by KB Alan
“You don’t think so?” He leaned in, put his lips right on her ear, one hand resting on her thigh. “If I tell you to open up and take me, I could just leave you to do as you please. Or maybe I’ll use your hair to hold your head right where I want it. I’ll tell you to lick the head for exactly how long I want you to lick me. I’ll tell you to suck when I want you to suck, to swallow when I want you to swallow. If I tell you to hum, or to hold your breath, or to scrape me with your teeth, won’t you do exactly that?”
Her hand gripped his forearm and she swallowed audibly.
“Y-yes.”
“Then do you agree that the only thing you need to be good at is listening to me?”
“Um. Maybe?” Her voice was kind of a squeak.
“Then it will be my job to convince you.”
He stood up and pulled her to her feet, tucked her close to his side and picked up the pace back to the house. Her eyes were dilated and she kept glancing at him, but didn’t say anything. When they were safely inside the house, door locked behind them, he sat on the edge of the couch.
“Come here, Nat.”
She was standing near the door, holding Missy P. Her lip disappeared between her teeth as she watched him, but she set the cat down and moved to stand between his legs, where he indicated.
He saw that she was about to kneel, assuming that’s what he wanted, so he put his hand on her hip. “Don’t move.”
She froze.
He studied her. Taking his time, making his perusal, and his appreciation, obvious. Then he worked the straps on her sandals free. “Lift this foot.” He pulled the shoe free, then repeated with her other foot. “Put your hands on my shoulders and kneel down. Watch my eyes.”
She dropped gracefully to her knees, her gaze on his.
“Very good. Will you let me kiss you?” he asked.
Surprise flitted across her face. “Yes, please.”
He smiled. He put his hand where it had been itching to go all night, his fingers at her nape, his thumb on her jaw. He leaned down, and when she started to lean forward, he squeezed his hand. She stopped and her lips parted. He rubbed his nose along hers, then along her cheekbone and into her hairline, breathing deeply.
“Put your hands behind your back, interlace your fingers.”
Her breath caught, and she immediately complied.
He sucked her earlobe into his mouth, then gave it a little nibble. Kissing his way along her jawline, he reached her lips and gently took her bottom lip between his teeth.
She whimpered.
He released her lip and licked the spot, soothing it as air puffed out at him. “Don’t move,” he told her, then slid his tongue into her mouth.
Her mostly breathless whine pleased him very much.
Tasting her, exploring her, he took his time, enjoying what she gave. What he took. After a few minutes, he pulled away. Her eyes were closed, her face flushed. “Put your hands on my knees.”
It took her a second, and her hands were a little shaky as they landed on his legs. Then her fingers dug in, securing herself to him.
He didn’t sip and he wasn’t gentle. He invaded. Taking, and with the taking, giving. His fingers at her neck tightened. He slanted her head a little and went deeper. She moaned and he considered taking more. Touching more. Pushing.
With an internal sigh of regret, he eased back, gentled. He brushed her cheek with his thumb, sucked her tongue in for one last caress, then kissed the corner of her mouth and moved back.
She stayed where she was, lips swollen and wet, eyes closed. When they finally blinked open, he smiled. “Do you think you can trust me to make things good for both of us?” he asked.
Slowly, her head went up and down, her gaze never leaving his.
“Excellent.”
Her fingers relaxed on his legs, the tiny bite of her nails disappearing as she came back to herself.
“I don’t know if that was mean, or really nice,” she finally said.
He barked out a laugh. “Sometimes things can be both at the same time.” He helped her to her feet and encouraged her to sit down next to him. “Do you have any questions?”
“Would I be an idiot to go off to a cabin in the woods with a self-proclaimed Dom who I’ve only been casually acquainted with for several years?”
“When you put it like that, yes. But we’re not in a hurry. Are you comfortable talking with Sonya and Alec? Maybe you’ll want to visit the club, see the vibe and culture there, that we’re part of. Talk to some of the submissives, even some of my play partners. We’ll go when you’re ready.”
