Jesse turns back around as Victor pulls his phone out of his pocket. Jess squats down to grab his collar in both hands, lifting his shoulders off the floor. “I’d think twice about that,” he says, giving a pointed look at Victor’s phone. “You have a club full of drunk underage kids, an office full of illegal substances, and a sexual assault case just waiting to happen.” Jess’ voice is low and menacing in a way I’ve never heard before. “And if you ever so much as look at her again, I’ll fucking kill you.” He throws him back down before standing, leaving Victor in a pile of dollar bills and broken glass.
“I think it’s safe to say you blew your shot, Allison,” Victor says, bracing one hand on the floor to pick himself up. Jess jerks toward him, but Sully beats him to it, kicking him in the balls. Victor falls back to the floor, curling in on himself as Sully squats down, gathering the dollar bills into a pile.
“By the way, I’ll be keeping this,” he says, tapping Victor on the forehead with the wad of cash. “Hope you don’t mind.”
* * *
I PRACTICALLY RAN OUT OF that back room, and Halston knew something was wrong the second she saw my face. She grabbed my hand, pulling me out of the building, and didn’t stop until we got to her car. I explained what went down on the way, and then I had to talk her out of turning back around to kick Victor’s ass. I needed to put as much distance between me and Victor as possible.
Which brings us to now, sitting on the couch in Lo’s living room at two A.M.
“Has he ever tried anything like that before?” Halston asks, cracking open a water bottle.
“Never,” I say, shaking my head. I’ve played back every little interaction with him in my mind, trying to find clues I might have missed. Then I blamed myself for not having better instincts. But that line of thinking is bullshit. I made a bad decision. I shouldn’t have gone into that room with him, but it wasn’t an invitation to feel me up.
I jump when the front door flies open, my eyes instantly locking onto Jesse’s.
“Why the fuck did you leave without me?” he shouts, walking over to the couch with Sully close behind.
“I had to get out of there,” I say lamely. “And you shouldn’t have done that.”
“Are you kidding me? What was I supposed to do, Allie? Stand there and watch? I told you that guy was smarmy. I knew the minute he led you away that he was going to pull some shit like that.”
I look over to Halston. “Can you give Sully a ride home?”
Her lips twist, and I know she wants to say no, but she won’t deny me. “No talking allowed,” she says, pointing a finger at him, earning a smirk in response.
“This belongs to you,” Sully says to me, dropping the cash onto the coffee table before he moves for the door.
“I don’t want that asshole’s money. I’ll give it to the band.”
I stand to hug Halston, promising to call her tomorrow, then it’s just Jess and me.
Wordlessly, I lead him out the back door and through the gate that leads to the lake. The cool night air licks against my skin, but it’s a welcomed sensation after spending all night in a hot, sweaty venue. The moon peeks through the clouds, casting eerie shadows from the pine trees across the sand. It’s so quiet out here. Peaceful.
“Are you seriously mad at me?” he asks, looking over at me as we walk along the shoreline.
I sigh, running my hand through my hair. “No, I’m not mad at you. I’m mad at him. I was really excited about that job, and he ruined it by being a perv.” I turn toward him, my hands reaching up to cup his face. “But you can’t just go around punching people in the face every time they piss you off.”
“Why not?”
“Because you could get hurt. Or arrested.”
“If you think I’m ever going to stand by and watch someone hurt my—you—you don’t know me at all.”
I frown, and he swipes his thumb over my bottom lip.
“What’s that for?”
“You called me your girl.” He said it earlier, but I was too preoccupied to react. Conflicted doesn’t even begin to cover how I feel.
“Is there a problem with that?” His voice is hard, but it’s laced with vulnerability.
“Jess—” I start, but then he’s lifting me by the backs of my thighs. My ankles lock around his waist, my arms shooting up to hold onto his shoulders as he walks us over to a giant rock that sits halfway in the water. He sets me down on the smooth surface, his hands gripping the outsides of my thighs.
“You want this. I can fucking feel it. Why are you so goddamn scared?”
