Cait ran a brush down the flank of one of Flynn's horses. Taking a deep breath of the stable scents, she pressed her cheek against the horse for a moment.
God, she'd been nothing but a crying wreck for three days now, Cait thought. She'd never been one to be so weepy and now she wondered just what it was she cried for. Was it the death of a relationship that she'd never really had? Or was it that she was saying goodbye to the boundaries that she had so carefully erected for herself and trying to step into her power as a grown woman?
Stepping back, she fed the horse a carrot before quietly leaving the stall. Keelin and Flynn had decided to extend their honeymoon and had been kind enough to lend her their house for the week, though Keelin had made Cait promise that she would spill all of the details when Keelin returned. Cait didn't know how long she planned to stay away from the village, she just wasn't ready to go back to the pub and put on a happy face for customers.
Cait knew the gossip in town. Rumors ran rampant about the closing of Gallagher's pub. Some suspected that it had to do with her fight with Ellen and that Shane had closed the building. Others thought that she wasn't paying her bills. Cait had gotten all of the gossip when she had called the Donovans to tell them that she couldn't make her Monday appointment.
Cait shrugged. She was past caring what people thought about her. What mattered was what she thought about herself. The problem was, she didn't know where she stood on that end.
Cait heard the yips of the dogs and looked up as Fiona approached her over the hills, carrying a basket in her arms.
"I thought that you'd like some pampering. I don't suppose you are feeding yourself well," Fiona said sternly.
Cait just shrugged her shoulders. She motioned for Fiona to come to the long deck that wrapped the large house. Grace's Cove was featured predominantly in the view. Cait hadn't sat here yet as she didn’t want to think about her meeting with Grace. She wondered if Grace was watching her. Cait supposed that she was letting the mighty pirate queen down.
"This is a lovely spot," Fiona observed as she unpacked her basket on the long wooden table. A tureen of soup, warm brown bread, and a basket of fruit, along with plates, silverware, and a jug of apple cider.
"That's a lot of food," Cait said.
"Comfort food," Fiona said simply and ladled chunky vegetable soup into a bowl before passing it to Cait. She pulled out a crock of Irish butter, prepared two pieces of bread, and slid the plate to Cait. "Eat."
There was no arguing with Fiona's tone and Cait was surprised to feel a little rumble in her stomach as she looked down at the food. It was true; she'd barely eaten the past few days. Her appetite seemed to have disappeared.
Cait dutifully picked up the spoon and took her first bite of the soup. She moaned a little as the warm flavors that tasted like home filled her mouth. Suddenly ravenous, she gulped down a few more bites before grabbing for the bread. Grateful that Fiona said nothing, Cait concentrated on slowing her pace and allowing the food to settle.
"I went to see Sarah yesterday," Fiona said.
Cait paused with her bread halfway to her mouth.
"You did?"
"I did. Your mother is very sick, you know," Fiona said.
"She seems fine to me," Cait said. Fine enough to constantly criticize me, she thought.
"Aye, her physical health is fine. Her mental health…not so good. I found her eating a can of cat food," Fiona said quietly.
Cait stilled her hands as she felt a deep-rooted sadness fill her. Sadness for the woman her mother must have once been and grief for the fact that she would never be able to mend their relationship now.
"I…I suppose it is time to look into special care for her," Cait said. She mentally calculated the cost of doing so and shivered at the thought of the added expenses. Cait honestly didn't even know what her mother's financial situation was. Sarah had never shared that with her.
"There's a lovely assisted-housing spot in Shannon. Affordable, too," Fiona said. "I took the liberty of calling for you and I wrote down all of the information." Fiona slid a packet of papers to Cait.
"Thank you," Cait said, looking dully down at the packet of papers.
"What was she like before me? Did I really ruin her life?" Cait said impulsively.
Fiona leaned back, her eyebrows raised.
"Is that what you think, dear girl?"
"It's what I've been told," Cait said bitterly.
"Ah," Fiona said quietly. She picked up her cider and seemed to mull over her words carefully.
