Our Adverturer being thus disappointed in her love, and what is worse, her money drawing towards an end, began to have some thoughts of returning home, when Fortune seemed inclined to make her amends for the tricks she had hitherto played her, and accordingly now threw another Mistress in her way, whose Fortune was much superior to the former Widow, and who received Mrs. Hamilton’s addresses with all the complaisance she could wish.
This Lady, whose Name was Rushford, was the Widow of a rich Cheese–Monger, who left her all he had, and only one great grand-child to take care of, whom, at her Death, he recommended to be her heir; but wholly at her own Power and Discretion.
She was now in the Sixty Eighth year of her age, and had not, it seems, entirely abandoned all thoughts of the Pleasures of this World: for she was no sooner acquainted with Mrs. Hamilton, but, taking her for a Beautiful Lad of about Eighteen, she cast the eyes of affection on her, and having pretty well outlived the bashfulness of her Youth, made little scruple of giving hints of her Passion of her own accord.
It has been observed that Women know more of one another than the Wisest men (if ever such have been employed in the Study) have with all their art been capable of discovering. It is therefore no wonder that these Hints were quickly perceived and understood by the Female Gallant, who animadverting on the conveniency which the old Gentlewoman’s fortune would produce in her present situation, very gladly embraced the opportunity, and advancing with great warmth of Love to the attack, in which she was received almost with open arms, by the Tottering Citadel, which presently offered to throw open the Gates, and Surrender at Discretion. In her Amour with the former Widow, Mrs. Hamilton had never any other design than of gaining the Lady’s Affection, and then discovering herself to her, hoping to have had the same success which Mrs. Johnson had found with her: but with this old Lady, whose Fortune only she was desirous to possess, such views would have afforded very little gratification. After some reflection, therefore, a device entered into her head, as Strange and Surprizing, as it was Wicked and Vile; and this was actually to marry the old Woman, and to deceive her, by means which Decency forbids me even to mention. The Wedding was accordingly Celebrated in the most Public Manner, and with all kind of Gaiety, the old Woman greatly triumphing in her Shame, and instead of hiding her own head for fear of Infamy, was actually proud of the Beauty of her new Husband, for whose sake she intended to disinherit her poor great-grandson, tho’ she had derived her Riches from her Husband’s family, who had always intended this boy as his heir. Nay, what may seem very Remarkable, she insisted on the Parson’s not omitting the Prayer in the Matrimonial Service for Fruitfulness; drest herself as airy as a Girl of Eighteen, concealed twenty years of her Age, and laughed and promoted all the Jokes which are usual at Weddings; but she was not so well pleased with a Repartee of her great-grandson, a pretty and a smart lad, who, when somebody jested on the Bridgegroom because he had no Beard, answered smartly: there should never be a beard on both sides: for indeed the old Lady’s chin was pretty well stocked with Bristles.
Nor was this Bride contented with displying her shame by a Public Wedding Dinner, she would have the whole ceremony compleated, and the Stocking was accordingly thrown with the usual Sport and Merriment.
During the three first days of the Marriage, the Bride expressed herself so well Satisfied with her choice, that being in company with another old Lady, she exulted so much in her Happiness, that her friend began to envy her, and could not forbear inveighing against Effeminacy in men; upon which a discourse arose between the two Ladies, not proper to be repeated, if I knew every particular; but ended at the last, in the unmarried Lady’s declaring to the Bride, that she thought her Husband looked more like a woman than a man. To which the other replied in triumph, he was the best man in Ireland. This and the rest which Past, was faithfully recounted to Mrs. Hamilton by her wife, at their next meeting, and occasioned our young Bridegroom to blush, which the old Lady perceiving and regarding as an effect of Youth, fell upon her in a rage of Love like a tygress, and almost murdered her with kisses.
One of our English Poets remarks in the case of a more able Husband than Mrs. Hamilton was, when his Wife grew Amorous in an unseasonable time.
The Doctor understood the Call,
but had not always Wherewithal.
