by KB Alan
Then she’d shut it all down and gone to the mall to get a massager, instead.
She glanced at the clock. “Holy crap, it’s nearly nine. I’ve kept you here all evening.” She climbed out of his lap. Even though the room was warm, as they hadn’t turned on the air conditioning, she missed his heat.
“I promise you it wasn’t a problem.” He offered her a grin. “The meal was delicious. I’m sorry you had to bring that all back up, but I’m hoping it was actually a good thing for you.”
She nodded. “Yeah, it probably was. Thank you so much for helping me through it.”
“You know, sometimes unloading something like that can sneak back up on you. I’m happy to spend the night in case you need to talk later. I can sleep in the guest room.”
She started to say no automatically, but then she thought about it. Really thought about it. “I appreciate your offer, but I do think I’m okay. I’m so used to being alone, I think I’ll process better if I have the night to myself.”
“All right, if you’re sure.” He stood and handed her his phone. “Add yourself there and I’ll text you the link to the forum with the therapy recs. Then you’ll have my number if you need to call or text.” He made her meet his gaze, made sure she was paying attention. “Promise me you’ll call or text if you get overwhelmed, or just need to talk.”
“I will. I promise.” She put her info into his phone and handed it back.
When he glanced down, he immediately grinned. “Your last name is really Handel?”
“Yes?”
“The Handel rose is one of my favorite climbing roses. I recommend it to customers all the time. They take a little bit of work and effort, but it’s mostly about finding the right spot for them and letting them flourish. Then they’ll climb, make big, fragrant blooms, white that shades to light pink, then dark pink all along the edges. Beautiful.”
“Oh,” she exhaled. Somehow she’d started holding her breath as he was speaking. Wow. You had to appreciate a man who loved his work.
He dropped a kiss on her cheek while she stood there kind of stupefied. “Don’t forget, call me if you need to. You promised.”
“Okay.” She followed him to the door and locked it behind him, then fanned her face.
She wasn’t sure how long she stood there before Missy P complained that she wasn’t getting any attention. Pushing away from the door, she moved to the kitchen to see what needed to be put away.
Nothing. In the brief times he’d left her outside, he’d rinsed the dishes and loaded them into the dishwasher. The bottle of wine had a stopper in it and was sitting on the counter. She grabbed it up and hunted down another wine glass, then studied the pantry. Finding a bag of pistachios, she smiled. Perfect.
The bathroom in the owner’s suite wasn’t large, but it was extremely inviting. The jetted tub was opposite the vanity, with the toilet in one corner and a decent-size shower in the other. The subway tiles were several shades of slate blue, one of which matched the vanity, and nicely complemented the off-white tile floor. The tub surround was wide enough to house a plant that Sonya had promised Natalie didn’t need to water, and a trio of candles that she’d been encouraged to use.
She set her glass of wine and a small bowl of the pistachios on the ledge, and started the water running. It didn’t take long to choose a soothing playlist on her phone, grab her ereader, shed her clothes and climb into the nearly full tub. The water felt wonderful and she sighed in satisfaction.
The jets started up with a quieter rumble than she’d expected. She took a sip of her wine and gave some thought to what she wanted to read. The romance she wasn’t quite halfway through had seemed just fine this morning. But now…she was tempted to go into her archives and find some of her old spicier reads.
Maybe she needed to rethink her decision to ignore all thoughts kinky. But the books hadn’t just been fantasy. They’d made her want.
She ate a couple of nuts and sipped her wine, forcing herself to admit that the last five years of ignoring those wants hadn’t gotten her anywhere. Her relationships hadn’t been great.
Then again, plenty of people didn’t find the one right after college. She had loads of single friends and acquaintances. Even if she was meant to be in the lifestyle, that was no guarantee she’d have found the right guy in the past few years, either. But. She had to admit, looking back, it didn’t feel so much like she’d hooked up with the wrong guys, as she’d been faking it all, even to herself. Damn it.
She really should go see a therapist. She would, she promised herself. In the meantime, the question was, should she re-attempt to explore the kink? The idea of doing it alone was unsettling. Annalise wasn’t someone she could turn to for this. And that felt weird and almost dishonest.
Enough introspection for one night, she deserved to relax. Without thinking about it too much, she grabbed up her reader and searched for the author who’d been her and Felicity’s favorite, back in college. Maybe the stories, and the ideas, would seem trite to her now, as an adult, and she could laugh at herself and move on.
She scanned the covers. Oh yeah. That one had been her favorite. Curious to see how it would hold up, she selected the book and leaned back, super glad she’d gotten the waterproof reader last year. She maneuvered so that the jets were on her shoulder muscles, and started reading.
By the end of the second chapter, she’d finished the wine and nuts and was completely caught up in the story. By the middle of the third chapter, she was reading one-handed so her other hand was free to circle around her nipples, then pinch and pull, one and then the other.
When the Dom in the story strapped his new submissive to the spanking bench and teased her into mindless begging, Natalie finally put the book aside and slid down so she could aim one of the jets at her core.
