Someone’s hand strokes my back as a male’s commanding voice orders me to breathe. The calm, controlled tone helps me settle down. Several minutes later, I turn to thank my hero. My gaze’s finds a grey one, smiling at me. The raven-colored hair is cut in a military-style, making his features more angular than his other brothers. A hard demeanor is so unusual on his features, and I am stunned into silence.
Curious, I touch his haircut, trailing my fingers to his jaw and lips that have a slightly different appearance. Then I notice military tags hanging around his neck. I read his name—Lucas—and I start to laugh as I look into the face of the wolf from the last triplet brother.
“What is so funny?” a curious Lucas asks.
“I met Logan when he tried to humiliate me to get my attention, and probably drag me into his bed, wild and mad. The second one, Leif, came as an intruder and made me so scared I pulled a knife on him. And you came like a hero and tried to help me. The approach and manners are different, as are your eyes. You look like a wolf that protects and serves. Logan is a lion who stalks, or a dragon that bursts into flames. Leif is a wild spirit that never allows anyone to trap him.”
His lip twitches as he regards me, pulling me to my feet. “Let’s go inside for coffee. I could make you sandwich as we get acquainted. And I want to hear all about how you met my brothers.”
Hello, Sergeant., Mr. I get everyone to follow me. Not a chance.
“How about, I’ll make you coffee and breakfast while you sit and talk about yourself, Marine,” I whisper to him conspiratorially. “In this kitchen, I am the person who serves and commands.”
Grinning, Lucas reaches the door, opening it for me like a gentleman. “By the way, I am Lucas Cade.”
We shake hands as I tell him, “Cassandra Knight, nice to meet you. Take a seat, Lucas.”
“Yes, ma’am,” he says with a pleasant grin he watches me work in the kitchen. My sisters come bouncing in, but then they notice the newcomer and their full attention zeroes in on Lucas.
“Good morning. Where is my breakfast, woman?!” I grab my towel and hit Leif over the head, while Raine picks up the frying pan, and Aisha, the spoon, and we whack him.
“Shit! Stop the abuse! Serve your family, brother, and neutralize those bandits. Women should know their place.”
Aisha gets the tape from the cupboards, and Raine pulls him to the chair. They neutralize Leif as Lucas watches Raine and Aisha with interest. Oh no. I don’t need this confusion. Not in the morning!
Leif lets out muffled sounds under the tape as I continue around the kitchen to cook. “So, Lucas, how do you treat your women at home?”
Their attention targets the man with wolf eyes.
“With respect and reverence.” Lucas defuses the situation with one sentence. Aren’t you a smart man? Hmmm.
The girls continue lightly flirting with him as they gauge his character. Logan and Darren come with the twins in hands, noticing our hostage tied to the chair. Logan passes Liane over to Raine, who coos to her, as he joins me to cook breakfast. While everyone is busy, Lucas frees his brother, patting his shoulder and whispering something in his ear.
The banter ensues further away from us. It doesn’t stop Logan from pulling me into him and claiming my lips. I close my eyes, and his forehead comes to rest against mine.
Chapter 5
Hard choices to make
~Logan~
After the adventurous breakfast, I call Laisa. Tonight, I know we must decide on a few things, but something doesn’t feel right about Cassandra’s experiences. Lately, they are either signs of the more significant problem or a misdiagnosis on the therapist’s part.
I tell her what happened last night, making sure she understands the situation. “I believe that we might have been wrong and maybe you should reevaluate the situation.”
“I agree. Actually, it bothered me for some time. Cassandra fails to keep a grip on reality. It would be helpful if I could speak with her sisters more. Could you arrange for them to come over again? It could paint a much clearer picture to me. Also, we need to figure out what triggers them. I’ll prescribe more comprehensive treatment after we talk.”
“Sounds good to me.” We say our goodbyes and I think about how to convince her sisters to help. After the previous session, they were left miserable and tormented by their past decisions. Those two girls are trying their best to prove their loyalty and love to Cassandra, and rebuild their relationships.
