by Cathryn Fox
“Hey,” Tara says, and I spin, so lost in thought I hadn’t even heard her come in. “What’s up with you and the desk? You in love with it or something?”
“Funny.” She angles her head and stares at me like she has something on her mind. “What’s up?”
She walks to her locker, reaches in and pulls out her purse. “Are you still going to Angela’s wedding next Saturday?”
“Yeah, you?”
She nods and applies her lip balm. It’s so dry in this place, even in summer our lips chap. “I assume you’re going with Jesse.”
That gives me pause. We haven’t talked about it, but I supposed if we’re still pretending to be a couple, it would be expected of us. “Yeah. Probably.”
She recaps her lip balm and drops it into her purse. “Everyone will be there, Colin included.”
I eye her. Okay, where is she going with this? When she doesn’t continue, I tighten my ponytail and say, “And…”
She sits on the desk and kicks her legs out. “This might be a good time for you and Jesse to stage that breakup. Nice and public. It doesn’t have to be nasty or dramatic or anything. Just a mutual parting of ways.” My stomach squeezes tight, and I work to hide it. “Unless you don’t want to.” She grins at me, a knowing look on her face.
My heart jumps, my acting skills clearly lost on her. “Why wouldn’t I want to?”
“Oh, I don’t know.” She puckers her lips like she’s in deep thought and I’m not sure I want to know what she’s thinking. “Maybe you’re into Jesse now. You two seem hot and heavy.”
“Hot and heavy.” I roll my eyes, hard. “My God, have you been talking to my father?”
She laughs, and waves a hand. “Something like that.”
“We are not hot and heavy. Please don’t ever say that again.” I toss my backpack over one shoulder, and try for casual. Like I’m not having the best sex of my life with the man I’m crazy about. “He’s just doing me a favor.”
In more ways than one, but she doesn’t need to know that.
“Then you two might want to put a plan together, and then after the breakup, Colin can be the knight in shining armor and swoop in to be your rebound. The Park Plaza is a great place for you two to hook up. Lots of bedrooms right upstairs.”
Oh, God, this is bad. So bad.
“I don’t just jump into bed with guys, Tara.”
“No?”
“No.” I say. It took ten years before I jumped into bed with Jesse. Ten long years of watching him with other women, including my best friend, or rather former best friend. My stomach tightens. Why do I always feel like I’m doing something wrong and deceitful when I think about her? Oh, maybe because she’s the mother of Jesse’s child.
“Well whether you do or not, it’s a great place to stage the breakup.”
“Yeah, you might be right.” I glance down at my feet as I envision how that breakup will go. “I’ll talk to Jesse about it.”
She laughs. “I’m sure that’ll make Brit happy.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Have you noticed she’s been in a mood since she found out you two were together?” She gives an unladylike snort. “Like she ever had a chance with him, anyway.”
My eyes narrow in on her as I consider that. “Do you think she wanted one?”
Tara shrugs. “I don’t know, but she’s been acting strange.”
I don’t like that. I don’t like that at all. “Tara, do you think she stays in touch with Kylie?”
“No clue, why?”
I glance over my shoulder, and when I see that we’re alone, I lower my voice and say, “Kylie started texting me right after Brit found out about Jesse and me.”
“Whoa.” She jumps from the desk. “Brit is a drama queen, so it wouldn’t surprise me.”
Is it possible that Kylie knows about Jesse and me and that’s why she’s reached out? We might not be friends anymore, but I’d never want to do anything to hurt her or anyone for that matter. She has no claims on Jesse, not anymore—I don’t think, and Jesse did say he didn’t want her back, but is that the truth? He’s not moved on since she left. Oh shit, could he be waiting for her to come back? Oh God, maybe I never should have let this go so far. Kylie and I were good friends once, and I’m sure if she knew how I felt about Jesse back in the day, she never would have gone after him. And I can’t forget if she does end up back in Jesse’s life, she might try to break the connection Jesse and I have because I crossed a line.
