“I thought you were at war?” he asked.
His coldness cut her deeply. I tried to intervene. “I think Galahad just wants us to be sure you are safe before we can hand you over to your own people. I understood from our brief conversation, tensions here are high.”
“My brother follows in the footsteps of our father and grandfathers. Our family have been controlling this land for generations and we have been living off our people for just as long. We have none of the innovations endorsed by The City, we have slavery, women kept in clothes we cannot move in and our faces covered so only our families can see us. Children are left to die if the families are poor and they have too many girls. There is no equality. No limit to the taxes imposed and no actual government. I am part of a group of people who want to see change. We want a government, with a charter to protect the people we serve. We can emulate what you have in The City and in Camelot. Your parents changed everything and we want to continue that change.” Her eyes were bright, her words full of quiet passion and she leaned forward, toward us, begging us to believe her.
“It’s not quite as simple as that,” I said. “We still have our problems.”
“But you have dared to make the change. You have stood against the traditionalist in your government and said – enough. You support your people.”
I wasn’t certain the people felt like that when we had a bad harvest, but we tried to be fair and use their money wisely.
“It still doesn’t tell me what you want me to do with those guards,” Galahad said. He sounded like his father, the cold version, the worst version.
Aleah flushed once more. “I don’t know.”
I patted her hand. “Don’t worry. We’ll sort it out. Perhaps Nim or Morgan can block them from your brother.” Aleah nodded and I glanced at Galahad. “I think I’ll give you some peace. Raven will need help when we are out of sight of land.”
The girl frowned. “You help the Captain sail?”
“I help wherever I am needed. We all work together under these circumstances,” I said.
“I can work with you?” she asked.
“Not dressed like that,” I said amused. “You are smaller even than Nim, so I’ll ask her to find some of her clothing that might fit you and she’ll stitch it. You don’t want Morgan fixing your clothes, her needlework is so bad the clothes will fall apart before you reach the deck.”
The joke fell flat. “Really? It’s that dangerous?”
I chuckled and even Galahad managed a smile. “I’ll leave it to your husband to explain.” I rose and smiled down at the young woman. “Welcome to the Echo, Princess, and welcome to our large family.”
She rose and tried to curtsey. I gripped her shoulders and kissed her cheek, making her gasp slightly.
“We’ll talk later,” I said to Galahad. He grunted in response and I didn’t think I could do anything else to help them. I left the strained room and ensured the guards couldn’t see Aleah without her mask. I needed to speak to the others quickly and deal with these men before life became more complicated.
On the forecastle Lance stood with Nim and Morgan. Kerwin spoke with Nest and Valla, who looked better for a change. Raven stood at the helm now shouting orders and I beckoned him to join us.
“Those guards,” Morgan said the instant I joined them.
“I know. They can contact their master without quill and ink, can we block them?” I asked.
“There’s one way to ensure they don’t make a noise,” Raven said from the helm.
“Of course,” Morgan snapped. “Why don’t we just kill them, that’ll be the answer?”
Raven opened his mouth to snap back but I placed a hand on his arm. “I don’t think so, Captain.” My tone made him wary. Something was happening between my people and I’d lost touch with them because of my own selfish troubles. “We cannot afford to make a mistake with this; we need these people the further south we are moving. We will take the softer option if we can, but the sanction for death must remain on the table. Now, we also need to help Galahad as much as possible. He is alone and feeling it. I’ve pushed him a long way and he’s suffering. Aleah is very young. Although she is strong, she is in a new alien world and she doesn’t know the rules. She needs our help and understanding.”
I assessed them all and they all nodded in response. Only Morgan stared at me with rebellion lurking in her dark blue eyes but she held her counsel.
It wasn’t until that moment I realised Torvec was missing from my conference. I glanced over the deck but his usually obvious white hair was missing from the sailors.
“Where’s Torvec?” I asked.
“Doubtless feeling mistreated after you went off playing with your other lover,” Morgan muttered. She walked off before I could challenge her.
“What the hell is her problem?” I asked.
“Perhaps you should ask her,” Nim said and she cast a glance at Raven who turned and concentrated hard on the task of guiding the ship out into the open sea.
I found Torvec in the galley kitchen, helping with the evening meal for us all. He seemed quite content to be working with the grumpy old cook. He smiled at me when I found him but nothing more and I left him to it, needing to change and sort out more accommodation.
That night the heat left us in sultry tempers. Aleah decided to eat in her room; Galahad drank too much wine and slept on the deck; the guards took Lance’s room, so he slept on deck as well and I remained on watch until the small hours avoiding everyone, including Torvec. I could see him in the light of the full moon, his hair shining, where he’d set up home in the prow of the Echo. He’d been given permission by Raven to create a small shelter from some scrap sail fabric and proceeded to make a nest. He’d asked me to join him but something held me back. I couldn’t do it – perhaps it was the thought of Galahad asleep so near to me. Perhaps it was something much darker. I just wanted some peace.
I’d made some horrible decisions over the last few days and I wasn’t certain I understood my own motivation for them. That disturbed me profoundly. I wanted to be right but that small worm of doubt grew to be large as the stars turned overhead and the spray from the sea shone brightly against the endless black of the waves that birthed it.
