CHARLOTTE. I find I have thrown it away indeed — Ha! Am I refused? I begin to hate him, and despise myself.
MILLAMOUR. Upon my soul she is a fine woman; but can I think of wronging my friend? The devil take me if she is not exquisitely handsome; but he is my friend — But she hath twenty thousand pounds — But I must be a rascal to think of her, and as many millions would not pay for it.
SCENE IX.
MILLAMOUR, CHARLOTTE, BRAZEN.
BRAZEN. Sir, here is a lady.
MILLAMOUR. ‘Sdeath! a lady! — Fool, sot, oaf! How often shall I tell thee, that I am never at home to two ladies at a time?
BRAZEN. Sir, you would have hanged me, if I should have denied you to Madam Clarinda.
MILLAMOUR. Clarinda! O, transporting name — My dear, shall I beg, for the safety of your reputation, you would step into that closet, while I discharge the visit of a troublesome relation?
CHARLOTTE. Put me any where from the danger of a female tongue. Well, if I escape free this time, I will never take such another ramble while I live again.
MILLAMOUR. [Shuts her in the closet.] There — now will I find some way to let Heartfort know of her being here. I am transported at the hope of serving him, even whilst Clarinda is at my door.
SCENE X.
MILLAMOUR, CLARINDA introduced by MRS. USEFUL.
MILLAMOUR. My Clarinda! This is a goodness of that prodigious nature —
CLARINDA. That it can be equalled by nothing but thy falsehood.
MILLAMOUR. Can so unjust an accusation proceed from so much sweetness? Can you, that have forsaken me —
CLARINDA. Do not attempt to excuse yourself — You know how false you have been — Nor could any thing but your falsehood have driven me to what I have done.
MILLAMOUR. By all the —
CLARINDA. Do not damn thyself more — I know thy falsehood; I have seen it. Therefore thy perjuries are as vain as wicked. Do you think I wanted this testimony? [Gives him a letter.]
MILLAMOUR. Lucina’s letter! Cursed accident! She too hath received Clarinda’s! But I must stand it out. — Hear this! My falsehood! Mine! when there’s not a star in heaven that hath not seen me, like an Arcadian of the first sort, sighing and wishing for you; the turtle is inconstant, compared to me; the rose will change its season, and blossom in mid-winter; the nightingale will be silent, and the raven sing; nay, the phoenix will have a mate when I have any mate but you.
CLARINDA. Had this been true, nature should have sooner changed than I.
MILLAMOUR. Oh! you know it is: you have known this heart too long to think it capable of inconstancy.
CLARINDA. Thou hast a tongue that might charm the very sirens to their own destruction, till they owned thy voice more charming and more false than theirs. There is a softness in thy words equal to the hardness of thy heart.
MILLAMOUR. And there is a softness within that.
CLARINDA. Hold, sir, I conjure you do not attempt my honour; but think, however dear you have been to me, my honour’s dearer.
MILLAMOUR. Thy honour shall be safe — Not even the day, nor heaven itself, shall witness our pleasures.
CLARINDA. Think not the fear of slander guards my honour — No, I would not myself be a witness of my shame.
MILLAMOUR. Thou shalt not. We’ll shut out every prying ray of light, and, losing the language of our eyes, find more delicious ways to interchange our souls. We’ll wind our senses to a height of rapture, till they play us such dear inchanting tunes of joy —
CLARINDA. Oh! Millamour [sighing.]
MILLAMOUR. Give that dear sigh to my warm bosom. Thence let it thrill into my heart, and fan thy image there — Oh! thou art every where in me. My eyes., my ears, my thoughts would only see, and hear, and think of thee. Thou dearest, sweetest, tenderest — Would Heaven form me another paradise, would it give me new worlds of bliss,
To thee alone my soul I would confine,
Nor wish, nor take, another world than thine.
ACT IV.
SCENE I.
MR. STEDFAST’S House.
MR. STEDFAST, with SERVANTS.