"Ah, is right. It's not a secret that we've had a hard relationship."
"No, it's not. And, I'm sorry for that. I've done what I can to pick up the slack. But, I would hardly say that you ruined her life. Sarah has always been a bitter, unhappy woman. Becoming a mother did little to change that in her."
Cait felt her heart grow a little lighter. So, perhaps she wasn't the reason for her mother's bitterness after all.
"Really?"
"Oh my, yes. She had very few friends. Typically she had nasty things to say about most people in town. She's only grown more reclusive over the years. Frankly, it's a miracle that you turned out as well as you did," Fiona said briskly.
Cait's cheeks flushed and she blinked as tears pricked her eyes.
"I don't think that I'm doing so well," Cait whispered.
"You're doing just fine, Cait Gallagher. You're a fine business owner, a loyal friend, and you're an old soul. You should be proud of yourself," Fiona said.
Cait raised one shoulder slightly and pursed her lips.
"You can't tell me that one man has taken all of your confidence? Where is my sassy, full-of-life Cait?" Fiona said worriedly.
Cait just shrugged. "I guess that I am trying to figure that out."
"Nobody's approval defines who you are, Cait. Not your mother's and certainly not a man's. You have to stand for yourself first," Fiona said softly.
"I'm trying…it's just…" Cait tore a piece of bread to pieces on her plate. "It's just that my mother thinks that my ability is the gift of the devil. She looked at me in complete disgust. That bitch of a woman Ellen called me a freak. And then, I finally told Shane about me and…he walked away. Said that I lied to him." Cait hiccupped out a small sob.
"It's been a tough week," Fiona said, gesturing with her spoon.
Cait was surprised to find that she could laugh.
"It has at that," Cait admitted.
"Well, from where I am sitting, I see a beautiful woman both inside and out. Your gift doesn't make you a freak. It makes you powerful beyond words. Don't let anyone else define what that means to you," Fiona said fiercely.
Cait smiled for the first time in days as a sense of power snuck through her.
"You've dealt with this…this whole being different thing," Cait observed.
"Aye, my whole life. I struggled with the same things that you did. But once I decided to step into my own power, nothing else mattered. People fell in line or they didn't. The ones that mattered, they stayed by me. The ones that didn't, shunned me. I'm forever grateful that I stopped hiding from myself. It has led to immeasurable happiness. Finding love after that only heightened it for me," Fiona said.
"Shane might be right. I didn't just betray him, I betrayed myself. I couldn't tell him honestly what I was," Cait said.
"Well, Shane has some growing up to do himself. It sounds like he expects an awful lot from you but I don't see him rolling out the red carpet for you around town," Fiona said huffily.
Cait eyed her.
"Keelin told me that you didn't like Shane. Why is that?"
"I didn't like him for her," Fiona amended.
"Do you for me?" Cait demanded.
"Only you can answer that." Fiona smiled wickedly at Cait and Cait laughed.
"Now, how long are you going to lick your wounds here?" Fiona asked.
"I don't feel right operating a business in Shane's building that he owns. I'll need to look around for a new spot, I think
," Cait said.
"That's nonsense, Cait Gallagher. Business is business. You need to open up your bar and host a big party is what I think. Show the world that you don't care," Fiona suggested.
"I can't do that. Nobody even knows about half of what is going on," Cait said.
"Oh really? Well, you forget the small town we live in. Half of Grace's Cove is convinced that Shane kicked you out of the building. The other half is convinced that you have no money. Then there are the whispers that Shane cheated on you with Ellen and your heart is broken."
"What!" Cait pounded her hand on the table.
"Well, he has been seen kissing you around town, Cait. The assumption is that you had a huge lover's spat and now you're nursing a wounded heart," Fiona said.
"Well, that is the most ridiculous thing. Like I'd sit here and cry over a man!" Cait fumed.
Fiona raised an eyebrow at her.
"Okay, well, maybe partially over a man. This…" Cait swept her hand across Flynn's estate, "had just as much to do with baring my soul and dealing with insecurities as it did with Shane," Cait said.