CHAPTER TWELVE
The following day I worked. People left me alone, including Torvec. Galahad vanished below for a short time and returned to begin practicing sword forms. He kept repeating them endlessly as the sun rose and the heat grew more intense. Aleah came on deck in her mask and with the guards, her tight dress giving her problems on the canting surface. I watched Galahad. He didn’t alter his training for a moment. In fact he encouraged Kerwin to fight with him. Aleah watched but didn’t approach. She soon vanished back into the heart of the ship.
Galahad was not going to make his marriage easy or comfortable.
Darkness began to take hold quickly and Torvec finally approached with some food.
“Eat, it won’t do you any good to starve,” he said, without really looking at me.
“Thank you. I’m sorry.”
He glanced up and met my eyes briefly. “You have a lot to think about.”
“I just needed some space and that’s not easy on a ship this size,” I said.
He managed a small smile. “Have you managed to find some kind of resolution?”
“Not really,” I admitted.
“It’s Galahad, isn’t it?” he said and I heard the effort it took to remain neutral.
“He is my charge, Torvec, and I am worried about him. What I have done to him by forcing this marriage...” I spooned food into my mouth but didn’t really taste it.
“He’s been married, not raped,” Torvec said quietly and with some heat. “Don’t forget that difference, it’s quite big.”
I felt my skin burn in response to his words. I was trying very hard not to think about the incident, hoping that if I didn’t think about it, I wouldn’t remember it and it would never touch me again.
“He deserv
es better in life than a marriage he doesn’t want,” I said sharply.
“His father made it work –”
“Enough, Torvec. I know perfectly well what happened to Lancelot du Lac and I’d like to be able to give Galahad du Lac a different life. My father admitted to me more than once he’d used Lancelot badly for years before snapping his mind and I don’t want to make the same mistake.” I shoved the bowl of food back at my companion and walked off, looking for something else to do but talk.
I found it in the form of one of the guards who’d arrived with Aleah. The sea heaved a great deal during the afternoon and dark wouldn’t see it any quieter; the large fey felt the effects profoundly.
“I’m guessing you aren’t up to looking after the Princess,” I said as he puked over the side.
“Help me, I’m dying.”
I chuckled. “You aren’t dying but you are going to wish you were.” I vanished from his side for a moment before returning with a cup and bucket of drinking water. “Keep this nearby, it’ll help give you something to heave up until your stomach settles.”
“I’m desert bred. I shouldn’t be on a boat,” he moaned.
I patted his back. “Well you are, so I suggest you get used to it.”
I found Morgan on the other side of the Echo talking quietly with Valla. I approached carefully, wondering how I’d be accepted by the women. They both stared at me and neither seemed friendly. “Um, I was wondering if anyone had given any thought as to how to prevent these guards from reporting to Eamo.”
“Cutting their throats would be the sensible option but you’re too squeamish for that,” Morgan said.
I didn’t know how to reply to that statement, her hostility felt odd. I’d not done anything to deserve it, unless they were angry with me for being male. I opted for the cautious approach.
“It would be easier and I’d opt for it myself but Aleah doesn’t seem to like the idea and at the moment I don’t want to scare her any more than necessary.”
Valla stood straighter, her shorn hair a red mist over her scalp. “Maybe you should get her husband to explain how things really work in war. She convinced you to rescue her but she’s a little timid when it comes to the dirty work so I suspect her truths are different to the ones we understand.”
The last thing I wanted to do was provoke Valla, the last time I’d spoken to her directly she’d tried to tear out my throat and managed to tear off half of Galahad’s face instead, ending our affair.
“Well, if any of you full fey have any ideas let me know,” I said, retreating manfully. I’d learned a long time ago it was wise to pick your battles with the women in my extended family.
The day ended and with it the work. The heat on deck began to lessen and people gathered. Torvec found a natural audience and began weaving tall tales, singing songs and trying to tune a lute that didn’t like salt water or heat. I sat near him but we didn’t touch and all I seemed to be able to see was Galahad sitting opposite me with a masked wife at his feet in a dress that cocooned her.
His eyes were sad and although he tried to laugh at the comic stories the misery leaked out of him like a dark miasma. I’d hurt him and I didn’t know of a way to say sorry because I’d changed his life forever.
When the night began to grow old people left and I saw Morgan leave with Valla, their hands entangled. I really needed to talk to Morgan, something was happening I didn’t understand. I glanced at Raven and his eyes also tracked the women with a frown.
Galahad bid us all good night and helped Aleah stand, then move across the gently rolling deck. He only touched her when necessary and I wondered if they were making love yet. It looked doubtful.
Torvec wound the evening up. He placed a hand on my back. “Will you be joining me?” he asked quietly.
I rose and held out my hand. “If you’ll have me.”
He smiled and allowed me to help him up. We walked to the prow of the ship and I found a comfortable nest of blankets and a chance to be private. We were alone.
I stood, unable to cross the threshold, looking into the small den. Torvec stood slightly to one side, watching me.
“I don’t know if I can give anything,” I said, my guts tight and turning to water all at once.
