The United States of Rebellia

by RJ Pritchett

  “They’re like Romeo and Juliet…” Daphne said, almost smiling.

  “Do you still feel like suicide is taking the easy way out?” Patricia said to Rebellia, “try saying that again, after getting raped constantly by your stepfather while your own mother is too afraid to stop it.”

  “You could’ve gone to the police,” Rebellia said.

  “Yeah, that’s right. Let me go to the same people that shot and killed Travis, and then let them put me in foster care. Well, let me tell you this… I most likely would’ve done it either way. Am I being selfish for not want to continue a shitty life, Rebellia? How am I being selfish if nobody misses me because the only person that gave a fuck about me was six feet under? How is it selfish if my death meant nothing to anybody on that planet? My own mother didn’t give a fuck about me, at least she didn’t care enough to help me. You don’t know what true depression feels like, so it’s easy for your high and mighty ass to tell a suicidal person that their thoughts are self-centered. People like me… black girls from the hood are different. I grew up in the projects in Brooklyn, New York. While I was going through what I went through, little Rebellia was probably going to a country club that her rich parents owned, reading a bible, being the perfect little girl.”

  “You know nothing about me.”

  “I know enough,” Patricia shot back, “I know you didn’t have to go through what the rest of us had to go through. I know you feel guilty because of that, and that’s why you sit here, and you listen to our stories, you try your best to feel our pain because you didn’t have to deal with any of that pain growing up. And most of all, you fight for us because you feel like we can’t fight for ourselves. You feel sorry for us, and this guild was built to help you deal with your survivor’s remorse.”

  The room went dead silent again, as all eyes turned to Rebellia. Rebellia seemed to choose her next words carefully by taking time to think of what to say.

  “Yes, Patricia. I was born into a rich family. I never really had to deal with the same problems that you had, but where is all that money and luxury now? Huh? Where is my parent’s country club at now? I don’t get any special treatment here. I have to scratch and claw in this world on my own, just like you. I was away from my comfort zone and didn’t have anybody when I first woke up here… I don’t have it easy anymore, Patricia. I went from having it all, to having nothing. I sit here and listen to each and every one of your stories because I care. I care about everyone’s stories because caring has always been in my nature. I cared when the people I encountered throughout my life didn’t give a fuck about the less fortunate. Suicide is never the answer because there’s always someone out there who cares. Whether you know it or not, someone out there loves you enough to want you to keep going. We all die, why rush your death when it’s going to come for you eventually? No matter how shitty your life is, suicide should never be the question. I stand by that and I always will. It’s wrong to take your own life. Life is too precious to be thrown away. The same way we look at murder as the worst thing ever, suicide is the same. Make the best of your short life. Law of averages already proves that it won’t be shitty forever. Good years always follow bad days.”

  “I’m hearing you, Rebellia,” Patricia said, “how about we just agree to disagree because you can’t speak on this subject if you never been through depression… Faye or Larissa would be a little bit more qualified to talk about this.”

  “Well, what you went through is way tougher than anything I had to deal with,” Faye said, “it makes me feel so vain that I actually considered killing myself because a bunch of people was making fun of me while you dealt with that. I would’ve never forgiven myself had I done it knowing your background.”

  “You actually had parents that cared about you,” Patricia said to Faye, “imagine your biological father being in jail for your entire life because of a crime he didn’t commit. Imagine his best friend committed that crime, but your dad was the one the police targeted. The no-snitch rule stopped your father from telling the truth. Then that same best friend that is the reason your dad is in jail went and started sleeping with your mother, turned her into a junkie, then raped you every other night starting on the night of your thirteenth birthday. Even though we both been depressed, Faye. You were just getting teased by some girls at school. That would’ve been the least of my problems.”

