by Dani Rei
An imprint of Dani Rei LLC
www.danireiofficial.com
© Copyright 2021 by Dani Rei LLC
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced by any means without permission from the publisher.
ISBN:
978-1-7367246-2-0 (Hardcover)
978-1-7367246-3-7 (Paperback)
978-1-7367246-1-3 (eBook)
LCCN:
2021904189
Developmental Edit by: Nicole Fegan
Copy Edit by: Joel Pierson
Proofread by: Caroline Barnhill
Cover design by: Weave – www.weave.design
This is a work of fiction. Any similarities to people, places, and events are used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblances to persons living or dead is entirely coincidental.
Book one of The Fools’ Circus Trilogy
Dani Rei
Dani Rei LLC
Acknowledgements
TO MY MOTHER, SHAKIRA, and my brother, Andre, for always believing in me, and supporting all of the wacky things I wanted to learn growing up.
To my Aunt Erika and my grandmother, Blanca, who always encouraged my creativity and helped it flourish in new ways.
To my son, Jacobi. While I’m the one raising you, you’re showing me a side of myself that I never would’ve found otherwise. Being your mother is the best thing I’ve ever done with my life.
To my partner, Christian, for not only being supportive, but for giving me that gentle nudge outside my comfort zone to achieve my goals and continue to grow.
To my closest friends, Jacob, Lyn, and Evan. You’ve been more helpful and inspirational than you can imagine. Thank you for sticking by me all these years.
To the flow arts community, for welcoming and accepting me for who I am, supporting me, and making me feel less alone in this world.
To all the friends and family I didn’t mention by name. There are so many I could fill an entire book with my thanks. I am eternally grateful to have each and every one of you in my life. Thank you for being your wonderful selves.
To my son. May you always be foolish enough to chase your dreams.
“Go forth, ye fool. Continue to believe that what awaits you in the end is applause.”
-Jay Hickman, Kaleido Star
Prologue
I
remember the first time I attended The Fools’ Circus. I was ten years old, watching a teenage boy called the Blades Master juggle knives. A younger boy wore cat ears and did leaps and somersaults on trampolines. A little girl did tricks and jumped on a trapeze, while another around my age danced with flames.
Every time we went, my mom would ask me, “Wouldn’t it be cool to perform like that?”
She likely said it as a fun thought, but watching those young performers made me believe I could do anything. Soon, joining them became a dream of mine, and she encouraged me to try.
I taught myself to juggle, hoping to join the other kids on stage. When I was thirteen, my mom died in a car accident. I was adopted months later by a successful business couple, and they hated the circus. I missed the show that year, and it tore me apart inside.
The year after, I went with a friend and his parents, and the next year, I went alone. I brought dates in my late teens, but their passion didn’t match mine. The point is, I never missed a show again, and I never stopped juggling, hoping I could perform on stage with the others.
I have to join. My mother’s spirit is pushing me. I can’t stay in the audience forever.
Chapter 1
A
pplause roars from behind the temporary fences that keep the patrons in line. Three clubs fly into the air, two landing in tanned hands, the third standing on its handle on Blake’s forehead. He wobbles around to balance it as more cheers and whistles rise from the crowd. A few drivers honk or cheer from the window as they drive by. The ends of his brown waves tickle his eyes, but he does his best to hold the pose for a bit longer.
He flops his head forward to toss the club into his hand and takes a bow. Even passersby on the sidewalk have stopped to watch him, and the resulting applause sends chills over his skin and plasters a grin on his face.
He takes a second to gaze at the convention center, where The Fools’ Circus is about to perform. His eyes scan the windows for a sign, some hint that someone in there is watching him. He didn’t get this sign on Friday or Saturday, but tonight—Sunday night—is their last show and his last chance until next year.
Stuffing his backpack with his clubs and tossing it over his shoulder, he makes his way toward the back of the line.
Along the way, he thanks many people for their various compliments and words of encouragement. A few of them even reach out to shake his hand.
“Hey!” shouts an old man from the line. His white hair hangs at his shoulders under a gray fedora that matches his suit. His voice is raspy, but has a soothing air to it. “You’re not part of The Fools’ Circus, are you?”
“No sir.” Blake stops with a smile. “I can’t find a way of contacting them, so I just juggle here and hope they see me.”
“Ah. So you’d like to join?”
“Yeah, but it looks like juggling won’t be enough. I’ll have to try harder this time.”
“Where are you going then? Not staying for the show?”
“I am, but I already have my ticket, so I don’t mind going to the back of the line. It’s not like my assigned seat is going anywhere.”
The old man lets out a small grumble and takes a step back to gesture at a space in front of him with his wooden cane. “Just hop the fence and get in here. You’re only one guy. Fuck ’em if they get mad.”
Blake chuckles and stumbles over the fence to take his spot in front of the old man, grateful that no one protests. “Thanks, Gramps. Can I call you Gramps?”
“You can call me Shit Head—I like long walks on the beach, and I hate people who clean the grease off their pizza.”