“You don’t have to give me anything,” he said quietly.
I searched his eyes and my breathing increased in rapidity. He stepped toward me and reached for my hands. “There is nothing you need to give to me but the knowledge you will never ask me to leave you.”
I heard real fear in his expressive voice.
“I will never ask you to leave me.”
“But you still love Galahad,” he said quietly.
“Torvec, I –”
“Don’t, don’t lie to me. I can feel it inside you. I cannot fight you on this. I will never win. We need a different path but you must give me some time. My feelings for Galahad are profound and complex.”
“I don’t understand.”
“You don’t need to, just come to bed and let me hold you while you sleep. You are tired,” Torvec said.
I nodded.
My thoughts were confused and, my anxiety high but exhaustion hit me. Torvec helped me with the shirt and hose, stripping me naked and gently placing me down on the soft blankets.
He trailed his long, thin fingers down my chest. “I love you,” he said and the pain in his voice cut me. Love should bring him joy. He deserved joy, not this misery.
I drew him down to me and kissed his soft mouth, he whimpered in need and I pulled him over my body, his weight heavy and very real. He was real. This was real. He loved me and I needed him.
“If we touch too much you will lose more of yourself...” he whispered when I let him up.
“Good,” I murmured and my fingers began unlacing his clothes. I lost his weight for a brief time as he stripped and when it returned it felt so very good. We kissed for a long time and Torvec’s gentle hands explored every bone and muscle of my taut body while I held him tight. I’d become hard almost instantly and soon I ached to be further used by my lover. His erection lay flat between us and although I was aware of it I didn’t feel it independently from his body, so everything morphed safely together.
Our physical union built steadily and Torvec’s power rose between us. His desire unravelled his control and I felt his desperation trying to wrap me up and swallow me whole. The anxiety within me grew exponentially, overcoming my poor control over memories. Suddenly it wasn’t Torvec lying next to me. It wasn’t his breath I felt against my skin. I tried to banish the fear, I tried to control the swirl of desperation, I tried to think beyond the panic. I flexed my hands to help me feel Torvec’s body over mine and he moved.
His cock brushed over my stomach, soft but hard velvet, and I felt a small trail of his desire cool my skin.
The panic won.
I lost control of the situation. The current state of my reality vanished under a wave of dark colours and imagined suffocation. My hands hit Torvec’s chest hard, shifting him off my body instantly with a cry of shock and pain. I rolled away, grabbed my clothes and fought my way through the cloth hanging over our shelter to act as a door.
I struggled to dress, falling over and almost crying out in frustration and fear.
Strong hands grabbed me. “Slow down, slow down, you’re safe. It’s alright, Holt. You’re safe.”
The deep voice caught me more surely than the strong hands.
“Help,” I sobbed.
Those strong hands gripped me, pulled me against a solid chest and forced my head into a shoulder. My hand clasped a damp shirt and held on. The world rocked but the body holding me remained strong, anchored and steady.
I shuddered and I felt tears burn as they left my eyes. “I can’t... I can’t...” I whispered.
“Shhh, don’t talk, Holt. You are safe. You are safe, love.”
That small word made me draw back. I looked into Galahad’s eyes and saw the sad truth of his words.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that,” he whispered. “You are vulnerable.”
“He is mine!” came a broken cry from behind me. Galahad, able to see over my shoulder, shifted and pushed me behind him. A white shadow came from the darkness, eyes enraged with unspent passion. I needed to intervene. To stop this, to hold the unity together, but I couldn’t – fear continued to overwhelm me.
“He belongs to no one but himself. You know that, Torvec. Please, calm down. He cannot deal with violence between us. We must find peace for his sake. Please, just take a moment. Walk it off.” Galahad’s hand was raised as if to ward off the shape-shifting dragon with nothing more than his raw will power.
I could see Torvec’s rage fighting against his common sense and honest care of me. “Get him away from me. I can’t be trusted.” The roughness of his plea made Galahad grab my arm and propel me over the deck toward the forecastle.
“Up,” he muttered. I stumbled up the stairs to stand on the higher deck near the helm. He finally stopped me moving and turned me. “Are you alright?” he asked, staring into my eyes and frowning. “No weird magical shit floating in your mind? Clouding your thoughts?”
“No, no, I’m fine. I think.” I broke away from his gaze and his grasp. I needed something inert under my hands and headed for the rail. Gripping it tightly I stared out into the blackness of the sea. The moon hadn’t risen, the darkness was complete and terrifying if you stared into it for too long.
Galahad joined me but he didn’t touch me. “What happened?” he asked softly.
“What do you think happened?” A grim hardness to my voice made me hang my head.
“Did he hurt you?”
“Torvec isn’t capable of hurting me. I am such a fool.”
“You aren’t a fool, Holt. What happened to you –”
“Has happened to women for as long as they’ve been walking the world.” I added quietly, “And men too, I guess. I feel like a fool, Galahad. I over-reacted and I’ve hurt someone I care about because I panicked. He didn’t hurt me, push me, ask for something I can’t give, haven’t given before... I’ve embarrassed myself and you.”
The Du Lac Legacy (Sons of Camelot Book 2) Page 8