by Bay, Louise
“And what about the man situation? It’s so not like you to be man-free for this long.”
I hadn’t told her about Alexander—not that there was anything to tell. Even though he’d asked me to dinner, I was pretty sure he’d forget or be too busy with work. As he’d said, he rarely took an evening off. So even though he was the best sex I’d ever had, and I was completely attracted to him, there didn’t seem any point in bringing it up with Scarlett.
Mini Scarlett, or Gwendoline, as my sister insisted on calling her daughter, began to cry in the background. Scarlett groaned. “I’m going to have to go. I thought she’d sleep for longer. I’m sorry.”
I wanted to talk longer, but I understood that being responsible for a tiny human was more important. “That’s okay. Call me again soon, right?”
“I promise. I love you.”
I slung the phone on my bed and went into the bathroom to turn on the shower. Scarlett might not be here to keep me company at dinner, but that didn’t mean I wouldn’t blow-dry my hair and do my makeup as if I had a date with Ryan Gosling.
Last week I’d bought a super-cute black cocktail dress from a shop in Covent Garden. I’d seen it in the window when I’d first arrived and almost pressed my nose against the glass I wanted it so badly. It had taken three weeks of paychecks, putting a little bit of money aside each week, and I’d finally been able to afford it. I couldn’t remember the last time I saved up for anything, but as I’d got it home and slipped it on, I knew it had been worth it. I wasn’t one to show off my boobs but with the neckline on this dress there was no choice, and the V thinned toward the bottom so that it hinted at something rather than shouting it to the world. The black fabric had a shimmer to it and the loose skirt and the spaghetti belt all added up to casual glam.
London had been all about new experiences. Tonight I had a date with myself.
Alexander
This was either one of my better ideas or one of my worst. Violet had told me she was coming to the spa by herself, but that could have changed—she’d have no reason to update me. I didn’t know the whole story about the company she’d been involved with, but after she left I’d read the article she’d poured over in my copy of the Financial Times. It was an IT company founded by some guy at MIT. She’d said she’d been involved with the company, but the defeated look in her eye and her slumped shoulders after she’d seen the piece made me think that there was more to the story. What had happened that she was involved with a company about to float for a hundred million dollars, but she’d been working as a waitress? She’d said she needed distraction this weekend, and she’d seemed so unlike herself that I wanted to do something. And she had invited me, even if she’d been clearly joking. I’d thought that my turning up might be a good idea. My encounter with Gabby last weekend had been swirling around my brain all week. The things she’d said about my relationship with my father had been off base, but the fact was that three years had gone by and I’d barely noticed, hardly looked up from my desk. I didn’t think I’d left London once since I’d moved into the hotel, and I certainly had no memories of doing anything that wasn’t connected to work since my time with Gabby. Taking the evening off to have dinner with a beautiful woman seemed overdue. Now I was here, waiting for Violet, it felt like a ridiculous thing to have done. I should have at least called her to ask if it was okay. It wasn’t like we were dating. Or even fucking. It was just that I’d felt something shift between us as we shared dinner in my office together. Like maybe we were friends as I’d jokingly said to her. I didn’t have many benchmarks to measure friendship by, but I liked Violet.
I shifted in my chair at the bottom of the staircase of the hotel, clasping my hands on the arms and then linking them in my lap. My plan was to intercept her on the way to the dining room and ask her whether or not she wanted to move up our date. Hopefully she wouldn’t think I was an idiot. If she did, I was pretty sure she’d tell me. I chuckled at the thought.
Who the fuck was I becoming? I’d taken the night off work when I was already behind on my preparation for court next week, and I’d worn a Prada suit for her. I should probably head off before I made a complete fool of myself. I stood, thrust my hands into my pocket, and headed toward the door.
“Knightley?” Violet called from behind me.
I was too late.
I turned and glanced up the stairs.
“Alexander, is that you?” she asked, grinning as she came downstairs, her long legs moving elegantly, her skirt hitting her mid-thigh in a teasing, tempting way.
This woman.
Her smile grew as she came toward me and I couldn’t help but smile back, her infectious positivity relaxing me.
“What are you doing here?”
The curve of her neck, just visible beneath her wavy hair, and the subtle scent of jasmine left me breathless.
She was the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen.
“You said you needed distraction, so I’m here to take you to dinner—unless you have other plans. You agreed to a date, after all.”
She grabbed my wrist as her eyes widened. “Brilliant! As you’d say in England.”
I offered her my arm and we headed toward the dining room.
“You came all the way to have dinner? That’s so nice of you.”
“I think you might just be worth it,” I said. I couldn’t ever remember thinking that about a woman before. Even with my wife I didn’t remember doing anything just because I wanted to make her happy.
Violet stopped abruptly and I turned to look at her.
“I just want to say that you being here, it’s really thoughtful. Thank you.”
She didn’t think I was a lunatic. It was good to know my judgment wasn’t entirely off. “I’m looking forward to having dinner with you. As I said, I like talking with you.”
She grinned and squeezed my arm and we continued to the dining room.
