Kingdom of Ash and Soot

by C. S. Johnson

  “Remember our plan,” Lady Penelope hissed at me, as she walked down the stairs beside me.

  I glanced around at the footmen, wondering if Ferdy was already working. “I remember,” I said, hoping she would not realize how I intended to add some small changes to what we agreed upon earlier.

  “I see Lord Maximillian is here already.” Lady POW pointed to the receiving line, where he stood before King Ferdinand and Empress Maria Anna.

  I was shocked to see the king. I had not seen him since my father’s funeral, but he seemed to be the very same as I looked at him. He had the high forehead, the uncertain gaze, and the kind, weak smile. I studied him for a few moments, as Lady Penelope was surrounded by her friends—or at least, the people who were familiar with her.

  I stepped back to look over at Empress Maria Anna. Her black hair had grayed over the many years, and I saw she was wearing a large crucifix among all her pearls. She seemed like such a little old lady, one who seemed content to look down as if she was in perpetual prayer. She was so different from Lady POW, who had very little jewelry but still carried herself with a regal sense of being, despite her older years.

  A soft whisper of footsteps approached me from behind. “Would you allow me the honor of your first dance tonight, my lady?”

  I whirled around in disbelief to see Ferdy behind me. But this time, he was not wearing a footman’s uniform. He was wearing a fine suit and pressed pants, paired with boots that gleamed with a shine and a simple cravat. I barely recognized him, with his hair combed back and the shy stubble of his beard gone from his face.

  Seeing Lady Penelope was busy receiving effusive praise from Lady Hohenwart, I grabbed him by the wrist and whisked him away quickly, before anyone else could see him.

  “What are you doing?” I hissed at him. “This is not the time to pretend that you’re a lord or something.”

  He grinned at me. “How could I resist?” he asked, testing the limits of my patience as he took over my lead and turned me toward the marble dancing floor.

  Ben’s earlier comments came back to me, and I felt another round of frustration. “Don’t you take anything seriously?”

  Ferdy took a step closer to me, closer than he should have been. “Of course I take some things seriously,” he said. His eyes twinkled under the ballroom lights. “I have been wanting to dance with you ever since I rescued you from the Hohenwart Ball.”

  “Enough to steal some royal’s clothes?”

  “I can assure you, the royal in question is close enough to my size that he won’t notice, and he won’t miss one of his suits. Though he will be upset, if he ever figures out what I’ve done.”

  I gaped at him incredulously. “Why would you do this?”

  “Does it make you mad to see me risk so much for you?” Ferdy asked quietly as the music began. I was too shocked at his daring to realize that he was a confident dancer.

  “Yes,” I admitted, too brazen to care. “I need you to leave here at once, Ferdy. You’re in danger.”

  “I know.”

  “What?” I glared at him. “What do you mean, you know?”

  “I know that I’m in danger,” Ferdy said. “But I have been in danger for a long time, Ella. From the moment I first saw you, I’ve been in love with you.”

  It was then that I noticed Ferdy was indeed a good dancer, since he caught me as I tripped.

  “Have you fallen for me, too, then?” Ferdy asked, holding me too close as he looked into my eyes.

  I was so tempted to scream in frustration. I wanted to so badly. Ferdy was wonderful. I cared for him deeply, more than I knew why, and here he was, dressing up like a noble, stealing me away from my grandmother, and passionately declaring that his heart was mine, all in the middle of my imaginary kingdom, where heaven touched the earth and flooded me with pure wonder.

  I would have given anything, anything at all, to have been able to respond with more than a stunned look and a rush of heat running through my body as it pressed into his.

  “Ella?” For the first time that night, Ferdy frowned. “What’s wrong?”

  “I need some air.” I flushed, silently cursing myself for my befuddlement.

  Ferdy quickly obliged me, twirling me toward the back of the ballroom. Together, we slipped into the shadows of a dark hallway, and I was reminded of the time that we shared before at the Hohenwart manor.