Natalie was ready right now. She badly wanted to ask Noah if he’d take her into the bedroom. That kiss had gotten her hotter and wetter than her last boyfriend had ever managed.
But she was trying not to be an idiot, and really didn’t want to make the same mistake twice. She could be certain that Noah wasn’t going to take her off into the woods and murder her. And she was fairly confident that he wouldn’t abuse or mindfuck her, but could she be certain? No. Of course, she supposed you could never be one hundred percent certain of that kind of thing, but she needed to do some due diligence.
She glanced over at Noah and found he was watching her with a half-smile. “I think your brain is going a hundred miles an hour.”
“About that, yeah. You’ve given me a lot to think about. Also, Annalise is coming over for lunch tomorrow. If I talk to her about this stuff, which I probably will, do you want me to leave your name out of it?”
He rubbed his hand over the back of his neck. “Oh. I should have thought to mention this. She knows.”
Natalie’s mouth dropped open and she stared at him. “What?” she managed.
“Right. Alec had a very careful conversation with her several years ago. Before he met Sonya. He wanted to be sure that if anything happened to him, she would know to talk to me so we could clear out his, um, belongings before his parents found stuff at his apartment.”
“Oh. Okay. That’s good. That will make this a lot easier.”
Then the truth suddenly hit her. That’s why Annalise hadn’t gotten all excited when Natalie’d said she and Alec had dinner together. Annalise hadn’t figured Noah would be interested in vanilla Natalie, that their dinner really had been just between friends.
“Yes, be as open with her as you feel comfortable. But…” He winced, and paused.
“What?”
“We don’t know what you want for your future. I’m happy, and honored, to help you figure out if you want to proceed or not.” He paused again.
“But you’re not my boyfriend,” she guessed.
“But I’m not your boyfriend. Or your Dom, not really. It’s more like a mentorship, to help you figure out if you want to go forward with exploring these things. It can be…easy—very easy—to get emotionally caught up in something like that, let your heart get involved. Especially when the only play you’ve done before has been while developing a boyfriend relationship at the same time as a D/s relationship.”
He aimed his gaze at her, his voice serious.
“If we agree to a weekend, I’ll be your Dom for that time period, but anything beyond will be discussed after that. It’s nothing to do with you or how desirable you are.” He glanced down at his lap, and she could see that at least some part of him was excited after their kiss. “You’ll need to really think about, and decide if you want sex to be a part of the weekend. We can absolutely explore your submission without it.”
That was definitely something she should think about. Except, she really didn’t need much effort to decide. But he was right; it would be hard to keep her heart out of the equation if they went there. “I don’t want you to do anything you’re not comfortable with, either.”
He grinned. “I promise you that I am, uh…up for it, either way.”
She snorted.
“But,” he continued, “I’d rather not set Annalise up for thinking things are more than they are.”
Natalie nodded. �
��That makes sense.” She couldn’t fault him for that, and even had to agree. The twinge she’d felt disappeared and she reminded herself that he didn’t have to do any of this. Sure, he probably felt a bit of Domly responsibility toward her, but it absolutely wouldn’t have been difficult for him to set her up with some people at the club he trusted to help her figure things out, and bow out of the equation. He didn’t need to help. He didn’t have to kiss her. Or invite her to play for the weekend. He wanted to do those things. With her. And that was exactly what she needed.
With a reminder to call or text him if she needed, and a promise to email her the Apex limits sheet so she could start thinking about it, Noah headed out. Natalie and Missy P moved to the backyard. She lay down on the sofa, the cat stretched across her stomach, and thought about what she wanted. What she needed? Maybe.
When the temperature had dropped, she went back inside and filled the tub. She didn’t bother with the wine this time. Or her book. She had that kiss. The words Noah had used. The way he’d spoken. His hand holding her still, his desire holding her steady. She completely understood his wanting her to think twice about whether they would include sex in their weekend, but there was just no way she was going to deny herself the hotness that was Noah, given half a chance.
