Ann laughed a little. “I have to say, Peter, your sudden appearance in our lives has caught us by surprise. We weren’t prepared for this. Madeline wasn’t prepared.”
“I didn’t come here to upset anyone, Mrs. Marsden, especially not Maddy. I just have a lot of unanswered questions, and I realize it’s taken me a long time to find the answers. It’s been so many years. I’d lost all hope.”
He heard the front door open, and Tom Marsden came up the stairs to the kitchen. He put down his keys, looked at Peter, and sighed.
Peter remembered the fathers in Chatham when he was young looking forward to Friday afternoons when they came home from work. They always took out their lawnmowers and mowed for an hour or so before huddling in the cul-de-sac for a beer and conversation. Only Tom Marsden was different. He came home, waved to the men, exchanged a few words, “Great day,” or, “How’s the family?” or, “Work’s good?” After a few moments, he retired inside for his usual cognac before dinner, watched a little of the news, and retreated into his study for the evening.
Peter looked at him and took a deep breath. “Before you say anything, Mr. Marsden, I’d like to tell you that you have misjudged my intentions.”
Tom frowned. “I doubt you know what I think, Peter.”
“I understand,” Peter said politely. “I’m not making excuses. It was hard for me, not knowing all these years why someone I loved so much would pack up and leave without saying good-bye. It never occurred to me Maddy was going through such an ordeal. Even after I saw her yesterday morning, it only made me angrier to realize she had gone through such a thing alone.”
“Young man, my daughter didn’t go through this alone. Her family was with her.”
“I know you all were with her.” Peter’s eyes pleaded with Tom. “But I wasn’t and I could have been. I could have helped you and helped her. I loved her! I’m not the type to desert someone I love in a time of need.” He paused.
Ann glanced over her shoulder, and Tom raised his eyebrows, but neither one spoke.
“I know I should have been honest up front with Maddy yesterday. I know that. I was shocked and scared, and, frankly, I was an idiot. It had been so very long. There was so much room for misunderstanding.” As he spoke he heard the patio door slide open, and before he could turn Boxer bolted inside and ran straight to him. Peter rubbed his ears. “Okay, buddy. Where did you come from?”
“He was with me.” Maddy stood in the doorway, backlit by the morning light.
“Do you need something, honey?” Ann sounded surprised. “Can I get you anything?”
“I think what I need is a little time alone with Peter.”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” Tom’s voice was stern.
“Daddy, I’m fine. We need to talk.”
Tom looked first at Peter then at Ann and, finally, at Maddy.
Ann took Tom’s arm. “Call us if you need us, honey.” Ann looked up into his eyes, and after a moment he let her lead him, close by his side, out of the kitchen.
Maddy crossed the room ahead of Peter and stepped into the living room, where she sat in a low, flowered chair. She slapped her side, and immediately Boxer sprinted toward her and made himself comfortable by her feet.
Peter stood in the doorway motionless.
“Peter,” Maddy called out.
“Yes, Maddy. I’m here.” He crossed the room quickly and touched her arm to let her know where he was, sitting at the end of the couch closest to her chair.
She moved her head as if she were trying to find him and then took a rapid breath.
“I didn’t know you were here.” Peter touched her arm gently. “I mean, I’d hoped, but I wasn’t sure you lived here.”
“I don’t. I have my own apartment close to Kate and her husband.”
“That’s right. Kate’s married. Maddy, I wanted to explain why I didn’t tell you who I was over at the school.” He chose his words carefully, rehearsing them in his head.
“Did you think I wouldn’t find out?”
“It wasn’t like that. Honestly. I had no idea what to expect. I wasn’t sure if you were going to want to talk to me, or if you were going to slap me the moment you heard my voice. I was intimidated. Scared. I wasn’t sure what I was going to say.”