I huff out a sad laugh. “You don’t even tell me where you go when you disappear. You have this whole other life I know nothing about.”
“I don’t want to talk about that life when I’m with you. I don’t want that shit touching you.”
“It’s not enough,” I say, hating myself for saying the words.
“I’m trying to be good for you,” he says, his palms sliding up my outer thighs, underneath my dress. “I’m trying to get out. I just need time.”
Get out. Get out of what?
My heart goes haywire in my chest.
“I promise you that when I leave here, I’m not with anyone else. It’s nothing like that. You just have to trust me.”
Jess leans in, kissing the corner of my mouth, and I close my eyes, parting my lips in invitation. “Be with me, Allie,” he whispers into my mouth before slipping his tongue inside.
It was supposed to be fun. But I’m in too deep to turn back now.
* * *
THE NEXT FEW WEEKS PASS, and even though everything has changed, nothing has changed. Lo walked in on us sleeping together the following morning and didn’t seem the least bit surprised about it. She told us both to be careful before throwing a box of condoms at us, and that was that.
Jess is still cagey as hell. On edge. He comes and goes like a ghost in the night, and I can tell this double life is starting to wear on him. It’s wearing on me, too. I can’t focus in class. My mind goes crazy with possible scenarios. I’ve imagined everything from him selling drugs to having a secret love child.
My mom’s been calling a lot, with the anniversary of my dad right around the corner. She’s still after me to get those divorce documents. When I finally asked her why it was so important, she dropped the bomb on me. She was getting married to the new guy—whose name I don’t even remember—and she’s on a bit of a time crunch. Because she’s pregnant.
I had to laugh. If I didn’t, I’d cry.
My phone rings as I’m walking across the courtyard at Kerrigan, coffee in hand. I dig it from my back pocket to see Grandma flashing across the screen. I stop short, knowing why she’s calling.
“Hello?”
“Hey, sweetie. I just wanted to let you know the Carsons are out of the house.”
“That’s great,” I say, with enthusiasm I don’t feel.
“The cleaning company won’t be there for a few days, but if you need a place to stay before that, it’s yours.”
I take a seat at one of the benches, setting my coffee on the ground. “Thanks, Grandma.”
“Of course.” She pauses. “How are you holding up?”
I swallow against the lump in my throat. “I’m fine,” I lie. “What about you?”
“Hanging in there. It’s hard to believe it’s been a year.”
I flick a tear away. “I know. Hey, Grandma, I’ve gotta get to work,” I say, cutting the conversation short. I don’t have to work, but I also don’t want to talk about this right now. “Can I call you later?”
“Take your time. I’m sending something in the mail for your birthday, so be on the lookout.”
“Sounds good. Love you.”
Once we hang up, I pull my headphones out of my backpack and hit play before pulling them over my ears. Moving out was always a part of the plan. I can’t stay there forever. I just didn’t expect it to feel like this.
“Why The Outsiders?” I ask, my cheek resting
on Jesse’s bare chest.
“What?” he grumbles, sounding half-asleep. When he picked me up from school earlier, I didn’t mention the phone call from my grandma. I’m not ready to leave just yet.
“The Outsiders. What do you like so much about it?”
Jess stretches, then his hand comes down onto my bare back, tracing his fingertips across my skin until goosebumps form in their wake. “When I was a kid, my mom would lock me in my room whenever Lo wasn’t around to keep me out of her hair.”
I feel my stomach twist at his words. He says it so casually, like it’s the most common thing in the world.
“One time, I was in there for over a day. Lo stayed at her friend’s house, and I’m pretty sure my mom forgot about me. I didn’t have a TV or anything, and I’d sung every song I knew to pass the time. My stomach was growling, and the sun was going down, so I started cleaning up the room, looking for something to eat.”
I press a kiss to his chest, my eyes burning with unshed tears.
“I didn’t find anything to eat, but I did find that book. I think Lo must’ve brought it home from school or something,” he muses. “Anyway, I read the whole thing in one sitting, which I thought was impressive as hell back then. Lo unlocked the door the next morning, and she never left me alone again after that.”