  “I’m sorry about everything, Patricia,” Rebellia said, “I truly am-”

  “Rebellia, can I ask you a question?” Patricia said, “What about the people with mental health conditions? The people whose thoughts haunt them? The people who feel like they’re prisoners to their own minds? What about the people with Schizophrenia, Bipolar Disorder, and PTSD to name a few -that feels the only way for them to be free is to end it all? What would you say to those people? Would you call them selfish?”

  “I would try to help them out as much as possible. I would also say to those people that in life we are supposed to make the best with the cards that we’re dealt. Not all of us have been dealt a good hand but making the best out of a messed up situation is the test. I would try my best to make them believe that someone out there is cheering for them to win the mental battle their facing. Believe that you can get through whatever you’re going through. Talk to people. Go to therapy, meditate, listen to music, find something that you’re good at so you can contribute to the world in a positive way when you’re dealing with something so negative mentally. That advice may not be strong enough for some people, but I’ll try my best to stop suicide. You’re not just hurting yourself, you’re hurting the people who care about you the most… even strangers.”

  Patricia didn’t say anything after that. The room went silent again. This time for a long time.

  “So… what about that kid? Devonte,” Tobias finally broke the awkward silence and changed the heavy subject in the process, “What’s his story?”

  “Cancer,” Rebellia said matter-of-factly, “he told us that when we first found him in that cabin a few weeks back. I never really found it in my heart to have a discussion about any more of his memories. I don’t know how he’ll react when he finally finds out what happened to him.”

  “Cancer? Yikes,” Tobias said, widening his mouth as he shook his red head of hair, “the government’s favorite weapon.”

  “… Wait. What?” Maria asked, “You think the government is using cancer as a weapon? How?”

  “They can put cancer-causing chemicals inside the food. People consume the food and boom… cancer,” Tobias said, using his hand to signify an explosion.

  “That sounds crazy.”

  “Not just the food,” Rebellia said, looking at Patricia who still looked down at the ground, “those chemicals are also in a lot of products like sunscreen, toothpaste, air fresheners, shampoos, deodorant, you name it. Also, cancer produces a lot of money because everyone wants to donate money to fight against it.”

  “Let me tell you this, Maria.” Tobias moved closer to Maria’s seat, “How many people in the Bible died of cancer?”

  “I don’t know,” Maria shrugged her shoulders, “I’m not familiar with the Bible at all. You see, I was born into a Polynesian family in Hawaii. We did not read the Bible or have belief in the Christian religion. I didn’t know the Christian religion existed until I was fifteen -to be quite honest,” she laughed, “the religion I grew up in was mainly Polytheistic.”

  “Polytheistic?” Rebellia’s eyes grew tighter, and her lips were pursed.

  “Yeah. I heard that word in my dreams a lot,” Maria said, “we pretty much believed in the spirit of everything non-human. We had four Gods, I think.”

  Jabari and Tobias looked at Rebellia and Faye respectively, “So if she has four Gods, will she go to their Heaven, or do we all go to the same one?” Tobias asked.

  “I don’t have all the answers,” Rebellia shrugged, giving Patricia a quick glance before she turned back to Maria, “Maybe her Gods are on the other side, maybe her Gods are the
divided personalities of one. Only Heaven knows.”

  “That’s good that you remember more from your past,” Faye said, touching Maria’s shoulder, “see, it all should come to you sooner than you think.”

  “It’s weird. It’s like… those memories of my dreams just came to me like a few minutes ago,” Maria said, holding her right palm against her forehead.

  “Maybe we were talking about something you went through,” Faye said.

  “You ever been raped before?” Tobias said right before everyone gave him dirty looks, “I mean… we were talking about that, right?”

  “Yeah, but… just not in that tone,” Rebellia said, “the question still stands though,” she turned to Maria, waiting for an answer.

  “I don’t think so…” Maria shook her head.

  “Did you die of cancer?” Sonia asked.