Blake laughs as the line takes its first inch forward. “I like you, Shit Head. My name’s Blake. Are you here alone?”
“Yeah, I planned to bring my daughter, but she’s been in and out of the hospital for a long time now. And what about you? A handsome young man like you isn’t here with a girlfriend? Boyfriend, maybe?”
“Nope. Single life isn’t so bad. I like being able to focus on work and hobbies.”
“Smart kid. How old are you anyway?”
“Twenty-three.”
Shit Head purses his wrinkled old lips under his white stubble and nods. “Still young. No reason to rush it.”
The line takes its first step forward as Shit Head raves on about his years of gymnastics experience, and how marvelous it would be to perform at such a show.
While Blake is enjoying the conversation and good company, his heart is pounding against his ribs, begging for the line to hurry so he can see the show and take his chance.
The light in the old man’s eyes as he reminisces of his younger days only motivates Blake more and more.
Each step happens in slow motion until the entrance comes into view. A surge of energy pulses through Blake’s veins as he reviews his plan. When the show ends, he’ll find out if there is a place for him on stage.
It has to be today. I need to have an answer before I go home.
THE RINGLEADER TAKES HIS place on stage, donning a black suit with purple embellishments along his pants and jacket sleeves. The tailcoats on his blazer whip about with every movement, and a purple button-up lines his neck. When he turns to address the audience behind him, a purple embroidered lion roars on his back. He lifts his gloved hands, one of them holding a cane, as his voice booms over the cheerin
g audience.
“Fans, fiends, and comrades! We thank you for joining us this evening! Our story begins a long time ago, with a little girl who lives with a wicked stepmother and two evil stepsisters.”
The ringleader’s voice trails off as his spotlight dims and others illuminate the rest of the stage.
A blonde woman dressed in rags dances on the stage floor while three other performers in pastel leap and bound on the surrounding trampolines in a violent display. Cinderella drops her broom to juggle a feather duster, a cleaning sponge, and a teapot.
Blake remembers her name from being announced in previous shows. She doesn’t have a title like the Blades Master or Fire Goddess; her name is Axel. Her portrayal as Cinderella is sweet and elegant, with an air of innocence that makes the audience, including Blake, fall in love.
Everything falls around Cinderella, and one sister pulls her onto the trampoline. She’s thrown around, each sister ripping parts of her dress and shoving her to the other, before they leave her on the stage floor and disappear.
The fairy godmother appears with a floating wand, each end engulfed in fire, as she dances around, her short, strawberry-red hair whipping in all directions.
Cinderella climbs up and twirls her body into a pink wall of silks. The fairy godmother uses her magic to seal her in a cocoon while she dances around the stage with a man wearing cat ears. At the music’s cue, Cinderella bursts from the wall of silks in her ball attire, making the audience boom into applause, before disappearing from the stage.
The lights go out, and intermission is called. Blake leans forward in his seat, trying to navigate the distance between the stage and the back of the building in his mind. His leg bounces in its place as people around him make their way to the concession stands and restrooms. A group of clowns take the stage and amuse the dwindling crowd.
Blake has never been so eager for the show to end before; he can’t carry out his mission while the show is going on. Even if he could, he wouldn’t dare miss it.
It feels like an eternity is going by; he’s tempted to leave now but takes a deep breath to remind himself that the cast and crew won’t be going anywhere in the middle of a show.
The clowns leave the stage, and the lights grow dim as the stadium seats fill themselves up again.
Finally.
The stage lights up in a tranquil blue hue. Couples perform on aerial hoops around the stage. The blond prince pulls Cinderella onto the trapeze to leap and hang in romantic poses as they whoosh through the air. The audience roars at their display, and Blake’s heart stops.
The magic on stage is calling him again, begging him to join, but he stays put.
The performers land on the platform, and the prince holds out a fist. When he opens it, a bouquet of flowers grows from his palm. Cinderella is about to take them, when suddenly the lights turn purple and ominous music fills the stage as the bell tolls.
She leaps back onto the trapeze and swings to the next to get away from him. The prince tries to follow, but before he can reach the second swing, one stepsister snatches him from the air by his ankles. She pulls him onto her swing while he struggles; the dispute stays in tune with the music, and their poses make the audience go wild.
Stage lights change to sunrise colors, and soldiers soar through the air on trampolines. When they find Cinderella, the prince pulls her into a pair of white silks, while they twist and bend and their chemistry heats up the stadium.
The hours take their time inching by, and Blake’s anxiety, coupled with fascination, create a confusing whirl in his mind. He hasn’t even thought of what he will say or do if he actually gets the chance to talk to someone. He probably should, but the show is demanding every bit of his attention.
It all ends too soon, but not soon enough. The performers gather in a circle around the stage. Each of them is holding hands with the next as the ringleader sends additional thanks to the crew members before thanking the audience.
Wait, something’s changed. Blake leans in to examine the changes on stage. There are fewer aerial rigs now than there were before. Is the crew putting them away already?