She braced her hands on the sides, and imagined being told to keep them there. She splayed her knees and lifted her hips, angling so the stream of water played along her pussy lips, up and down, before slowly making her clit the target. She gasped when the water connected, and again, that voice in her head ordered her not to move.
Tilting her head back, she imagined she could feel a collar around her throat, feel a warm breath against her temple as the orders were whispered into her ear. The blood pumping through her body centered on her clit, and she had to grit her teeth not to move away from the stream.
Too much, too much… Ahhh!
She came with a jerk of her hips that pulled the water away from its target, her legs collapsing from the strain of holding her in place. She gulped in air and let her hands drop to her sides.
Well. Maybe she should open the door she’d closed all those years ago, after all.
Her phone beeped with an incoming text. She glanced over and saw a message from Noah, with the link he’d mentioned.
Her already flushed face heated again, as if he might be aware of what she’d just done. And, now that she thought about it…had that voice in her head, giving her the commands, been his?
She dried off her hands and picked up the phone to shoot him a thank you text. Poor guy. He’d just been dropping something off for a friend, and now he was stuck topping her in her fantasies.
She giggled and turned the jets off. Lying back in the warm, still water, she remembered the safety of being held in his arms. At the time, she’d been focused in her head. But some part of her had been aware of how giving and caring he’d been, how secure she’d felt in his arms.
Maybe, when Alec and Sonya got home, she’d offer to cook Sonya dinner if her friend would come over and talk things out with her. But the baby would be here soon, and the new parents would have a lot more on their minds than helping her decide if she wanted to dip her toes into the kink world again.
She sat up with a reluctant splash. The water had cooled and she was going to prune. When she climbed into bed a short while later, she picked the book back up. Only this time, the hero’s face and voice were very familiar, regardless of how the author h
ad described him.
Chapter Five
Noah realized his dominant protective instincts were in a bit of overdrive after what had happened with Natalie on Friday. Being aware of that didn’t mean he was going to ignore his need to check in on her, though.
He’d worked on Saturday, then gone to Apex. The BDSM club was the one he’d settled on after trying out several. Luckily, it was one of the closer ones, as well. He’d have been willing to drive for quality, but he was pleased he didn’t need to. Unusually, last night he hadn’t quite been able to relax into the vibe. He’d watched several scenes, been approached by a couple of willing subs, but hadn’t been in the mood to work with anyone.
He’d been worried about Natalie being alone after such an intense experience. He’d feel the same about any sub he’d helped through a difficult moment. The fact that her smiling face, as she’d taken the first bite of her steak, kept flashing across his vision meant nothing more than that he’d enjoyed their dinner. Her tear-stained face as she’d rested in his arms was just a pull on his protective instincts. Totally natural.
And therefore it made perfect sense to come see her on Sunday, to make sure she was doing okay, so that he could put those instincts to rest.
When everything was ready, he called her. And, okay, he could admit that he mostly bowled her over, not giving her a chance to say no. Within fifteen minutes, he was pulling into Alec’s driveway and she was standing at the front door, watching him approach.
“So, you have the day off and therefore you’re going to spend it doing the thing you do all day at work?” she asked as he grabbed the shovel and fertilizer from the back of his truck.
“Remember, I don’t get to do a lot of this at work anymore. Do you mind grabbing the pot from the passenger seat?”
She didn’t look convinced, but did as he asked and pulled out the dahlia plant. Right now it was just green leaves, so she didn’t appear too impressed. “You said this is to celebrate the baby?”
He bit back a laugh at her attempt to sound enthusiastic over his gift. He’d started the pot several weeks ago, so that it would bloom around the baby’s due date. He’d planned to bring it over and plant it for Alec and Sonya when they were at the hospital, but this would work just as well.
“Here, I’ll show you,” he told her as he put the shovel and fertilizer down in the backyard. He pulled out his phone and brought up a picture of what the flowers would look like in just a few weeks.
She gasped. “Oh, wow, is that really what color they’ll be? I swear, it’s a perfect match for the blanket I made.” She handed his phone back to him and rushed into the house, returning quickly with a blanket. It was more lacey than he’d expected a knit blanket to be, and clearly took a lot of skill and effort.
“Gorgeous,” he told her, appreciating the way her lovely blue eyes lit. “No wonder you’re able to sell these, that’s really beautiful. And yes, the color in the picture is a pretty good match, and very close to this. Poor Alec, maybe we should have asked him what his favorite color is.”
She laughed. “I did. He said the color of his wife’s eyes, and batted his lashes at her. She gave him the last bite of cake she was eating at the time, so I’m pretty sure he had ulterior motives in his answer.”
Noah laughed. “Sounds about right. What’s your favorite color?”
“Orange.” She gestured to the plant. “Would you like some help with this?” Her face said she was offering only out of politeness, not curiosity.
“Thanks, but no, unless you’re wanting to learn. Probably better if you keep out of the dirt. I wouldn’t want whatever you’re working on now to get messed up. If that’s what you were doing?”
She blushed, which intrigued him. “Uh, yeah, I was knitting while listening to an audio book.”
He slanted a look at her while he started in with the shovel. He’d already figured out where the dahlia would go, and checked the soil, so he didn’t need to focus completely on what he was doing. “Good book?”