So it happened to our Poor Bridegroom, who having not at that time the Wherewithal about her, was obliged to remain meerly Passive, under all this torrent of Kindness of his Wife; but this did not discourage her, who was an Experience Woman, and thought she had a Cure for this Coldness in her Husband, the efficacy of which, she might perhaps have essayed formerly. Saying therefore with a tender smile to her Husband, I believe you are a woman, her hands began to move in such direction, that the discovery would absolutely have been made, had not the arrival of Dinner, at that very instant, prevented it.
However, as there is but one way of laying the Spirit of Curiosity, when once raised in a Woman, viz. by satisfying it, so that discovery, though delayed, could not now be long prevented. And accordingly the very next night, the Husband and Wife had not been long in bed together, before a Storm arose, as if drums, guns, wind and thunder were all roaring together. Villain, Rogue, Whore, Beast, Cheat, all resounded at the same instant, and were followed by curses, imprecations and threats, which soon waked the poor great-grandson in the Garret; who immediately ran down stairs into his great-grandmother’s room. He found her in the midst of it in her Shift, with a handful of shirt in one hand, and a handful of hair in the other, stamping and crying, I am Undone, Cheated, Abused, Ruined, Robbed by a vile Jade, Impostor, Whore. What is the matter, dear Madam, answered the Youth; O child, replied she, Undone! I am married to one who is no man. My Husband? a Woman, a Woman, a Woman. Ay, said the grandson, where is she? — Run away, gone, said the great-grandmother, and indeed so she was: for no sooner was the Fatal Discovery made, than the poor Female Bridegroom, whipt on her breeches, in the pockets of which, she had stowed all the money she could, and slipping on her shoes, with her coat, waiste-coat and stockings in her hands, had made the best of her way into the street, leaving almost one half of her shirt behind, which the enraged Wife had tore from her back. As Mrs. Hamilton well knew that an Adventure of that kind would soon fill all Dublin, and that it was impossible for her to remain there undiscovered, she hastened away to the Key, where by good fortune, she met with a ship just bound to Dartmouth, on board which she immediately went, and sailed out of the harbour, before her pursuers could find out or overtake her.
She was a full Fortnight in her passage, during which time, no Adventure occurred worthy remembrance. At length she landed at Dartmouth, where she soon provided herself with Linnen, and thence went to Totness, where she assumed the title of a Doctor of Physic, and took lodgings in the house of one Mrs. Baytree.
Here she soon became acquainted with a young girl, the daughter of one Mr. Ivythorn, who had the Green Sickness; a distemper which the Doctor gave out he could cure by an infallible Nostrum. The Doctor had not been long intrusted with the care of this young Patient before he began to make Love to her: for though her complexion was somewhat faded with her Distemper, she was otherwise extreamly pretty.
This girl became an easy Conquest to the Doctor, and the day of their Marriage was appointed, without the knowledge, or even suspicion of her Father, or of an old Aunt who was very fond of her, and would neither of them have easily given their Consent to the match, had the Doctor been as good a man as the Niece thought him.
