“Hey,” he said, kindly.
“Hey.”
He came over to the bench and just stood there without speaking.
“Did you need something?” I asked, an edge in my voice.
He shoved his hands in his pockets. “Well, I was just wondering, Bianca, if you knew where the bathroom was.”
“The bathroom?” I glared at him. How could he be so insensitive to follow me out here and ask about the bathroom? Couldn’t he have just asked Jillian or Vicki?
“Sorry,” he said, a glint in his eye. “I was trying to be funny, but . . . Are you okay?”
“You mean other than being completely mortified and humiliated?”
“Yeah, other than that.”
Willing myself not to cry, I nodded. “I’m fine.”
He shoved a hand through his hair. “Do you mind if I sit down?”
I shrugged. “It’s a free country.”
He sat beside me on the small bench. I blinked hard, determined to keep my tears at bay. When he placed a hand on my back, however, I broke.
“Hey, now,” he said as a giant sob racked my body. He slipped his arm across my shoulders. “It’s going to be okay, Bianca.”
“Is it?”
“Yeah. Of course, it is. I’ve read the book. I know how it turns out. The good guy wins.”
His words and touch just made me cry harder. I tried to control myself, but the tears kept coming.
To his credit, Daniel didn’t run away. He just sat there, holding me as if he didn’t mind my breakdown.
When my tears finally ended, I wiped my eyes and moved away from him. “I’m sorry I’m such a blubbering fatso.”
He shook his head. “I don’t think you’re a blubbering fatso.”
“No?”
“No.”
Pushing out a deep breath, I spoke with a wobbly voice. “The thing is, I thought I’d come to peace with my body. After months of therapy, I thought I’d finally accepted the fact that I was a larger woman. But hearing Avery ask if I was pregnant . . .”
I shook my head, determined not to cry again.
“It made you feel bad,” Daniel said matter-of-factly.
“Yeah, it made me feel really bad. I know she wasn’t trying to be mean, but her words really, really hurt.”
“I know. I’m sorry that happened to you.”
“Thanks.”
Silence fell between us, then Daniel spoke. “Can I tell you something?”
I nodded.
“Okay. The thing is . . . I didn’t really come out here looking for the bathroom.”
I smiled and nudged him with my shoulder. “I know.”
He grinned and nudged me back. “In all seriousness . . .” He wiped his hands on his jeans. “I’m sure you know that Joy thinks the world of you.”
I nodded. “I feel the same way about her. She’s such a special kid.”
“I agree, but her mom—” He stopped abruptly and stared at the fountain. “I don’t want to talk bad about Joy’s mom, but I don’t know how to tell you what I need to tell you without mentioning Libby.”
“Okay,” I said, apprehensive.
He hesitated for a long time before speaking. “Libby had a lot of mental health issues. She could be sweet and kind, but most of the time, she made things tough.”
“I didn’t know that.”
He nodded. “That’s why Joy was so concerned about all that blood on my hand. Her mother tried to kill herself by slashing her wrists, and Joy found her.”
“Oh, Daniel.” I placed a hand on his arm.
He patted my hand and offered a sad smile. “Because mental illness can be inherited, I’ve always worried about Joy.”
“I can understand that, but Joy seems really well-adjusted.”
“She is well-adjusted. Type one diabetics have a higher rate of depression and anxiety than the general population, but I think Joy is truly happy.” Daniel looked at me and smiled for real this time. “Anyway, that’s my point. She’s happy, and I think a lot of Joy’s happiness is because of you.”
“Because of me?”
He nodded. “You’ve been a good role model and friend to her. You’ve taught her that true happiness can only come from believing in God. In many ways, you’ve given Joy what her mother took from her. You’ve given her stability, love, and deep friendship. At the risk of sounding presumptuous, you’ve been the mother she never had but so desperately needed.”
My heart swelled with love. “That doesn’t sound presumptuous. That sounds beautiful.”
Tears stung my eyes as I smiled at Daniel. “Joy has been like a daughter to me. In fact, without her friendship, my own daughter’s decision not to meet me would’ve been so much harder.”
“I’m glad to hear that.” Daniel looked down at his hands, then back at me. “The whole point of telling you this is to say that even if you were the largest, most ugliest person in the world, I’d only be able to look at you and see beauty.”
“What?”
He shook his head. “That came out wrong. What I’m trying to say is you’re beautiful, Bianca. I’m sure you know that, but—”
I stared at him incredulously. “A little girl just asked if I was pregnant.”
He shrugged. “Little kids say all sorts of things. My point is . . . after that first Bible study at your apartment Joy’s freshman year, she came home and told me about you.
“I’d met you, and I knew you were wonderful and beautiful on the outside, but I didn’t know how wonderful and beautiful you were on the inside. Over the years, you’ve shown that in the way you’ve treated Joy and the other girls in the Bible study.”
I stared at him, my heart pounding. “You think I’m wonderful and beautiful?”
“I do. Is that okay I told you that?”
I nodded, afraid if I spoke I might explode with pure happiness. Daniel Serrano thought I was wonderful and beautiful on both the outside and the inside.