MR. STEDFAST. Is every thing in order? Are the new liveries on all the rest of my servants?
FOOTMAN. Yes, sir, they are all on after a manner; one hath no pockets, and the other hath no sleeves. John the coachman will not wear his.
MR. STEDFAST. Then desire John the coachman to drive himself out of my doors. I’ll make my servants know they are dressed to please my humour, not their own.
COOK. Sir, it is impossible to get supper ready by nine.
MR. STEDFAST. Then let me have it raw. If supper be not ready at nine, you shall not be in my house at ten. Well, what say you? will not my wine be ready?
BUTLER. No, indeed will it not, sir; your honour hath by mistake marked a pipe not half a year old.
MR. STEDFAST. Must I consult your palate or my own? Must I give you reasons for my actions? Sirrah, I tell you new wine is properest for a wedding. So go your ways, and trouble me with no more impertinent questions.
SCENE II.
MR. STEDFAST, SQUEEZEPURSE.
MR. STEDFAST. Mr. Squeezepurse, I am glad you are come. I am so pestered with my servants.
SQUEEZEPURSE. The laws are too mild — too mild for servants, Mr. Stedfast.
MR. STEDFAST. Well, and have you brought the writings?
SQUEEZEPURSE. They are ready. The parties’ hands are only necessary. The settlement is as strong as words can make it; I have not been sparing of them.
MR. STEDFAST. I expect Mr. Mutable and his son this instant; and hope, by the help of you and the parson, to have finished all within an hour. [Enter a Servant.
SERVANT. Sir, here’s a letter for your honour.
MR. STEDFAST. Mr. Squeezepurse, you will excuse me. [Reads. “SIR, — I am at length fully determined to marry my son to the other lady, so desire all matters may be cancelled between us. I was ashamed to bring you this refusal, so have sent it by letter. Your humble servant,
“THO. MUTABLE.’’
Ashamed! Ay, thou mayst be ashamed, indeed.
SQUEEZEPURSE. Any thing of moment from the other party?
MR. STEDFAST. Death and fury! Go call your lady here! — She was a witness of his engagements. I’ll go to law with him.
SQUEEZEPURSE. The law is open to any injured person, and is the properest way of seeking restitution.
SERVANT. My lady, sir! my lady is gone out.
MR. STEDFAST. How! gone out! My wife gone out — Chins, and pestilence! run away on her wedding-day! Where is she gone?
SERVANT. I don’t know, sir.
SQUEEZEPURSE. I saw your lady, sir, as I came by, go into a house in the other street.
MR. STEDFAST. Show me that house immediately, good
MR. SQUEEZEPURSE. I will fetch her home, I am determined. It is a fine age to marry in, when a wife cannot stay at home on her wedding-day.
SCENE III
MILLAMOUR’S Lodgings.
MILLAMOUR, CLARINDA.
MILLAMOUR. Cruel Clarinda — Thus to stop short when we are at the brink of happiness: to show my eager soul a prospect of elysium, and then refuse it the possession.
CLARINDA. With how much juster reason may I complain of you! Ah! Millamour, didst thou not, when the very day of our marriage was appointed, didst thou not then forsake me?
MILLAMOUR. Heaven knows with what reluctancy, nor could any thing but my fear of your misery have compelled me to it.
CLARINDA. It is a strange love that makes its object miserable, for fear of its becoming so. Nor can the heart that loves be, in my opinion, ever miserable, while in possession of what it loves.
MILLAMOUR. Oh! let that plead my cause, and whisper to thy tender heart —
SCENE IV.
To Mm, BRAZEN.
BRAZEN. Oh, sir! Undone, undone.
MILLAMOUR. What’s the matter?
BRAZEN. Mr. Stedfast, sir, is below with another gentleman — He swears his wife is in the house,
and he will have her.
CLARINDA. I shall faint.
MILLAMOUR. What’s to be done? — There’s another woman in the closet, whom she must not see. [Runs to the closet, and returns.
BRAZEN. Sir, he will be up stairs in a moment.