If I’m being honest, I never thought about triggers before. Perhaps there is a solution to dealing with episodes if we know how to desensitize her emotional responses to them. I want to be here to protect Cassandra. It pains me to admit she might be right about the space. If I don’t move out, our children might be in danger. The flashbacks she encounters are signs I can’t ignore.
Although, before I give her freedom, I will tie her up so she won’t escape me. It’s time to wrap up the deal. Whatever therapy she needs, she must know I will hold her to her promise.
Our relationship has been inconsistent, and I have to admit I hardly know anything about her past. She still holds so many secrets, barely ever sharing. Even after those incidents, I only know just basics.
I thought if I didn't pressure her to open up, she might one day choose to confide in me because I made her feel safe and earned her trust. So far, I’ve seen her most vulnerable after all these incidents she encountered, but quickly afterwards, she puts shields up instead of letting her guard down and opening up to what she is feeling. Sometimes I wonder if she knows what she experiences.
Lately, I question if she made up the Cassandra façade to guard against pain. She is a cage to Sandra’s past secrets. Perhaps, there is a woman behind it who wants to get out, and this is how she does it. What are you hiding? What kind emotional trauma could have caused you to establish those protective shields?
The more I think about her loss, the more I realize she rarely mourns them. Apart from the pain in her eyes, nightmares, or rage episodes, there is no clue she’s coping with the loss. She’s locked the memories away, trying to survive.
She might think she won the deal, but I will change it. The agreement to keep the door opened for me to reenter her life. But first, it is time for me speak with her sisters.
~Cassandra~
“Perhaps you should consider taking the medicines that might help to settle down your nerves,” Raine whispers to me, as we sit in the garden watching Liane and Leon on the swings. Darren is speaking with his sons, a little further away from us. “It was beyond scary to fathom that you haven’t even realized what you are doing. Your episodes are unsafe, not only for them, but for you as well. Talk to the therapist about the medications. I’m afraid you’re losing grasp on reality.”
“I don’t like how they make me feel, Raine. If Logan agrees to leave me and take the twins with him, I might be able to find my balance, with a good diet and fitness, and working with Dr. Neil.”
“It’s getting worse, for some reason.”
My eyes are full of frustrated tears, but I refuse to shed them. The subtle suggestion hits me hard, but I fear she might be right. Perhaps I should have let them fry my brain in the mental hospital.
“Aisha wants something, I should go check.”
As soon as she leaves, Lucas comes over to join me. “How are you feeling today?”
He pushes Liane’s swing, and all the hair on my arms raises, then he looks at me with his wolf-like eyes.
What does he know? “I’m fine, I guess. I don’t really know what happened, so it’s hard for me to describe how I feel about weird behavior. I am sorry that you had to get involved.”
“I do come across this more often than you might think. I’m in the military, and I have seen many soldiers suffering from stress disorders.” He looks at me with a questioning gaze, and I can’t decipher what he wants to tell me. “These disorders are common to develop after exposure to a traumatic event, such as war, sexual assault, traffic collisions, or
other threats to a person’s life.”
I slowly nod as he continues trying to point me somewhere. “My boys died in a car accident, and if anyone should have had this disorder, it was my ex-husband, as he was in the car and survived it. I was at home when they came to tell me the news. I have acute panic-anxiety disorder.” Although, I am questioning my mental status, since I act like a lunatic.
“You have similar symptoms. I could help. I mean, to teach you to deal with it. I have a few techniques that might work better than just therapy or medication.”
I feel very skeptical about it, considering for the first time, perhaps pills could benefit me better. Honestly, it is hard to admit I can’t do it without the help of drugs.
Nevertheless. I am very grateful.
“Do you re-experience the loss or the day when you were told that they died?”
