by Stephen King
Jack felt an odd, dreamy guilt--it was the way he always felt when accused of doing something wrong when he was in fact innocent--mostly innocent, anyway. He had done no more than touch the almost-empty bottle since flipping back into this world. Just touching it filled him with dread--he had come to feel about it the way a fourteenth-century European peasant might have felt about a splinter of the One True Cross or the fingerbone of a saint. It was magic, all right. Powerful magic. And sometimes it got people killed.
"I haven't been drinking it, honest," he finally managed. "What I started with is almost gone. It . . . I . . . man, I don't even like it!" His stomach had begun to clench nervously; just thinking about the magic juice was making him feel nauseated. "But I need to get some more. Just in case."
"More Poiple Jesus? Boy your age?" The blind man laughed and made a shooing gesture with one hand. "Hell, you don't need dat. No boy needs dat poison to travel with."
"But--"
"Here. I'll sing you a song to cheer you up. Sounds like you could use it."
He began to sing, and his singing voice was nothing at all like his speaking voice. It was deep and powerful and thrilling, without the Nigger Jim "My-Huck-dat-sure-is-gay!" cadences of his talk. It was, Jack thought, awed, almost the trained, cultured voice of an opera singer, now amusing itself with a little piece of popular fluff. Jack felt goosebumps rise on his arms and back at that rich, full voice. Along the sidewalk which ran along the dull, ochre flank of the mall, heads turned.
"When the red, red robin goes bob-bob-bobbin along, ALONG, there'll be no more sobbin when he starts throbbin his old . . . sweet SONG--"
Jack was struck by a sweet and terrible familiarity, a sense that he had heard this before, or something very like it, and as the blind man bridged, grinning his crooked, yellowing smile, Jack realized where the feeling was coming from. He knew what had made all those heads turn, as they would have turned if a unicorn had gone galloping across the mall's parking lot. There was a beautiful, alien clarity in the man's voice. It was the clarity of, say, air so pure that you could smell a radish when a man pulled one out of the ground half a mile away. It was a good old Tin Pan Alley song . . . but the voice was pure Territories.
"Get up . . . get up, you sleepyhead . . . get out . . . get out, get outta bed . . . live, love, laugh and be ha--"
Both guitar and voice came to a sudden halt. Jack, who had been concentrating fiercely on the blind man's face (trying subconsciously to peer right through those dark glasses, perhaps, and see if Speedy Parker's eyes were behind them), now widened his focus and saw two cops standing beside the blind man.
"You know, I don't hear nothin," the blind guitarist said, almost coyly, "but I b'lieve I smell somethin blue."
"Goddammit, Snowball, you know you're not supposed to work the mall!" one of the cops cried. "What did Judge Hallas tell you the last time he had you in chambers? Downtown between Center Street and Mural Street. No place else. Damn, boy, how senile have you got? Your pecker rotted off yet from that whatall your woman gave you before she took off? Christ, I just don't--"
His partner put a hand on his arm and nodded toward Jack in a little-pitchers-have-big-ears gesture.
"Go tell your mother she wants you, kid," the first cop said curtly.
Jack started walking down the sidewalk. He couldn't stay. Even if there was something he could do, he couldn't stay. He was lucky the cops' attention had been taken up by the man they called Snowball. If they had given him a second glance, Jack had no doubt he would have been asked to produce his bona fides. New sneakers or not, the rest of him looked used and battered. It doesn't take cops long to get good at spotting road-kids, and Jack was a boy on the road if there ever had been one.
He imagined being tossed into the Zanesville pokey while the Zanesville cops, fine upstanding boys in blue who listened to Paul Harvey every day and supported President Reagan, tried to find out whose little boy he was.
No, he didn't want the Zanesville cops giving him more than the one passing glance.
A motor, throbbing smoothly, coming up behind him.
Jack hunched his pack a little higher on his back and looked down at his new sneakers as if they interested him tremendously. From the corners of his eyes he saw the police cruiser slide slowly by.
The blind man was in the back seat, the neck of his guitar poking up beside him.
As the cruiser swung into one of the outbound lanes, the blind man abruptly turned his head and looked out the back window, looked directly at Jack . . .
