by E M Garcia
"Then let us help you," I said, taking a step toward her. "It doesn't have to end like this, Jay."
The Lady's lip quivered, and for a second, I thought I had reached her. She let her arm fall just a little, shifting the trajectory of the pistol from my chest to the floor.
"It's already ended, angel," she whispered.
J'Selle lunged for RAE. I dove for J'Selle, locking my hand around her boney wrist. Daq dropped from the rafters onto the equipment. I lost sight of him as The Lady thrashed and buckled to losen my grip. She reared back and punched me in the gut, sending me staggering off balance and tumbling into RAE's orb.
"Tam, look ou--" Daq leaped forward, but he couldn't reach me in time. His voice faded in the wake of RAE's screens.
Instead of the void, I was on a stark white plane. It glimmered and convulsed, solidifing into our house on N'Cali. The house and mountain haunted my dreams for days, but for the first time, I felt neither pain nor dread when I looked at them.
The door to the house swung open. A tawny-skinned man stepped onto the poarch, his green eyes locked on me as he climbed down the steps. I hadn't seen those eyes in ten years, but I would have known them anywhere. Their presence explained why I wasn't afraid of the mountain anymore. I was never afraid of anything when I was around Jack.
"Jackson?" I whispered. For a second, I was afraid that daring to speak his name would make the illusion disappear, but he held firm and solid.
Mt. Victoria rumbled behind us. It's dark cloud passed over the house, plunging it into darkness. He didn't need the house to reach me anymore.
"Don't worry, angel," Jackson said, smiling. "I've got you."
The smile faded from Jack's lips as suddenly as it had appeared. His skin lightened and pixelated, fading into RAE's white glow.
29
For the second time that day, the Wreckers stared at me with looks of concern etched on their faces. This time, J'Selle knelt beside me, leaning as close to me as she could without suffering loss of balance from her bound hands. She rocked softly, now and then whispering the same phrase.
"I should have told you," J'Selle whispered, as if reading my thoughts.
I tore my eyes away from RAE to look at her. "I wouldn't have believed you then. I do now. Tell me everything."
J'Selle nodded, swallowing hard. "About a year ago, an unidentified info packet was sent to my personal comm. When I opened there were images, fragments of text. At first it seemed like gibberish, but when I looked carefully they were all things that reminded me of Jack. Some of them only he and I were there."
"The same with me," I said.
Alix looked at Daq and raised and eyebrow. "Can you confirm what they're saying shadow?"
"I can confirm the memories are in J'Selle's mind. But that doesn't prove anything. It only means she believes them."
"How could I not believe them?" She turned to me, her eye suddenly frantic again. I wondered if she had switched off her emotional inhibitor or if it had succumb to the events of the past few weeks. "Tam, you saw, didn't you?"
I nodded. "I believe you, Jay. I promise."
"Tam, what you're saying isn't possible," Xaveer said, looking to Wes. "Is it?"
Wes shrugged. "We've never understood much about RAE. Loading Nell into a droid is one thing, but I've never heard of a person being digitized."
"I know what I saw." I looked over at RAE--Jack-- and watched him churn. He seemed to have calmed since we communicated, but he didn't engage in conversation. He wouldn't answer questions, whether thought or spoken, and he wouldn't appear in Jack's form again. He just repeated the same phrase in Jackson's voice. Don't worry, angel. I've got you.
"Nobody doubts that, Tam," Alix said gently. "We're just trying to get up to speed."
"I don't think we have time," I said. "RAE appeared to me as Jack, but he couldn't hold the form forever."
All the Wreckers except Daq exchanged a look.
"For all we know tht's because it's not RAE's form at all," Wes said. "He already had the link with your mind. He could have pulled Jack's image from your head."
I shook my head. "This was real. RAE repeated something very specific in Jack's voice. There was nobody else around when he said it."
"Except you," Wes said. "That could be enough for RAE to mirror it. We just don't understand much about how he works."
I rolled my eyes. "You keep saying that!"