“Isn’t this incredible?” she asked, glancing around as we took our seats. “I hardly read a page at dinner last night, I was so taken with this little hobbit house.”
The ceiling of the dining room was low and, like the walls, was beamed and uneven. Most likely, the building was still the original wattle and daub. To me it looked like a thousand places I’d been to before, but it was nice that Violet was enjoying it.
“Is the food good?” I asked.
“Sure. I mean, if I don’t have to serve it, food always tastes better.”
“Were you really a waitress back in New York?” I asked as I placed the napkin in my lap and took the wine list and menu from the waiter.
“You don’t believe me?”
“I believe you. I just don’t understand it.”
“For four years.” She shrugged and scanned the menu, her hair tumbling over her shoulders. “I wanted a job where I could enjoy my life.”
It seemed so strange to me that a woman as clever and charming as Violet could be happy waiting tables. “And waitressing allows you to enjoy life?” I asked.
She put her menu down and looked at me as if she were really considering the question. “Yes and . . . no. I guess I thought it would.”
There were a thousand things she wasn’t saying that were hidden just beneath the surface of her words. But I was used to getting people to tell me the truth of a situation. I wanted to uncover all those secrets.
“What did you want to do when you started college?”
“I wanted to have my own business. I majored in computer science, so it gave me a lot of options.”
“Are you ready?” I asked Violet as the waiter approached. “And of course, you’re going to pre-empt my order, don’t forget.”
Violet didn’t even look up. “Oh, you’ll go for the venison, for sure.”
I turned to the waiter. “Apparently, I’ll have the venison.”
“I think I might have that as well. I’ve never tried it. Is it good?”
“It depends.”
Violet shook her head at me. “Don’
t be too enthusiastic.” She turned to the waiter. “I’ll have the same. When in Rome and all that.”
“And you’ll have some red wine?”
“Only if you get a bottle. I don’t drink it by the glass,” she said, in a put-on English accent.
I tried not to give her the satisfaction of a smile and instead ordered something that looked like it might be halfway decent. The wine list wasn’t great, but the company more than made up for it.
“So you were telling me about what you wanted to do when you were at university.”
She shook her head. “Nothing more to tell.”
“You just decided to change ambitions from computer whiz to waitress?”
“Sure.” She reached out and shifted the salt and pepper so they were touching each other. “What did you want to do at college?”
“Become a lawyer.”
She rolled her eyes. “Of course you did. Because your dad was a lawyer?”
I hadn’t mentioned my father before, which made me wonder who’d told her about him. “I always enjoyed advocacy,” I said, evading the question.
“I heard he was like the world’s best barrister or something. He had a nickname . . .”
“Alexander the Great,” I filled in for her.
“That’s the one. How’s that, following in the footsteps of a man who was nicknamed after a Greek king who conquered the world before he was thirty?”
I couldn’t help but laugh. She’d summed it up perfectly, getting to the heart of an issue as she always did. “It was how you would expect it might be.”
“Well, that’s an answer from a lawyer if ever I heard one.”
The waiter came over and poured our wine. Violet and I didn’t take our eyes off each other, as if we both wanted to maintain the moment before we were interrupted.
“Takes one to know one,” I said once he’d left us.
She frowned. “I’m not a lawyer.”
“Yes, but you answer questions like one.”
“I do not.” She took a sip. “This is good.” She lifted her chin to indicate the wine.
“It’s only okay, and you’re evading again. What happened at college that made you think that you couldn’t enjoy your life doing anything but waitressing?”
“What makes you think something happened? People can change their minds about things.”
I didn’t respond. She was talking bollocks and I wanted to know the truth. For the first time since I’d met her, Violet was something other than confident and sure of herself when she’d seen that newspaper. I wanted to know what could shake her like that.
“If you must know, my boyfriend and I developed some software. We put together a business plan in our final year and after graduation we worked hard for two years to get it to market. We were just about to start talking to investors. We had the next three years of our lives planned out and all these ideas of where we were going to take our business and how much it was going to grow. We were going to get engaged after graduation and married once turnover reached a certain level. I had a lot of plans.”
“And?”
“And I found out he was fucking my roommate and the business I thought we’d set up together was only in his name.”
I seethed. “He stole from you?”
“And he cheated on me.”
I balled my hands into fists. “That’s stealing, too. I’m so sorry, Violet.”
She shrugged as if she didn’t care, but I could tell by the way her glance sank to her lap that she still felt betrayed by it.
“And that company that you founded. That’s the one that’s floating on Monday.”
She looked up at me, frowning.
“I read the article once you left.”
She took a deep breath and nodded. “Yeah. On Monday when the bell strikes he’ll be a multi-millionaire.”
I sat forward in my chair. “Jesus, Violet. It’s not right. You didn’t take legal action?”
“No. I was so blindsided I just walked away. I abandoned every plan I’ve ever had. I didn’t want to think about the level of betrayal, let alone live it again through some protracted legal case.”
“So you stopped planning and became a waitress.”
