by Katt Rose
I gripped onto Craig. “Do you know anything about Aaron? Please, I am begging you.”
Craig shook his head and gently pried me off. “I’m sorry, Em. I don’t know anything. I only stick around here to make sure Miranda’s okay.”
I backed away and held my head low. “Elayna, can you take me home?”
“Of course.”
We walked in silence and we drove without speaking a word until she pulled into the driveway. “Em?”
“Yeah?”
“What are you going to do?”
“I haven’t got a clue.” I popped open the car door and slammed it shut. I waved meekly to Elayna as she drove away slowly. I stepped inside the warm house and shut the door quietly. I leaned my weight against the back of the door and stared at the ceiling.
Chase came strolling in and his voice sounded chipper. “I finally have some days off and I was thinking we…Em? What’s wrong?”
I met his eyes and broke. Sobs racked my body until I couldn’t breathe. Chase wrapped his arms around me and rocked me slowly. I tried to talk but my words came out jumbled. He stroked my hair and pressed his mouth to my ear. “Shh. Shh. Don’t talk. Let it pass. It’s okay. It’s okay.”
I held on to him until my hands went numb and my eyes went dry. Chase led me to the couch and I curled up next to him and slowly found the words to tell him. By the end, Chase grew still. “Are you sure?”
“Positive.”
“All this time, it’s been him?” Chase rose quickly and began to pace. “What are we going to do? He can’t get away with this!”
“I have no proof. He’s a damn Reverend; half the town practically worships him. I don’t even know how much of a part he played in that night. I have nothing.”
Chase knelt down in front of me and took my hands in his. “Keep your mom away from him. I don’t want you near him until we can figure something out. Promise me.”
“I promise.”
Chase pushed back a strand of hair. “You look exhausted. How about you head for bed. Do you want me to make you a tea?”
“No, I’m okay. Thanks though.” I stood stiffly. “I think a good nights rest is what I need. My head is killing me.”
I walked in a zombie like fashion and hit the mattress heavily. It didn’t take long for my world to go black.
“I found him, didn’t I?”
“You did. I knew you would. You’re almost there.”
I wiped away the tears that began to fall. I reached out and clasped Aaron’s hand in mine. “What did he do to you?”
Aaron gripped my hand back. “Its not so much what he did, as to what he didn’t do.”
I wrinkled my nose. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
Aaron chuckled and ruffled my hair. “You’re a smart girl, you’ll figure it out.”
“I’m tired of puzzles, riddles, and mysteries.”
Aaron laughed and stared at the summer sky. The sun was nearly set as the pink and orange began to fade. “Watch out for mom and tell her that I love her.”
“You know I will.”
“Em?”
“Yes?”
“Never, ever underestimate how far a mother’s love will go and what they’re willing to do for their kids.”
I frowned slightly. “Okay, I’ll watch her.”
Aaron nodded and wrapped me in a big hug. “You can wake up now. It’s almost over.”
CHAPTER THIRTY
Not a soul stirred in the quiet of the morning. The barn was still as I turned Ace loose in the sandy arena. He ran out his winter sillies and kicked up his haunches, sending sand flying every which way. It fell quietly like snow. I smiled as he ran with his head low and snaked it back and forth in play. He slowed his body and lowered it into the sand and enjoyed a good, long roll. He rose onto all fours and shook like a big dog. He decided to spook at his own shadow and he sent himself cantering around the arena once again.
“He looks happy.” Miranda sat next to me on the empty bench.
I was careful not to look at her. “He is one happy boy.”
“I heard what you did.”
I flinched, knowing exactly what she was referring too. “I’m not surprised.” I straightened my shoulders. “I’m not sorry.”
Miranda turned her striking blue eyes on me. I couldn’t look away. “You shouldn’t be.” Miranda’s eyes continued to search mine. “You weren’t at the funeral.” She broke the stare and let her tears fall.