I can only come across strange, disturbing dreams I have, or the memories of them coming to life in front of my eyes. While I think about it, he continues trying to give me a new perspective. He goes through other symptoms, gauging if I have any.
“Are those common symptoms after experiencing any traumatic event, especially related to the loss?” I genuinely don’t know if this diagnosis is right for me, but I let him speak. “For instance, re-experiencing events may cause problems in your everyday routine, as you suddenly start panicking or feeling anxious. Those symptoms can begin from the dark thoughts, feelings about certain things that remind you of the incident. Many things can trigger re-experiencing symptoms.”
He gets quiet after telling me about it. I am so lost in thought I don’t notice my face is wet with tears. Lucas pulls me into an embrace and rubs my back as a surprised breath leaves my lungs. I wipe my wet cheeks.
“Let’s get them inside. The twins are probably tired and need a good nap.” Without any complaint, Marine takes Liane, who is fascinated with her uncle and those delicious tags around his neck. I gather my boy in my arms who tries to converse with me in his baby language, flirting.
While I look at him, I decide I want to breastfeed them as long as that might be, and see my boy and girl fall asleep in my arms every time. The nervousness of the unknown makes me feel jittery about the future, and the fact that every time I start to think about life without them, my strength evaporates into the air.
“Let’s take them upstairs?”
Lucas nods, with none of the teasing or banter I’m used to hearing from Leif. Leif makes me feel weird to breastfeed near him. Most of the time, I want to hit him over the head, and that’s probably why he’s doing it. He is actually is not so bad. In fact, he is a very considerate and loving person.
Lucas takes the seat near the window and starts to play with Liane, making me feel somewhat at ease instead of being concerned about propriety. Lucas wants to watch me breastfeeding. Apparently, men in this family have some fascination with this act. He brushes Leon’s head and my boy gives him an evil eye that makes us both chuckle.
Eventually, Liane gets very restless. By the smell of it, we know why.
“Do you want me to change her?”
My eyebrows raise in surprise that he even wants to go near it. “You do know what awaits you, right?”
Lucas furrows his eyebrows as he doesn’t get my reaction. O.M.G. I need to see this. I’ll probably take a few videos while I’m at it. Since Leon is almost done eating, I give him the green light to go ahead.
At the changing table, unfastening Liane’s nappy, he freezes in place. I start to chuckle to myself, making Leon very unhappy that I disturbed his blissful sleep. I place him on the cot and quickly grab my cell phone to record it.
“So, Uncle, show us how you’ll deal with this warfare, please.” I cackle as he turns around, looking a little bit lost.
“What do I do?” His eyes start to water because of the smelly poo. Nevertheless, because I feel a little bit sorry for him, I instruct him to use wet tissues to clean her bum. I also tell him how to fasten the nappies. Actually, he has few stains on his face and forehead that makes it even more hilarious.
My daughter doesn’t fare better because I see her clothes soiled in the process, and she still smells. “You did great, but we still need to bathe her.” I hide the snicker behind my palm as I go to the bathroom to fill the sink with water.
“Lucas, bring her in!” Minutes later, he brings Liane and she starts to play, giving us the happiest beam ever.
“At least she isn’t offended that I changed her.”
“You should do it more often.” I can’t help grinning at his expression. “You should wash as well. You got few war stains left on you.”
He looks in the mirror with an amused smirk. “You did this on purpose.”
I nod as I tell him about Leif’s experience in the battle with soiled nappies.
“There was the time that they had this explosive diarrhea, and Leif tried to change them. He got shot with poo in the process. You should have seen his face as it was painted with the turmeric color liquid…” We both cackle at the vision. “Next day, he came with the mask and plastic suit. Leif went to change them as if he was going to combat a military machine gun.”
I couldn’t help but take a few photos of Lucas who, with his calm and very gritty personality, tries to conquer Liane’s little heart. She is so tired when we are done that she falls asleep in my arms instantly. I gently kiss her head, setting her to sleep on the cot next to her softly snoring brother.
