But I’d been so convinced. Otto had convinced me. Were they in on it together? Let’s break the fucking crazy girl? Sounded sporting.
The pity party bus had arrived, and I was all aboard apparently. The tears came back, and I tried to swallow them down, but I learned another very valuable thing tonight. Sake made me a sad drunk. Once the waterworks started, there was no stopping them.
The message in Nemo’s book had been even more desperate today, but I’d ignored it so I could enjoy my time with the guys. Served me right. He was calling to me, telling me to come, and I was busy being pretty for men who saw me as a temporary challenge and nothing else. His message inside In Search of the Castaways was rambling, about no man being an island, and that perhaps no one was searching for him at all.
Sampson had said it sounded crazy, and maybe it was. But right now, I could relate to being lonely. The inscription in the book had listed a store in Hong Kong, and for the first time in weeks, I wondered if I should just go home. Give this whole crazy thing up before it consumed me completely.
But I couldn’t, not yet. Nemo was waiting for me, and I knew he was the answer. He would see my madness as a reflection of his own, and we could heal together. My mirror.
Evan slowed as we got to the lobby of the hotel, and he walked straight in, ignoring the looks from the reception staff, while I just buried my face in his neck. He smelled really good. A soft, manly smell that was both reassuring and arousing.
“How old are you?” I asked, and felt him stiffen underneath me. He lowered me to the ground, and I tugged at the hem of my dress, pulling it back down my thighs.
“Too old for what you’re thinking.”
I frowned, sniffing and scrubbing my eyes on the back of my arm. “What am I thinking?”
The doors to his floor slid open, and he frowned at me. “Revenge sex.”
I stepped past him into the hall, ignoring his words. He pointed down the hall at a door, and I tried not to wince with every step. Now that the sake had worn off, I was really feeling that blister. “Do you know what it feels like to be empty? To feel like a vampire, missing something integral that I have to leech from the people around me. Sometimes I feel like I was born empty, and nothing I ever do fills me up. Maybe that’s why I relate so well to the guys. We’re the same, yet different. Except Otto. He’s a blood bank, pouring himself into us all. Soon, he’ll be nothing but a husk too.”
I chewed my lip as I looked up at Evan, his brown eyes a soft caramel in this light.
“The guys, they filled that emptiness for a while, but eventually they realized what everyone does. I’m a black hole, and I suck everyone down into that emptiness with me.”
He grabbed my elbow, turning me to face him. “That’s not true, Chaos. They like you.”
I laughed, and it was a sad sound even to my own ears. “They don’t know me.” I paused, my eyes watering no matter how hard I blinked. “I’m not asking for a ring, Evan. I just want you to fuck the feelings back. I want to be full for just a moment. Please.” I winced at how my voice cracked, and I dropped my eyes to the floor.
“Aviva…”
I was already shaking my head. “I’m sorry. Forget it. I’m going back to my room—”
But his hand wrapped around the back of my head and then he was kissing me. It was a kiss filled with self-flagellation, which was hard to describe. He was devouring my lips, but holding his body stiff, and I could almost hear his internal thoughts about how bad of an idea this was. My body curled toward him naturally, and I sighed as his warmth soaked into me.
“You wanna know how old I am, Chaos? Old enough to know this is a terrible idea. To know that this won’t make you feel better tomorrow.”
He kissed me again, his tongue slipping past my teeth to stroke mine as he walked me backwards to the door, resting me against it as he held out the door key to the scanner. I pushed the handle down when it clicked, and then we were slipping into the dark room. The door shut behind us, but neither of us reached for the lights.
He pulled his mouth away. “Are you sure about this, Aviva? Really, really sure?”
“Yes,” I breathed, gripping his hair to pull him in for another kiss. “Fuck me, Evan. Make me feel nothing but you for a little while.”
Chapter 37
Aviva
Evan knew his way around a woman’s body. He was apparently also going to talk me through the entire process, which should be annoying but was somehow arousing.