I sat back in surprise, not knowing what to say. Emotion was not something I was used to seeing from her. “No, I couldn’t go. I saw enough, I wasn’t ready to see the world mourn for him. I wasn’t even sure how to mourn for him myself. I was so angry, so lost, so haunted by what I had seen. I didn’t want that to be the last memory I had of my brother, but unfortunately that’s what I remember the clearest. Even to this day.”
Miranda buried her face in her hands and cried. I watched her, stunned. Her small body appeared so frail, so broken. I gingerly placed a hand on her back and rubbed it soothingly. After a few moments, she uncovered her face and wiped the wetness from her now red eyes. “I wish you were there.”
“Why?”
“Because then I would have told you everything. But you didn’t show up and the moment passed. I’ve had to carry it with me for so long.”
My heart faltered. “Carry what?”
Miranda took a shuddery sigh and reached into her bag. She handed me an envelope and stared ahead, avoiding my gaze. I reached inside and cautiously pulled out a strip of photos taken from a photo booth. My eyes grew wide as I recognized them as the matching set from Aaron’s box. In them, Aaron wore his wide, carefree grin. His eyes were glued to Miranda as she laughed and gazed back at him affectionately. I studied her in the photos. I had never seen her look more beautiful. I set the pictures down carefully and unfolded a piece of paper. The neat script unfolded the mystery of the other writer. I read the words eagerly.
You would be thirty-two today. God, how I miss you. My world remains frozen. Not a single day goes by where I don’t think of you. My biggest regret was not being able to say good-bye. I’m not sure how to get passed that. How do I move on? Please tell me, how do I let you go? Please. I need to let you go. How in the hell do I let you go?
Miranda watched me quietly. She cleared her throat and spoke so softly. “We were going to tell you all soon. I wasn’t sure how you were going to react, but I figured you would get over it. Eventually. Craig knew. He’s an ass, but he is very good with secrets. I was scared to tell my dad, I knew he wouldn’t approve. He was the only one I was scared to tell. But he found out. Aaron thought I was over reacting but clearly I was not.” Miranda stopped to take a breath. “Craig moved out, after my mom died. My dad changed after she passed away. He became obsessed with religion and he took it to an unhealthy level. He was convinced mom died because he was being punished for his past. He tried to get Craig to see “his” ways but Craig refused to get caught up in that world. I, on the other hand felt bad for dad, so I stayed with him. Little did I know that would be the worst mistake of my life, and your family’s.”
My hands began to tremble as I felt the truth so close it burned. “What happened?”
“Dad seems to think he was chosen to do the Lord’s work. He feels strongly that those who do wrong need to be punished. He knew Aaron lived a free spirited life, he felt he had no moral grounds, no roots. He drank, and smoked marijuana. He slept with girls without being in relationships with them. He-“
I held up my hand to stop her. “My brother was a good man. He would have given the shirt off his back to help anyone out. He took care of my mom and I. He was always there. Always.”
“You don’t have to convince me, Emmy. I know. I saw him. I loved him. He always spoke very highly of you and your mom. His friends meant everything to him. I’m simply trying to get you to see how my dad viewed him.”
“Quite frankly, I don’t care for your father at all.”
“Nei
ther do I. He hides behind his Reverend mask; it has consumed him to the very core. There’s nothing left of my father.” Miranda reached out and squeezed my hand. Her eyes looked almost wild. “That night was all my fault. I distracted Aaron for one second. One second was all it took. He didn’t see the bear until it was to late. He tried to swerve but we hit a patch of ice and he lost control. I mean, can you imagine? A bear crossing the road? What are the chances? I will never in my life forget the sound of metal and glass. I didn’t know it could be so deafening. Just before we hit the tree and nearly flipped, Aaron threw out his arm and held me in my seat. He tried to protect me. “Miranda paused for a moment before continuing, deep in thought.