  “Better?” he asked, the eagerness waning from his voice.

  “Yes, thank you.” I leaned against the coolness of the walls. “I’m sorry.”

  “Sorry for what?” Ferdy asked. He gave me a friendly pat on the shoulder. “I did not mean to take your breath away.”

  “No, that’s not it,” I said, shaking my head. “I need you to leave now, please.”

  “Will you come with me?” he asked, and at his flippancy, my patience broke.

  “Enough,” I snapped. “I need you to be serious about this, Ferdy. There’s danger here. Something is going to happen here later, and I don’t want you to be around when it happens.”

  “What is it?” Ferdy asked. To his credit, he did look more serious all of a sudden.

  “I can’t tell you,” I said. And that was the truth. I did not know what was supposed to happen tonight. All I knew was that something was supposed to happen, something that could possibly kill people, and no stretch of my imagination allowed me to believe Ferdy would be safe just by virtue of his humble status.

  “You can tell me anything, Ella,” he whispered.

  I grabbed his coat and tugged him closer to me. “We don’t have much time here. Right now, I just need to know you’re not here. That you’ll be safe, please. I care for you too much to let anything happen to you.”

  “So you do love me, then?”

  “Of course I do,” I snapped. “But this is—”

  He cut me off, along with all my complaints and concerns, as he kissed me.

  The taste of him was lightning across my senses. I felt the shock of our lips pressed together, the ache in my heart as I wanted him. I closed my eyes, unable to resist, as the longing inside of me stood strong, and all my feelings came rushing out, pushing reason to the side.

  I had been so worried for him over the past few days, and I was suddenly more desperate than ever to cling to him. I was so worried the Cabal was in danger, and I was so worried when Ben could not find him and warn him. I had been prowling around the manor like a caged animal, and now that I was with him again, I was free.

  Ferdy’s hands trapped me next to him, and I could only revel in the chaos, clinging to it as I claimed his heart as my own.

  He is freedom, I thought, as I let out a small moan. Ben was right; Ferdy was flippant and fun, but he was freedom, and he was more than able to frustrate me. Karl might have proven to be the more stable one, but I would never feel such power and passion.

  Ferdy pressed against me, driving me into the wall behind us. The solid coolness of it sent another shockwave of pleasure behind me, as the space between us collapsed and my body melted against his.

  It was only as his hands slid down my body, roaming over my side where the crystal dagger was tucked away, that my mind insisted on reorienting itself.

  He seemed to sense the change and slowly pulled back from me, breathing heavily. “I cannot tell you how long I have waited for you,” he whispered. “I knew you were meant to my mine.”

  I breathed in deeply, letting my hands run through his hair and down his face. I was shaking. I did care for him. I did love him. I did not want him to be hurt. I did not want to think about what my life would be like if he was gone.

  How could the world exist if he was gone?

  “Then,” I said, still breathing irregularly, “please, promise me that you will leave this ball now.”

  “I would not worry about anything if I were you. If there is any danger, we will face it together,” Ferdy said. “Besides, I think I might be able to help you, if you let me stay.”

  “No!” I shook my
head. “Please, no—”

  “Do you think after all these years of searching for you, I’d risk losing you now that I’ve found you again?” He gave me a grin, and I was suddenly aware of how odd his words were.

  I frowned. “What are you talking—”

  A new voice called out from down the darkened hall. “Ella?”

  “Ella?” Ferdy frowned. “Who else calls you Ella? That’s my name for you.”

  I groaned. This was a whole evening of poor timing. “It’s Karl Marcelin,” I said. “He likes me. He said my name was too long, too.”

  Ferdy began to growl. “Why—”

  “Please go,” I said. “He can get you in trouble. I don’t want anything to happen to you.”

  “But, Ella—”

  As Karl made his way closer to us, I shoved Ferdy behind a nearby corner. “Stay here and don’t say anything,” I hissed. Even though there was very little light in the corridor, I hoped he would be able to see the grim look on my face.

