I hadn’t realized how worried I was about that until relief flooded over me.
He gave me a sorry half-smile and offered, “Shall I help you to your cabin?”
It was a kind gesture, but I shook my head. I didn’t want to be closed in a box right now. I had a lot to think about and I still hoped that eventually Kazmerev would return to explain more.
I felt nothing but relief when he gave me a brief bow and strode away.
This was all too much for me. And now there was another phoenix. And the way she treated Kazmerev like his words couldn’t be heard felt far too much like how everyone treated me. I didn’t like it.
I didn’t like it at all.
Chapter Six
I was still watching the small balls of light above when my eyes began to droop. Kazmerev and Huxabrand flew complicated patterns over us and their constant movement lulled my mind so that I found myself sitting on this tiny piece of neglected decking and then leaning back onto the coils of rope stored there, and then slowly drifting off.
I awoke to someone shaking my arm. My eyes snapped open, heart racing at the threat. It was only Judicus, looking furtively from side to side, one finger over his lips as if he thought I’d suddenly start making noise and betray him.
I sat up, rubbing the sleep from my eyes. It had become cold while I slept, and gooseflesh dotted my arms, though surprisingly the cold didn’t bother me. Around us, there was no sound but the slap of water against ship and the occasional murmur of the few sailors left to man the ship.
I was surprised they’d let me sleep up on deck, but I supposed it was no concern of theirs where their passengers slept as long as they weren’t in the way.
“I got it,” Judicus whispered. His eyes glowed in the light of the ship’s lanterns. “I undid the knot.”
What did it say? What was the message? I was instantly awake and leaning forward, eager to hear what he might say.
“It did this,” he whispered, drawing the feather from his shirt. He shielded it with his body, but even so, the feather was glowing more brightly than ever before.
I gasped as I realized that on the bright feather, black words were scrawled, and three dark symbols seemed burned onto it.
“Can you read?” Judicus whispered.
I shook my head.
“It says ‘Choose Wisely.’ I think that means that we pick one of these and if we’re right we get the message and if we’re wrong, we don’t.”
I swallowed and looked at the three dark marks. A feather. A claw. A flame.
I looked back at Judicus and he shrugged. “They’re all phoenix things. I guess a true Flame Rider would know which to choose.” But I didn’t. And this was very odd. How had Hallimore made this magic feather? How had he spun the magic for this riddle? Judicus answered my mental question without any sign from me. He did that a lot. “A rope worker could have made him the feather and the rope seals – ready to put your words into it and then snap closed at a word. Which means the making of this won’t hold any clues on how to open it. But perhaps as a Flame Rider one of these signs speaks more to you?”
I reached out and touched the feather, marveling at this strange magic.
“Forget the feather,” he said impatiently. “It’s a common tool. I could make one given enough time. It’s the signs we must judge. They are all related to phoenixes and I can’t tell which is correct. Perhaps that’s the reason they were chosen – only a true Flame Rider would know which to choose.”
I tapped my chin. What could they represent? Why would a flame be any more like Kazmerev than a feather? Or a talon?
We could ask Gundt. I looked toward the hatch to below decks and Judicus guessed my thoughts.
“I don’t trust him. He says all the right things, but doesn’t it seem just a little too fortuitous that he’s suddenly here when we really could use his help? Offering to help you with no strings attached? Everyone has strings. Even I wanted you in my coterie. I didn’t want to lose Kazmerev. I like you and I wanted good things for you – but even I have selfish motivations. What are his motives? Why is he here? I don’t want him to know I’ve opened this until we’ve heard the message.”
I agreed with him about Gundt. Even if he had been kind to me. Even if it made me feel so hopeful to be around someone who might understand this new life I’d taken on. Even if I kind of hoped he was everything he claimed to be and more.
But what if we guessed wrong and never got the message? What if he could help us?
“Besides, we need to open this tonight. If there are any other puzzles to solve, we can’t wait until the last minute to solve them.”
I leaned my head to one side undecided. I would like to ask Kazmerev. I didn’t want to guess. But if I did that, then Huxabrand would hear him which would be the same thing as telling Gundt, which Judicus was asking me not to do. Oh, but this was a tangled thing!
“Just think about it, Sersha,” he begged, looking so hopeful and boyish that it was impossible to say no. “Maybe there’s an easy answer.”
I chewed the end of a finger and thought about it. A talon. Violence. Ripping. Tearing. Was there any other way to see it? But that wasn’t how I thought of Kazmerev. That wasn’t even how I thought of Huxabrand. They were more than the potential for violence or power. They were more than tearing things to pieces.
I glanced at Judicus. He was leaning back on my rope pile, eyes sliding closed. He must be tired after that long day and night working on the feather – and all that after a daring escape and shopping for clothing – which he claimed was worse than being beaten for information.
“Really,” he’d said. “If you don’t believe me, you can try both in a row and offer your opinion.”
I slid the feather from his grasp so it wouldn’t blow away and stared at the symbols again.
I’d ruled out the talon. But what about the other two?
The feather was more mild. All it made me think about was flight. Flight was inherent to a phoenix.