“I hate your mom,” I whisper.
“Me, too.” Jess yawns. “I read it all the time after that. You know that poem in there? ‘Nothing Gold Can Stay’?”
I nod. I’ve never read the book, but I’m familiar with the poem.
“Nothing perfect and beautiful can last forever. It resonated with me, even as a kid. After being disappointed so many times, you’re bound to lose hope in everything.”
We’re both quiet for a while, lost in our own thoughts, until eventually, his breathing starts to even out, turning into soft snores.
* * *
“ALLIE!”
I turn at the sound of my name to see Dylan standing there, hands in his front pockets, looking contrite. I haven’t talked to him since the night at The Lamppost, and I’m still mad at him for provoking Jess. Hunter and Caleb came into Blackbear yesterday, and I gave him the twelve-hundred bucks Victor gave me, telling him to divide it amongst themselves. When they asked why I didn’t want it, I gave them a very watered-down version of what happened. And by the look on Dylan’s face, they filled him in on it.
I keep walking toward the parking lot at school, but he jogs over, falling into step next to me. “Albert, come on. Are you okay?”
“I’m fine.”
“You needed me—”
I pause, facing him. “What I need is for you to explain,” I say, cutting him off. “Why did you provoke Jess like that? That was a fucked-up thing to do.”
“I know.” He chews on his lip ring.
I shake my head, exasperated. “That’s it? Do you, like, have feelings for me or something?” The words sound so stupid out loud, but that’s the only thing that makes sense.
“No. Yes. No,” he says, running a hand through his hair. “Fuck, I don’t know. I thought I did. But I think I was just fucked up over someone else and didn’t want to admit it.”
“That makes zero sense,” I say, bewildered.
“Trust me. I know. The song thing was just me being a dick, but for the record, I still don’t think he’s good enough for you.”
I tighten my grip on my backpack straps, turning to walk away, but Dylan grabs my arm, stopping me.
“But he protected you when I couldn’t. So, I guess he’s not a complete piece of shit.”
“I’m not going to stand here and listen to you talk about someone I lo—” I snap my mouth shut, clenching my teeth together before I can finish that sentence. I didn’t mean to say it. I didn’t even mean to think it, but the thought kept repeating in my head as Dylan spoke about him.
“I have to go.” I turn back around, stopping short when I see Jesse standing a few feet away, eyes trained on Dylan. His jaw is set hard, arms folded over his chest, but he’s too far to have heard anything.
“What’s he doing here?” He nods his chin toward Dylan when I get within hearing distance.
“He came to apologize.” Sort of.
Jess continues to stare daggers at Dylan, and I’m afraid he’s going to cause a scene on campus, but he surprises me by grabbing my hand, and leading me to his truck.
An incessant buzzing breaks through my consciousness and I slap a hand out to wake Jess, coming up empty. Hearing the shower running, I groan, sitting up to silence his phone. What is he doing up so early? The buzzing stops just as my fingers make contact. I start to pull away, but I hesitate when a message appears, my hand hovering over the screen.
1616 E. Shea Blvd. Same time as last week.
I frown at the screen as dread unfurls in my stomach. This is it. This is the piece to the puzzle I’ve been waiting for. I chew on my thumbnail, feeling conflicted. I didn’t mean to pry, but now that I’ve seen it, I can’t pretend I haven’t.
I hear the water cut off and I quickly grab my phone from the nightstand next to his and snap a picture of the address. A freshly showered Jess walks out just as I stuff my phone between my thighs. He stops short when he sees that I’m awake, towel tied low around his waist, wet hair slicked back away from his face with a single rogue strand falling into his eyes. My fingers itch to reach out and touch it.
Wordlessly, he moves toward me, sliding his hand through my hair, gripping it at the nape of my neck. I peer up at him, smoothing my palms up his stomach, feeling his muscles tense under my touch.
“I have to leave,” he says, his voice gruff.