~Logan~
Of course, the sisters got very upset when I asked them to go to the therapy clinic again. Raine started to cry as I tried to explain the situation, and Aisha became very defensive.
“I don’t need anyone telling me how wrong we’ve been. We know!”
“I want to stay and help her. Alone, she might enact the shields before we can stop her. Besides, I love her grouchy company. Anyways, she is a great cook, and doesn’t call me every hour with demands to tell her where I am,” Leif announces.
“I thought you didn’t like her?” I needed to ask to make sure he’s not staying just to take a pound from her flesh.
“Relax, brother. I didn’t know her back then. Now I do. She has many issues, but her heart is in the right place. Honestly, I think she is good for you. After she works out her trauma shit, you will be the one working to be worthy of her.”
My brother makes me grin with his optimistic forecast. I should have seen it coming. Since I found him in her bedroom, he was there not to make a shitty move on her, but to apologize and probably ask for help to mend our relationship.
Since he was helping her to look after the twins while I was away on business, I forgave him. At first, I thought maybe he didn’t trust Cassandra with the kids because of her issues. But now I’m sure she has conquered his wild spirit.
The sisters are another factor that make him more settled. Leif plays this nonstop war game, causing him to get into hot water with the Night clan relatively often. Relentless banter and teasing make this home come alive with mischief and naughty retaliations.
“Dad, I want you to make arrangements for our trip back to America. I have to take care of few things here before I leave. Probably in few weeks’ time, we might be able to leave the UK.”
“You made the right decision, son. She will be all right. Cassandra is a rather resilient woman.”
Hearing my father trying to appease me, I feel that I need to make my position very clear to her. Will she be able to handle losing me, and give consent for us leave?
We all turn towards the stairs as we hear Lucas and Cassandra. It’s time to revel in being together before we part. “Are they asleep?” I ask.
“Yes. Lucas got christened into the family, though. Liane was his guinea pig for learning the ropes.” She shows us the videos and photos she recorded on the cell phone, and I notice Lucas has a very uncommon grin on his face.
“If it would make you feel better, I can show you Leif’s battle with the twins’ diarrhea?” Before Cassandra can find the vide
o, Leif jumps up and takes the phone away from her, causing both sisters to get involved in saving the incriminating evidence.
“Here, take this.”
I barely have time to grab it from Aisha, but a moment later, I cast it to our TV to watch it.
The video plays as the sisters unsuccessfully try restraining my brother. But then they sit on the floor next to each other, laughing, with tears streaming down their cheeks as his battle of all battles begins. To my surprise, our dad loses it too.
At first, Uncle Leif took the diarrhea bombarding as a sign that the twins might not like him. So, Leif made a plan to show them who was the boss in his domain. Later, he sat, all soiled and content, on the porch in his favorite chair, drinking beer and watching them sleep in the pushchair after the ordeal upstairs, feeling quite pleased with himself.
Our giggles don’t stop as more photos come across the screen and videos play. We watch our babies growing up, and Cassandra pregnant. In some of them, she’s looking at me with those pale blue eyes, full of emotion.
I hold my beloved woman weeping in my chest, and watch all those small moments that are worth fighting for, captured of us.
I realize our time of being together is coming to an end.
I bow my head to rest my lips against her pulse in the crook of her neck. While her scent surrounds me, I try to count her heartbeats in my mind and question our decision to part. The truth is, I had such a sense of belonging and purpose of being with her.
The family leaves us alone, feeling we need this moment of privacy. Cassandra falls asleep in my arms, while I still look at the pictures circling on the screen. Something catches my eyes, making me pay closer attention.
At first, I didn’t recognize her, but as I look closely at the photo of her happy face next to a little boy beaming at her, the strange feeling starts to build in my chest. Then another picture of two boys playing in the playground comes up, and I realize I’m looking at Sandra’s past.
Entwined IN YOU (In You #2) Page 4