“So what made you come now after all this time? What’s different now from twenty years ago when I—I needed—”
“Maddy.” Peter’s heart hurt so badly he almost cried. “I only recently found out where you were. I didn’t know you were in Colorado.”
She shifted in her chair. “I’m sorry, but all this time has passed, and you just found out now? Funny how you waited.”
“Maddy, I’m trying here. I want to tell you the truth and be honest with you.”
“I don’t mean to be condescending. I’ve just been through a rollercoaster. Forgive me if I’m agitated.”
“I know it’s hard to understand. I don’t know if I understand myself. All I know is for some reason even I don’t really know why I just found out where you were. So I came. I looked you up and jumped on a plane and found you. But I wasn’t expecting—”
“ A blind girl.” Maddy said softly.
“No! Maddy!” Peter tightened his grip on her arm. “I wasn’t expecting to find out you had gone through so much, such a terrible thing without me. It rattled me to the core. I didn’t know what to say to you. I thought you were going to see me and react and when you didn’t, I was caught off-guard. I wasn’t sure how you were going to respond to me, or even if I might harm you in some way.”
Maddy shook off his hand. “I’m blind, Peter, not on life support.”
“I panicked. I’m sorry.” He braced his feet and clasped his hands, bowing his head.
“You led me to believe you were some other person. You made me feel comfortable with you to the point where my guard was completely down. I haven’t done that in years, with anyone.”
“You felt comfortable because deep down something in you recognized me.” He looked up into her face, where the light fell through the drapes and lit her clouded eyes, those beautiful eyes that had once been clear hazel. “I just wanted to know you were okay.”
“I am, Peter. I’m okay. It took me a long time to say that, but I can finally say it. So what now? Are you seeking closure?”
He raised his eyes. The Marsden living room had high arched ceilings with wide-plank ebony floors, the windows covered with heavy plaid drapery and valances. He remembered the expansion of sunlight across the beach, the way it warmed he and Maddy on the sand on that long-ago day. “Damn it, Maddy, you’re doing it again. Castigating me without a chance to explain—”
“You mean there’s more?”
“Listen,” Peter cried in exasperation, “I never knew! If I had, I’d have never left your side. You know me. I haven’t changed. If I’d had any idea what you were going through, I would have been with you, living here, working here, spending my life with you.”
She sat back, her elbows on her knees and forehead on her hands. She looked so fragile, sitting with her shining head low. He looked at the sleek brown hair over her shoulders, at her hands cupping her head. She was the same woman, the same girl. He moved slowly out of his chair and knelt on the floor in front of her. He took her hands in his.
Maddy lifted her head, and tears came to her eyes.
Peter leaned in and pressed his lips to hers.
She pushed his shoulders back with both hands, and he fell backward. Then before he knew what she was doing Maddy pulled him to her again, with all her strength, and gave in to the kiss. Her lips were sweet and salty with tears, her body in his arms a perfect fit. She wrapped her arms around his neck and held him to her, and he kissed her and kissed her.
She was his again—his Maddy.
He took her face in his hands and whispered in her ear. “I ne
ver stopped loving you. You were my entire life. I’ve never loved anyone like I love you.” He kissed her deeply, hearing again all around them the tide rushing in.
However, Maddy stood up suddenly and abruptly. “I can’t do this, Peter. It’s been too long. I’ve been through too much.” She turned away from him and cried out in a voice of heartbreak and anguish. “Mother! Daddy! Come get me!”
Chapter 16
Clarity
When Peter stepped into his glass-walled Boston office that evening, there were at least ten phone messages on his desk, all marked ‘urgent’ in red. It was just what he’d expected, his penance for being away from the project. It was late when he called Mayor Fleming’s office, and Bill Torres answered after the third ring.
“Bill, it’s Peter. I’m sorry to call so late. I’m surprised to catch you at the office on Sunday. I thought I’d get your answering machine.”