CLARINDA. Oh, heavens! — [Falls bach into a chair.
MILLAMOUR. Sirrah, be at hand, and assist me with lying. Her fright has inspired me with the only method to preserve her. Give me my gown and cap instantly. Away to your post — Madam, do you pretend yourself as ill as possible — So! hush, hush, what noise is this?
SCENE V.
MILLAMOUR, CLARINDA, BRAZEN, MR. STEDFAST, SQUEEZEPURSE.
MR. STEDFAST. Where is this wicked, vile, rambling woman? Where are you, sorceress, that are run away from your husband’s house on your wedding-day?
MILLAMOUR. Hold, sir, you must not disturb the lady.
MR. STEDFAST. Must not disturb her, sir?
MILLAMOUR. No, sir.
MR. STEDFAST. Why, pray, sir, who are you?
SQUEEZEPURSE. Mr. Stedfast, give me leave if you please. Whoever you are, sir, I believe you scarce know what you are doing. Do you know, sir, that this lady is a femme couverte, and the consequence of detaining such without the leave of her husband first had and obtained? Mr. Stedfast, you have as good an action against the gentleman as any man can wish to have. Juries, nowadays, give great damages in the affair of wives.
MILLAMOUR. Is this lady your wife, sir?
MR. STEDFAST. Yes, sir, to my exceeding great sorrow.
MILLAMOUR. Then, sir, you owe her life to me; for had not immediate application been made, the whole College could not have saved her.
MR. STEDFAST. To you! who the devil are you?
MILLAMOUR. Sir, I am an unworthy practiser of the art of physic.
MR. STEDFAST. How came she here, in the devil’s name?
MILLAMOUR. By a most miraculous accident — She was taken ill just at my door. My servant too was then, by as great good luck, standing at it. Brazen, give the gentleman an account how you brought the lady in, when you saw her drop down at my door.
BRAZEN. I was standing, sir, as my master says, picking my teeth at the door, when the sick lady who sits in the chair, as my master says, and ready to drop down, as my master says; and so I took her up in my arms, and brought her up stairs, and set her down in the great chair, and called my master, who, I believe, can cure her if any doctor in England can; for though I say it, who am but a poor servant, he is a most able physician in this sort of falling fits.
SQUEEZEPURSE. I saw nothing of this happen when she came in, and this fellow’s a good evidence, or I am mistaken.
CLARINDA. Oh, heavens! where am I?
MR. STEDFAST. Where are you? Not where you should be — at home at your husband’s.
CLARINDA. My husband’s voice! Mr. Stedfast, where are you?
MILLAMOUR. Go near her, sir — Now you may go as near her as you please.
MR. STEDFAST. What’s the matter with you, madam?
CLARINDA. I cannot tell you, sir; I was taken in the strangest giddy manner, with such a swimming in my head, that every thing seemed to dance before my eyes.
MR. STEDFAST. You may thank yourself. What did you do a-gadding? But is this giddy, swimming, dancing distemper over, pray?
CLARINDA. Not quite over; but I am much better.
MILLAMOUR. I never knew that specificum basilicum magnum fail; that is, indeed, an universal nostrum.
MR. STEDFAST. Sir, I am glad to hear you mention a nostrum, by which, I suppose, you are not a regular-bred physician; for those are a set of people whom I resolved, many years ago, never to employ.
MILLAMOUR. Sir, I never took any degree at our university.
MR. STEDFAST. I like you the better for it.
MILLAMOUR. You are a man of understanding, sir. The university is the very worst place to educate a physician in. A man, sir, contracts there a narrow habit of observing the rules of a set of stupid ancients. Not one in fifty of them ever ventures to strike a bold stroke. A quack, sir, is the only man to put you out of your pain at once. A regular physician, like the court of chancery, tires a man’s patience, and consumes his substance, before he decides the cause between him and the disease.
MR. STEDFAST. Come, madam, I suppose by this time you are able to walk home, or to a chair at least.