"He keeps saying it because it's true, Tam," Alix said. "Nobody is trying to attack your story. We're just trying to get as sure as you are. You're asking us to take a lot of faith here."
I glanced back at the AI on the platform. They guys had ever right to doubt me story. It matched J'Selle's too closely. The details of it were too fantastic. I've a civilian told me the same story, I would have had the same questions they did and been just as frustrated when they couldn't be answered.
"How do we prove it to you?" I asked.
Alix stared at me for a few seconds. "Demon, unhook J'Selle. Trick, you said you have equipment you're looking AI?"
"I don't have anything specialized for RAE," Wes said, stroking his chin. "But I should be able to do a basic diagnostic."
"Do it. Take the lady with you. When we know everything we can about that AI, we'll head back to Alliance space. Not one second before."
I let out a sigh of relief. "Thanks, Alix."
He smiled and patted me on the shoulder. "Don't mention it. In the meantime, Demon and I should get on the horn to Nell about those supplies. Gale'll throw a fit if we don't get his ship back together."
"It's my ship, Alix," I called after him. He chuckled as he dipped back into the corridor where we'd left the shuttle.
I felt movment behind me and a chill as Daq sat on the floor next to me. He hadn't taken his eyes off me for more than a few seconds since I regained consciouness, but this was the first time he had gotten close.
"Are you alright, Tam?" he asked, concern evident in his voice.
I nodded, smiling before I could help myself. Alix's prediction proved accurate. Daq third attempt to save me, while as much of a failure as the first, dampened most of my anger toward him.
J'Selle slid to her feet, clearing her throat with a gentle sound. "I should help Trick with the diagnostics. Thank you for not thinking I'm crazy, Tam."
"I defintely think you're crazy," I laughed. "The question now is whether I am to." My behavior of the last week left some doubts.
The Lady's features smoothed into a pleasantly neutral expression. "I do miss you when you're gone Tameron. We should visit more often." She clasped her hands together and turned on her heel, walking toward the lab equipment in a rush of flowing robes.
I rolled my eyes, bracing my hands on my knees and climbing to my feet. Daq slid his hand beneath my arm with gentle pressure, hovering there if I needed him. I realized I had missed the icy sensation of his skin on mine.
Daq glanced at the AI, then back to me, stroking my are lightly. "Can you hear him?"
"Nothing new. I think that's the only phrase he remembers." When I looked up at him, deep frown lines marred his forehead. "You don't believe me, do you?"
"I believe you believe it," he said. "And that's enough for my to follow you're wishes."
"No matter what they are?" I asked.
He looked down at me, raising his eyebrows above the goggles. "When it comes to the AI and...other matters."
I nodded understanding. If J'Selle had told me the truth. That morning in my cabin, I wouldn't have believed her either.
"We need to talk," I whispered, testing his promise.
He surprised me by taking my hand and rubbing it between his fingers. "There is a courtyard in the middle of the facility. I believe the employees used it for recreation. The sun shines beautifully there."
I raised an eyebrow. "Can your eyes take the sun?"
Daq shrugged. "I can enjoy the warmth, and for the conversation we need to have, I think the change of scenery is best."
I glanc
ed back over my shoulder at RAE, suddenly afraid to leave him.
"He will be here when we return, Tam," Daq said.
I wanted to believe him, but as Daq took my hand again and led me into the courtyard, I couldn't shake the feeling that he was wrong.
30
The courtyard was positioned in the center of the refinery, not far from the research lab. Stone benches carved from the same rock as the canyon walls dotted the space. Daq and I sat down on the one fartherst from the door. I waited for the familiar shyness common to all early relationships to settle over me, but it didn't come. Our relationship was just beginning, but it felt far too developed for the label.
I laid my hand on Daq's shoulder. The blazing Benjo sun made his skin feel warm beneath my fingers. "How do we start?"
Daq shook his head. His hand moved up, fingers dipping into the puffed remants of my braid. "Beyond barriers."