At the day appointed, the Doctor and his Mistress found means to escape very early in the morning from Totness, and went to a town called Ashburton in Devonshire, where they were Married by a regular Licence which the Doctor had previously obtained. Here they staid two days at a Public House, during which time the Doctor so well Acted his part, that his Bride had not the least suspicion of the legality of her Marriage, or that she had not got a Husband for life. The third day they returned to Totness, where they both threw themselv
es at Mr. Ivythorn’s feet, who was highly Rejoic’d at finding his Daughter restor’d to him, and that she was not debauched, as he had suspected of her. And being a very worthy good-natur’d man, and regarding the true interest and happiness of his Daughter more than the satisfying his own Pride, Ambition, or Obstinacy, he was prevailed on to forgive her, and to receive her and her Husband into his house, as his children, notwithstanding the opposition of the old Aunt, who declared she would never forgive the wanton Slut, and immediately quitted the house, as soon as the young couple were admitted into it. The Doctor and his Wife lived together above a fortnight, without the least doubt conceived either by the Wife, or by any other person of the Doctor’s being what he appeared; till one evening the Doctor having drank a little too much Punch, slept somewhat longer than usual, and when he waked, he found his Wife in tears, who asked her Husband, amidst many sobs, how he could be so Barbarous to have taken such advantage of her ignorance and innocence, and to ruin her in such a manner? the Doctor being surprized and scarce awake, asked her what he had done. Done, says she, have you not Married me a poor young girl, when you know, you have not — you have not — what you ought to have. I always thought indeed your shape was something odd, and have often wondred that you had not the least bit of Beard; but I thought you had been a man for all that, or I am sure I would not have been so wicked to marry you for the world. The Doctor endeavoured to pacify her, by every kind of Promise, and telling her she would have all the Pleassures of Marriage without the inconveniences. No, no, said she, you shall not persuade me to that, nor will I be guilty of so much Wickedness on any account. I will tell my Papa of you as soon as I am up; for you are no Husband of mine, nor will I ever have any thing more to say to you. Which resolution the Doctor finding himself unable to alter, she put on her cloaths with all the haste she could, and taking a horse, which she had bought a few days before, hastened instantly out of the town, and made the best of her way, thro’ bye-roads and across the Country, into Somersetshire, missing Exeter, and every other great town which lay in the Road.
And well it was for her, that she used both this haste and precaution: for Mr. Ivythorn having heard his daughter’s story, immediately obtained a Warrant from a Justice of Peace, with which he presently dispatch’d the Proper Officers; and not only so, but set forward himself to Exeter, in order to try if he could learn any news of his son-inlaw, or apprehend her there; till after much search being unable to hear any Tidings of her, he was obliged to set down Contented with his Misfortune, as was his poor Daughter to submit to all the ill-natured sneers of her own Sex, who were often witty at her expence, and at the expence of their own Decency.
The Doctor having escaped, arrive safe at Wells in Somersetshire, where thinking herself at a safe distance from her Pursuers, she again sat herself down in quest of new Adventures.
She had not been long in this city, before she became acquainted with one Mary Price, a girl of about Eighteen years of age, and of extraordinary Beauty. With this girl, hath this Wicked Woman since her Confinement declared, she was really as much in Love, as it was possible for a man ever to be with one of her own Sex.
The first opportunity our Doctor obtain’d of conversing closely with this new Mistress, was at a Dancing among the inferior sort of people, in contriving which the Doctor had herself the principal share. At that meeting the two Lovers had an occasion of dancing all night together; and the Doctor lost no opportunity of shewing his Fondness, as well by his tongue as by his hands, whispering many soft things in her ears, and Squeezing as many soft things into her hands, which, together with a good number of Kisses, etc. so pleased and warmed this poor girl, who never before had felt any of those Tender Sensations which we call Love, that she retired from the Dancing in a flutter of spirits, which her youth and ignorance could not well account for; but which did not suffer her to close her eyes, either that morning or the next night.
The day after that the Doctor sent her the following letter.
“My Dearest Molly,
Excuse the fondness of that expression; for I assure you, my Angel, all I write to you proceeds only from my Heart, which you have so entirely Conquered, and made your own, that nothing else has any share in it; and, my Angel, could you know what I feel when I am writing to you, Nay even at every thought of my Molly, I know I should gain your Pity if not your Love; if I am so happy to have already succeeded in raising the former, do let me have once more an opportunity of seeing you, and that soon, that i may breathe forth my Soul at those dear feet, where I would willingly die, if I am not suffer’d to lie there and live. My Sweetest Creature, give me leave to subscribe myself
Your fond, doating,
Undone Slave.”
This letter added much to the disquietude which before began to torment poor Molly’s Breast. She read it over twenty times, and, at last, having carefully survey’d every part of the room, that no body was present, she kissed it eagerly. However, as she was perfectly Modest, and afraid of appearing too forward, she resolved not to answer this first letter; and if she met the Doctor, to behave with great coldness towards him.