Chapter 18
Claudia
Claudia watched as Leland sat across from her at the Student Union Building reading the emails from Bianca and Joy. When he finished, he asked, “Does this make you change your mind about meeting your birth mom?”
“Not really.”
“No? You’re not even the least bit curious?”
She shrugged. “Maybe I’m a little bit curious, but it’s not like I can just drive down to Rose Island and meet her.”
Leland closed the laptop. “I told you my grandmother lives in Houston. I’ve really been wanting you to meet her. We could drive down next weekend—”
“You never said anything about wanting me to meet your grandmother.”
“Well, I’m saying it now.” He wrapped his fingers over his camera case, which was sitting on the table between them.
“I haven’t even told my parents about Bianca yet,” she protested.
“When are you going to do that?”
“I don’t know.”
“You could always tell them after you meet her. It might be easier that way.”
“Maybe.”
His eyes widened just a bit. “Does that mean you want to go? Should I see if we can stay with Mimi?”
“I don’t know. I need some time to think about it. If I do decide to go, I don’t want you filming our trip. This is private.”
“I know.” He kept his eyes down, avoiding her gaze. “Although, I could always film it and not use it. Just so you’d have a record of the experience.”
Something inside her snapped. “Is that why you’re so eager for me to meet her? So you can record my experience? I already told you I don’t want you filming it.”
“I know.”
“Then why do you keep pushing me?”
“I’m not.”
The lump in her throat tightened. When they’d first met, she was so fascinated by his passion for filmmaking. Leland’s ability to talk to everyone and draw them out of their shell was something she admired about him.
Late
ly, however, his camera felt like the third person in their relationship. Maybe he’d be happier with someone else. Someone who didn’t mind being filmed all the time.
Recently, they’d watched a documentary called Expedition Happiness. The film was about a couple from Germany who converted an old school bus into a loft on wheels. The couple crossed Canada before driving up to Alaska and then all the way down to Mexico, documenting each step of their journey.
While Claudia enjoyed watching the film, she didn’t think she could be so open about her life like that. Leland, on the other hand, was inspired by the movie to brainstorm ideas for documentaries he could make about his own life or the lives of people around him.
Not that he wasn’t always brainstorming ideas. As an artist, his brain never shut down. He couldn’t watch a simple movie without pointing out continuity errors or how the filmmaker had missed an opportunity by shooting it one way and not the other.
Claudia did the same thing when it came to music. She couldn’t help pointing out songs that were rewrites of other songs or places where the melody fell flat. And if she ever got a new idea for a piece she was creating, she’d drop everything to work on it. That was just the artist’s way, she supposed.
Out of all her friends, Leland was the only one who understood this. He also never complained about the hours she spent practicing or how she could lose track of time when learning a new piece. She needed to remember that whenever they disagreed like this.
“I gotta go,” Leland said, glancing down at his phone. “I’m supposed to be helping them edit that commercial for the drama department. I’ll call you later, okay?”
“Okay.” She tried not to sound disappointed that he was leaving. He’d been on his way to the drama department when she’d stopped him and made him read Bianca’s and Joy’s letters.
Still, she couldn’t help but wish he’d stay to help her figure out what to do. At this point, not telling her parents about Bianca felt just as bad as telling them.
Chapter 19
Bianca
Normally, a comment like Avery’s would’ve sent me off on an endless sugar binge. Instead, my thoughts kept circling back to the fact that Daniel thought I was wonderful and beautiful, not just on the outside but on the inside, too.
When I got home that night, instead of sneaking down to binge on leftover sweets from the bakery, I found the journal Yadira had given me during our first therapy session. Just holding it relaxed me, and I spent the next hour writing down my thoughts and feelings regarding what’d happened with the do-you-have-a-baby-in-your-tummy incident.
In the end, I came to three major conclusions.
1. I had a big belly. That was just a fact of life. Was I willing to do something about it like starve myself, exercise more, or give up my favorite treats? Not really. At least, not right now.
Well, was I willing to spend ten extra minutes on my abs workout every day? Yes, I could do that. I could even commit to holding a plank twice a day since that was supposed to be the best core exercise, according to this month’s issue of Fitness Magazine. Next month, the experts would probably conclude that the plank actually made you fat.
Regardless, starving myself to slim down just wasn’t going to happen right now, so I needed to accept the body I had at this moment. My body could still be a temple for God. It was simply a mega-sized one.
2. Because I knew I’d be working in the kitchen at church, I’d worn a blouse that I didn’t mind getting ruined by spaghetti sauce. The style of that particular shirt wasn’t very flattering on me.
In fact, Jillian had worn a similar top when she was nine months pregnant even though it wasn’t officially a maternity blouse.
Maybe if I didn’t want to look pregnant, I should stop wearing clothes that could be mistaken for maternity clothes.
3. Not only had Daniel come out to the prayer garden to talk to me, but he’d told me I was beautiful. He told me I’d been like a mother to Joy. He’d opened up about his wife, trusting me with something extremely personal.
He didn’t profess his undying love for me or ask if I’d be the mother of his future children, but he’d been supportive and kind. He’d been a good friend when I’d needed one, and I really appreciated that.
