“What boy?”
“I – He’s not here anymore –”
“You let him leave?”
“He’s not the issue,” Nadine said. “Kid probably didn’t know what was on the tape.”
“Well, what do you know about it?” McGuiness challenged. “Is this some whacko friend of yours –”
“He’s not a friend,” Nadine said. “I don’t know him personally.”
“But you do know him?” Sal questioned.
Nadine nodded. “I suspect so. This is … really difficult for me. I don’t talk about him. I don’t tell anyone what happened. It’s sort of a rule with me. I can’t…”
They were coming at her now.
Both of them.
One on her left. One on her right.
Nadine’s feet began to wobble.
“It’s okay darling,” McGuiness said, urging her into a chair. “Breathe deeply. We’re here for you.”
Nadine shuddered. “Oh my God. It’s like you already know.” Her hands went to her mouth.
“When did it happen?” Sal asked. “How long ago?”
Nadine pressed her hands together. Trying make sure they wouldn’t shake.
McGuiness touched her shoulder. “Nadine?”
A tear rolled out from underneath her glasses.
She felt it all the way down her cheek.
“I was only twelve years old,” Nadine gasped.
CHAPTER 11
SECOND NOTE
So who is he? Who is the worst person you can think of?
Have you figured it out yet?
Perhaps you haven’t had enough time.
Society’s casting of the villain has always fascinated me. The word ‘evil’ itself I’ve always thought of being fictitious. What is the world’s greatest evil? Is it terrorism? Is it the historic tyrants who caused mass genocide? Or perhaps it’s your everyday murderers. The ones who starve their kids to death through neglect. Or the ones who abduct and fuck the shit out of them.
My face in the mirror has often been a point of confusion. I looked at myself one morning, and it was the same face staring back at me as it always had been. I hadn’t done anything wrong. I’d committed no crime. Even my thoughts weren’t completely impure. I understood the notion of restraining oneself. Society’s laws made perfect sense. Walking through a supermarket on a random day at a random hour, an old lady spills a bag of oranges all over the floor. And it’s me on my knees helping her pick them back up.
I didn’t know her. But she had a nice face.
Was my face nice?
I’d always thought so.
And I could look in the mirror that morning and see a good person staring back at me. Because actions had yet to be taken. My future had yet to be decided.
And then you fast forward a few more hours.
Some things have happened now. Shit I didn’t know I was capable of. Shit I’ve been told makes a person a monster.
Human waste.
Garbage scum.
But that night when I get home I turn on the light in my bathroom and low and behold … it’s the same face staring back at me.
It can’t be real.
That’s not what I’m supposed to look like.
I twist and alter my expressions. There’s me laughing casually. Me nodding politely. Me grinning like a maniac. Me rolling my eyes. Me as though I was listening to someone’s story.
The outside of me hasn’t changed.
So wouldn’t it stand to reason, that the inside hasn’t changed either?
CHAPTER 12
There were snakes everywhere. That’s what Nadine remembered most after it happened. Whenever she got out of a car, or was walking down a footpath… Whenever she was in any type of public setting at all… There were snakes all around her.
“It was difficult trusting people, especially strangers,” she was saying, “after it happened. I kept thinking about how someone could be capable of doing that to a child … it just messed up my entire view of the world.”
“And you didn’t tell anyone?” McGuiness questioned. “Not the police? Not your parents? Not even after you’d grown up?”
“He made me promise. Afterwards … he threw me in the back of his van and drove me up to a cliff. He made me walk out to the edge. He had a gun in his hand. Said it would be nothing to him to just shoot me off the cliff. But if I promised not to tell anyone he’d let me live.”
“Do you remember his face?” Sal asked.
“No,” Nadine replied. “He was wearing a mask of some kind. It … it only covered up from his nose. So I could see his mouth. His lips were blue.”
“Blue?”
“He was wearing lipstick or something.”
“Alright.” McGuiness stood up. “This is some serious shit. We need to stop this conversation. Get you into a proper interview.”
“On the record?” Nadine exclaimed. “No way.”
“You were raped. That’s … it’s a crime. I don’t know if it has anything to do with that tape we just watched – but what if his threats are real? What if this guy’s still out there abducting kids –”
“Exactly, that’s what I’ve been freaking out about over here.”
“Right, so we need to get into the every detail of what you know about this. That way we can figure out what to do –”
“Shut up,” Nadine snapped. “Just … shut it.”
She got out of her chair and walked towards the TV.
Her back to the other two.
Her hands on her hips.
“Nadine,” McGuiness said slowly.
“What?”
“You’re a fucking mess.”
“Alright, there’s no need for that,” Sal interrupted.
Nadine turned around, her face anguished. “No, she’s right. I am a mess. I’ve been living with this shit forever and the only way to deal is to repress, repress, repress. When I talk about it, it makes it real again.”
“Why did you become a cop?” McGuiness asked cynically. “How did you?”
“Fool everyone, you mean? Into thinking I’m a normal person?”