She lit the candles, and turned out the lights, but it didn’t really matter, because she closed her eyes the second she slid down into the water. Noah’s face wasn’t hard to conjure into her mind. Nor was the memory of that kiss, the way she’d felt both calm and intensely excited from his hold on her. She lifted her hips into the jet’s stream, gasping as she found her mark.
Imagining the press of his fingers around her wrists, holding her in place, but also magically being able to tease her breasts. His breath on her neck, his lips, his tongue, anywhere and everywhere. She aimed the pulse of water into her core, her legs straining to keep her positioned just so, then slowly maneuvered until the stream was directly on her clit. She gave a short scream as the sensations overwhelmed her. Her butt dropped back down to the tub and she lay still and panting in the swirling water.
A noise had her slowly rolling her head toward the door. Missy P had apparently come to check on her. The cat gave a little mrrrp and moved back out of the doorway, apparently satisfied her food provider had not perished. She would have laughed, but she didn’t yet possess the energy.
Chapter Seven
Natalie knew it was kind of ridiculous to be nervous about having Annalise over. The chances of her best friend turning her back on her were slim. She knew Annalise. Trusted her. But, well, it wasn’t like she didn’t have some history with best friends turning on her, though she supposed Felicity would argue the point about who had turned on whom.
Annalise arrived with salads from one of their favorite restaurants.
“Wow, this sweater is fantastic, is it a commission?” Annalise grabbed the nearly finished piece from where Natalie had stashed it out of Missy P’s reach on the bookshelves. Her friend was well versed by now in how to care for projects still on the needles. She rubbed her cheek on the softness, then carefully returned it to its place.
“Yes, a coworker’s sister.” She made a mental note of which pattern it was to consider for Annalise’s Christmas present.
“I’m so excited for the baby. Have you heard anything from them? I’ve been careful not to bug them.”
“I sent a couple pics of Missy P and Sonya told me they’re having a great time.”
They sat at the table, inside with the air-conditioning, since the heat had rocketed up again. Annalise eyed her as they started in on their salads. “You look…I don’t know. What’s going on?”
Her friend knew her too well. “Well, actually I do want to talk about something. Um, how do I start?”
Annalise raised her eyebrows.
“Okay. So. When Noah came by, we had a conversation that brought up something from my past that I’ve been ignoring since I moved here. I contacted a couple of therapists today, to see if I can find a good fit and start talking to someone.”
“Oh, Nat, is it about your father? What do you need from me?”
Damn, she loved her friend. The warmth of that filled her up and pushed away her nerves. Mostly.
“Thanks, hun. No, nothing to do with him, this is from college. Um, right…I’ll just say it. When I was in college, my best friend and I decided to explore the world of BDSM. We read a lot of books, fiction and nonfiction, we did a lot of research online, and eventually we went to a club and hooked up with a couple of guys. Doms.”
Annalise stopped her fork halfway to her mouth, dressing dripping off the salad. “Wow, seriously?”
“Yeah. Eat your salad,” she added with a laugh.
“Hmph.” Annalise did as she was told, but waggled her eyebrows.
“It…worked for me. For us. Our Doms were both patient with guiding us. Or at least, that’s what I thought. We hadn’t gotten too heavy into things when my Dom, my boyfriend, decided he wanted to test my trust in him. He used my best friend and her boyfriend, so they were all in it together. It was…well, it was fucked up. I blamed myself, figured I just wasn’t as suited to what we were doing as I’d thought, since I was so completely not suited to what he—they—had done. I walked away. Ran, kind of. I finished my finals without hardly speaking a word to Felicity, who was also my roommate. I moved here, and I put it all away.”
Except for the occasional fantasies with her vibrator. She hadn’t even let herself have much fun with her personal toys, though, keeping to a massager and a boring vibrator. What a waste, she realized.