  After he remained quiet for a long moment, I hurried away, determined to meet Karl halfway.

  “Ella. I thought that was you,” Karl said. “I’m pleased to have found you here. I did not see you in the ballroom.”

  “Oh, I was ... looking for the ladies’ withdrawing room.” I made a mental note to find a new excuse as I thought I heard Ferdy smother a laugh. It would not be long before someone noticed I was apparently going to the bathroom too often to be normal.

  “I can give you directions, if you still need ... ” Karl’s voice trailed off politely and I quickly shook my head.

  “Oh, I am perfectly well.”

  He offered me his arm. “Then might I request the pleasure of your company?”

  “Yes, you may.” Under the guise of tucking in a loose curl, I glanced back to see Ferdy was still out of sight. I sighed, glad I had found him, even though I was still worried he was going to refuse to leave.

  “It’s a pleasant night,” Karl said. “The Advent season is always magical.”

  “Yes,” I agreed. “And the castle is so lovely. Her Imperial Majesty has clearly done a wonderful job decorating.”

  Karl beamed, and I wondered if part of it was familial pride. “She always does an excellent job,” he said. “But this year, nothing compares to your presence.”

  We were walking down the hallway toward the ballroom when Karl veered off to the opposite side.

  “Come this way,” he said. “This is one of the king’s gardens.”

  With Ferdy out of immediate danger, I was hoping I would find a way to escape from Karl soon enough. But as he opened the door and I was able to see the indoor gardens, I momentarily forgot the mission.

  Large windows glowed with opaque lighting. Outside it was winter, but inside it was the height of spring.

  It was an indoor garden, where several rows of plants were crawling with vines and blossoms. Walls held pots full of draping ferns and cluttered flowers. In the moonlight, it felt like walking into the Garden of Eden, just before its twilight.

  “This is beautiful,” I said, my voice hushed with awe.

  “The king is very fond of his botanicals.” Karl led me through an aisle of planted blooms. I was grateful to feel the warmth of the room. “He is in here a lot of the time, experimenting with different crops and planting methods.”

  “It sounds like you know him very well,” I said, doing my best to keep my tone unsuspecting.

  Karl smiled. “I do. It is a shame he is not as supportive of me as Count Potocki is, in terms of politics,” he said. “But His Imperial Majesty has been most kind on other accounts.”

  “That is his name among the people,” I recalled. “Ferdinand the Good.”

  I eyed Karl carefully out of the corner of my eye. “It is a shame he did not have any children of his own,” I said. “Bohemia is poorer for it.”

  “I could not agree more,” Karl said, startling me with his tone. It was a mix of anger and longing, and it was one I could recognize myself. I knew what it was like to live with the feeling life was not what it was supposed to be.

  “How is your situation with Lord Maximillian coming along?” I asked, changing the subject as I moved away and glancing down at a bed of orchids. “He would be upset if he knew you were with me in here, wouldn’t he?”

  “He would,” Karl agreed. “But it is worth the risk. Especially if you have thought about what we talked about before.”

  I sighed. “I must be blunt, sir,” I said, pretending I was trying to be brave. “I do not wish to marry for anything but love.”

  “Have I not confessed to my love for you?” Karl asked.

  I shook my head. “No.”

  “Then I love you.”

  There was the chime of the clock in the distance, and I was taken back to the night when Ferdy had kissed me for the first time. That night had been over far too early for me.

  And this one could be over at any moment. As long as Karl is here in the castle, nothing can happen.

  “Thank you, sir,” I replied quietly. “But I fear your love for me is quite shallow compared to your ambition.”

  “Others are depending on me, Ella. Lord Maximillian is ready to announce my engagement to his daughter tonight if I tell him to. He has plans for us, and I won’t be able to go forward with any of them if I am not completely dedicated to my calling.” His tone was much harsher all of a sudden.

  And then I had an idea. If Lord Maximillian did not have Karl’s agreement, maybe the rest of their plans would fall through.

  Is it possible?