But Jesse said we’d protect our friendship at all costs, right?
“I’d better get going,” I say. “See you tomorrow.” Needing to escape before she can see how rattled I am I make a beeline for the door and head outside. The late day sun shines down on me as I make my way home and birds chirp overhead, but not even the melodic sound can lighten my mood. I am in so over my head here. What was I thinking, agreeing to this? I wasn’t, that’s the problem. I pick up the pace and dash up the steps to my place, but when I dig into my backpack, my key is nowhere to be found. I dump the contents, but still can’t find it.
“What the heck is going on?”
I knock on the door, but I’m sure Dad is still out with Heidi. He stopped by the bar earlier today for lunch and told me they were going to a few garage sales. It’s his favorite thing to do on a Saturday afternoon. When my knocks go unanswered, I angle my head and spot Jesse’s car in his driveway.
I stomp down the stairs, but honestly, it’s no hardship spending time with him until Dad gets home. Last week, after the dinosaur show, we spent the night together and almost every night after that. After sex, we’d talk and sleep, but he never brought up med school again, and I really hope I didn’t overstep any boundaries. I just want what is best for him. Just as he wants what’s best for me—which is why he’s pretending to be my boyfriend.
But what is best for me, and why am I suddenly starting to second guess my path?
I lift my hand to knock when the sound of a woman’s laugh stills me. With my hand raised, I stiffen, and look through the window to find Jesse and Janice sitting at the table having coffee. Jealousy spears through me, and I swallow against a tight throat. But what right do I have to be jealous? He’s not mine. We’re pretending, and he’s doing it for me. I take a step back, about to leave when Jesse glances my way. A smile splits his lip as he stands, and opens the door.
“Hey, come on in,” he says. “Just getting off work?”
“Yeah, and I lost my key. Again.”
“Are you serious?”
I nod. “I’m not sure what is going on. My bag was in my locker all day. I’m starting to think someone is messing with me.”
“I’ll talk to the staff tomorrow. See if they know anything or if anyone has been in the office who shouldn’t be there.”
“Thanks.”
He turns, and says, “Olivia this is Janice, Madelyn’s mother. Janice this is my neighbor, Olivia. You two might remember each other from the park.”
I hold my hand out. “Nice to meet you, Janice. I hope I’m not interrupting anything,” I say, but it’s a lie. I hope I am interrupting them, and I hate myself for that. I want Jesse to be happy. I want him to find someone.
I want that someone to be me.
Oh, boy.
“I brought Madelyn over to apologize to Lucas, and invite him to her birthday party next month.”
“Oh, how nice. I’m sure he will love that.”
“Coffee?” Jesse asks.
“I’m good, thanks,” I say and stand there feeling like a third wheel.
Madelyn lets out a squeal from the other room, and Janice glances at the clock. “Look at the time. I better get Madelyn home for her dinner, and let you get to yours.”
“Thanks for stopping by.” Jesse picks the empty mugs up from the table and sets them in the sink. “I appreciate Madelyn apologizing to Lucas.”
“I think they’ll be great friends. We’ll have to plan lots of play dates,” she says, her
eyes too bright, her smile too hopeful.
My God, why doesn’t she just throw herself at him and end the misery?
“Sounds good,” Jesse says.
My phone pings and I pull it from my bag as Janice gathers up her daughter and they all say goodbye at the door. I read the message from my Dad, letting me know he won’t be home until late and to have dinner without him. I would, except I’m locked out. I don’t want to ruin his day by having him come home to let me in, so I just tell him to have a good time. At least Kylie stopped texting. I mean, I’m glad she’s okay, I was worried about her well-being like I would with anyone, but I have no idea what to say to her anymore.
I drop my phone back into my bag, as the door shuts and Lucas runs back into the living room to watch TV. I fold my arms and arch a brow when Jesse turns to me.
“She was lovely.”