“Can I speak with Nadine alone, Captain?” Sal asked.
“What’s that?”
He put his arm on McGuiness’s shoulders and walked her out towards the door. “I’m serious. Just give me a moment with her.”
“Alright, alright, you deal with this shit. I have some bloody calls to make.”
He forced her out of the room.
Then closed the door. “Nadine.”
Nadine tossed her hair back and gave a short chuckle. “What?”
Sal interlocked his fingers and walked towards her. “Just answer one question for me. And then … you can do what you want.”
Nadine nodded. She opened her arms to him. “Ask away.”
“Are you still running from this guy?” Sal asked. “Or do you want to put this prick behind bars?”
Nadine blinked. “I’m running.”
Sal nodded. “It’s okay. I get it.”
She folded her arms into herself and walked past him.
“I just expected more from Detective Nadine Shields.”
She stopped before reaching the door. Glanced back. “Do you have any idea who you’re dealing with?”
“You mean him? Him on the tape?”
She nodded.
Sal shrugged. “He’s just a man.”
“Just. A. Man…”
“He’s a very sick individual. He’s quite disgusting on a number of levels.”
“Yeah.”
“But all this shit with the scary voices, video art projects – dressing up in his serial killer costume – he’s still just a man. And he’s really pathetic to be honest. He gets his jollies scaring children half to death. So much so they’re still damaged by the time they’re middle aged adults.”
“I’m thirty-two. I’m not … ‘middle aged’…”
“Thirty-two. Right. You know better than to be scared.”
Sal had been gradually making his way closer and closer towards her during this exchange.
He moved in for the kill and took her by the arms.
“We are the protectors. We are what stands between those who wish harm upon others, and those who cannot defend themselves. This is who you are. It’s he, who should fear you.”
Nadine lent into him. She felt something let go.
“Oh my God, you’re right,” Nadine whispered. “What the hell have I been doing?”
Sal pushed the door open behind her. “After you, then.”
Nadine backed out into the car park. It looked different somehow.
As if this was a place she’d never been.
“Should we go find McGuiness?” she asked Sal. “I’ll make a statement.”
“That’ll just waste time,” he replied. “Come on, I’m parked over here.”
He moved in front of her and Nadine followed his lead through the parking lot. She still hadn’t figured out what his game was.
“Are we going somewhere, Sal?”
He didn’t reply till they reached his car. “You’re going to show us where he took you.”
“What?”
“Nadine. This is the only way.”
Nadine swallowed. “It was so long ago.”
“But you still remember it, don’t you?”
She nodded.
“So get in.”
She took a deep breath. Then took hold of the handle.
“And Nadine.”
She looked up. “What?”
“Those glasses were meant for a brighter day.”
Sal got into his side of the car.
Nadine felt her fingers touching the edges of the frames. This was where she felt protected. This was how she felt safe.
But perhaps Sal was right. Maybe the glasses were tinting her perception.
She took another deep breath.
And then ripped her glasses away.
CHAPTER 13
Sal didn’t mind having a female partner. Even when he was partnered with a man he wanted them to be defective in some way. This wasn’t something Sal freely admitted in the open, or even perhaps to himself in such clarity, but it was important for Sal to be in charge of his surroundings.
Detective Shields would do just fine. What a fuck up she was turning out to be. Oh sure, it was no secret she was a bit of a weirdo – hell, that was part of her appeal – but how someone who was as mentally unhinged as she was ever came to be working in their department, well … Sal was with McGuiness on that one.
Not that it bothered Sal. He was a fuck up himself. In a way the job required something a little amiss about its occupant. The opposition, the enemy, the evil creatures hiding behind smiling faces and socially acceptable behavior – they were the masters of odd thought and expression. You had to be able to go to their level of thinking. While still keeping yourself sane at the same time of course.
Nadine looked uncomfortable without her glasses on. She had pretty eyes. They were vibrant and colorful. Pleasing to look at. But at the same time it was a bit like seeing her naked. Sal was careful not to stare.
“Do you have any thoughts on this?” Nadine asked after they’d been driving for a short while.
“On what?”
“The stuff I’ve been saying. It’s like … I need to get it all out of me. So I can see what it really is. I don’t have perspective at the moment.”
“I have thoughts. I have more questions too. But … it’s best to go about this in increments. Have you eaten yet?”
“Me? Oh… I missed out on dinner.”
“What do you feel like?”
“I don’t know.”
“Pick something. Anything.”
“I could go for a milkshake.”
“Okay … there’s a pancake place around the corner. Open 24 hours. Want some pancakes to go with your milkshake?”
“Um…”
“It’s alright, I’ve got this one. Partner…”
Sal could see her fidgeting in her peripherals. Nervous. Nervous about some bloody pancakes. Of course once you get the deserts into women, it can really open them up.
Nadine Shields.
Full of milk and ice-cream.
They’d be best friends in no time.