“Don’t worry about it. We’re going to know each other’s numbers by heart. I needed to let you know: you’ve got a press meeting first thing in the morning. The media is bursting to interview you. This is going to be the biggest story Boston’s had in a long while, and I want to go over a few things before you’re in front of the reporters.”
“Tomorrow morning? Are you kidding? I’ve never done this before. What kind of questions? Building, zoning, architectural?”
“Actually, it’s going to be personal. You’re a celebrity now, Peter, at least to Boston and the architectural world in general. There were a lot of important people up for this job, people interested in our cityscape. They want it done right, and since this is all coming out of our taxpayers’ pockets they want to know who you are. Can you do the best job? Are you capable, being so young? The public wants to know answers. We’ve even gotten a call from Senator Kennedy’s office inquiring about dedicating a part of the historical wing to his brothers. According to his office, the Hyannis Museum has a few personal items they’re willing to part with in order to have a piece of our library. So this is big, Peter. Really big.”
“Bill, I’m not the kind of person who enjoys this sort of thing.”
“You’ll learn to. Just talk about your excitement, your vision, and—” Bill paused. “Believe it or not, they are interested in the wedding.”
“The wedding?”
“Aren’t you getting married soon? I hear it’s going to be a society page-turner. That will work really well. The newspapers will love it. It’ll give everyone a front seat in Peter Michaels’ life.”
Peter stopped breathing.
“The Mayor also moved up the date for breaking ground, so we need to finalize those permit applications ASAP. Get on top of it, okay? And tomorrow morning—”
“Yes?”
“Wear a tie. See you at eight.”
Peter’s take-out dinner still sat in its Styrofoam container on the top of his file cabinet. The stale smell of airplane was still on his clothing, and he sat back in his leather chair, exhausted, in desperate need of a shower, a shave, and a good night’s sleep.
“So I figured if I didn’t make the trip, I probably wouldn’t hear from you tonight.” Peter jumped when Tara appeared at his office door in her yoga tights with leg warmers bunched around her ankles.
He smiled wanly. “I’m sorry, Tara. I was swamped.”
“When were you going to call me? I’ve been waiting to hear what happened?”
“I literally just got off the plane and rushed over here. How are you?”
“How am I? Terrible, I must have caught some stomach bug. I can’t eat a thing.” She took a whiff of his take-out container, made a gagging noise, and tossed it in the garbage.
“Have you gone to the doctor?”
“I’m guessing by your greeting things did not go fab. Are you going to tell me?”
“Of course. I just wasn’t prepared to see you. I’m sorry, sit down.”
“I’m too hyper to sit.” She paced the room, then leaned on the corner of his desk and sucked her teeth, as she looked him over. “You know, Peter, I’m going to be your wife soon. I need to feel you’re comfortable with that and in all honesty, I’m not feeling it. I know it has to do with the woman you went to see, Madeline.”
“You’re right. I went there to figure some things out. I needed to find something that would give me closure with all this. I found the answers I was looking for, but they only left me with more questions. Madeline disappeared because her family took her where she could get the best treatment she needed at the time.” Peter paused. “She lost her sight. Madeline lost her sight. She is blind.”
“Blind?”
“But, Tara, she’s amazing. I wish you’d seen her at work. She’s this incredible teacher with these wonderful children. Oh and the school—if you’d only seen this school—”
“No doubt, Peter. So what does she want?”
“She doesn’t want anything.”
“Then it’s perfect. We can move on—”
“Tara, will you listen to me?” He reached for her hand, but she evaded him. “I wasn’t exactly honest with her. I realized she wasn’t prepared to open an old wound just like that—”
“What did you do to her? Kick her?”
“I didn’t tell her who I was.”
“You lied?”
“I swear, I had every intention of telling her the truth, but I needed time to talk to her and find out what really happened. Only I wasn’t able to tell her the way I’d planned. Her father found us and—”
“Freaked?”