He grins at me. “You sound jealous.”
Crap.
“Nope. Not at all. You should just know these playdates she’s talking about aren’t to get Madelyn and Lucas together.”
“You don’t think?”
“No.” I poke him in the chest. “I think she’s into you.”
“Do you now?” he says and pulls me into his arms. “She can be into me all she wants, because later, after I put Lucas to bed, I’m going to be into you.”
I note the reminder that what’s between us is just sex. I plaster on a smile and will my stupid heart to stop aching. “I think I like the sound of that.”
He presses his lips to mine. “Stay for dinner,” he says, a statement, not a question. “I’m going to throw some steaks on the grill.” His mouth lingers on mine, neither of us in a hurry to break apart.
“Yum. I can whip us up a salad if you like.”
“I like.”
I’m about to move, when he reaches around, grabs a handful of my ass and gives a squeeze. He groans, then whacks me with his palm. “If you don’t move, I’m going to be barbecuing with the world’s biggest boner.”
I chuckle and back up. “You’re the one holding me here.”
He puts his mouth to my ear, his warm breath trickles over my skin. “Because you’re so fucking sexy.”
I wiggle against his growing erection and he gives me another slap. “You’re going to pay for that.”
“That’s the plan.”
He laughs. “There’s white wine in the fridge. I picked it up today. Your favorite.”
I arch a brow. “Oh, it’s like you knew I’d be coming over.” I plant one hand on my hip. “Are you the key stealer, Jesse? Leaving me with no choice but to come over here, so you can have your way with me.”
He grabs the lighter from the top shelf in his cabinet. “Shit, you’re on to my wicked ways. Wait, does that mean I get to have my way with you later?”
I point. “Go light the barbecue.”
“I’d rather light up you.”
I shake my head and laugh. “Feed me first. It’s been a long day.”
“I’m on it.” He disappears out the back patio and I pour a glass of wine and get to work on making us a salad. Once I’m done, Jesse calls out to me from the patio.
“Hey, Olivia, can you bring the steaks out?”
I pull the marinating steaks from the fridge, a cold beer for Jesse and refill my wine glass.
“Hey Lucas,” I say as I pass through the living room. “What are you playing?” I ask when I see he has a controller in his hand, but he’s so focused on his game he doesn’t even hear me. My heart pinches as I watch him for a moment. How could a mother ever walk away from her child? How can I walk away from these two?
With that thought weighing me down, I step outside and hand the steaks and beer over and have a seat at the patio table. Jesse smiles at me and holds his beer up for a salute before taking a big drink.
“I love your backyard,” I say. “It’s so relaxing out here.”
“We can eat outside tonight if you want.”
“Oh, I want.”
He goes quiet for a long time, and I stare at a squirrel dashing up a tree. Jesse finally breaks the quiet and asks, “What else do you want, Liv?”
I turn to him, and take in intense blue eyes as they stare at me. Do I dare tell him? Do I dare confess that it was him I wanted all along? What if I do and ruin everything between us? I’d rather have him in my life as a friend than not at all.
“Well,” I say. “I’ve been thinking about Angela’s wedding.”
“Yeah.”
“It might be a good time to stage the breakup,” I say, and he turns from me, to flip the steaks.
His back is tight, and I hold my breath. Is it too much to hope that he doesn’t want to, that he wants to make what we have here real? Even if he did, how could we make it work if I’m leaving? And of course, I can’t forget that chances are slim to none that I can give his son a sibling, and that’s not fair to either of them.
“Yeah, sure, if that’s what you want,” he says, his voice tight.
Tell him, Olivia.
Tell him it’s not what you want.
His smile is in place when he turns to me. “You probably want as much time with Colin before you leave here at the end of the summer. You guys will have some things to figure out.”
“Yeah,” I say, and hope my voice doesn’t come out as shaky as I feel.
