"Ithinkyou'veearneditnow,"Iwinked."It'sgoodpeople,so...forsure."
"AmIgoingthroughthattunnel?"Inodded,rememberingthelongtunnelthatIpassedtoo.
"GivemyregardstoSt.Peter."Pablolookedatmeinsurprise.
"Thankyou."
The most beautiful woman I had seen dressed as a bride disappeared. His figure faded slowlythroughthelivingroomwindow.Ifelthappyforher,atlastIwouldrestinpeace.No interruptionsordisasters.Isawwhathadbeenaffected.Fromhisgreeneyes,tearswerestill flowingandIembracedhisstrongbody,whichatthatmomentseemedfragileanddefenseless.
"She'sgone,"Iwhispered."Youcanmoveonnow."Icuppedhisfacewithbothhands.I wantedtokisshim.ButIhadunfinishedbusinesswithAlejandro.ButIchosetokisshimon thecheekandsaygoodbye.Timetorest,tomorrowwillbeanotherday.
Chapter11
“They’llbeback”hesaid.
“Embarrassmentdoesn’thaveaverygoodmemory”
“GabrielGarcíaMárquez”
TheyearIdiedwascomingtoaclose.Decemberhadarrived.Coldanddistantlikeasoap bubblewhenitmanagestofly.Ihadn’theardfromAlejandrosincethelastWhatsAppmessage Isenthim;ButIknewthatinafewdayshewouldbebackintownforChristmas.Thanksto Clara,Ialsoknewhewasn’tcomingalone.Ididnotcare.
Ihadn’tyethada"firstkiss"withPablo,buteverydayouraffectionforoneanothergrew anditwasnicetogettoknowhimlittlebylittle.Itwassomethingwebothfeltandtherewas noneedtoverbalizeit.Morethanamonthsinceourfirstdatehadpassed,andtherehadbeen manymoresincethen.Ilikedtocookforhimsomenights,evenifitwasduringtheweekand the next day we had to get up early. Many mornings before we went to work, we jogged together. A good diet and exercise with my personal trainer were declaring war on Marta's shoes,whichIhadgrownfondof.IreducedthenumberofcigarettesIsmokedadayandthe best...fordaysIdidn’tseeanyspiritthatwouldinterferewithmyfruitfulrelationshipwiththe firefighter.
"Are you going out with anyone on Christmas Eve?" Pablo asked one afternoon when he cametopickmeupatthesalonattheendofmyworkday.
Thetruthwasitnevercrossedmymind.Ihadnofamilyandmyfriendswouldspendtime with theirs. Obviously, I couldn’t call Carlota and say "Hey! We’re having Christmas Eve dinner,I'myourdaughterinanotherwoman’sbody,I’llbethererightaway."Ithoughtofmy familyagain...andoftheunlikelihoodofseeingthemagain.Howdepressing...foryearsmy ChristmasasLaurawasspentintheMaldivesamongsupermodel"friends".Verysuperficial, without any meaning and no intention of visiting Chicago to celebrate Christmas with my family...whenIstillhadafamily.Andnow?Myfundsdidn’tallowmetogototheMaldives andIdidnotknowwhatthepreviousMartahaddonesinceherparentsdiedandleftheralone.
Didsheeataloneathome?Didshecelebrate?DidshehateChristmas?Ialwayslikedthem...
foramomentIdidn’tevenknowifIlikedtheholidays.
"Didyouhearme,Marta?Whatareyouthinkingabout?"insistedPablo.
"Well,Idon’tknow-IsupposeI'llspenditalone."Ishruggedandtookasipofmycoke.
"Wecan’thavethatMarta."
"Butyou’llbeinZaragozawithyourparentsand..."
"I'llstaywithyou.I'llmakeusadeliciousroastturkey,you'llsee.I'llaskmymotherforthe recipe,"hesaidcheerfully.
Iwantedtohughim,tokisshim,to...eehhmm...somanythings!Wewereidiotswasting timethatway.Wehadendlessintimateandromanticopportunitiestohaveourfirstkiss,akiss thatwouldhavebeentheenvyofthebestscenesintheromanticmoviesofHollywood.Any screenwriter with two fingers in front would have written about us. And yet we let those moments slip by ... shame? Fear? We were confident enough to take that step and we were abouttoenterthedelicateareaof"BestFriends".
"Whatdoyousay?"heasked.
"Iloveit...butIthinkyoushouldbewithyourfamily,"Isaid,thinkingofthefamilyIhad andlost.
"Well...ifallgoeswell...nextyearwecangotoZaragozatogethertospendChristmas..."
hesaid,staringatthefloor.