“I needed a new place to live and to earn some money right away. I had nothing. And waitressing was fun.” She paused and tilted her head. “At first. And the people were all about the here and now. College is supposed to be about drinking and partying and getting laid, but I’d been too busy working toward my future. Focusing on my boyfriend. I wanted to live in the moment, to bask in the sun when it was out.”
“But eventually, you didn’t want to put your degree to good use?”
“I didn’t want anything to do with MIT. It felt toxic. Cursed. And I had no other skills. All that time and effort I’d put into the business had been wasted. I didn’t want to make that mistake again.”
“I can understand that.” It all made sense—why this clever, charming girl was meandering through life. I wanted to pull her onto my lap and tell her I’d fix it for her—I’d sue the guy and then have him killed.
“You would never be so reckless, of course. You’re a planner, right?” She adjusted her cutlery, making sure it was all set in a straight line.
Part of me wished I hadn’t brought up college, she was clearly distressed about it, but another part of me was pleased that I had—I wanted to know what drove Violet. I didn’t just want to know the woman everyone else saw. I liked the one who lay just beneath the surface even better. I enjoyed understanding why she did what she did and said what she said.
“I’m not so good at living for the moment. Not so good at basking in the sun.”
“Is there a pot at the end of the rainbow that you’re looking for? An end goal? Or is the work itself the aim?”
I didn’t have a clever answer. Perhaps an honest one would do. “I don’t know. I guess the goal is to be the best at the bar.”
“Do you enjoy the work at all?”
“Absolutely. I love my job and can’t imagine wanting to do anything else.”
“But you’re doomed to never be satisfied with yourself.”
Nausea churned in my gut. “What makes you say that?”
She paused, clearly thinking carefully about what she was going to say. “Because being ‘the best’ is subjective and your dissatisfaction with yourself drives you. You’ll always think you can be better because you always can be. No one’s perfect.”
She’d left me speechless and I could do nothing but stare at her.
“You ever thought that if you lowered the bar—no pun intended—you’d be happier? Change up your goals?”
She said it like it was easy. Like I could just click my fingers and be satisfied with mediocrity. “Mediocrity was a sin in our house when I was growing up. I was expected not just to get good grades but to be the top of my class. If I took on a sport, I had to be the best or I had to endure my father’s disdain. Perhaps I’m just programmed to want to do better—to keep that bar as high as it will go.”
“Whatever the cost?” she asked.
“I focus on the reward,” I replied.
She shook her head. “Do you ever reexamine the reward? Ask yourself if it’s worth it? I’ve seen how hard you work.”
I shuddered. I’d never thought about it. I’d just had a goal and gone after it—whatever it took. I’d made up my mind what I wanted to do when I was still a child and from watching my father, I knew what it took. I didn’t have a choice if I wanted what he’d had. I’d never once since questioned the goal itself or considered the sacrifice. I glanced up and Violet was grinning at me and her smile overrode the chill that had run down my spine.
“I’m here,” I replied. “Doesn’t that count for anything? You can poke fun at me, but taking the whole night off is a big deal for me.”
She didn’t laugh as I expected her to. She just nodded. “I know, which is why I’m taking it as a compliment.”
I grinned at her. “
You should. I wanted to come tonight. To spend the evening with you. And it takes more than it should to draw my attention away from work.”
“Well then I’d better be entertaining,” she replied, her eyes sparkling.
“You could never be anything but.”
She laughed. “You are crazy. Crazy handsome, yes, but crazy nonetheless.”
Violet
“Shall I order another bottle of wine?” Alexander asked as I set my glass back down. He was looking at me as if he wanted to uncover my deepest secrets, but he’d already managed to do that tonight. I hadn’t talked about MIT or David for a long time. I’d locked away the whole experience in a waterproof chest and dropped it into my memory’s ocean. But recently it had bobbed to the surface, and tonight Alexander had retrieved it and smashed it open. For a few months now, maybe even longer, there’d been a gnawing in my gut that had told me things weren’t right, that I needed a change. Maybe it had been the news about the IPO or losing my job, or maybe it had started before that. Whatever the reason, it had brought me to England. It wasn’t that I wanted to do clerical work forever, but my job in chambers was giving me confidence to think about what I really wanted in my career, in my life. I just hadn’t quite figured that out yet.
“Before we decide, I need to tell you that I’m going to say yes to the extension of my contract.”
He leaned back in his chair and stretched out his legs. “Does that mean you want another bottle to celebrate?”
“Are you okay with me saying yes?” I didn’t expect him to say no. But I wanted to know what he thought.
He looked at me the way he always did when he was trying to elicit more information from me than I was giving him. “Of course, you’re doing an excellent job.”
“So it’s no big deal that we’re sitting here, but will be working together?” He was clearly a private man. I wasn’t sure he’d want anything personal with someone he worked with, but I kinda did. I didn’t think I’d ever wanted a man as much as I wanted Alexander Knightley.
“Not unless we make it a big deal.”
“In that case, can we get the wine to take back to the room?” I asked.