“You see how little the weight of this retards the waggon; if you would know what had over-laden us, you must examine that immense box on the opposite side, which you see inscribed with the words Public Spirit. I should have objected to that long ago, had I not imagined our public spirit box to have been as empty as this of grievances now appears to be.” Sir, (replied the sly fellow with a sneer) you are greatly mistaken, for in that box every passenger carries his own private goods; it is inconceivable how full it is crammed with ambition, malice, envy, avarice, disaffection, disappointment, pride, revenge, and many other heavy commodities. I wonder indeed, (cried another) where they had picked up so much public spirit; for if any of the gentlemen in the waggon are possessed of such a commoditity, they have taken very great care to hide it. Poor asses! little do they think what cursed heavy stuff they are endeavouring to draw. What is it to be (asses, answered the sly fellow) whether they draw silver or lead, provided they are fed as asses ought to be?” but, replied the other, “they appear to me to be the worst fed asses I ever beheld; why there is that long-sided ass they call Vinegar, which the drivers call upon so often to gee up, and pull lustily, I never saw an ass with a worse mane, or a more shagged coat; and that grave ass yoked to him, which they name Ralph, who pulls and brays like the devil, sir, he does not seem to have ate since the hard frost. Surely, considering the wretched work they are employed in, they deserve better meat,” A second general cry of drive on arose, and the poor beasts strained with their utmost might, but in vain, though the drivers themselves put their shoulders to the wheels, the waggon could not be stirred; upon which one of the passengers swearing by G — you are stuck for seven years longer, leaped out, and made haste over to the other side of the way. Now nothing but despair appeared in every one’s looks, when, lo! a sudden supply of asses appeared at the same time, one herd of which, I was informed, were of the Cornish breed, the other, by the particular tone of their bray, I soon discovered to come from far North. Some of these being harnessed in, for several made their escape whilst they were putting on their collars, the waggon, with much difficulty, began to move heavily through the dirt; and now the drivers shouted, the persons in the waggon holloed, the mob huzzaed, and the asses brayed. I followed this wonderful procession a very few paces, when, on a sudden, the drivers offered to turn aside out of the great country road; upon this much confusion ensued, all those in the middle and tail of the cart crying aloud, Where the devil are ye going? to which they answered with derision, To St. James’s, as fast as possible. They then begged to get out, and complained of being abused and deceived; but the others swore they were in the waggon, and there they should stay, bidding any offer to descend at their peril; at the same time several of the asses began to flinch, but were well whipped, and obliged to draw on; and now the waggon proceeded so fast, that I could no longer keep pace with it, and was left, with great numbers of its followers in the rear. I observed the huzzas all ceased, and heard great mutterings amongst the crowd, when suddenly the career stopped, occasioned, as I found on coming up, by a coach and six, which stood directly in its way; nor was the road wide enough to suffer our waggon to pass by. The drivers of the latter entered into parley with a fat gentleman who rode in the former, and appeared to have one of the pleasantest, best-natured countenances I had ever beheld. They desired him to alight, and quietly suffer his coach to be drawn backwards out of their way, or else swore they would drive over him, and pull him and his equipage to pieces. The gentleman smiled at these threatnings, upon which the driver3 lifted up their whips at the asses, when one of them, methought, (such is the extravagance of dreams) raised himself on his hinder legs, and spake as follows: “0 thou perfidious driver! dost not thou profess thyself a driver of the country waggon? Are not those words written in large characters upon it? Have not thy passengers taken their places for the country? What will their friends who sent them, and bore the expense of their journey, say, when they hear they are come up on their account, and neglect the business of those who sent them? Will it be a sufficient excuse that thou hast mislead them? And hast thou no more humanity, than to endeavour to trample on an honest gentleman, only because his coach stands in your way? As to asses, it’s of little consequence where they are driven, provided they are not used to such purposes, as the honesty of even an ass would start at.” He then ceased; and now several in the fore part, who had, it seems, been all the while in the secret, smiling on the drivers, bid them go on whither they were going; but remember, cried at least a dozen, to set me down at the Admiralty; me at the Treasury, cried as many more, and me at the Exchequer, cried more still; several others were for other places. When the gentleman in the coach asked the drivers with a smile, “If they really thought such miserable half starved wretches, as their asses were, could stand against his high spirited horses? And whether they imagined he was to be frightened by their braving?” Then the drivers put a question to their company, whether they would not go in a body and drag the gentleman out of the coach; but being asked by some of them what he had? They answered, damn him, he stood in their way, and that was enough; but this so little satisfied the passengers, that the question was not only carried in the negative, but many of them leaped out of the waggon, and swore they would travel no longer in such company. A great confusion now arose, and the gentleman in the coach at last told them, if he had no more compassion for the asses than their drivers, he could easily have trampled them under his feet, but he would show them more mercy, than he expected to have found, if their masters had any power to hurt him; he then, with a countenance full of benignity, ordered his servants to unharness the poor beasts, and turn them into a, delicious meadow, where they all instantly fell to grazing, with a greediness common to beasts after a long abstinence; the passengers having taken this opportunity to quit the waggon, it was easily drawn back, and the gentleman now proceeded on without any obstruction, when, to my great surprise, several of those who had been concerned in driving the waggon, whipped up behind the coach, where I was informed they had formerly rode many years, but had been turned away for demanding more wages than their services were worth. And now the coach having gained that place whence the waggon had deviated, struck directly into that very road whither the other had pretended it was going, at which the mob set up a universal shout, and swore they would burn the waggon and its furniture, for having so long obstructed the gentleman in his journey. But before they had lighted their fire, several of the lowest rabble plundered the box of public spirit, and having divided the spoil, particularly the ambition, amongst themselves, ran hastily away to make a figure at the Westminster election. Their noise on this occasion, together with the horrid stench arising from the waggon, which now began to blaze and to stink, had such an effect on me, that they awakened me, and put an end to my dream.