I nodded and closed my eyes, gasping as I felt the familiar sensation of his mind wrapping around mine. This time, I didn't fight it. I pushed forward, and found myself in the network of caves. This memory belonged to Daq, not me. Because it was his memory, I knew that the network extended from miles and miles across the surface of the planet and deep underground. The Knaewa never went to the surface. There were worse things in the scorching heat, and blinding light of that surface.
Daq moved out of the shadows at the far end of the cave. His eyes fell on me, unobscured by the goggles he needed in the real world. As he came closer, her wrapped an arm around me and hooked a finger under my chin, tilting it up to claim my lips.
"What is this place?" I asked, breathlessly.
His eyes wrinkled. "I grew up here, for a time. And for a time, I thought I had died here."
"Like me on N'Cali," I whispered.
Daq nodded. He slid his hand over my hair and it fell free, tumbling over my shoulder in a mass of thick curly.
"If you don't want to stay here--"
"You brought us here, Tam." He caressed my lip with his thumb. "I will not question you about what I see in your mind then forbid you from doing the same."
"We're supposed to be talking," I said, quirking an eyebrow.
"We are talking," he said. "I also happen to be admiring."
I scrunched my lips together to stiffle a laugh. His just wasn't funny, but it felt so good to have a few minutes free from terror over the future. Even if we had to find it by devling into the past.
"You said you thought you'd died here. What made you change your mind?"
"Getting my life back and almost losing it again." His fingers slid along my face, caressing my cheek before coming to rest at my temple. "You have questions for me."
I nodded. "What happened between us on the Calypso...was it part of J'Selle's plot?
Instantly, I felt a flood of hurts earnest this from the boy around me. I understood why he suggested we speak this way. He couldn't lie to me in his own mind. There was nowhere to hide.
"My feelings for you are...complicated." Daq said. "When The Lady sniffed them out, she used them against me. I should have buried them more throughly."
I could feel he wasn't blinding.
He stepped closer to me, walking slowly, giving me time to move away. I might ask you the same question.
I took a press walking toward him
"What about you, Ambassador," he asked, bringing his thumb back up to stroke my cheek. A smile spread over his lips, but I could feel the air in the void grow heavy. "Was our night together just your attempt to bury your pain and pleasure?"
"I shouldn't said that," I sighed and leaned into his touch. "It wasn't fair to say it when I wasn't sure I meant it."
Daq shrugged. "Sometiems we say the things we need to in order to protect ourselves."
"In my experience, that doesn't work for things like this." I shook my head taking a breath. "We tell the truth or it doesn't work at all."
This time, the smile that spread over Daq's lips was genuine, but it faded quickly. The tone of the darkness around us ward and light. A small smile crept onto Daq's face.
"Was that you're only question?" he asked.
In the void to my right, and image gathered and condensed in the fall. Alix and I stared into one another's eyes. He leaned forward in unison, the rising on my toes to meet my lips against his. As soon as the image appeared it was gone.
I looked back to Daq, expecting to see anger or shock on his face. There was only, acceptance.
"You already knew about that?" I asked.
Daq brought his fingers back up to my temple, massaging the skin with the pads of his fingers. "Memory walking is a gift...and a curse. I know many things I wish I didn't. On a rare day, I can use it to protect those I care for. Today I can use it to put your fears to rest. If that's the only obstacle in your mind, then there is none.""
"The Demon said you weren't posessive."
He shrugged. "I've seen too much pain in this galaxy, Tam, and far too little love."
I opened my mouth to question him again, but Xaveer's deep voice cut through the link.
Guys? I hate to break it up, but we've got a problem.
Daq sighed and pulled away. "If he knows already, he would not interrupt us unless it was important."
I nodded and closed my eyes. When I opened them again. We were back in the courtyard. Daq and I lay next to each other the bench, our legs and arms tangled together. The demon crouched on a bench a few meters away, grinning down at us.
"Now that's a damn fine sight," he said.