“Parts of that night are still so fuzzy. I remember how Aaron screamed. I remember how I screamed. I couldn’t stop. There was so much blood, and it was warm. It was so damn warm against the cold of the night. I tried to take off my seatbelt but my hands were shaking so badly, I couldn’t control myself. I wanted to help Aaron. I wanted to make his bleeding stop. He kept muttering for me to get out, he wanted me to get out. I couldn’t find my phone, I remember screaming for help.
“Just up ahead a set of headlights came pointed our way. I remember feeling immense relief, knowing that someone was coming to help us. Only I was wrong. It was my dad. He saw us out together that night and he was livid. He opened up my door and he looked at me for only a split second. His eyes studied Aaron like he was a lab rat, and do you know what he did? Do you?”
My eyes had filled with burning hot tears. I could find no words as I shook my head. Miranda gave a bitter laugh. “He laughed at him. Can you believe that? He said ‘God works in mysterious ways. You deserve this. This is what you get for trying to corrupt my daughter. You can’t live a life without Him and expect Him to save you.’”
Miranda let go of my hand and stared blankly at the floor. “He grabbed me out of the car and I fought him. He tore off my necklace and I screamed for him to call for help. But he didn’t. I was so weak and in shock that I let him take me away. I knew that was the last time I would ever see Aaron again, and I did nothing. Absolutely nothing.” Miranda stopped and turned to me. “What does that make me?”
CHAPTER THIRTY ONE
The crackling of the fire normally was a comfort to me. Tonight, it was not. The living room was full as Chase, Elayna, Miranda, Craig, aunt Sam and Audrey sat in our living room. I had expected my mother to be absolutely broken after Miranda told her side, but tonight, Aunt Sam won that title. Her faith had been shattered for a man she sought comfort in had ultimately betrayed her. As I studied the look of consternation on my Aunt’s face, I hoped her faith would not be broken forever.
Miranda and Audrey had exchanged a knowing glance. Audrey slipped her hand over Miranda’s softly. “Miranda kept in touch after we moved away. I knew about her and Aaron. A mother always knows.” Audrey turned her eyes to me. “I’m sorry I kept that from you, Em. I made a promise. I didn’t know about the accident, only the blooming relationship.”
Aunt Sam stared at the fire, lost in thought. “He took away my nephew. That was not his choice to make. He didn’t even give him a chance.” She turned her teary eyes to me. “You should not have been put through what you did. You should not have ever had to see what you saw. That was not his right. He had no right,” she sobbed.
Audrey stood with the strong grace she always possessed. She wrapped her arms around her sister and rocked her gently. “My sweet Sam. You have given up so much of yourself for me; I will not let this rock your faith. It has gotten you through so much. Don’t let it breakdown now. He is but one man, one bad, ugly man. He does not represent the things you hold so close to your heart. He is a fraud. Do not let him take this away from you.”
My mother’s eyes fell to me. “And as for our dear Emmy, no, she should have never had to see what she did. But apart of me is glad. She is a strong young woman, and if anyone could have the strength to get through it, it’s her. I’m glad that Aaron was with someone who loved him so much until the very end. He did not go out of this world alone. For that, I am so grateful.”
Chase gave me a sidelong glance of pride and spoke softly. “What do we do now?”
Elayna fished through her purse and held out a thin white paper roll. “I say we have a moment to remember Aaron.” She pulled a lighter from her pocket and lit the end of the stick. The sweet skunky smell filtered through the room. She took a puff and passed it around. I watched wearily as it reached Aunt Sam. She held it like a foreign object and stared. She lifted it hesitantly to her lips and took a long drag. Her eyes opened wide and she began to cough.
Audrey chuckled and took it from her sister. She patted her back lightly. “Good sport. As for what’s next, well, I think it’s time we say goodbye to Aaron properly. We need to put all this evil to rest. I’d like to do that while I still can remember who I am. I intend to keep this memory until my dying day.”