The blush definitely intensified.
He remembered that she’d said she and her roommate had started their initial curiosity about BDSM by reading books. Well, well, well.
“Yeah, it’s a good one. From an author I really enjoy, but I hadn’t read her last few books.”
“That’s always a treat.”
“I better get this blanket back to safety,” she murmured, and sped back into the house.
It was pleasant but mindless work getting the plant into the ground. He lifted his face up to the sun. Yes, a good spot for the flowers, they liked their sun, too. He hosed off his hands and the shovel, dumped the half-full fertilizer into the now empty pot, and carted everything to his truck through the side gate, rather than through the house.
When he made it back to the yard, Natalie was standing by with a glass of water, which she held out to him.
He drained the glass. “Thank you, just what I needed. You look a little red. Should we get back into the air conditioning?” He was such an ass. He knew damn well her flushed cheeks weren’t due to the sun. But she turned and led him into the house without objecting.
He spotted knitting needles sticking out of a green bundle of yarn, up on a bookshelf that was at head height, and he realized that maybe knitting and cat sitting didn’t go hand in hand. The cat in question was curled up in a shaft of sunlight, on the floor by the window.
“How was yesterday?” he asked, taking a seat on the couch without asking.
“It was a nice day. One of my coworkers lives nearby, and we went for a bike ride. Sonya’s bike is a little too tall for me, but we didn’t go far, so I managed. It was such a pretty day, and we went early, before the heat was too bad. It was nice to come back to air-conditioning.”
“I bet.”
“It might be time to upgrade my apartment. I hate moving, though.”
“It always sucks,” he agreed. “But if you’ll be happier when it’s done, it’s probably worth the effort.”
“Yeah, I’ll have to look into it. This kitchen is twice as big as mine, which inspired me to actually cook dinner again, so I spent half the day petting Missy P while exploring recipe videos and blogs. I went to the market, made dinner, and the cat graciously allowed me to do some knitting before deciding it was time she claimed my lap, so we watched a movie. It was a great day.”
“I’m glad. What did you make for dinner?”
“Lasagna. I pretty much filled the dishwasher, another reason to do it here. I would have had to clean everything by hand at home. I’ll be eating leftover for days, though.” She checked her watch and beamed. “It’s nearly noon. Want some lunch?”
He grinned. “I could eat some lasagna. To help you out with that leftovers issue, of course. To be a good friend.”
She rolled her eyes. “It’s good to have friends who are there for you when you need them.”
“Exactly.”
When they were nearly finished with the generous portions she’d served up, including a fresh salad, he got more specific with his earlier question. “So yesterday was good. No issues from bringing up your past?”
“No.” She waved her fork at him, dismissing the idea. “No. Not really.”
He narrowed his eyes at her, and she sighed.
“No issues, I mean that. Nothing bad. It’s just…got me thinking. Was I right to walk away from the whole concept of being submissive? At the time, it seemed clear to me that since I didn’t really even understand what happened, but felt so ashamed and guilty, that it was best to just stick to, quote, unquote, normal relationships. So I did.”
“And were those satisfying?”
She waggled her head. “Eh. Not really, but I blamed the guys, or us just not being a good fit. I didn’t blame the lack of submission.”
“But now you’re rethinking things.”
“Yeah, I guess. I read one of my old favorite books, and, well…” She blushed.
“You can tell me.”
“You shouldn’
t have to deal with all this. You’re not my therapist. Or boyfriend.”
“I’m your friend.”
She just looked at him, and he had to laugh. Okay, she wasn’t a pushover. “Fine, we were more acquaintances than friends. But personally, I think Friday night tipped us firmly into the friend camp. If you don’t want that, tell me, and I’ll back off. But I enjoyed spending time with you, and I’m enjoying it now. I don’t see why we can’t be friends.”
She studied his face, and seemed to be satisfied with what she found there. The relief he felt that she was going to talk to him was a surprise.
“All right. So, what I was thinking was that I orgasmed harder after reading that book than I did the entire time I was with my last boyfriend.”
“Because you were in the right headspace,” he guessed.
“Maybe. Probably. But maybe it’s just that the author is really good and the visuals were super-hot. Maybe it’s just fantasy. And as I’ve already learned, the fantasy does not always translate to reality. Besides, I’ve gotten off while reading vampire romances, too, and I’m not looking for someone to turn me into an undead creature of the night.”
“Are you bothered by the idea of being submissive?” He had a vague idea that most of the charm of vampire romances was the alpha hero taking care of his human—for now—lover, who was always in some kind of trouble, but decided not to mention that. Especially since he hadn’t actually read any.
She frowned. “No. Not really. More by the idea that I could go chasing after that ideal scenario, and just be constantly disappointed by guys who don’t measure up, in scenes that will never fulfill me for real, and maybe getting hurt along the way, like I did in the past. I know for sure I’m not a masochist, so putting myself in harm’s way like that seems like a bad idea.”
“And by harm’s way, you don’t mean whips and chains, but the chance of being abused, like your ex did.”
“Exactly.”