Shy. He was very shy. He said each word of this last statement with the most typical shynessofateenagerinloveoranunattractivemanwithfearofrejection.Igavehimasmile asIwouldonlydoforhim.IneversmiledatAlejandrobecauseIneverfeltconfidentenough tobemyself,somethingthatIcouldaffordtodowithPablowhoknewabsolutelynothingabout thepreviousMarta...heonlyknewme.Ipattedhisarmandshookhishand.Pabloimmediately turned his hand in a perfect move so that our fingers were intertwined, fitting perfectly. Like twopiecesofapuzzlethatfinallymet.Inthemostunexpectedplace,attherighttime...living thebestofeverymoment.
Tuesday, December eighteenth. Loli and I had a lot of work at the salon. All the women in town came to look their best for the holiday season. They loved to show off their new bling andmakeupTheyalsolovedtogossip,buttoday’sgossiphadadarktwist.Attwelveo'clock,I learnedthatadangerouswildfirewasstartedinCedillo,alittlemorethantwentymilesaway.
ThelocalfiremenneededtoassistandthatincludedPablo...
"Don’tworry.I'msurethey'llbefine,"Lolitoldmeafterseeingmyworriedfaceassoon as I heard the news. I called Pablo but he did not pick up the phone and according to his WhatsApphehadnotbeenconnectedsincenineo'clockinthemorning.
"Iamtryingnotto."
Istayedbusythroughoutthedaysincetheclienteleremainedatanall-timehigh.Oneafter the other. But my head kept wandering to all tragedy that could result from the wildfire. The octogenarianspirits,regularcustomersatthesalon,whisperedinmyearthathewasfine.Of course,forthem,thathewasokaymightnotmeanthesamethingtome...tome,okaywastobe safeandALIVE.Forthem,hemightbeinheavenwithmyhippyfriendSaintPeter.
At six in the afternoon, they reported that the fire was under control and that three firefighters were admitted to the ICU in critical condition. I called Pablo again without success.Hedidnotanswer.Washeoneofthewounded?Thenexthourcreptonforaneternity.
AtsevenIsaidgoodbyetoLoliandranhome.Onthewayandwithoutwaiting,Ibumpedinto Alejandro. He was alone. I was running in my sinister thoughts without realizing that he, the
mostbestlookingintown,walkedbyme.Hewantedtotalkandwestoodfacetoface,staring into each other's eyes. Again, that look ... There was no sign of the affectionate love I saw monthsago.Maybethereneverwasandmydesiretofindlovewithmynewbody,impulsed metoliveafantasyoffairytaleswithperfectprinceslikeAlejandrowherenothingcouldgo wrong.Wehadfailedtoshowhowlovestoriesdohavehappyendings.
"Alejandro,I'minahurry..."
"Well,Ididnotexpectthatinourfirstmeetingthesewereyourfirstwords"-hewasstill ashandsomeasever.Sosexy,fineandrefined.Andhelookedhappy.
"Yeah,buttheyare..."
"Weneedtotalk."
"Okay,anothertime.Bye."
Iranoutandheardfromthedistance"Notevenakissgoodbye?"Ihadnotimaginedafirst encounterwithAlexanderaswell.Inolongerexpectedustoberomantic,butitwasasadand touchingencounterbecauseofeverythinglivedintenselyinashorttime.TheonlyoneIcared aboutwasPablorightnow,realizingthatwhatIfeltforhimwasREAL.HowmuchIregretted notgivinghimthat,betterthaninthemovies,kiss.Holdingbackthetearsinthecarontheway home,wasnearlyimpossible,thethoughtoflosinghimwasmorethanIcouldbear.HadSaint Peterpreparedmeforthisdreadfulmomentwhenheshowedmethe
worstofmypreviouslife thatmorninginAveiro?
When I got to Pine, I saw the fire truck covered with sawdust in the garage of the shed.
Pablo'scarwasparkedoutsidehishouse.Thelightswereoff,soIguessedhewasn’tthere.I parkedandwentinsidequicklylookingatmysilentphone.OneofthosevoicesIhadalready grown accustomed to said to me, "Go to the terrace." So, I quickly went up the stairs and openedthedoortomyfavoritespot,wheresomanymomentshadsharedwithPablounderthe stars...
Inthedarkofnightwithadimlightthatlittheterrace,IsawPablo'ssilhouettewaitingfor me. For a moment, I feared that I was seeing his spirit dressed as a firefighter in his dirty clothes,untilwithasmile,hebegantospeak.
"Youleftthedooropen.Anyonecouldhavecomeinside."
