“Where is he, anyway?” one of them asks.
“I don’t know. He said he was going to make a drink, but he never came back out.”
“He found something better to do,” Jesse says while a single finger traces me through my underwear. I gasp, my head falling back onto his shoulder. The sound of “Bad Guy” from Billie Eilish floats in from the back door that they neglected to close as he continues his ministrations. Soft, teasing strokes, enough to drive me crazy, but not enough to get me off.
“He’s probably hooking up with that girl upstairs,” one girl jokes. She has no idea how close to the truth she is.
“Ew, Allison? Please. That frigid bitch couldn’t handle him—”
“She feels nice and warm to me,” Jess counters, slipping his fingers beneath my underwear. I gasp at his touch. “Wet, too.” His voice grows thick. “So fucking wet.”
“Jesse, we shouldn’t—”
“She’s way too uptight,” Sierra continues, and her minions laugh on cue. Jesse slides a finger inside me, causing me to gasp again.
“Uptight? Nah. Tight? Very.”
A moan slips free from the back of my throat and my eyes pop open, hoping to hell no one heard.
“Shut up,” Sierra hisses sharply. “Did you hear that?”
“Hurry up and make the drinks. He said his sister and her boyfriend are upstairs.”
I let out the breath I was holding when I hear them clanking around in the fridge. Jesse spins me around, my back hitting the wall with a soft thud. His wet hair hangs down on his forehead and his black swim shorts are damp, but his plain white tee is dry. I catch myself pouting at the knowledge that he was in the hot tub with those girls, even if nothing happened, but then he’s lifting me up, my legs wrapping around his waist, before prowling toward the hall bathroom. He kicks the door shut, not bothering to be quiet, and then his mouth is on mine.
My hands fly into his wet hair, too wound up to maintain any semblance of playing it cool. Jesse flips us around so that my back is pressed up against the door. Using it for leverage along with his hips, he slides both hands up my sides until he’s cupping me through my shirt, flicking my nipples with the pads of his thumbs.
“Jesse,” I breathe, trying not to push my chest into his hands, unable to put my thoughts into words, so I settle with, “Please.” Please don’t stop. Please don’t walk away. Please make me feel good.
“I’m not fucking leaving this time, Allie,” Jesse rasps, reading my mind as he flexes his hips into me.
“Good.”
He dips down to kiss my neck, pushing my shirt up in the process, but I stop his wandering hands with mine as a thought occurs to me. “Wait.”
“What?” he says into my neck in between licks and kisses.
“I don’t want you to touch her if we’re doing this.”
“Fuck her,” he says, going back in for more. I arch my neck, my head falling against the door.
“I mean it, Jesse. Her or anyone else. When you’re done with me, tell me first.” I try to sound firm, but I sound vulnerable, even to my own ears and I hate it.
He pulls back, hazel eyes lifting to mine, regarding me with something I can’t quite put my finger on. My stomach swirls with nerves, waiting for his response. I bite down on my lip, feeling completely exposed under his scrutiny, unsure of what’s going through his mind—of what he’s going to say—but he shocks me when he says, “Same goes for you.”
I give a small smile, nodding in agreeance. Jesse wastes no time, gripping my ass and spinning me around before he plants me on the sink. I squeal when the cool granite hits my exposed, overheated skin, but he smothers the noise with his mouth when he kisses me again. Deft fingers find the heat between my thighs once more, moving my panties to the side. When he finally fills me with them, I bite down on his shoulder to keep from crying out.
Jesse groans, pumping harder. I grip his upper arms and rest my forehead on his shoulder, looking down at the way the thick veins in his forearm bulge with the movement. “Fuck, Allie.” I feel myself clench around his fingers at his words and he curses again before pulling his fingers from me.
He drops to his knees and hooks his fingers into the waistband of my black underwear before sliding them down my legs. My heart jumps in my chest, equal parts excited and anxious for what’s about to happen. Once they reach my ankles, I point my toes so they fall easily to the floor.
“Spread your legs for me.”
My face heats at the command, but I do it nonetheless. Jesse stares between my legs for long seconds, and I fight the urge to squeeze them shut.