“I felt like they’d betrayed me. They felt like they’d been betrayed. It wasn’t great, and I just…pretended like it never happened and stopped reading those kinds of books, or looking for the kind of guy who might be even the slightest bit interested in that kind of thing.”
Her eyes went wide. “Oh. Enter Noah.” And then her eyes lit with excitement. “Oh! You guys would be so great—”
Natalie lifted a hand to stop her. “Hold on. Don’t get ahead of yourself.”
Annalise pouted. She pushed her empty dish aside and waited while Natalie took another bite. Her fingers drummed on the table and Natalie smiled while chewing.
“Right, so I happened to make a comment, that you would have just thought was a little funny, but he recognized as being…well, a certain kind of dirty. And then I saw that he recognized that, and we started talking…and I told him all about what happened.”
She pushed her own dish aside and felt her eyes get a little wet. “And Noah told me that I was right, and my boyfriend had been an asshole.”
“Well, duh.” The indignation in Annalise’s voice was loud and clear.
“I mean, it’s not totally unbelievable that I could have been wrong,” Natalie said with a fake pout. “And if I wasn’t, then it means I was wrong to walk away and pretend that kind of thing wasn’t important to me.”
“Psh. It was the right decision at the right time, and I don’t see any reason to look backwards for a bunch of should’ves and could’ves. The more pressing point is, did you jump Noah’s bones?”
Natalie looked up as if asking for guidance from a higher power. “My best friend. A one-track mind. A dirty one-track mind.”
“I mean, isn’t that the track we were on?” Annalise shrugged. “Besides, he’s hella hot.”
Natalie sighed. “He is. But he’s offering to help me out, decide if, and how, I want to move forward with this…lifestyle. He’s doing me a favor, letting me work it out with someone I know and trust, and I’m not going to return the favor by pretending it’s more than that. He’s like, an expert in the field. A mentor.”
Annalise narrowed her eyes. “It could be more than that.”
“Maybe. Maybe not. But whether it goes that way or not, you can’t push him or give him any shit. That wouldn’t be a very fair reward for helping me out.”
“Fine.” It was more of a sigh than a promise, but Natalie figur
ed it was good enough. “Now, tell me all the good stuff.”
Natalie had managed to redirect her conversation with Annalise without, in fact, going into specifics of “all the good stuff”. Either about her time in college or with Noah. There had been a little pouting, but then the two of them had gone shopping for the baby and all had been right in Annalise’s world. This was to be her first niece or nephew, and she was extremely excited.
By the end of the week, Natalie had connected with a few therapists and picked one. She’d had her first session the following week, and was so glad. Although nothing was quite like the moment when Noah had called her ex a twat, the validation of having done the right things, made good, healthy decisions for herself, and that she wasn’t being a fool to risk exploring things with Noah, was an amazing relief.
Of course, Mandy, her therapist, had asked her how she felt about him.
She’d been forced to admit that she was very attracted to him, and would be sad if he shook her hand and walked away after considering his “job” done, but she didn’t want to miss the opportunity, either. She was willing to take the chance, after taking none for so many years.
She’d waited for her therapist to chide her for that, but no. Mandy had agreed with her that some risks were worth the heartbreak. They’d gone over the Apex limits sheet together before she’d sent it to Noah. And then they had gone over it together, on the phone. They’d worked out a plan to go to his friend’s cabin for the Fourth of July. Apparently the owners of the place were more interested in fireworks at the beach, so it would be empty, giving them the three-day weekend to work with.
Now it was Friday, and Noah was due to pick her up at her apartment at any time. He’d told her he might not leave work exactly on time, so not to worry if he was late. She was click-clacking away on her new knitting project, but had already messed up twice. Giving that up for now, she put the project into her travel bag and went to stand at the window.
She’d had a long talk with Sonya, who had told her that she and Alec would be more than happy to take Natalie to the club with them, with her under their wing, until she was comfortable on her own. She’d considered it. Considered absolving Noah of his position of responsibility toward her, so that they could explore playing together more as equals.