IrantohimandhuggedhimashardasIcould.Hewrappedhisarmsaroundme,leaving
mesmallanddefenseless,butwithasenseofsecuritythatIloved.
"You'renotaspirit,areyou?"Heshookhishead.
"I'm fine. It's been a hard day ... but it's already over." He cupped my face with his big hands, crouched down and finally gave us that first movie kiss we'd been waiting for a long time.
Warm,sweet,welcoming...itwaslikecominghometoahomefulloflove.Wedidnotwantto separate,kissinghimhadbecomemynewvice.Somanycenturies,somanyworlds,somuch space...andcoincide.
"Ihavetogohomeandhaveashower."I'mamess...
"No, stay ... shower here and stay with me. "I did not want to leave him for a second.
Nevermore.
"Okay. I'm going to get some clothes home and I'll be back. " Happy to have him by my side,safeandsound.
IwasnotashandsomeasPaulinthekitchen,butIpreparedacoupleofsandwicheswhile he showered. While we had dinner, he explained that the three firefighters injured were not from his unit. Although it was no relief to know that three people were straddling life and death,whichIknewsowell,itwastruethatnoneofPaul'sfriendshadbeenhurt.
"AllIcouldthinkofwasyou,"hesaidatlast.Amongthosesmolderingflames...Icould onlythinkhowfoolishwewereandhowmuchtimewelost.
"It'sbeenahorribleday...you'veseenmycalls."Iwasveryworried.Idonotknowwhat wouldhavehappenedif..."Ididn’tevenwanttothinkaboutit.
"Wehaveourwholelivesaheadofus,"hesaid,holdingmyhand.
Afterdinner,wewentuptotheroom.Inthedarkandslowlyweundressedeachother.He huggedmeagainwhenIsawthathewasshaking.Amixtureofcoldandnervousnessgripped me.IfwithAlejandrohehadcomplexes,withPaulhewascalm.Ididn’tcareaboutmyfine linesormycellulitehiddeninthedark.Forhim,IalsoseemedtobetheperfectwomanthatI really wasn’t. His body however, was beautiful. In the shadows his muscles were powerful andintimidating.Hisfacesereneandconfident.Hislipskissedmewarmly,asiftouchingthe mostpreciousthing.Carefully,calmly...withtime.
Just as he promised me, Pablo and I had an intimate Christmas eve filled with delicious delicacies on the table. Stuffed turkey, clams, prawns ... and for dessert ... sawdust! -Of course-. We remember our first date. For the occasion, I bought a beautiful-and cheap-turquoise dress that suited me very well. Walking with heels in my new body was not as dauntingasIthoughtfromthebeginningandthenIwentbacktowalkwiththegraceofthetop modelthatonedayIwas.Pablohatedsuites,soheputonadarkblueshirtandjeans.Hewas stillhandsome.
Hepracticallylivedwithme,althoughmanyofhisthingsstillhadtheminhishouse.We slept together every night and upon waking up and seeing his toothbrush in the bathroom, showedmeitwasaseriousrelationship.Ifeltcompanionshipandlove,althoughIhatednot beingabletoavoidtheinternalcomparisonsthatImadebetweenPabloandAlejandro.
Like Laura, there was never another toothbrush in the bathroom other than mine. Step by step,IwasgettingmuchmorelikeMarta,thanasthetopmodelIwas.Ourtimeisuncertain, weneverknowwhenwecandropatoasterfromthewindowofabuildingandsendustothe gatesofSanPedro...butwhatIwassureandthatwastryingtowinmedaily,wasthatatthe funeralMartawouldLOVE.Andnobodywouldspeakillofher...itwouldbetotallydifferent fromthatofLaura.
Afterdinner,wewenttoValenciadeAlcántarapartywherewehungoutwithourfriendswho likeus,dressedtheirbestthatnight.Toni,JaimeandAndreshadadaptedtosharingterritory with the fireman. Clara and Hugo had also started their own nice relationship, Silvia was madlyinlovewithBruno,anotherofthefiremaninPablo'sunit;But,hehadleftarelationship oftenyearswithaGaliciangirlanddidn’tfeelreadytostartsomethingnew.AndFelisa...she was still thinking about her Felipe. At one and three o'clock in the morning, I had a déjà vu experience. Alejandro arrived with a tall, slender woman wearing a provocative and very low-cut black dress. Her silky black hair, her large overly-made brown eyes and prominent red lips. That woman had nothing to do with me ... with Marta. They were holding hands.
Alejandro didn’t even look at me. His companion and his air of superiority, sparked an immediatehatredinmyfriends.EveryonecordiallygreetedthemincludingPablo,whonoticed that they purposely ignored me, asked me if I wanted to go outside to smoke a cigarette.