“Fucking beautiful,” he says before leaning forward. His nose grazes my leg on his trail upward. He plants little kisses in the insides of my right thigh, then my left, and everywhere in between, ignoring the place I want him most. I’m practically shaking when his tongue finally meets my center, taking one, long swipe. My hips buck forward of their own volition, my knees lifting. Jesse grips my shins, spreading me farther as he licks at me, and I’m drunk on the feeling, drunk on him. My sweaty palms slip on the counter and I fall back onto my forearms, squeezing my eyes shut at the sensations running through me. My thighs start to tremble, and when he sucks my clit into his mouth, I nearly fall apart.
To my complete and utter horror, he stops too soon, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. “I want you to come on my cock.” Once again, his blunt words take me by surprise. My wide eyes must show my hesitation, because he gives me a lazy smirk.
“I’m not going to fuck you for the first time in a bathroom, Allie.” I swallow hard, nodding, even though he’s given me absolutely zero reason to trust him. Jesse tugs the string to his swim shorts. Using my feet, I push them down his hips. His length bobs between us, thick and hard. I gulp at the sight, unable to stop myself from staring, suddenly forgetting all the reasons I should deprive myself of having sex with Jesse fucking Shepherd.
Jess pinches my chin between his finger and thumb. “If I’m going to have any self-control, you’re gonna have to stop looking at my dick like that.”
“Sorry.” I don’t know why I apologize, but my nerves are on another level right now. Still holding my chin, he leans in, kissing me deep and slow. I lean back on the palms of my hands, parting my legs to let him in the space between. His fingers curl around the nape of my neck, his thumb resting on my cheek as his warm, hard flesh meets my soft. We both suck in a breath, and Jess rolls his forehead against mine, his eyes squeezed shut. He lines himself up with my center before thrusting upward, sliding through my slick heat. I jolt at the feeling, and his grip on my neck tightens.
“Goddamn, Allie. If not fucking you feels this good, I can’t imagine the real thing.”
His words spur me on and I rock my hips, sliding along his length, causing him to groan. Letting go of me, he pulls back to grip my hips, then tugs, making me shift down even farther. My ass hangs off the edge of the sink now, and he hooks his hands under my knees, holding me in place.
“Oh my God,” I breathe, my head suddenly feeling too heavy to hold up. I’m not even attempting to be quiet at this point, his company long forgotten. Jesse releases my right thigh for half a second to lift the hem of his shirt, stuffing it under his chin in one swift motion. His eyes are fixed on where we’re connected, his abs flexing with each thrust.
“I could slip inside you so easily right now,” he says, the thick head of his cock nudging against my entrance, teasing.
I can’t form a response. All I know is that I want more of this. I’m so close.
“Lift your shirt and show me those perfect fucking tits,” he orders. I feel myself clench at his words, and the smug look in his eyes tells me he feels it. His blunt words usually embarrass me, but when we’re like this, nothing turns me on more. Resting my weight on one elbow, my hand makes its slow descent. My fingertips curl around the bottom of my shirt before I peel it up, exposing my chest, the cool air hitting my almost painfully hard nipples.
“Hottest th
ing I’ve ever seen in my life,” Jesse says, his voice strained. I feel myself pulse against him, wondering what would happen if I tilted my hips and took him inside me. Jesse’s movements grow rougher, and I hold my breath as I feel the sensation building.
“I think I’m close,” I confess, my body tensing with the impending orgasm. Jesse leans down and sucks a nipple into his mouth, and that’s all it takes to send me over the edge. I cry out, my legs shaking as my arms give out. I’m flat against the counter as Jesse holds my spent legs, his length rubbing against my sensitive clit as I jerk with aftershocks. He gives one final hard pump of his hips, and then he curses as warm liquid spills onto me.
Gathering me in his arms, he lifts my boneless body. Mustering up every ounce of my strength, I wrap my limp legs around his waist. He lowers me to the soft rug before slumping into me, his sweaty cheek resting against my chest, and I know my heart must be pounding in his ear. Neither one of us speaks as our breathing evens out. I’m too afraid to break the spell, to go back to pretending not to like him. I think the jig is up.