He leaps from his seat as the audience bursts into a standing ovation. He rushes out of the stadium and into the cold night air. An icy breeze makes him shiver and zip his black jacket before he hurries around the building, keeping his eye out for guards, police, or (in the best-case scenario) a clown to point him in the right direction.
Around the back, he finds a group of people moving equipment into the back of a white truck. At first, he isn’t sure if they’re the right people, but one man is carrying aerial hoops, and that’s all the evidence he needs.
“Excuse me!” Blake calls, running over without thinking. One of them, a dark-skinned man with short hair, stops to look at him with his eyebrows raised in attention.
“What’s up, man?”
“Are you guys with the circus?” Blake asks.
“Yeah, but we don’t perform.”
“That’s fine, I just have a question. How does someone get to be part of it? I looked everywhere online, and I couldn’t find anything.”
“We’re not hiring,” the man says as he turns around to get back to his work. “Sorry.”
“No, wait, please.” Blake gives the man’s arm a gentle tug to stop him. “Please, can you give me some way to contact your boss?”
“Our hiring process doesn’t work that way. There are plenty of other circuses you can try.”
“There’s nothing I can do? No one I can talk to?”
The man shrugs as he shakes his head. “I’m sorry. We just don’t work like that.”
“How does it work?”
“I can’t tell you. Word spreads, jobs open, and suddenly sacred ground becomes another capitalist hotspot. Go try somewhere else.”
The truck’s trailer closes, and the man’s coworkers gather behind him, furrowing their brows at their conversation. One of them pats the man on the shoulder. “We’re ready when you are, Ronan.”
Ronan nods them off, signaling them to give him one more minute with the curious stranger. They go back to their work, but not without glancing back and whispering amongst themselves.
“Please?” Blake asks, his heart sinking in his chest.
“I can’t,” Ronan says. “Look, it’s nothing personal, all right? Tell you what, I can talk to some of my guys and get you a free souvenir. Maybe a DVD of tonight’s show, yeah?”
“No, that’s okay. Thanks, though.”
Ronan holds out his hand. “Like I said, it’s nothing personal. No hard feelings?”
Blake gives Ronan’s hand a reluctant shake, forcing a smile to disguise the lump in his throat.
Ronan climbs into the passenger seat of the truck with one of the men while the other two make their way back into the building. His eyes lock on to Blake’s as the truck drives off.
With a heavy breath, Blake turns to make his way back to the street. His heart is so heavy that he slouches, eyes glazing over as he watches the ground beneath his feet.
So, there it is. I wanted an answer, and I got it.
Or did I?
He stops in his tracks and turns back around to face the building again. He runs back to the doors and knocks, doing his best not to sound too angry or violent.
No answer. They must be gathering the rest of the equipment. Blake drops onto the cold cement, his back to the wall, his mind already reminiscing about the show. He closes his eyes and quietly begs in his heart that Ronan is wrong, praying to whatever higher power is watching that there is room for him somewhere on that stage.
He’d been attending the circus every year since childhood, watching kids his age perform incredible talents. They gave him something to aim for, something he could achieve if he only tried hard enough. The smile his birth mother had when he learned a new juggling pattern flashes into his mind and lights a fire in his chest. He won’t give up just because one member said no.
The door opens, prompting Blake to sc
uttle to the side as he stands up. Two men lug a large case and set it against the wall while a third person holds it open. None of them seem to notice Blake as they continue.
“Lance, sit with it until Ronan gets back, will ya?”
“Hell no, it’s freezing and my sweater’s inside! One of you can wait out here!”
“You freakin’ wuss!” calls a third burly voice. “It’s only September! What, are you going to hibernate all winter?”
“I’ll do it,” a fourth gentler voice says.
“Mishkin?” says the burly voice. “Why aren’t you with the others?”
“I need some fresh air. I can watch your stuff.”
The three voices all seem to agree as a thin man in a sleeveless shirt, black pants, and cat ears steps out, the door closing behind him. He turns to face Blake with hazel eyes and a caramel-colored face. Three dermal piercings sit on each cheek as he raises a thick brow.
“So,” Mishkin says, “you’re still here.”
“What?” says Blake. “Do you know me?”
“Kinda hard not to notice a guy who puts on his own show in front of a big name like ours.”
“I’m sorry,” says Blake. “I didn’t mean anything by it. Well, I guess I sort of did, but nothing bad. I just ...” Blake’s voice trails off as he stares at the ground, embarrassed to be confessing his hopes and dreams to a man who was just on stage living them.
“You want to join, right? I heard the guys talking about you. Ronan told you off.”
“Was he right? Is there really no way for me to join?”
“There are dozens of other circuses.” Mishkin crosses his arms. “Many have names bigger than ours. Tell me, what makes ours so special?”
Blake tenses, and his eyes drop to the ground. “I, uh...I guess I don’t know. It wasn’t something I thought about; it was just something I had to do. I always thought I had to become part of it. For Mom.”
“And when you join us and realize that we aren’t as glamorous as you think, then what?”
Blake’s lips form a tight line. “I guess I run screaming in the other direction and go to trauma counseling. Is that what you want to hear?”