“I’m going to take your dress off now, Chaos. I’m going to see all that creamy skin that has taunted my dreams for so many fucking nights.” That last bit was more muttered at himself than at me, but as he unzipped my dress, I didn't ask questions about how many nights he’d been thinking about me.
He peeled my dress down, and his eyes were hooded with lust. He sucked in a gasp as he realized I wasn’t wearing a bra, and my breasts spilled out into the moonlit room. “So goddamn beautiful.”
He kissed down my collarbone and over the swell of my left breast. I tugged at his shirt, letting him know what I wanted too. He threw off his jacket, unbuttoning his shirt, and my clumsy fingers helped him along. I wanted to touch his chest, feel the thudding of his heart beneath my palm.
As I reached for the button of his dress pants, he stilled my hand. “Thirty-four. I’m thirty-four. I'm more than a decade older than you. Fuck, this is wrong.”
He went to move away, but I gripped his pants. “How do you see me?”
“You’re too damn young. I’m a fucking predator.”
I laughed, because I couldn’t help it. “I’m old enough to drive, drink, vote, and go to war, Evan. I’m pretty sure I’m old enough to pick my own sexual partners.”
“You’re depressed. What kind of monster does that make me? Using you like this?”
It was hard to stand there and argue that I was an adult when I was in just a thong. “Do you care if I live or die?”
“Of course I do!” he growled, stepping toward me.
I wasn’t done. “Do you care if I’m happy?”
“Yes.”
“Would you stop if I said stop?”
“Fucking hell. Yes.”
“Then you’re already three times better for me than the majority of my ex-lovers, Evan. I promise, it's not just the depression that wants you. I want you. Me. Chaos.”
He groaned and kissed me again. “God, you’re killing me.” He lifted me back into his arms, pressing me against the wall so he could dip his head and capture my nipple. I moaned, wrapping my legs around his waist. He moved to my other nipple, biting it softly, and my gasp echoed around the silence of the room.
I buried my hands in his short hair, holding on as he played my body like an artist. He was a lot broader than I’d thought, the slight roughness of his chest hair scraping my belly. Obviously, those slightly too large suits weren’t just hiding his weapons, they were hiding a ripped body too.
He held me easily as he dropped one hand between my thighs, his fingers dipping inside me as the weight of our bodies ground his palm hard into my clit.
“Oh god,” I breathed, as his fingers curled inside me, stroking me to perfection as he licked and sucked at my breasts. I held on for dear life, shuddering through my orgasm, crying out as I soaked his fingers.
He pulled back until he could see my face. “We can stop now. There's no pressure for anything more. Take this moment, climb under the sheets of the bed, and sleep off the night, Chaos.”
I couldn’t tell if he was begging me to tell him to stop, or begging me not to. But I didn’t want to stop.
“More, Evan. I want more,” I whispered into his ear, and his whole body shivered. I launched myself at his lips, our kisses no longer tentative. No, this was the chaos he accused me of as he lowered my feet to the ground and I kicked off my lace thong, while he shrugged off his shirt. I reached for the button of his pants, tearing it open and reaching into his boxers for his cock. It was hard and thick, and I wanted it.
&
nbsp; I fell to my knees, and he moaned. “Fuck me, you look so pretty down there.”
I grinned and took his cock, stroking it just to hear him grunt and flex his hips toward me. I licked the head, running my tongue along the underside. Then I slid him deep into my mouth, and tried not to laugh at the sound of his cursing. Taking him as deep as I could, I twisted slightly on the way back up, and he buried his hands in my curls.
“Jesus fucking Saint Joseph, Chaos.”
I wanted to tell him that he was probably going to Hell for that, but you know, my mouth was full. He thrust slightly in time with my head bobbing on his cock, making me gag a little before he drew out of my mouth. “I’m going to come if you keep doing that.”
“That's kind of the idea.”