Jesse peels himself off me, reaching behind his neck to tug his shirt over his head before bringing it between my legs. The move is thoughtful. Unexpected. My brows tug together as I watch him, once again, trying to figure him out.
“Allie—” he starts, but someone knocks on the door. My wide eyes fly to Jesse’s, full of panic, but he looks cool as a fucking cucumber.
“No one can know,” I blurt out. When this thing with Jesse ends, and it will, I don’t want to look like a fool.
Jesse’s expression goes blank, his eyes flat. “Give me a minute,” he barks at whoever’s on the outside of the door.
“What the fuck, Shep? Have you been taking a shit this entire time?”
Sully? Oh my God. That’s who Sierra was talking about? I narrow my eyes, ready to shove him off me, but he must anticipate my reaction, because he straddles my waist, pinning my wrists to the floor. “Halston knows.”
What? I highly doubt that’s true.
Another knock.
“I said give me a fucking minute!”
“Pinch it off already!”
Jesse shakes his head, annoyed. Once we hear Sullivan’s retreating footsteps, Jesse hurries to explain.
“They have an understanding.”
“There is no way Halston would be okay with this.”
“It was her idea,” he says, lifting a single brow. “I’m going to go get rid of these assholes. Give it two minutes, then you can leave.”
I nod wordlessly, feeling ridiculous and awkward as I lie here exposed. Jesse obviously doesn’t have the same hang-up. He stands, gloriously naked, still half-hard, without a care in the world. He bends over to pull his shorts on, letting them hang loosely off his hips, showcasing that ridiculously cut Adonis belt. I sit up, tugging my shirt down over my knees as I scan the floor for my underwear in an attempt to look anywhere but at him.
“Two minutes,” Jesse reminds me with his hand on the doorknob. I nod again, tucking a wayward piece of hair behind my ear.
Once he’s gone, I do as I’m told, waiting a couple of minutes before I make my escape. I peek out into the hall, and when I don’t see or hear anything, I tiptoe back upstairs. The clock on my phone reads 2:17 A.M. I contemplate calling Halston, but I decide to wait until morning. No need to ruin her night if what he says isn’t true.
“Two minutes” soon turns into twenty. I can hear them partying down there like nothing happened. Then thirty minutes passes, then forty-five, and finally, somewhere around the hour mark, I accept the fact that Jesse’s not coming. I tell myself it’s a good thing. This thing between us isn’t serious, and I’d do well to remember that. I hear a loud squeal followed by a splash, and I pull a pillow over my head to block out the sound. How the hell do Lo and Dare sleep through this shit? I flip my blankets off and stand to flip the lock on the door before climbing back into bed. There’s no way I’d be able to sleep with it unlocked knowing those assholes are downstairs.
My body is tired and sated, but my mind is going a mile a minute. I reach for my headphones, hitting shuffle to drown out all thoughts of Jesse. I huff out a laugh when Something Corporate comes on, singing about a girl who’s feeling empty and worthless after another meaningless hookup, the irony not lost on me. I hit the skip button. Much better. Stuffing my CD player under my pillow, I close my heavy eyelids and drift to sleep.
* * *
DEALING WITH DRUNK COLLEGE GIRLS is like trying to herd cats. They’re impulsive, knock shit over while deadass looking you in the eye without a single fuck given, then they rub up against you when they want attention.
Sully talked me into having another drink while he bitched about Halston, which led to two, which then led to smoking a blunt, all while the girls proceeded to get progressively drunker, which brings us to now. Sully and I are standing over near the fence smoking a cigarette while Sierra makes out with the brunette—Jessica, maybe—in the hot tub. Even as I watch their tongues tangle together, their tits pressed against each other, I feel nothing more than annoyance at the fact that they’re still here, keeping me from Allie.
Fuck. Allie. Almost fucking her was the best sex I’ve never had. I don’t know what it is about her. Going back and forth with her feels like foreplay and after last night, I knew I’d end up going back for more. Nothing could have prepared me for how good she felt. After experiencing Allie, this shit in front of me? It feels fake as fuck. Fake moans, fake laughter, fake feelings. Fake, fake, fake.