. . . and although Jack could not see through the dirty dark glasses, he knew perfectly well that Lester "Speedy" Parker had winked at him.
2
Jack managed to keep further thought at bay until he reached the turnpike ramps again. He stood looking at the signs, which seemed the only clear-cut things left in a world
(worlds?)
where all else was a maddening gray swirl. He felt a dark depression swirling all around him, sinking into him, trying to destroy his resolve. He recognized that homesickness played a part in this depression, but this feeling made his former homesickness seem boyish and callow indeed. He felt utterly adrift, without a single firm thing to hold on to.
Standing by the signs, watching the traffic on the turnpike, Jack realized he felt damn near suicidal. For quite a while he had been able to keep himself going with the thought that he would see Richard Sloat soon (and, although he had hardly admitted the thought to himself, the idea that Richard might head west with him had done more than cross Jack's mind--after all, it would not be the first time that a Sawyer and a Sloat had made strange journeys together, would it?), but the hard work at the Palamountain farm and the peculiar happenings at the Buckeye Mall had given even that the false glitter of fool's gold.
Go home, Jacky, you're beaten, a voice whispered. If you keep on, you're going to end up getting the living shit kicked out of you . . . and next time it may be fifty people that die. Or five hundred.
I-70 East.
I-70 West.
Abruptly he fished in his pocket for the coin--the coin that was a silver dollar in this world. Let whatever gods there were decide this, once and for all. He was too beaten to do it for himself. His back still smarted where Mr. All-America had whacked him. Come up tails, and he would go down the east-bound ramp and head home. Come up heads, he would go on . . . and there would be no more looking back.
He stood in the dust of the soft shoulder and flicked the coin into the chilly October air. It rose, turning over and over, kicking up glints of sun. Jack craned his head to follow its course.
A family passing in an old station-wagon stopped squabbling long enough to look at him curiously. The man driving the wagon, a balding C.P.A. who sometimes awoke in the middle of the night fancying that he could feel shooting pains in his chest and down his left arm, had a sudden and absurd series of thoughts: Adventure. Danger. A quest of some noble purpose. Dreams of fear and glory. He shook his head, as if to clear it, and glanced at the boy in the wagon's rear-view mirror just as the kid leaned over to look at something. Christ, the balding C.P.A. thought. Get it out of your head, Larry, you sound like a fucking boys' adventure book.
Larry shot into traffic, quickly getting the wagon up to seventy, forgetting about the kid in the dirty jeans by the side of the road. If he could get home by three, he'd be in good time to watch the middleweight title fight on ESPN.
The coin came down. Jack bent over it. It was heads . . . but that was not all.
The lady on the coin wasn't Lady Liberty. It was Laura DeLoessian, Queen of the Territories. But God, what a difference here from the pale, still, sleeping face he had glimpsed for a moment in the pavillion, surrounded by anxious nurses in their billowing white wimples! This face was alert and aware, eager and beautiful. It was not a classic beauty; the line of the jaw was not clear enough for that, and the cheekbone which showed in profile was a little soft. Her beauty was in the regal set of her head combined with the clear sense t
hat she was kind as well as capable.
And oh it was so like the face of his mother.
Jack's eyes blurred with tears and he blinked them hard, not wanting the tears to fall. He had cried enough for one day. He had his answer, and it was not for crying over.
When he opened his eyes again, Laura DeLoessian was gone; the woman on the coin was Lady Liberty again.
He had his answer all the same.
Jack bent over, picked up the coin out of the dust, put it in his pocket, and headed down the westbound ramp of Interstate 70.
3
A day later; white overcast in the air that tasted of chilly rain on its way; the Ohio-Indiana border not much more than a lick and a promise from here.
"Here" was in a scrub of woods beyond the Lewisburg rest area on I-70. Jack was standing concealed--he hoped--among the trees, patiently waiting for the large bald man with the large bald voice to get back into his Chevy Nova and drive away. Jack hoped he would go soon, before it started to rain. He was cold enough without getting wet, and all morning his sinuses had been plugged, his voice foggy. He thought he must finally be getting a cold.