MILLAMOUR. Sir, the air is very dangerous, you had better leave her here some time.
MR. STEDFAST. Sir, I am resolved she shall go home, let the consequence be what it will. Doctor, here is something for your trouble. I am much obliged to your care — Madam, how do you now?
CLARINDA. Oh! infinitely better.
MILLAMOUR. A word with you, sir; I heard you say, this is your wedding-day — In your ear. [Whispers.] Not as you tender your wife’s future health, nay, her life.
MR. STEDFAST. Never fear — come, child, come — Mr.
SQUEEZEPURSE. Doctor, your servant.
MILLAMOUR. Give me leave, sir, to hand the lady to her chair.
MR. STEDFAST. Pshaw! I hate ceremony — pray stay behind —— [Pushes away Millamour and exit with his wife and Squeezepurse.
MILLAMOUR. SO! we are well off this time.
BRAZEN. Ay, sir, some thanks to me; for I think I lied pretty handsomely.
MILLAMOUR. Well, sirrah, and are you so vain of the merit? Did not I show you the way?
CHARLOTTE. [Knocks at the door.] Doctor! doctor!
MILLAMOUR. Ha! get you hence, and endeavour to find out Heartfort, and bring him hither instantly. My fair prisoner, I ask your pardon for keeping you confined so long.
CHARLOTTE. Oh! sir, no excuses: patients must be tended. But, pray, doctor, have you not some little skill in casuistry? Will you advise me what to do in this affair, and whether you think it proper I should suffer you to pass with my father for so excellent a physician as you do?
MILLAMOUR. Oh! madam, it needs no great casuist to advise a young lady how to act, which should be always by the rules of good-nature. Besides, madam, you shall not see your father deceived, for I will merit the same reputation with you, if you will take my prescription; for I will engage to recommend you one that shall cure you of all distempers.
CHARLOTTE. Ay, pray what is this infallible nostrum? I am afraid it is something very nauseous to the palate.
MILLAMOUR. No, far otherwise: it is taken by a great many ladies merely for its agreeable relish.
CHARLOTTE. Well, what is it?
MILLAMOUR. Nothing more than a very pretty fellow of my acquaintance.
CHARLOTTE. Indeed! And pray is this very pretty fellow of your acquaintance like a certain physician of my acquaintance?
MILLAMOUR. No, faith: if he was, you would have taken the nostrum long ago.
CHARLOTTE. Hum! I question that. I fancy, doctor, you are as great a quack in love as you are in physic, and apt in both to boast more power than you have. Ah! if I thought it worth my while, I would play such pranks with your wild worship.
SCENE VI.
MILLAMOUR, CHARLOTTE, HEARTFORT.
HEARTFORT. Oh! Millamour, I have been waiting for you. Ha!
MILLAMOUR. Well, whether thou hast been waiting for me, or seeking me, I am glad you have found me: for I have a favour to ask of you, which you must not deny me. Madam, look him boldly in the face: I dare swear we shall carry our point.
CHARLOTTE. What point, sir?
MILLAMOUR. In short, sir, this young lady hath begged me to ask your pardon in her name, and hopes your forgiveness of all her ill usage, all her little airs, which the folly of youth, and the vanity of beauty together, made her put on; and she does most faithfully promise, nay, and I have offered to be bound for her, that, if you are so generous to forgive the past, she shall never offend for the future.
CHARLOTTE. Intolerable insolence!
MILLAMOUR. Yes; her intolerable insolence, she hopes, knowing the infinite goodness and sweetness of your temper, will be past over; and that you will be pleased
to consider, that a gay, giddy, wild young girl, could not have understanding enough to set a just value on the sincere passion of a man of sense and honour.
CHARLOTTE. This is insupportable!
MILLAMOUR. Nay, nay, I think so too. I must condemn the hardness of your heart, that can be proof against such penitence in an offending mistress. Though she hath been, I own, as bad as possible, yet sure her repenting tears may atone.
Complete Fictional Works of Henry Fielding Page 359