“I’m going to grab another beer,” he says. “Need a top up?” I shake my head and he disappears inside and I take a huge breath, grateful for the reprieve. I toy with my wine glass and work to pull myself together.
Jesse comes back with a beer, and plates. “So, this breakup,” he says. “How do you want to go about it?”
“Something easy. We could just say we weren’t compatible and the breakup was a mutual decision.”
“Mutual, right,” he says, and removes the steaks from the grill. “That means we have one week left to pretend, right?” He glances at me and I nod. “One week for me to do all the wicked things I want to do to you.”
I gulp. “Yeah.”
He nods. “Do you think that will be enough?” he asks, his back to me. For a second, I get the sense that he’s asking something else altogether.
“Enough?”
He laughs and says, “You know, for me to teach you everything you want to know…in the bedroom.”
“Right, yeah. I guess it will have to be,” I say, even though I know this isn’t about just sex for me, and one more week with this man will never be enough.
14
Jesse
I take a glance at the gorgeous woman beside me, as she watches the bride and groom exchange vows. My heart pinches at the dreamy look on her face. Is this what she wants from Colin? A guy to walk her down the aisle and give her the white picket fence? Perhaps the better question is, is Colin the guy who can give it to her? I’m having doubts on that. But if not him, then who?
You.
Shit, as soon as that one word pops into my head, I try to dispel it. We’ve been playing house, yes, and it’s been fucking amazing, but she’s leaving soon, for school and for her dad, and I refuse to be the guy to keep her from her dreams. No way am I about to tell her how I’m feeling and set either one of us up for that kind of future disappointment.
Her hand falls over mine, and I turn to her. Her smile is soft, warm, and water fills her vision. I lean into her, give her a little nudge. Hell, in a couple of hours, during the reception dance, I’m supposed to tell her this is over—even though I really don’t want it to be.
You have no choice, dude.
Or do I?
No, no I don’t.
The minister announces that Angie and Philip are now joined as one, and they begin to walk down the aisle. We all clap and follow them out, stopping to give hugs to the wedding party lined up in the hall of the magnificent downtown hotel.
“You look beautiful,” I say to Angie, and she gives me a wink.
“Maybe you’ll be standing up there next.”
I laugh at that, but don
’t miss the way Olivia is watching the exchange with curiosity, and maybe even a little sadness. Is she worried that this will never happen with her and Colin, or is there something else going on in that brilliant brain of hers?
We all head to the dining area and find our seats. I read the place cards. Colin isn’t seated with us, not that it’s a surprise. Why would Angie put him at our table? She doesn’t know it’s him that Olivia really wants. I glance around and find him and Tara sitting awfully close. From my distance, I can’t hear what they’re saying, but the conversation seems awfully tense. What the heck? I hope Tara isn’t spilling secrets.
I pull Olivia’s seat out for her and she chuckles. “Such a gentleman.”
I put my lips by her ear, forgetting that we’re soon to break up and say, “Not always.” Her body quivers beneath my mouth, and it vibrates through me. Energy arcs between us as we sit, and I wonder if the others in the room can feel the tension. Maybe I should get a room, and have one last night with her. Maybe that will finally douse the fire inside me.
Dinner is served, followed by wedding cake, and the longer the night goes on, the tighter my throat feels, and it has nothing to do with the tie around my neck. I take a glance at Olivia, who seems as uneasy as I do.
“Hey, you okay?” I ask.
“Yeah, the wedding was beautiful.”
“You’re beautiful,” I blurt out without thinking, and take in the soft pink dress that highlights the tan on her face. A blush crawls up her neck. “What, you don’t believe me? After all this time, you don’t believe me?”
“Actually, Jesse. I do. You make me feel beautiful.” She puts one hand on my chest, and her warmth goes through me. If we’re so wrong, why does this…this…comfort and intimate familiarity between us feels so right. “No man has ever really done that before.”
“Those guys are idiots.”
She gives a humorless chuckle. “Not just guys. Lots of mean girls out there, too.”