My hands fall away from his stomach. “Shocker.”
“I’ll be back before you even wake up tomorrow.” He leans down to kiss me, but I turn my cheek, denying him. “Don’t be a brat,” he says before pulling my earlobe between his teeth. His lips trail down my neck, sucking on the sensitive skin. Goosebumps break out along my arms and I squeeze my thighs together to ease the ache.
The buzzing sounds again, and he pulls away, glancing down at his screen, his features tight.
I’m going to find out what he’s hiding tonight.
* * *
“WHAT’S HE DOING HERE?” I snap at Halston.
“He overheard our conversation,” she says bitterly, shoving past me. “He threatened to tell Jess unless we let him come with us.”
“Yeah, I’m a real asshole for trying to keep you two safe as you drive to a random ass address in the middle of the night,” Sullivan deadpans.
“Wait, are you two a thing again?”
“No.” Halston scoffs at the same time Sullivan says, “Yep.”
My eyebrows shoot up. “Glad we cleared that up.”
“You ready to go?” Halston asks. I wring my hands in front of me, suddenly second-guessing my plan. It’s a little crazy to stalk the guy you’re seeing to an unknown location, but bringing two people along—one of which is his best friend? That’s full-blown bat shit.
“This is a bad idea.”
“Do not even start that shit with me, Allison Parrish. We are going to that address, and you’re going to get your answers.”
I shake my head, still torn. This is something my insane mother would do. Love makes you crazy, baby. No. I shake my mother’s voice out of my head. This isn’t love.
“This probably goes against guy code or some shit, but I agree with Hals.”
I don’t know if I’m more taken aback by the fact that he’s siding with her, or the fact that he just called her Hals.
“I think he might be in trouble.”
“What?” I shoot accusatory eyes at Halston who shrugs, conveying with her eyes that this is news to her, too. It’s one thing to suspect, but to have someone else validate your suspicions makes it all too real.
“Relax. I don’t know anything for sure. But you don’t know what you’re walking into. Shep’s already going to kick my ass. He’d kill me if I let you two go al
one.”
“Guess we’ll find out in about two hours,” I say, showing them my phone screen with the directions and estimated travel time.
Approximately two hours and thirty-seven minutes later, we find ourselves in the parking lot of a sketchy, unmarked building. My stomach churns with nerves, and I think I might actually throw up right here and now.
“You ready for this, baby girl?” Halston asks, grabbing ahold of my hand. I suck in a breath, steeling myself for whatever we’re about to walk into.
“Yep.” My boots crunch against the loose gravel in the parking lot as we make our way toward the front of the building. At least, I think it’s the front. There’s nothing but a sliding steel door with three small rectangular windows.
The closer we get, the more nervous I get. My hands feel clammy, and my pulse pounds in my ears. I can hear something rumbling inside, something loud, but I can’t put my finger on it. Cheering, maybe?
Sullivan takes the lead, pressing his forehead into one of the glass windows. “Can’t see shit. They’re blacked out.”
Unease licks up my spine as he pulls up the metal door. My jaw drops when I take in the scene in front of me. The sound is unmistakable now. A mob of people is gathered around something in the middle as “The Way You Like It” by Adema blares from the speakers, competing to be heard over the crowd’s jeering.
“What the hell is this place?” Halston shouts, scanning our surroundings.
“Fuck if I know,” Sullivan says. “But I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say it’s not legal.”
“Quick, shut the door and blend in.” I have a feeling people aren’t supposed to just waltz into a place like this.
Sully grabs ahold of the handle, sliding it back down before we make our way toward the edge of the crowd.
“Stay close,” Sully says, reaching for mine and Halston’s hands. Halston quirks a brow at him, hesitating, but she relents, giving him her manicured hand. With me in the lead, we start to push through the crowd. I’m thankful I’m wearing my trusty Docs, because this mob of people rivals some mosh pits. The tangy scent of blood and smoke hangs in the air, and slowly, it all starts to click into place. The black eyes. The bruises. The secretive phone calls.
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