakers. I held out my hand and winked. “C’mon, Mom. Show me what you got.”
Audrey stared at my extended hand and laughed. “Keep up with me kiddo.”
We let the beat and rhythm sway our bodies. Our feet moved side to side until the ground gently shook beneath us. Audrey took my hand and twirled me until I couldn’t see straight. “Enough,” I gasped. “I’m done.”
Audrey tossed her hair and shook her finger at me. “I’m not.” And with that, the silliness fell away from her and the swan took over. I watched mesmerized as her body moved like fluid silk. There were simply no words.
My hands came together in applause. “Bravo! Mom, that was beautiful.”
Audrey came down from the tip of her toes, her face flushed. “Oh, Emmy. This has been one of the best days I’ve had in a very, very long time.” She lowered her voice. “I don’t want to forget this, ever.”
Audrey linked her arm into mine and we leaned against the hood of the car and stared into the horizon.
The light began to fade as the sun lowered itself in the sky. The chilly breeze grew volatile. Audrey shuddered and tightened her scarf. “I think we better head back. The roads will be icy.”