But so was the flame. I mean, that was what made him different than just a bird, wasn’t it? It was his power, his magic.
I sat there a long time looking between the symbols, but I couldn’t decide.
Above me, the phoenixes danced, bright flames on the dark sky - more lovely than lightning bugs, more heart-breakingly beautiful than the northern lights that danced in winter deep.
Out there, somewhere, Mally was waiting. And out there, all around us in every direction, miles and miles away, there were dozens, or maybe hundreds, or maybe even thousands of phoenixes who needed our help to protect them from this hunt.
And what was it about them that made them so precious? What was it about Kazmerev? It wasn't his great power. It wasn't his magic. It wasn't even his ability to rise from the dead. It was he himself - my good friend. My kind ally.
As I lay back on the ropes beside Judicus, I held up the feather in front of me and I bit my lip and let my finger press down on the feather.
Because it was the phoenix himself I loved. It wasn't the power. It wasn't the magic. It was him.
Always him.
Chapter Seven
I realized my mistake immediately. I should have woken Judicus or Gundt. Or called Kazmerev.
My only excuse was that in my sleepiness, it hadn’t occurred to me that the answer to our question might be a voice. Or that it might be temporary.
The message locked in the feather was the voice of the old man – Hallimore. I recognized it immediately. And it was speaking into my head – as Kazmerev did.
“I hope this works,” Hallimore said, pausing to cough. “It’s my one chance before they’re back. They’ve caught me. They’ve killed Arturo. I ... No, I need to stay focused. Focus.” He was rambling and his voice was thick, like he was barely holding on to consciousness. Had he recorded this in between beatings? “The Stryxex are here. They are not legends as we thought but living horrors. They consumed Arturo like a lion consumes its prey and there was nothing left and now
they are intent on finding every Flame Rider cache. They already know where they are. That is not what they want from me. From me, they want a way to contact those I have served as Guarding Flame. I will not tell them. So, I will not live for long. They follow a bright lady who gives them their commands and this lady seeks something called the ‘ai’sletta.’ A powerful weapon to reshape the world as she pleases. And she pleases that there be no more phoenixes. The riders of the Stryxex say that she sees the phoenixes as an evil aberration – for they die and do not stay dead. And so, she plans to –” His words cut off, then return, too garbled by coughing to understand. They clear after a moment. “They are bringing me south. To Briccatore. They kept mentioning the Festival of Moons – as if they had to be there in time for that. And something about a rising star. I don’t know why. I will try to leave this message to a true Flame Rider. You must warn the others. You must go to Briccatore and stop them. Trust no one. And beware – there was talk of a Flame Rider who had turned on us all. A traitor. You must find the others before he does.”
The words faded away and then abruptly the glowing feather faded to darkness.
My heart was pounding in my chest as I tried to repeat the important parts to myself so I wouldn’t forget. Caches. Stryxex. Bright Lady. Festival of Moons. Rising Star. Briccatore.
We were already headed south. We were going in the right direction.
I tried to assure myself with that, but I did not feel sure. I felt like I couldn’t calm down. There was a Flame Rider who was a traitor and hunting down other Flame Riders. What should I make of that? Especially now when someone had just appeared and named himself “Guarding Flame” to me? That coincidence was just a little too convenient, wasn’t it?
A stab of fear shot through me at that thought.
I lay back on the ropes beside the snoring Judicus and watched Kazmerev fly so high above that he seemed like a tiny firefly. How was I going to protect him from all of this?
The words of Hallimore rang in my head “they consumed Arturo.”
I dared not do anything that might let that happen to Kazmerev.
And yet, I couldn’t hide anything from him. We’d have to shake off this new Flame Rider and his phoenix. We’d have to go our own way. But how would I tell Judicus?
I realized with sudden clarity how frustrating my position was. Because for the first time, someone really could speak complex thoughts for me. Kazmerev could listen to me and repeat them to Huxabrand and Gundt would hear them in his mind. I could have told the entire contents of the letter. I could have laid it all out and he could tell Judicus.
But I couldn’t trust him. I didn’t dare.
Frustration filled me and with it an intense longing for what I’d only just realized I could have. But not with Gundt and Huxabrand – maybe not with anyone if I didn’t know which phoenix and Flame Rider I could trust.
I bit my lip and thought furiously. I needed to find a way to tell Kazmerev all of this without giving it away to Huxabrand.
Around me, the waves smacked steadily against the bow of the ship and we climbed them and descended again, climbed and descended with the scent of the sea heavy on the air and the sense of my great responsibility heavy on my heart.
I had a heavy burden laid on me now. A burden even stronger than saving Mally because an entire race was depending on me to get out the warning – the race of phoenixes. If I failed them, who would warn them? The old man had given his last strength and his life trying to get out the warning.
And saving Mally was tied up in that, too. She was the ai’sletta. She was the weapon that the Bright Lady planned to use.
I swallowed down worry and scrubbed my face with a troubled hand.
You are troubled.
I hadn’t realized Kazmerev had landed until he was right there beside me.