  “If your love for me is true,” I said carefully, “then go and tell His Grace that you will not marry his daughter. Tell him that you want to marry me instead.”

  “He is very insistent on supporting me. I do not feel it would be wise to upset him.”

  “You cannot have me as a bride if you are already betrothed,” I pointed out.

  Karl raised his eyebrows. “So you will marry me, then?”

  “If you love me, you will go and tell him the engagement between you and Lady Teresa Marie is off,” I said, sidestepping the question. I did not want to commit to anything. Lady POW’s warning came back to me.

  “You hint and tease, but never promise anything—no stolen kisses in the gardens, no getting caught in flagrante delifeco.”

  Karl reached over and kissed my hand. “I will do as you say, my lady. You have made me the happiest man on earth.”

  Before I could stop him, he drew me close and kissed me.

  Karl’s kiss was soft and gentle, completely polite, both passionate and restrained. I went still, paralyzed by the unexpected tenderness as much as the unanticipated guilt. I had not wanted him to kiss me, but I felt like if I stopped him, it would be impolite.

  After all, he might have kissed me out of excitement, but I was the one who was lying to him. I did not want to marry him, and I did not want to kiss him, either. I felt nothing of the fire I felt for another, and only my desire for Ferdy’s safety kept me from pushing him away.

  Karl pulled back, oblivious to my disenchantment, with a satisfied look on his face.

  I gave him a bland smile back, unable to do anything else, before he stepped back, bowed, and headed toward the door.

  “After I am finished talking with the Duke,” he said, “I want to introduce you to my parents.”

  I nodded, waving as he headed out of the room. “I’ll meet you back in the ballroom.”

  Karl was still grinning when the door finally closed between us.

  I squeezed my eyes shut and sighed. For the first time, I felt the excitement of being a member of the Order transform into poison.

  My love for Ferdy, in all its innocence and purity, made me feel wretched. Kissing Karl had not been altogether unpleasant, but I felt more like a mistress of politics, a member of the demimonde who sold her time, body, and mind to the preservation of the state.

  I reached down toward my dagger, wondering if my mother had ever experienced a
similar feeling. Maybe that was why she quit. If she was in love with Amir, she would have been unwilling to do certain things for the sake of information.

  I rubbed my eyes and temples, grateful I had succeeded. I had agreed to nothing, technically, and Karl was off to buy us more time before Lord Maximillian could execute his plan. “Thank God that’s over.”

  “Yes, I couldn’t agree more.”

  Ferdy’s voice echoed in the spaces between us as he appeared behind me, and I jumped, my heart beating with sudden fear and adrenaline.

  “Oh, my God. Don’t scare me like that.” I was angry at his sudden appearance, but then I saw the look on his face and forgot everything else.

  I did not have to ask him to know he had overheard everything. Everything.

  My head fell into my hands. “Oh, no.”

  *24*

  ◊

  A long moment passed before I felt like I would be able to withstand the shame. When I looked up, Ferdy met my gaze squarely.

  The shame was hard and fast and left me breathless, and even worse, it stripped Ferdy of all the fun and joy I loved about him.

  “Well, I guess you were right.”

  “What do you mean?” I asked.

  “Something terrible was going to happen tonight.” The harshness of his tone was unbearable, and I heard every splinter of his heartbreak in each syllable.

  “I can explain,” I said, trying to find my bearings.

  “You can explain,” Ferdy said. “But I don’t think I will wait around to hear it.”

  “Ferdy, please—”

  “Good day to you, mademoiselle,” he said, giving me a quick bow. “I hope you’ll be very happy in your engagement. Mr. Marcelin offers you such wonderful prospects, much more than I could ever hope to offer you—”

  “That’s not it!” I stepped up in front of him, trying to stop him as he made for the door. “I’m trying to save people’s lives—”

  “By destroying others’?”

  “That’s not what I meant.” I took a hold of his arm. “Ferdy, Karl is King Ferdinand’s son.”

  Ferdy finally stopped. “You know?”