The large bald man with the large bald voice had given his name as Emory W. Light. He had picked Jack up around eleven o'clock, north of Dayton, and Jack had felt a tired sinking sensation in the pit of his belly almost at once. He had gotten rides with Emory W. Light before. In Vermont Light had called himself Tom Ferguson, and said he was a shoe-shop foreman; in Pennsylvania the alias had been Bob Darrent ("Almost like that fellow who sang 'Splish-Splash,' ah-ha-hah-hah"), and the job had changed to District High School Superintendent; this time Light said he was President of the First Mercantile Bank of Paradise Falls, in the town of Paradise Falls, Ohio. Ferguson had been lean and dark, Darrent as portly and pink as a freshly tubbed baby, and this Emory W. Light was large and owlish, with eyes like boiled eggs behind his rimless glasses.
Yet all of these differences were only superficial, Jack had found. They all listened to the Story with the same breathless interest. They all asked him if he had had any girlfriends back home. Sooner or later he would find a hand (a large bald hand) lying on his thigh, and when he looked at Ferguson/Darrent/Light, he would see an expression of half-mad hope in the eyes (mixed with half-mad guilt) and a stipple of sweat on the upper lip (in the case of Darrent, the sweat had gleamed through a dark moustache like tiny white eyes peering through scant underbrush).
Ferguson had asked him if he would like to make ten dollars.
Darrent had upped that to twenty.
Light, in a large bald voice that nonetheless cracked and quivered through several registers, asked him if he couldn't use fifty dollars--he always kept a fifty in the heel of his left shoe, he said, and he'd just love to give it to Master Lewis Farren. There was a place they could go near Randolph. An empty barn.
Jack did not make any correlation between the steadily increasing monetary offers from Light in his various incarnations and any changes his adventures might be working on him--he was not introspective by nature and had little interest in self-analysis.
He had learned quickly enough how to deal with fellows like Emory W. Light. His first experience with Light, when Light had been calling himself Tom Ferguson, had taught him that discretion was by far the better part of valor. When Ferguson put his hand on Jack's thigh, Jack had responded automatically out of a California sensibility in which gays had been merely part of the scenery: "No thanks, mister. I'm strictly A.C."
He had been groped before, certainly--in movie theaters, mostly, but there had been the men's-shop clerk in North Hollywood who had cheerfully offered to blow him in a changing booth (and when Jack told him no thanks, the clerk said, "Fine, now try on the blue blazer, okay?").
These were annoyances a good-looking twelve-year-old boy in Los Angeles simply learned to put up with, the way a pretty woman learns to put up with being groped occasionally on the subway. You eventually find a way to cope without letting it spoil your whole day. The deliberate passes, such as the one this Ferguson was making, were less of a problem than the sudden gropes from ambush. They could simply be shunted aside.
At least in California they could. Eastern gays--especially out here in the sticks--apparently had a different way of dealing with rejection.
Ferguson had come to a screeching, sliding halt, leaving forty yards of rubber behind his Pontiac and throwing a cloud of shoulder-dust into the air.
"Who you calling D.C.?" he screamed. "Who you calling queer? I'm not queer! Jesus! Give a kid a fucking ride and he calls you a fucking queer!"
Jack was looking at him, dazed. Unprepared for the sudden stop, he had thumped his head a damned good one on the padded dash. Ferguson, who had only a moment before been looking at him with melting brown eyes, now looked ready to kill him.
"Get out!" Ferguson yelled. "You're the queer, not me! You're the queer! Get out, you little queerboy! Get out! I've got a wife! I've got kids! I've probably got bastards scattered all over New England! I'm not queer! You're the queer, not me, SO GET OUT OF MY CAR!"
More terrified than he had been since his encounter with Osmond, Jack had done just that. Ferguson tore out, spraying him with gravel, still raving. Jack staggered over to a rock wall, sat down, and began to giggle. The giggles became shrieks of laughter, and he decided right then and there that he would have to develop A POLICY, at least until he got out of the boondocks. "Any serious problem demands A POLICY," his father had said once. Morgan had agreed vigorously, but Jack decided he shouldn't let that hold him back.