“Exploded. He didn’t care what I had to say. Maddy was devastated, just humiliated and hurt. I had to explain. The next day I went to the Marsdens’ and—”
Tara shrugged and crossed the room. “Okay, okay. Enough. I don’t want to hear any more drama. It’s over.” She put her arms around him from behind and leaned her weight into him. “You’re my fiancée, in case you forgot. I’m the one you should be worrying about.”
He put his hands on his face. He could not erase from his mind the smell of Maddy’s skin or the taste of her lips. Those last terrible moments at her front door remained vividly in his head.”
“Peter!” Tara sniffed his neck and stopped. She grimaced.
“What’s wrong?”
“I’m going to have to get you something mature and expensive-smelling tomorrow at Bloomingdale’s. The cologne you wear is awful.”
Peter gave a faint smile at the memory of Maddy’s smile in the school office. “I kind of like my cologne,” he said.
Tara kissed him brusquely. “Well, we have a wedding to plan, which, let me remind you, I’ve been planning all by myself. I had to make the seamstress do my dress again. I told her I want it to fit snug, for heaven’s sake. I’m a size two, not an elephant, oh and I had to pick our band all by myself.”
“You did?” Peter took her hands.
“You’re going to be so stoked. The lead singer’s a dead ringer for Wham!”
Tara looked at her watch.
“I have to get on the ball. We have dinner plans tonight with the caterers.”
He stood and turned, but she stepped back.
“I know. You won’t go with me. It figures. I’m taking my mother.” She reached around him to snap a piece of tape from the roll on his desk and removed a miniscule piece of lint from her thigh.
“Tara, listen to me.” Peter took the tape from her hand. “I’m sorry about this. It was something I had to do. Thank you for understanding.” He took her chin between his fingers.
She sighed impatiently. “Fine. I can be as understanding as my sister, but let’s be done with this. I want us to be married. I’m tired of waiting.” She kissed him and went to the door, and Peter stood still, watching her cross the lobby toward the elevator beyond the glass wall, her neon yoga tights blaring against the dignity of the old-fashioned paneling.
> He shook his head. This couldn’t be his life. It couldn’t be like this.
“Thanks for coming, buddy.”
“Talk to me, bro.” Jake slid into the booth across from Peter at the Mason Street Café as he took off his jacket.
Peter put his head in his hands. “I was just with Tara. She assumes we’re moving on with the wedding.”
“Oh, man.” Jake smacked his lips as he glanced at the menu. “You’re a dead duck.”
“That’s not all. Bill Torres called.” Peter took a sip of his coffee and pulled on his collar. “I have a press conference tomorrow.”
“About the library?”
“Yes, but he said to be prepared for personal questions. Like about my life and Tara, my future plans. He wants—he wants me to invite the press to the wedding.” As Jake watched, Peter swallowed his coffee and poured more from the carafe on the table.
“Hey there, pal. Have a little coffee with your stress. Good grief. Take it easy.” Jake pulled the carafe away.
“Who can take it easy? I can’t.” Peter gazed out the window while the waitress set plates of apple pie between them. The voice of the television announcer over the counter droned in the background. His gaze turned back to Jake. “Here’s the thing, Jake. What does it mean if I’m not sick over whether Tara took the news well or not? What does it mean if I know that, if it weren’t for the Library Restoration Project, I’d be back on a plane to Colorado right this minute? Or, better yet, I’d still be there looking at rental ads for a place to live, without even knowing if Maddy ever wanted to see me again? What do you make of the fact that in that hour I spent sitting across from Maddy talking to her, listening to her, I felt more alive than I have in all the years since I lost her?” Peter leaned to take a bite of pie, hesitated, and pushed it away.
Jake scratched his forehead, squinting at Peter. “I don’t—”
“And, Jake, we kissed. I kissed Maddy, and she kissed me, and for those few seconds I felt more than all the times I have ever been with Tara.”
“So what’s the situation? Are you, what, together again? After all these years?”
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