  “Did you not hear her earlier when she told us she keeps getting killed in her dreams by someone she can’t see?” Faye asked, almost laughing. “I know for sure it was a gunshot. I pointed it to her face when we first spoke, and she remembered her last name. She said Rebellia pointed a gun at her before that, and that’s when she remembered her first name. Small samples, but still. It’s safe to assume that she died of a gunshot wound.”

  “She couldn’t see, so she must’ve been shot from behind…” Rebellia said going over all of this new information in her head, “well, based on America’s gun control laws, it could be anyone.”

  “Maybe that boyfriend that she might’ve had,” Daphne suggested again.

  Maria was about to answer, but she quickly thought otherwise, because there was a possibility that she was right. “I don’t know who it was… it seems random in my dreams… it just happens. At random times too,” Maria said still holding her head, “there was this one time, I was walking down a lonely street, I heard a gunshot from behind me, and I woke up…”

  “Could’ve been a stray,” Tobias said while in deep thought.

  “Or maybe someone executed her,” Jabari suggested while looking at Maria, “I wish my death was as cool as that. I just drowned. Nothing’s special about drowning.”

  “Try dying naturally. Nothing’s wrong with you, you just die cause you’re old,” Sonia said, “that’s the most boring death there is.”

  “Yeah, but drowning-”

  “It’s still a tragedy,” Rebellia said looking at Jabari with upset eyes. “Your children lost their father. Your wife lost her husband-”

  “My wife was divorcing me anyways,” Jabari says, waving her off, “life wasn’t going too great. Luckily, I already wrote my will, so that succubus didn’t get everything after I died.”

  “Ooh. Nice.” Tobias gave him a high five.

  “Always gotta be prepared, man,” Jabari smiled, “always gotta be prepared. I’m sure my brother thinks I love him right now after seeing all the stuff I left him.”

  “Ooh. I got a good one…” Tobias’ eyes widened, “Jabari speaking about his brother reminded me. This question might be a little controversial, I’m not sure where you all stand on this because we never spoke on it before. And please God, do not strike me down for asking, but… gay people.”

  “What?” Jabari was confused, “Why did my mentioning of my brother remind you of gay people? My brother ain’t gay.”

  “No, you mentioning your brother reminded me of my brother. After gay people die, do you know if they come here in this world? Or are they obliterated immediately? My brother is gay, and I don’t want him to be obliterated. I mean… he’s my brother.”

  “The answer to that might surprise you… yes,” Rebellia answered.

  “Oh damn,” Tobias said, looking down. His head popped up almost immediately after, “wait… yes to which part?”

  “Yes, gay people come into this world. I’ve met a few since I’ve been here. A few gay people were even in this guild before. I won’t say any names because another person’s sexuality isn’t for me to discuss, but I know for a fact that gays are welcome here. I just pissed a lot of people off right now, I know,” Rebellia said.

  “No fooling,” Sonia said with her arms crossed, “that can’t be true. Being gay… it’s weird. It’s wrong. It’s not natural…”

  “Yeah, I don’t believe you, Rebellia,” Cornelius said, rubbing his mustache “sorry to say, but that’s just crazy. Gay people are supposed to be the biggest sinners of all. Gay people are supposed to be abominations in the eyes of God. I can’t believe your word over God’s.”