I sensed it from afar and returned to you.
I wanted to sink into his strength. I wanted to tell him everything. But there, lingering just behind him was Huxabrand watching us with head cocked to the side.
Were they friends now?
They both bobbed their heads slightly in a way that suggested laughter.
We have danced the flame together in the way honored by tradition, Kazmerev said. We have set aside misconceptions. We will fly together. We will share the sky and burn brightly side by side.
Was that a yes?
Yes.
And could we speak alone? Could we have any kind of privacy again?
We have no need. Huxabrand has our trust.
She didn’t have my trust.
Kazmerev snorted a laugh. You’re a suspicious one, little hawk. But you don’t need to be.
We did need to be. But how could I tell him when she could just listen to my thoughts?
She can’t hear you, remember?
But she could hear him. And because of that, I couldn’t tell him.
We are bonded together by the ties of oaths and heart. You cannot keep things from me.
Not from him. Just from her. When the ship went to shore, we could go our own way and then our thoughts would be private, and I could tell him everything. He could wait until then.
You don’t need to keep secrets. Huxabrand is a friend.
Why did he have to be so insistent about that? Why couldn’t he just trust me?
Behind him, the female phoenix shifted as if growing anxious from what we were saying.
I felt like I was being foolish and they could both see it. But I wasn’t, was I? Because Judicus didn’t trust Gundt either. That’s why he’d kept his discovery hidden.
I bit my lip, so many thoughts whirling in my head that I couldn’t make sense of them all. They whirled around and around so that one moment I thought I should entrust what I discovered to them and one moment I thought I should keep it to myself.
Kazmerev seemed suddenly cooler than usual, his fire less hot, his eye sharper.
You found the message, he guessed. And you won’t tell me what it is because you don’t trust Gundt.
Huxabrand’s fire flared at that, as if she were angry with me. And that alone locked my jaw tighter as if my very bones were afraid the secret might slip from my silent tongue.
You won’t tell us? Kazmerev sounded hurt. Little hawk?
And then a dark figure stepped around the pair of phoenixes and loomed over me.
“Tell us what?”
Chapter Eight
He looked so intent, so stern. And I understood why. He didn’t want me to keep secrets from him. He thought of himself as something like a guide or a teacher for me.
And I understood the hurt look in Kazmerev’s eyes. He expected more from me – deserved more from me.
So why won’t you give it?
That stung.
I understood the superior look in Huxabrand’s eye. She knew she was better than me.
She’s not going to hurt you. Kazmerev sounded like he was trying to calm a frightened child. You misunderstood what she was doing. She wasn’t trying to isolate you or me or treat us with contempt. It’s not like that. It’s – you humans flirt, right? You know that sometimes things between men and women are not all that they seem on the surface.
I’d certainly seen Mally bend and twist men up until they were at each other’s throats and then soothe it all with a smile and a laugh.
Like that. It’s like that. Huxabrand is shockingly lovely. Beautiful even among a people so beautiful that we dazzle your eyes.
She looked so much like him that if I didn’t know him well, I’d have to squint to see the differences.
Human eyes struggle to pick up on the details. Even with your night-enhanced vision.
“Why are you talking about how phoenixes look?” Gundt asked with what sounded like impossible patience.
So, she expected me to ... well, this is embarrassing, but she expected attention. Right? Unwanted attention. It’s what she usually gets.
Was his fire burning hotter?
Please, don’t mention it. I
t’s very awkward to have to spell this out. I – well, I was very forward introducing myself like that without the proper ritual and dance back and forth and she was simply reminding me of my place.
His place? No, I didn’t like that. Not at all.
Stop being so protective about me. He sounded frustrated. It’s my job to be protective of you.
“Easy now,” Gundt said, stepping between us, hands up as if he was settling a dispute.
I didn’t appreciate the interference. This was between Kazmerev and me.
Of course, it is between us. Please, don’t be upset.
My heart hiccupped. Our friendship – his and mine – was the deepest thing I had. The only thing I had. Having people come in from outside and disrupt that ... well, it made me feel like I needed to protect it. Like I needed to get away. Like I needed to be anywhere but here.
I was shaking all over and I couldn’t control it.
Shhh, little hawk. It will be okay.
It might have been okay like he said. But then Huxabrand spoke and I heard her. Why is she being so dramatic? Doesn’t she understand phoenixes?
And suddenly I felt like they were all in a group together and I was the outsider looking in. An outsider in my own life, in my own friendship with Kazmerev.
I felt betrayed.
I feel betrayed, too, little hawk. You won’t trust me with your secret.
And like a knife in the heart, Huxabrand spoke, too. Of course, you feel betrayed. This human is unreasonable.
Tears stung my eyes, and I opened my mouth as if I could answer, hurt wanting to bubble to the surface, loneliness coming from nowhere to swallow me up.
I’m sorry, I –
Dawn shattered his voice and fragmented him. He vanished in a puff of black smoke and even the smoke looked distressed as it spread and diluted until there was nothing left.
Phoenix Heart: Episode 4: Rope Worker Page 3