I cleared my throat and disentangled myself from Daq. The smile on my lips faded as RAE's voice rose in my mind again, filling the space Shadow left behind. There were no words now, just pain and rage. I shuddered, falling forward as the strength of it. Daq caught me before I hit the ground. Xaveer sprang from the bench, bounding to me in two steps.
"What is it?" Xaveer growled. "Is she hurt?"
Daq shook his head and winced. He hadn't closed the link. "The AI...."
"He's dying," I whispered. A lump formed in my throat.
I pushed away from Shadow and The Demon, running for the lab. The AI hovered over the platform, twice the size it had been when we first arrived on Benjo. Now I knew it was my big brother and he was in pain. He was dying.
"Trick do something!" J'Selle screamed. Xaveer moved to her and wrapped lput a meaty hand on her shoulder. She jerked away and continued working.
"Wes, what's happening? "I asked.
The look of agony Wes gave me confirmed my worst fears. He looked back to his console, working as furiously as J'Selle. "He built the sustaining network on Aurora and he's been away from it too long and we don't have one for him here. He's losing integrity."
"He's dying." Daq whispered.
"No, he's not!" J'Selle snapped. "I'm not losing him again!"
My fingers moved to the necklace at my throat, clasping the warm metal between my fingers. I lost Jack once already. This time, I would have to watch.
"There has to be some way to stop this," I whispered.
"We can't get him back to Aurora fast enough," Wes said, "Even if we could, the Alliance would confiscate him the second we cross into their space. He doesn't have that kind of time."
RAE howled again. I winced as the sharp sound peirced my ear drums, pentrating right to my brain.
"What about my implants?" I asked,
Wes looked at me like I was insane. "Excuse me?"
"You said he was trying to form a network with me right? If he needs a network now, upload him into my implants."
He paused for just long enough to look at me like I'd lost my mind. "There's no way that will work."
"You did it with Nell." I said. Side he whispered.
"I can't download an AI into a person just like threading one through a droid, Ambassador," he snapped. "It doesn't work that way."
I struggled to breathe. Daq pressed his lips against my temple. I leaned against him, letting my eyes fall back to Jack as he writhed in pain. I p
ulled away from Daq and stumbled to Wes, reaching out to grip his arm.
He paused and looked up at me. "It could kill you, Tam."
"Only if I'm wrong," I said. "If I'm right and it's Jack...I could save him."
"She's right," J'Selle said, wiping the tears from her eyes. "If Jack and the AI are the same person, Tam's memories could help stabilize him."
"We should consult the others," Xaveer grunted. "I don't think Gale or LT would go for this."
"I don't need permission," I said. "This isn't a military mission. This is my brother. We're not taking vote!
I looked at Wes, tears building in my eyes. If there was even a chance RAE was Jack, I couldn't lose him again. I would never fogive myself. J'Selle would never forgive me.
Wes closed his eyes and sighed. "Daq, there's a gurney in the next room."
Xaveer roared in frustration and stormed out of the room.
"He doesn't approve," Daq whispered into my hair. "If you mean to follow through with this, I would do it quickly. Xaveer will warn the others."
I nodded and let him go. When he came back with the gurnee, he gripped my waist and lifted me onto it. I laid back, my eyes locked on the spiking, gyrating ball of energy. My brother.
Wes wheeled the gurnee closer to RAE. He pulled an insturnment from the platform, pulling to give slack to the cord that connected it. "This machine wasn't designed for us. But the droids are based on our anatomy to a frustrating degree. It'll work the same, but I don't have any anesthesia.
"I will manage her." Daq slid into place at the top of the gurnee. He pressed a hand against my forehead. "Close your eyes."
I did, feeling his mind wrap around mine and pull me into the void. Jack's screams echoed through it. Daq gripped me tightly and pulled me into his chest. I didn't know if he could hear the screams or was desperate to stop my trembling.
"Whatever happens, Tam, I'm here," he whispered.
I nodded clinging tighter to him, thinking about the journey we were meant to go on and the one we ended up taking. "I know. Please...stay."
"Brace yourself, Tam," Trick's voice echoed through the void. "Incoming!"