"And are you done soul-searching?"
"Aye, I think I might be at that," Cait said.
Chapter 26
Shane pulled to a stop in front of Gallagher's Pub. Cait could run but she couldn't hide, he thought. Getting out of the car, he tilted his head as he looked at the colorful building. The windows were closed up and the door, typically half open, was closed.
Shane walked to the door and saw that a small sign had been tacked to it.
"Closed until further notice," Shane read and felt his world drop out from under him. Cait was running.
"Hi, Shane," a voice said from across the street. Shane whirled around to see Patrick standing on the sidewalk, his arms crossed and his face grim.
"Patrick, what's going on here?" Shane asked as he crossed the street to meet him.
"You tell me. Did you shut the pub down?" Patrick demanded.
"No…no, I would never do that," Shane said indignantly.
"Well, it sure was weird that after she fights with your employee in the street, she calls me to close the pub. Seems a pretty close timeline of events there," Patrick said with disdain.
"I swear that I didn't close the pub," Shane said.
Worry crossed Patrick's face.
"Is she in trouble then? Money?"
"Not that I'm aware of. Her bills are always paid on time, if not in advance," Shane said.
Patrick ran his eyes over Shane's face.
"So it must be you she's running from then. Did you hurt her?" Patrick said, raising a fist.
"Whoa, hey, no I didn't." Shane raised his hands in front of him peacefully.
"You sure about that?" Patrick asked, menace lacing his voice.
Shane thought about it for a moment.
"No, I'm not, actually," Shane said quietly. He jumped as Patrick slammed him into the wall of the market building. Offering no resistance, he allowed the young man to pin him.
"What did you do to her?" Patrick shouted.
"I didn't accept her for who she was," Shane said quietly. He watched Patrick's eyes carefully and saw the young man think about it. Stepping back, he brushed Shane's shoulders.
"That's right stupid of you," Patrick said.
"I know," Shane said quietly.
"Do you know where she is?" Patrick asked.
Shane sighed. "I was going to ask the same of you."
"She wouldn’t tell me and she's not answering her phone," Patrick said.
Shane turned to look at Gallagher's Pub. It looked forlorn and just…wrong, he thought. It should be open and filled with patrons as it was every day of the week. Gallagher's was a staple in this village and very much a part of their community.
"I'll make this right," Shane promised.
"I'm holding you to that," Patrick said.
Chapter 27
Cait sat on the deck for an hour after Fiona left. She watched the rhythm of the water, admiring the flow of the waves and the way the light danced across the surface. Fiona had dropped an emotional bomb on her…yet in a good way. It was just the type of kick in the ass that she needed, Cait thought, and reached for her phone.
"Cait, where are you?" Aislinn demanded.
"Shhh…is there anyone in your shop?"
"No, I'm here alone. Where are you? I can't believe that you left town and didn't tell me. I'm right mad at you, Cait," Aislinn scolded.
Cait smiled out at the water, her heart warming at her cousin's words.
"I know. I'm sorry, it was wrong of me. Forgive me?"
"Only if you tell me where you are and if you're okay," Aislinn said.
Cait took a deep breath and thought about it.
"I'm okay. Actually, I think that I'm better than okay," Cait said.
"What happened with you and Shane?"
"He couldn't accept me for who I am," Cait said quietly. This time, the words didn't hurt as much. Instead, anger began to fill the void that hurt had left.
"Well, he's an idiot then," Aislinn said automatically.
Cait laughed into the phone.
"I'm beginning to understand that. Listen, I need your help," Cait said.
"Anything."
"I want to throw a party. This Friday. A really big one. We'll open up the courtyard behind for free food and have bands all night. Can you get those bands you know from Dublin to come down? I know it’s last minute."
"They'll do it," Aislinn said, determination ringing through her voice.
"Good."
"What's the occasion?"
"I suppose we could consider it a stepping-into-my-own celebration," Cait said.
"Even better. About time you shed that crap from the past," Aislinn said.