He growled, pulling me back up into his arms. He pressed me to the wall again, his cock notching against my core, and I held my breath. He paused, and I knew he was about to ask again if I wanted this, but I could barely breathe, let alone talk him into this. I wanted him so goddamn bad.
So I wrapped my legs around his waist and pulled him tight into my body, and he slid in with a moan. Or maybe it was my moan, or a combination of both, because holy shit.
“You feel so fucking good. Better than I could have imagined,” he groaned. He slid all the way out and then slammed home, and this time there was no doubt whose moan it was as the sound that left my throat bordered on a scream.
“Yes. Fuck, Evan. More.”
Holding my thighs, his body pressed tight to mine, he fucked me into the wall. I moaned his name, my nails raking over his shoulders as he pounded into me. Fuck, I felt sorry for the people in the room next door.
I let out a high-pitched whine as I got closer and closer. He buried his face in my neck, biting it gently, and pleasure pulsed through me.
“Oh, god. Fuck,” I chanted.
“Come for me. I want to feel you milking my cock,” he growled in my ear, and that was it. I was helpless as I clutched him tightly to me and rode out the waves of pleasure as my orgasm rocked me.
Evan continued to fuck me, his movements wild and fast, until he was coming too. His hand slammed onto the wall above my head, and his body pressed tightly into mine like it was the only thing still keeping us standing.
We were both panting, and I had a cramp in my thigh that would probably ache more if the endorphins from that orgasm weren’t coursing through me like a drug.
“Hold on, I’ll walk us to the shower.”
Fuck.
“What?” he said, pulling back to look at my face.
I flushed pink, or at least, I felt like I did. My face was probably already an unattractive shade of red. “No condom.”
His whole body froze. “You aren’t on the pill?” I shook my head. “You aren’t on the pill and you’re fucking all three of them?”
Now it was my turn to stiffen. He swore, rubbing a hand up and down my back. “I didn’t mean it like that. It's just an accident waiting to happen, is all.”
I swallowed hard, fighting back the post-orgasm mood swing. “I’m usually careful. Don’t worry, I’ll take care of it in the morning.”
He gripped my chin, still holding me tightly to his chest, his dick softening inside me. “I’ll do it, Chaos. I’m sorry. I should have taken better care of you. You deserve better from me.”
This time I did cry.
Which was how the guys found us. The hotel room door slammed open, with Sampson silhouetted in the light from the hallway. Me crying, still on Evan’s dick.
The relief on Sampson’s face quickly turned to shock, which rapidly devolved to anger. “You son of a fucking bitch,” he roared, and Evan quickly put me down, setting me to the side and accepting the fist to the face. I grabbed Evan’s shirt and wrapped it around myself, running from the room. Otto was just outside the door, looking pale as he watched Sampson fighting on my account for the second time in one night.
I froze when I saw Hendrick leaning beside the elevators. “Is three not enough dick for you, Viva? Or are you finding my replacement already?”
The world went red, and I strode toward him, lifting my knee and driving it into his balls as hard as I could.
“Argh!” he yelled, falling to his knees, grabbing his testicles.
“You have no fucking right, Hendrick Kenley. No fucking right.”
A hand touched my shoulder, and I spun, ready to throw punches. Otto was there, his face soft. He threw a sad look at Hendrick, and leaned down to whisper something in his ear. Whatever he said made Hendrick flinch away like it had been a punch.
“Come on, Aviva. Let’s get you cleaned up and put to bed,” Otto murmured softly as he led me into the elevator and held me as I cried, Evan’s cum leaking down my thighs.
How had I fucked this up so royally?
Chapter 38
Otto
Sometime, around three in the morning, Aviva had fallen into an exhausted sleep. We’d fucked this all up so badly, just like I knew we would. We’d ruined her, just like I’d warned them would happen.
I was just as much to blame as Hendrick and his self-destructive behaviour, and Sampson with his petty fucking jealousy.
Evan was a surprise though.