Her Mother being ill, prevented her going out that day; and the next morning she received a second letter from the Doctor, in terms more warm and endearing than before, and which made so absolute a conquest over the unexperienc’d and tender heart of this poor Girl, that she suffered herself to be prevailed on, by the intreaties of her Lover, to write an Answer, which nevertheless she determin’d should be so distant and cool, that the woman of the strictest Virtue and Modestly in England might have no reason to be asham’d of having writ it; of which letter the reader hath here an Exact Copy:
“sur,
I has recevd boath your too litters, and fur I ham much Surprise hat the Loafe you priten to haf for so pur a Garl as mee. I kan nut beleef you wul desgrace yourself by Marring sutch a yf as mee, and sur I wool nut be thee Hore of the gratest man in the Kuntry. For thof mi Vartu his all I has, yit hit is a Potion I ham rissolv to kare to mi Housband, soe noe moor at presant, from your Umble Savant to Cummand.”
The Doctor received this letter with all the ecstasies any Lover could be inspired with, and, as Mr. Congreve says in his Old Batchelor, thought there was more Eloquence in the False Spellings, with which it abounded, than in all Aristotle. She now resolved to be no longer contented with this distant kind of Conversation, but to meet her Mistress face to face. Accordingly that very afternoon she went to her Mother’s house, and enquired for her Poor Molly, who no sooner heard her Lover’s voice than she fell a trembling in the most Violent manner. Her sister who opened the door informed the Doctor she was at home, and let the impostor in; but Molly being then in Dishabille, would not see him till she had put on clean linnen, and was arrayed from head to foot in as neat, tho’ not in so Fine a manner, as the highest Court Lady in the Kingdom could attire herself in, to receive her Embroider’d Lover. Very tender and delicate was the interview of this pair, and if any corner of Molly’s heart remain’d untaken, it was now totally Subdued. She would willingly have Postponed the Match some what longer, from her strict regard to Decency; but the earnestness and Ardour of her Lover would not suffer her, and she was at last obliged to Consent to be Married within two days.
Her sister, who was older than herself, and had over-heard all that had Past, no sooner perceiv’d the Doctor gone, than she came to her, and wishing her Joy with a sneer, said much good may it do her with such a Husband; for that, for her own part, she would almost as willingly be married to one of her own Sex, and made some remarks not so Proper to be here inserted. This was resented by the other with much Warmth. She said she had chosen for herself only, and that if she was pleased, it did not become people to trouble their heads with what was none of their Business. She was indeed so extremely Enamoured, that I question whether she would have exchanged the Doctor for the greatest and richest match in the World.
And had not her Affections been fixed in this strong Manner, it is possible that an Accid
ent which happened the very next night might have altered her Mind: for being at another Dancing with her Lover, a Quarrel arose between the Doctor and a man there present, upon which the mother seizing the former violently by the Collar, tore open her Wastecoat, and rent her shirt, so that all her Breast was discovered, which, tho’ beyond expression Beautiful in a Woman, were of so different a kind from the Bosom of a man, that the married women there set up a great titter; and tho’ it did not bring the Doctor’s Sex into an absolute Suspicion, yet caused some whispers, which perhaps might have spoiled the Match with a less innocent and less Enamoured Virgin. It had however no such effect on poor Molly. As her fond heart was free from any Deceit, so was it entirely free from Suspicion; and accordingly, at the fixed time she met the Doctor, and their Nuptials were Celebrated in the usual form.
The Mother was extremely pleased at this preferment (as she thought it) of her Daughter. The Joy of it did indeed contribute to restore her perfectly to health, and nothing but Mirth and Happiness appeared in the faces of the whole Family. The new married couple not only continued, but greatly increased the fondness which they had conceived for each other, and poor Molly, from some stories she told among her Acquaintance, the other young married Women of the Town, was received as a great Fibber, and was at least universally laughed at as such among them all.
Three months past in this manner, when the Doctor was sent for to Glastonbury to a Patient (for the Fame of our Adventurer’s knowledge in Physic began now to spread) when a Person of Totness being accidentally present, happened to see and know her, and having heard upon enquiry, that the Doctor was married at Wells, as we have above mentioned, related the whole story of Mr. Ivythorn’s Daughter, and the whole Adventure at Totnes.
Complete Fictional Works of Henry Fielding Page 418