Startled, Cait held the phone away from her face and looked at it for a moment.
"You feel the same way too, huh?"
"Yup. You're the best ever and it's about damn time you realize it," Aislinn said forcefully.
"Well, this party is a start. Pull out all the stops. I'm calling Patrick next for food. Oh, and spread the word will you? I want everyone there."
Cait smiled as she hung up the phone. Forget Shane. He wasn't willing to stick around and figure things out with her…well…she'd just consider this a coming out and a moving on party.
Chapter 28
Friday arrived quickly. Cait had spent the rest of the week at Flynn's house, planning the party from her cell phone. She trusted her friends and employees to make the right decisions. She knew the town was buzzing with the news of the party and the promise of big-name bands from Dublin. Cait didn't know how Aislinn had pulled it off and didn't bother to ask. Aislinn could be right convincing when she needed to be, Cait thought.
On direct orders from Aislinn, Cait steered her car towards Aislinn's shop and tried not to let the nerves that twisted in her stomach convince her to turn the car around. She wondered if Shane would show up tonight or if he hated her. Though he had called her several times this week, Cait had chickened out and not answered. She wasn't sure if her heart could handle him yelling at her again.
Cait pulled her car around the back of Aislinn's shop and out of sight of the road. Getting out, she slipped through the gate into Aislinn's colorful courtyard.
With a deep breath, Cait entered the back of the shop and called for Aislinn.
"I'm here. The front door's locked, come on in," Aislinn called.
Cait walked through the back workshop and into Aislinn's store. She sighed as she saw Aislinn's latest work. Her cousin never ceased to amaze her with her myriad of talents. This week Aislinn had hung several beautifully depicted watercolors of the flowers that ranged the hills that surrounded Grace's Cove. They were heart-wrenchingly beautiful and Cait suspected they would sell quickly.
"Ais…these are amazing," Cait said as she fingered a painting of Shane's office building.
"Thanks, I was in a mood this week," Aislinn said. Cait shot her head up at he
r tone.
"What's wrong?"
"Aye, nothing really. Just a mood." Aislinn dismissed Cait but Cait reached out to put her hand on her arm.
"Is it Baird?"
Aislinn shrugged her shoulders and turned to stack her paint boxes. "Maybe. I don't know."
"What happened the other night? When he chased you out?"
"Saw that, did you?"
"I've an eagle eye for things that happen at the pub as you well know," Cait said.
"He kissed me. Maybe, um, more than that," Aislinn said bitterly.
Cait's mouth dropped open. The mild-mannered psychiatrist had not struck her as the type to go after a woman that way.
"Hmm, goes after what he wants. His appeal grows. Did anything else happen?" Cait asked.
"No, nope, no-how, not going to talk about it," Aislinn muttered. Cait examined her friend's face and was surprised to find a blush covering Aislinn's cheeks. It was rare for her to be disconcerted. She wondered just how far things had gone between the two. Deciding not to press for more information, Cait ran her hand down her friend's arm.
"You like him," Cait said.
Aislinn shrugged again. "Maybe. But he's all wrong for me. I'm a dreamer and he's all but a scientist. It would never work."
"You don't know that unless you try," Cait said.
Aislinn turned cool eyes on Cait.
"You're one to talk."
"Hey," Cait said, stung.
"Well? You ran from Shane."
"Wait just a moment, he walked away from me. He called me a liar! What was I supposed to do? Stick around and grovel?" Cait demanded.
"I don’t know. Maybe you should have. True love doesn't have much room for pride," Aislinn said.
Cait gaped at her.
"Love wasn't mentioned, if I must remind you," Cait said stiffly.
"Well, then, best to move on," Aislinn said quickly. Almost too quickly. Surprised, but grateful for the change in conversation, Cait nodded.
"Now, let's see this dress."
Aislinn had called to tell Cait that she had found the perfect dress for her party and Cait had readily agreed to Aislinn buying it. Aislinn had a wonderful eye for color and fashion and Cait was convinced that she wouldn't steer her wrong.
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