So there you had it. Yes, I was fat. That hadn’t changed.
But maybe I was learning to be more gentle with myself. Maybe treating myself kindly was something I could be proud of and count as a success.
I placed the journal back in my nightstand drawer, turned off the light, and snuggled under the covers. Then, I said my prayers, thanking God for everything that’d happened today, including my time with Daniel in the prayer garden.
You know I really like him, Lord. He’s so cute and has a good heart. And he’s such an amazing father. Spending time with him makes me happy.
But I also adore Joy and would never want to do anything to jeopardize my friendship with her. So, if you’ve placed Daniel in my life to only be a friend, that’s okay, but I want to get married and have more children. I want to be a wife and a mother. Have I ever told you that?
I laughed because when had I not told God the desires of my heart? When had I ever been shy about asking for what I most wanted?
I continued praying, lifting up all the girls in the Bible study, my parents, my sisters, the stylists in my salon, and everyone striving for world peace. Then, I prayed for my daughter.
I know Claudia has a family that loves and supports her, but if it be your will, Lord, please encourage her to reach out to me. Help her to know that I don’t want to interfere with her family, I just want a chance to get to know her. Amen.
Picking up my phone from the nightstand to make sure I’d put it on “Do not disturb” for the night, I saw that Daniel had texted. “Can I join you on your bike ride tomorrow morning?”
My heart lifted with excitement, and I actually laughed. Daniel wanted to go bike riding with me? Tomorrow?
Smiling, I texted, “Do you think you can keep up?”
He returned my text immediately. “Probably not, but I’d like to try.”
“Okay. Meet me behind my building at six.”
“Six in the morning?” he asked.
“Yes. Is that too early for you?”
“It is, but I’ll be there.”
Smiling so hard my cheeks hurt, I set down the phone. Then, I tried not to let my excitement for tomorrow keep me from sleeping.
*
The next day, I awoke feeling like a kid on Christmas morning. As I brushed my teeth and put on my makeup, I wondered if Daniel would think I was beautiful if I met him without any makeup. Better not risk it.
Downstairs, I found Daniel waiting for me with his bike. “Good morning,” I said, feeling giddy.
“Good morning. It looks like it’s going to be another beautiful day.”
“Definitely.”
We hopped on our bikes and rode along the trail that followed Harbor Street past the marina where Keith kept his boat. Staying on the trail, we cycled past the Pelican Pub and The Blue Crab. I waved at the tenants staying in our beach house for the winter, and they waved back.
“That’s Nick and Anna’s house,” I said, pointing to the luxurious home next door.
“It’s impressive.”
I nodded, and we continued our ride. At the golf course, we climbed off our bikes and took a rest on a bench overlooking the water. Daniel pulled a mandarin orange from his jacket pocket and peeled it before handing me a slice.
“Thanks.” I popped the orange into my mouth, savoring its sweet taste. “And thanks for talking last night. What you said really helped.”
“Did it?”
I nodded. A beat of silence fell, and I worried I’d only imagined him calling me wonderful and beautiful. Maybe he’d used that word to describe the prayer garden or maybe he’d called me wonderful and beautiful last night but now regretted it.
Daniel glanced across the bay at the pink and blue sky. “Does living here ever get o
ld? The mornings are so breathtaking with that sunrise.”
I paused, taking in the mist coming off the water and the colors of the sky. It was definitely one of those perfect mornings. “Living here doesn’t get old, but when I was a kid, I didn’t always appreciate it. I thought island life was too slow, and I yearned to move to the city. After several years in Austin, I was happy to come back home.”
“Isn’t that the story of life?” Daniel mused. “I was raised in El Paso and always thought the desert dull. I didn’t appreciate its subtle beauty until I came home after college.”
“Is the desert beautiful?” I asked. “I’m not saying that to be rude, but I never think about the desert as being beautiful. I just think of it being brown and arid and full of rattlesnakes and cacti.”
He offered a knowing smile. “You’ve never been?”
“Not really. My family drove through El Paso on the way home from California one summer. I think we stopped at the gas station, but we didn’t do anything there.”
“I’m sure a lot of people have a similar experience with west Texas. The desert has a beauty that’s easy to overlook, especially from the highway. When you hike around the Franklin Mountains, though, you can see thousands of birds, plants, and animals. During the rainy season in June, everything comes alive, and it’s incredible.”
I smiled. “It sounds like you miss it.”
He gazed out across the water before turning back to me. “There are definitely aspects I miss, but Rose Island is home now. We’ve been here four years, and I can’t imagine living anywhere else.”
“Good,” I said.
“Good?”
I nodded. “I like having you and Joy here. I like . . .”
The air grew thick between us, and I looked away, embarrassed by how much I wanted him to kiss me. I fumbled for the words that would make my feelings less obvious. “I like having you here just in case I have another breakdown in the prayer garden.”
He smiled before reaching into his wallet and retrieving a piece of paper. “After we talked last night, I got to thinking you might find this helpful. It’s a prayer that has given me a lot of strength.”
Bianca's Joy: Rose Island Book 3 Page 11