CHAPTER 14
Rose McGuiness had too much work to do tonight. Too much for this pair of idiots to be holding her up. And yet, here she was. Giving in to the bullshit…
There were four computer screens on McGuiness’s desk. She had files on Detective Shields and Leoncelli open on two of the screens. The third screen was in the middle of a database search, using some of the key points Nadine had brought up regarding her alleged assault. The final screen displayed a half-completed game of solitaire.
“Captain, are you there?” a woman’s voice stirred from the speakerphone.
“I’m here,” McGuiness fired back.
“Commissioner Rhodes is in a meeting. Would you like him to call you back?”
“Yes, as soon as he can.”
Click.
McGuiness turned back to her screens, trying to make sense of the jarbled text. The words were blurring in her vision. She was scanning through complete sentences without reading them.
On impulse her gaze shifted to the solitaire game, and she dragged a card from the pack with her mouse to meet up with another card it could fit on.
McGuiness stared at the screen. “Goddamn it.”
She minimized the game.
There was a knock at the door.
“Enter.”
In strutted Detective Taylor Shandling, McGuiness’s current pet favorite in the department.
“Thank God you’re here,” McGuiness exhaled.
“You need my help?” Shandling grinned.
“Do I. Sit down.”
Shandling got herself situated.
McGuiness peered out through the small opening on her desk. “I’ve got two problems I need your input on.”
“And they are?”
“Detective Nadine Shields, and Detective Salvatore Leoncelli.”
“Oh right.”
“I take it you’re familiar with them. So my first question would be – how familiar?”
Shandling shifted. “Quite familiar. I started here four years ago, Nadine’s been here for about two years. Sal was here before me, so…”
“You’ve worked with them on cases before?”
“Not with Sal – not directly. But I’ve partnered with Nadine plenty of times.”
“You get along?”
“With Nadine? No, I wouldn’t say that.”
“There was a problem?”
“Umm…”
“Please be frank.”
“Nadine … she’s a jet.”
“A jet?”
“She’s mystical. She’s comes up with angles no one thinks of, or at least not as quickly.”
“You’re saying she’s good at the job.”
“She’s fantastic. I think … she could be a genius.”
“You think she’s intelligent?”
“I don’t think she’s intelligent, I know she’s intelligent. She’s extremely talented too. Which is more than being smart, figuring things out, looking for the right evidence and assigning correct blame. Nadine has straight up intuition. You can’t teach it.”
“Well, why isn’t any of that in the computer? I can’t see where –”
Shandling stood up and looked over. “Whoever wrote that shit down has never even met Nadine.”
“But the last Captain is in charge of these reports.”
“Well, I don’t know what his thinking is…”
McGuiness fumbled with the mouse. Shook her head. “It’s alright. Go back to your chair.”
Shandling complied.
“There’s something wrong with Nadine though. You got that, didn’t you?” McGuiness queried.
“What do you mean wrong?”
“I mean – I mean –”
“Like she has a personality disorder?”
“Yes. That’s it. Hit it on the head.” McGuiness exhaled. Lowered her gaze. “Some freaking weird shit has been going on tonight.”
“You mean here?”
McGuiness leant back in her chair. “It starts with Leoncelli getting hand-delivered a VHS tape from some kid at reception. He’s supposed to pass it onto Nadine. Leoncelli looks at the tape, then calls me in. Says he needs me to meet him down in the basement where he’s located a working VCR. I run into Nadine on the way, we both go together.”
“So,” Shandling nodded. “What’s on the tape?”
“It’s just some guy sitting a white room, his back to the camera. He’s using a voice synthesizer and goes on to taunt Nadine about how they used to know each other. He puts up an email address and she’s supposed to send his name – who she thinks he is – to the address before midnight. Then that’s it, the video ends. Before the lights are even on Nadine’s lost her mind – she punches me in the face. We get her to calm down, she says some guy abducted her when she was twelve. Dressed up as a monster and raped her. Threatened to kill her if she told anyone, but let her go. This is who she thinks the tape is from. Nadine doesn’t want to do an interview, Sal says he’ll talk her into it. I go upstairs to sort some pressing issues out, then when I turn round it turns out he and Nadine have driven off to God knows where.” McGuiness cleared her throat.
“That’s it?” Shandling asked. “That’s why you’ve gotten yourself all worked up?”
“I’m not used to this kind of crazy behavior in a freaking police department. Let alone one I’m supposed to be responsible for. I mean, you can’t be inferring that this is the norm around here – are you?”
“Nadine has a stalker. Okay? Everyone knows about it.”
“What?”
“There’s some freaking guy who’s always showing up, harassing the guys in uniform, asking about Nadine. He sends gifts, flowers, letters, stands around across the road to catch up with her after work.”
“Well has he ever been arrested?”
“It never went that far. I don’t know why. Nadine wasn’t pushing for it I suppose.”
There was a pause. “Can you just give me a bird’s eye take on this?”
Icy Stares (Guess The Killer Book 1) Page 3