Obviously,Isaidyes.Ifeltuncomfortable,nervousandunraveled.ThatwasnottheAlejandro Iknew...noteventhefirsttimehelookedatmefullofhateandspitethatJulynightwhenI arrivedtothisnewlife.TheAlejandrowithwhomIspentsomeofthemostbeautifulmoments of my new life - and of the previous one -, was an arrogant, obnoxious, jerk. What had happenedtohim?Whowasthatwoman?Wasshereallymakinghimhappy?
"IguessthatwasAlejandro,"Pablosaidsympathetically.
"Yes,that'shim."
"Heseemslikeajerk."-iftherewassomethingPablowas,itwasverysincere.
"Yeahhedoes...Hewasn’tlikethatbefore,"Isaid,lightingacigarette.
"Doyoustillhavefeelingsforhim?"heasked.ThenFelisaapproachedus,interruptingthe possibilitythatImightrespond.
"Thisguyisagile,"Felisascreamed,hurryingonacigarette.
"Whathappened?"Iaskedfor.
"Have you seen the chick he's with? That Portuguese woman almost knocked me to the floorspillingmydrinkonmydress."Pablocouldn’thelpbutlaugh,andmetoo."Guys,don’t laughthatdrinkcostmeanarmandaleg,fuck.
"Watchyourlanguage,Felisa,"Iwarnedher.Therewasnotasentenceinwhichshewould notletgoofatleasttwoswearwords.
"I'mverysuspicious,letmesee.ItmustbebecauseofFelipe.YourCatalangeek.
"Felisa,wouldn’tyouratherdateafirefighter?"Pabloasked,winkingather.
"You'lltellmewhatwouldIdowithdeliciousmenlikethat."shesaid,adjustingherbelt.
"It’syourloss,"Isaid,huggingPablo.
"I go back to leave a few things clear to the Portuguese-Felisa left and we were alone PabloandI.
"Youhavenotanswered...Doyoustillhavefeelingsforhim?"
"No,Ididnotknow-.BecauseI'mverysorryforyou."Thatwastrue.
ThemomentPaulhuggedmeandkissedmeinfronteveryonepassingby,Alejandrocame
out of the bar. He looked at us out of the corner of his eye and lit a cigarette. Alejandro smoking? Since when? He seemed nervous and uncomfortable, like me minutes before he waltzed in with that Portuguese hussy. Then, his date came out swearing in Portuguese about myfriendsasifnooneunderstoodher.WorstofallisthatAlejandrodidn’ts
ayanything.He
just nodded, still watching me unobtrusively. Pablo noticed and we went back into the bar.
EveryonecommentedonhowdifferentAlejandrowasbehaving.Somefirefighterswhohadnot knownhimuntilthen,hadonlynoticedhowspectacularlygoodthePortuguesewas.
Twohourslater,IdancedquietlyinthepubwithPablo,whenAlejandro,alittletoodrunk, grabbedmeabruptlybythearm.
"Iwanttotalktoyou,"heshrieked.
"Whereareyourmanners?"Pabloasked,pullingAlejandro'shandfrommyarm.IknewI had a pending business with Alejandro. We had to clear things up, and turn the page on that chapter,onlytoforgetabouthimfortherestofmydaysasMarta.
"It’sokay,"IsaidtoPablo.I'lltalktohim.It’llonlybeaminute.
Westeppedawayonlyafewfeet,rightunderPablo’sattentivewatchofwhohadgonewith hisfriendstoothersideofthebar.NotraceofthePortuguesehussy.
"You'redrunk."
"Alittle.Areyouokaywithmuscles?"
"Yeseverything’sgood."
"Thennothing."
"Nothingwhat?Alejandro,you’retheonewhokeepsholdingagrudgeagainstme."
IfeltlikekickingMarta’sass."Youhavesomeoneelsetomakeyouhappy.Yousaidyou thoughtthingsthroughandthatourrelationshipwasgoingnowhere.
"Ineversaidthat.AndI'mnothappywithDaniela."
"Man,atleastshehasaprettyname,"Isaid,tryingtocalmthingsdown.
"YouhavenoideawhatI'vebeenthrough.AllthenightsIcouldn’tbewithyourackingmy brainaboutwhatitwouldhavebeendifferentifyouandIhadourson."
"Enough!"Iscreamed.IwasfedupwithsomethingthatIwasnotresponsiblefor.Forget that already, okay? And forget it all. I'm trying to move on, Alejandro. And I'm happy with Pablo," I shouted. Almost everyone present at the pub set their sights on us and our heated discussion.
Cheers to the good life Page 14