THE TRUE PATRIO T
No. 13.
TUESDAY, JANUARY 28, 1746.
Qui non recte instituunt atque erudiunt liberos, non solum liberis sed et reipublicae faciunt injuriam. — CICERO.
MR ADAMS having favoured me with a second letter, I shall give it the public without any apology. If anything in it should at first a little shock those readers who know the world better, I hope they will make allowances for the ignorance and simplicity of the writer.
TO THE TRUE PATRIOT.
MY WORTHY FRIEND, — I am concerned to find, by all our public accounts, that the rebels still continue in the land. In my last I evidently proved that their successes were owing to a judgment denounced against our sins, and concluded with some exhortations for averting the Divine anger by the only methods which suggested themselves to my mind. These exhortations, by the event, I perceive have not had that regard paid to them I had reason to expect. Indeed, I am the more confirmed in this conjecture, by a lad whom I lately met at a neighbouring baronet’s, where I sojourned the two last days of the year, with my good friend Mr Wilson.
This lad, whom I imagined to have been come from school to visit his friends for the h
olidays (for though he is perhaps of sufficient age, I found, on examination, he was not yet qualified for the university), is, it seems, a man sui juris; and is, as I gather from the young damsels, Sir John’s daughters, a member of the society of bowes. I know not whether I spell the word right; for I am not ashamed to say I neither understand its etymology nor true import, as it hath never once occurred in any lexicon or dictionary which I have yet perused.
Whatever this society may be, either the lad with whom I communed is an unworthy member, or it would become the government to put it down by authority; for he uttered many things during our discourse for which I would have well scourged any of the youth under my care.
He had not long entered the chamber before he acquainted the damsels that he and his companions had carried the opera, in opposition to the puts; by which I afterwards learnt he meant all sober and discreet persons. “And fags!” says he (I am afraid, though, he made use of a worse word), “we expected the bishops would have interfered; but if they had we should have silenced them.” I then thought to myself, Strippling, if I had you well horsed on the back of another lad, I would teach you more reverence to their lordships.
This opera, I am informed, is a diversion in which a prodigious sum of money, more than is to be collected out of twenty parishes, is lavished away on foreign eunuchs and papists, very scandalous to be suffered at any time, especially at a season when both war and famine hang over our heads.
[Illustration: “He acquainted the damsels that he and his companions had carried the opera.”]
During the whole time of our repast at dinner the young gentleman entertained us with an account of several drums and routs at which he had been present. These are, it seems, large congregations of men and women, who, instead of assembling together to hear something that is good, nay, or to divert themselves with gambols, which might be allowed now and then in holiday times, meet for no other purpose but that of gaming, for a whole guinea and much more at a stake. At this married women sit up all night, nay, sometimes till one or two in the morning, neglect their families, lose their money, and some, Mr Wilson says, have been suspected of doing even worse than that. Yet this is suffered in a Christian kingdom; nay (quod prorsus incredibile est), the holy sabbath is, it seems, prostituted to these wicked revellings; and card-playing goes on as publickly then as on any other day; nor is this only among the young lads and damsels, who might be supposed to know no better, but men advanced in years, and grave matrons, are not ashamed of being caught at the same pastime. O tempora! O mores!
Complete Fictional Works of Henry Fielding Page 415