His POLICY had worked well enough with Bob Darrent, and he had no reason to believe it wouldn't also work with Emory Light . . . but in the meantime he was cold and his nose was running. He wished Light would head em up and move em out. Standing in the trees, Jack could see him down there, walking back and forth with his hands in his pockets, his large bald head gleaming mellowly under the white-out sky. On the turnpike, big semis droned by, filling the air with the stink of burned diesel fuel. The woods here were trashed-out, the way the woods bordering any interstate rest area always were. Empty Dorito bags. Squashed Big Mac boxes. Crimped Pepsi and Budweiser cans with pop-tops that rattled inside if you kicked them. Smashed bottles of Wild Irish Rose and Five O'Clock gin. A pair of shredded nylon panties over there, with a mouldering sanitary napkin still glued to the crotch. A rubber poked over a broken branch. Plenty of nifty stuff, all right, hey-hey. And lots of graffiti jotted on the walls of the men's room, almost all of it the sort a fellow like Emory W. Light could really relate to: I LIKE TO SUK BIG FAT COX. BE HERE AT 4 FOR THE BEST BLOJOB YOU EVER HAD. REEM OUT MY BUTT. And here was a gay poet with large aspirations: LET THE HOLE HUMAN RACE/JERK OFF ON MY SMILING FACE.
I'm homesick for the Territories, Jack thought, and there was no surprise at all in the realization. Here he stood behind two brick outhouses off I-70 somewhere in western Ohio, shivering in a ragged sweater he had bought in a thrift store for a buck and a half, waiting for that large bald man down there to get back on his horse and ride.
Jack's POLICY was simplicity itself: don't antagonize a man with large bald hands and a large bald voice.
Jack sighed with relief. Now it was starting to work. An expression that was half-anger, half-disgust, had settled over Emory W. Light's large bald face. He went back to his car, got in, backed up so fast he almost hit the pick-up truck passing behind him (there was a brief blare of horns and the passenger in the truck shot Emory W. Light the finger), and then left.
Now it was only a matter of standing on the ramp where the rest-area traffic rejoined the turnpike traffic with his thumb out . . . and, he hoped, catching a ride before it started to rain.
Jack spared another look around. Ugly, wretched. These words came quite naturally to mind as he looked around at the littery desolation here on the rest area's pimply backside. It occurred to Jack that there was a feeling of death here--not just at this rest area or on the interstate roads but pressed deep into all the country he ha
d travelled. Jack thought that sometimes he could even see it, a desperate shade of hot dark brown, like the exhaust from the shortstack of a fast-moving Jimmy-Pete.
The new homesickness came back--the wanting to go to the Territories and see that dark blue sky, the slight curve at the edge of the horizon. . . .
But it plays those Jerry Bledsoe changes.
Don't know nothin bout dat . . . All I know is you seem to have this idear of "moider" a little broad. . . .
Walking down to the rest area--now he really did have to urinate--Jack sneezed three times, quickly. He swallowed and winced at the hot prickle in his throat. Getting sick, oh yeah. Great. Not even into Indiana yet, fifty degrees, rain in the forecast, no ride, and now I'm--
The thought broke off cleanly. He stared at the parking lot, his mouth falling wide open. For one awful moment he thought he was going to wet his pants as everything below his breastbone seemed to cramp and squeeze.
Sitting in one of the twenty or so slant parking spaces, its deep green surface now dulled with road-dirt, was Uncle Morgan's BMW. No chance of a mistake; no chance at all. California vanity plates MLS, standing for Morgan Luther Sloat. It looked as if it had been driven fast and hard.
But if he flew to New Hampshire, how can his car be here? Jack's mind yammered. It's a coincidence, Jack, just a--
Then he saw the man standing with his back to him at the pay telephone and knew it was no coincidence. He was wearing a bulky Army-style anorak, fur-lined, a garment more suited to five below than to fifty degrees. Back-to or not, there was no mistaking those broad shoulders and that big, loose, hulking frame.
The man at the phone started to turn around, crooking the phone between his ear and shoulder.
Jack drew back against the brick side of the men's toilet.
Did he see me?
No, he answered himself. No, I don't think so. But--
But Captain Farren had said that Morgan--that other Morgan--would smell him like a cat smells a rat, and so he had. From his hiding place in that dangerous forest, Jack had seen the hideous white face in the window of the diligence change.