“All right,” I say, snatching the blunt from Sully’s fingers and prematurely stubbing it out on the bottom of my shoe, despite his protests. “Time to get the fuck out.”
“What the fuck, Shep? You choose now?” He cuts his eyes toward the show the girls are putting on.
“Stop trying to prove a point and go home, man.” He may think he wants this, but he doesn’t want to be here. Not really. He’s all fucked up over the fact that Halston wants to keep things casual, so naturally, he set out to even the score. I’m just waiting for him to realize it.
“I’m drunk as fuck,” he admits, avoiding my unspoken accusation. “I can’t take them home.” I pull my phone out of my pocket, and with a few clicks, I’ve solved that problem.
“There. Ordered an Uber. You can crash on the couch, but I want them gone.” He’s the one who invited them without my permission; he can deal with getting them out of here. I’m already going to catch shit from Lo. When she catches wind of this, she’s going to think it’s me spiraling, when in reality, tonight is a product of Sullivan getting all up in his feelings.
“You heard the man.” Sully claps his hands together. “Your ride will be here in—” He looks to me and I check my app before holding up five fingers. “Five minutes.”
Sierra’s fuming. I can sense it even from here. She doesn’t handle rejection well. I don’t think she’s ever experienced it before me. In a rather pathetic attempt to tip the scales back in her favor, she exits the hot tub, dripping wet as she struts over to Sullivan. Once she’s within arm’s reach, she presses onto her toes and grips his dick while she shoves her tongue down his throat.
When she finally pulls back, she smiles victoriously at Sullivan’s dazed expression. “Call me,” she says before turning around to gather her clothes and purse, her friends following suit.
“Remind me again why they have to leave,” Sully says, still watching their asses as they walk through my house toward the front door.
“Because you’ll regret it tomorrow,” I say, clapping him on the shoulder on my way inside.
“Where the hell are you going in such a hurry?” Sully asks, suspicion in his voice, even in his drunken state.
“Don’t worry about it.”
Sullivan lumbers in after me, shutting the door behind him before collapsing facedown onto the couch like a sack of potatoes, promptly passing the fuck out.
“Goodnight.” I laugh, saluting him. I jog up the stairs, but when I turn A
llie’s doorknob, I find it locked. The regret’s setting in so soon?Interesting. I could easily pop the lock, but I decide to go through my still-empty, still bed-less room, grabbing a pair of sweats on the way. This time, the bathroom knob turns, and I feel my lips stretch into a smile. She doesn’t want to keep me away. She just wants to keep up the pretense of wanting to keep me away. I leave the bathroom door cracked, leaving just enough light to illuminate her sleeping form.
I drop my shorts and quickly pull on my sweats before climbing into bed. She’s on her side, facing away from me with her headphones, complete with those ridiculous, puffy, foam pads over the earpieces. I move in behind her, snaking an arm around her waist before I gently peel them from her and toss them to the edge of the bed. “Still playing games, Allie Girl?” I whisper into the dark. She moans in her sleep before rolling to face me and I lift my arm, letting her get comfortable. Her dark eyelashes rest on her full cheeks, her lips pursed in an adorable fucking pout. She looks so innocent when she’s not glaring daggers at me. I slide my palm underneath the back of her shirt, feeling her warm skin, and pull her closer. She burrows into me, her face nuzzling into my chest, wedging a thigh between mine.
I’m starting to find that being with Allison quiets every fucking thing I’m forced to face. When I’m with her, I don’t think about my endless failures. I don’t worry about my mom or Henry, the fact that I’m lying to everyone I know, or the fact that I have zero direction in life. And it’s here, with Allie in my bed, that I have the best sleep of my life.
I wake up to the sound of knocking, followed by an earthquake. No, not an earthquake. It’s Allison frantically shaking me, her face a mixture of panic and…anger? “What the hell are you doing in my bed?” she whisper-shouts.
I yawn, stretching. “It’s actually my bed.”
“Allie?” Lo’s voice comes from the other side of the door.
“Go!” Allie shoves me out of bed and I hit the floor with a thud.
“Calm the fuck down,” I mutter. It’s just Lo. “You keep freaking out every time we’re almost seen together and I’m going to develop a complex.”
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