  “No. You can’t believe my word over the humans that wrote those parts in the Bible,” Rebellia said, standing up and walking closer to him, “as I stated some time before, humans usually condemn things they don’t understand. For all you know, gay people wrote parts of the Bible. I know they’re already writing the songs that the choir sings. I thought it was a sin to be gay too when I was alive though. I thought that gay people had no shot at going to Heaven no matter how good they are, but then I thought about it. Why in the world would the entity we call God (an embodiment of love) ban love from its world? If a person has a genuinely good soul, they can’t get in because of their sexual preference? Love is the holiest thing of all. Love is love at the end of the day, no matter who with. The Bible set the rules on how man should live, I am known for rebelling against the law of man,” she looked at Faye. Faye stood up, looking as if she was readying a rebuttal but Rebellia continued speaking, “I’ve experienced it with my own eyes. I’ve seen gay people move on from here to Heaven. I’ve seen it. You can hate them all you want, but it’s all about the person you are, not who you fall in love with. People come here, and they ask me questions on that subject quite often. I often told them the same thing. Humans are judged on who they are at the end of the day. Other humans won’t fully grasp the concept of love, they say being gay is a mental disability. They say it’s wrong and an abomination on mankind. When I first came into this world, I was told that gay people had no chance of getting into Heaven. But as time went on, I saw it. I saw people getting accepted for being who they are and embracing it. You want proof that gay people have a shot at getting into Heaven?” she grabbed Faye gently by the shoulders and leaned closer to her. With their eyes closed, their lips touched, squeezed against one another, and then separated. She turned to see the confused faces around her, “your brother’s soul is safe as long as it is pure, Tobias.”

  “Wait… you’re- How long has this been going on between you two?” Maria said with excitement in her voice.

  “Let’s just say a very long time,” Faye smiled.

  “Aww,” Daphne said while Faye and Rebellia shared a hug.

  “Wow. This is beautiful,” Maria said staring at them, “Right, Yolanda?”

  “Who?”

  “Oh. I’m sorry, Daphne,” Maria said, rubbing her head, “I don’t know why- wait. Yolanda is my daughter!” all eyes moved to her after her sudden outburst, “I remember her now. Wow. How could I have forgotten my babies? Dimitri too. My poor baby Dimitri.”

  “You had kids?” Daphne asked, “Wow. That’s… that seems weird. You don’t look that old.”

  “I’m starting to remember some things, Rebellia. What do I do now?” panic was present in Maria’s voice as she jumped out of her seat, “Vincent took a nap when he started remembering stuff, should I go to sleep?”

  Rebellia’s smile faded to confusion. She paused for a minute to think while Maria paced back and forth in excitement. “… I think I have a better idea,” Rebellia said, “I’m sure this idea will help you remember everything immediately.”

  “What is it?” Maria asked.

  “Close your eyes and turn around,” Rebellia said, “I know it sounds crazy, but I need you to trust me.”

  “You’re not going to do it, are you?” Faye asked.

  “Do what?” Maria asked. She was already turned, but her eyes popped open after hearing Faye’s voice.

  “Nothing. Don’t worry about it. This is the perfect time to do it,” Rebellia said
, “keep your eyes closed. If what we think is true, then this is the only way everything can come back to you right away. Everything will come back to her,” she assured the room as she unholstered her pistol.

  Daphne jumped out of her seat.

  “No, Daphne,” Quentin said, trying to whisper as Rebellia moved closer, pointing the gun at Maria, “she’ll be alright. Don’t worry.”

  Rebellia clicked the bullet into place and pulled the trigger. The blast echoed throughout the entire sanctuary, making everyone in the room flinch. No blood was splattered, however, Maria let out a weak yelp before dropping to the floor with a hole through her forehead. Daphne let out a loud shriek, running over to Maria’s fallen body. Maria’s body twitched for a while… until it finally stopped.

  Chapter 9 (Maria’s Story)

  “Nobody knows the lengths a mother would go to protect her kids.”

  “Yolanda! Dimitri! Can you two please stop fighting!” I woke up one morning with a headache. My children were in the bathroom fighting and arguing as usual. I could hear their voices banging against my head; they were so loud.

  Yolanda is my oldest, she was twenty-one years old, and my son Dimitri was twelve years old when this story took place.

  Yolanda was like me, brown skin, long brownish-black hair and very beautiful if I do say so myself. She had dimples in her cheeks when she smiled unlike me though. My son, Dimitri was starting to look more and more like his dad every day. Aside from his curly afro and much bigger eyes, he was his dad’s spitting image.

  “Tell Dimitri to get away from me!” Yolanda called up to me, making my head hurt even more.

  “Dimitri, get away from your sister!” I yelled out, annoyed.