Three weeks had passed since we all met in our living room. Aaron’s birthday came and went like a passing breeze. Our minds were focused on one task, and one task only. The day Aaron’s life was lost. The morning of his anniversary, we all stood outside the church, dressed in our Sunday best. I gripped onto my mom’s hand and smiled at her reassuringly. The past week had been rough on all of us as her mind had been vacant. She had been in a state of panic, though she did not know why. She did not accept the comfort of her daughter, for she didn’t know who I was. A small, microscopic part of me hoped her mind would forget Aaron all together, and myself. If there was one inkling of kindness this disease could offer her, I hoped it was a fresh slate.
But today, she woke up with a solid grasp on everything. She was once again Audrey, my mother, and she was a protective, grieving mother who was going to demand an apology for a wrong doing that could not be taken back. Never underestimate the love of a mother and what she will do for her children. Aaron’s voice rang loud in my head as I watched my mom straighten herself out and whisper words of encouragement to aunt Sam. Chase took me by the hand and I reached for Elayna. She linked her elbow in mine and we marched in unity to a building that hosted a liar.
The pews were nearly full as we entered the auditorium. Craig entered behind us and looked apologetic. “Sorry I’m late.”
“It’s okay. I’m glad you made it.”
“Oh, I wouldn’t miss this.”
As we walked down the aisles, the Reverend’s eyes caught mine. He glowered but the anger passed quickly. Unsettlement sparked in his eyes as he took in our group. Miranda sat in the front, next to the stage. She stood and waved us over. “I saved us the best seats in the house.”
The Reverend watched us and was visibly shaken. He stepped from the stage and stood next to Miranda. “What’s this?”
Miranda didn’t falter one bit. “Today marks the anniversary of Aaron’s death. Everyone is looking for some extra comfort today.”
The Reverend softened his face and placed his hands on Audrey. “Ah, yes. I’m so sorry. I will say a special prayer for you all today.”
Audrey slapped his hands off and glared at him with a seething hatred. “Do not touch me. I do not want the hands of death anywhere near me. I am simply here to watch a man fall apart. That man is you.”
The Reverend snapped back in shock. His eyes studied each one of us individually. Lastly was Miranda. His face fell and the sting of betrayal took over. “What have you done?”
Miranda glared at her father. “What have you done? Do you have any idea how much you have burdened me over the years? Do you have an ounce of compassion in you at all?”
The Reverend raised an eyebrow. “Don’t you talk to me like that, child. I have saved you and given you something to live for! The work of God needs many helping hands. I have given you the opportunity of a lifetime; you need to be saved from our past sins. I have given you everything.”
Miranda glared and took her seat. “You better get up there. You don’t want to keep the people waiting.”
Low murmurs filled the room and people lowered their heads in a silent offering of sympathy. Audrey let out a small sob as the reality of the day had begun to hit. Aunt Sam placed her hand in my mothers, and I did the same. I glanced at Miranda and reached out to her as well. We linked as a chain and let the tears slip away. The Reverend began his sermon and his words faded into nothing. As he neared the end, his eyes fell onto us. “I would like to end today with a message for the Jacobs. John 2:15-17 ‘Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, love for the Father is not in them. For everything in the world the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life comes not from the Father but from the world. The world and its desires pass away, but whoever does the will of God lives forever.’”
Confusion fell heavy amongst the crowd. People began to whisper to each other as the Reverend left the stage.
“How does that fit in with anything?”
“I’m not sure.”
“Perhaps the Reverend is tired. He looked off today, don’t you think?”
We ignored the chatter in the room and stood to exit. We followed Miranda as she led us out the back way.
“Where is he?” Aunt Sam huffed.
“Follow me.”
Miranda led us into the back lot and the Reverend stood next to his car, gathering up his bag. Audrey stopped and gripped onto my forearm. “I can’t. I can’t be near him, I don’t trust myself. I don’t know what I’m capable of.”