A knock on the main door had me standing, hurrying so it didn’t wake her. I’d locked the connecting door between the suites as soon as I’d gotten Aviva back to the room, and I had no intention of answering that one. Hendrick and Sampson could fend for themselves for once.
I opened the door, not particularly surprised to see Evan there. He was sporting a black eye and a split lip, and generally looked like shit.
He held up a small white bag. “For Aviva. I had to pull a lot of strings. Apparently, they don’t hand these out over the counter like they do in the States.”
“What is it?” I knew what it was, but I wanted him to say it out loud.
“None of your fucking business, Otto,” he hissed, and I shushed him.
“You didn’t even protect her. You fucked her when she was feeling low, like she meant nothing.”
His face went red, and for a split second, I thought he’d take a swing. Instead, he sucked in a breath. “She begged me, Otto. How could I fucking resist when she begged me to make her feel better, after you three played with her emotions like she was a sex doll and not a person?”
I gritted my teeth. We’d all screwed up, and it was Aviva who would shoulder the brunt of it. “I’ll make sure she takes it so she isn’t paying for your mistake forever. You should know better,” I shot at him, and closed the door in his face.
I was going to have to wake her up to take this. The earlier the better, or so I remembered from our very basic sex-ed class. I grabbed a glass of water, tiptoeing back into the bedroom.
She looked like a bedraggled angel on the white sheets. Her hair stuck up at odd angles from not drying it before going to sleep, combined with all the tossing and turning she’d done once she’d fallen into a restless slumber. She hadn’t even gotten all her eye makeup off properly, so it had smudged a little under her eyes like a raccoon. Her lips looked puffy and her eyes were swollen from crying. There was a goddamn hickey on her neck taunting me as well, and I went back to cursing Evan under my breath.
However, it just confirmed I definitely loved her, because none of that really mattered to me. Well, the puffy eyes did, because I hated that we’d hurt her that bad. But the shit with Evan, the fact she looked like she’d been dragged through Hell backwards—none of it lessened the shine of her soul.
I sat down beside her, shaking her shoulder softly. “Viva. Wake up.”
She blinked groggily, her eyes running around the room as she got her bearings. “Otto,” she whispered, and it sounded pained. Yeah, downing sake like water would do that to you.
I popped the morning-after pill from its foil packet, and shook out a couple of aspirin into my hand. “Here we go, sweetheart. Painkillers from me, and Plan B from Evan.” She took them and threw them all back at once with the effi
ciency of someone who took regular medication. I handed her the water, and she downed the whole glass in a single gulp.
She groaned, slumping back onto the pillows. “Tell me that whole thing was a nightmare.”
I stroked her wild hair. “Afraid not.”
“I fucked up so bad. Sampson will never forgive me. Evan will never let it happen again. And I probably stole Hendrick’s ability to have children.”
I huffed at that last one. “No great loss. He deserved it.”
“You warned me, Otto. You can’t be mad at him.”
I lay down beside her. “Don’t forgive him too easily, Aviva. Just because he’s fucked up, doesn’t give him the right to treat people like shit. Not you, and not me.”
She closed her eyes with a sigh. “But you think I should forgive him.”
I nodded. “If you want to. I definitely won’t pressure you. He could use some consequences for his actions.”
“How do I face them now?” She paused. “Should I go home? I could probably scrape up enough to get a flight back to the US.”
I automatically wanted to say no. Because if she went home now, I knew that would be the end. There would be no future for us. That was selfish though, and honestly, she probably should go home. Start her life again, away from this craziness.
“Whatever you want to do, I’ll support you. Pay for your flight home, or wherever you want to go.” Fuck, I was so pussy-whipped.
She snuggled into my chest with a sigh. “I’m sorry. Sorry that I had sex with Evan without even consulting you. That wasn’t right of me, and it's disrespectful of what we had.”
I kissed the top of her head, trying to ignore the fact she was talking in the past tense. “We aren’t in group therapy now, Viva. We are human and we all make mistakes. Not that I think you and Evan were a mistake.”
Inside the Maelstrom Page 21