"Where are you? I tried to call you four different times after school."
"Oh, Alice, I don't know where I am. Some place near Richmond, Virginia."
"Richmond, Virginia?"
I gazed at the man behind the counter. He wasn't pretending to be interested in anything but me now.
I turned so that my back was to him and spoke as softly as I could. "We left, Alice. Mommy had it all planned. When I got home, she was packing. We're with Archie Marlin," I moaned.
"What? Where are you going?"
"Provincetown, on Cape Cod, at least at first. Then I don't know. Mommy wants to find a new place to live."
"You're gone for good?" Alice asked
incredulously.
"Yes." My tears blinded me. "Could you say good-bye to everyone for me, and especially Mr. Kile?" He was my favorite teacher.
"But how will I know where you are?"
"I'll write as soon as it's decided. Oh, before I forget, I left my school and library books on the kitchen table in the trailer. Mama Arlene knows. Would you go by and get them and return them for me, please?"
"Sure. I can't believe this."
"Imagine how I feel. You know I hate Archie Marlin," I said. The operator interrupted to say I needed to put in more change, but all I had left was a nickel. "Good-bye, Alice. Thanks for being my best friend."
"Melody!" she called as if I were drifting away like a ghost.
The connection went dead. I stood there holding the mute receiver, afraid to turn and show the motel manager my tears. I took a deep breath, wiped my face with the back of my hand, and cradled the receiver.
"Really raining out there," the manager commented. "Yes."
"You folks come far?"
"Sewell."
"Not that far."
I started away.
"You forgot your can of tonic," he said nodding toward the can I had left on the shelf by the telephone.
"Oh, thanks." I went back for it and then paused on the way to the door again. "Are you all booked up here tonight?"
"Booked up?" He laughed silently, his shoulders shaking. "Hardly."
"I thought so," I muttered to myself and left.
When I returned to the room, I found Mommy and Archie dancing to music on the radio. Mommy looked embarrassed for a moment, then smiled. "Richard can make even the dreariest situations happy."
"Here's your tonic water." I thrust the can at him. "Thanks, princess," Archie said. "Any change?"
I handed him the nickel.
"I needed to call Alice to tell her to get my books," I said. "We owe you ninety-five cents."
"Plus interest," he said winking at Mommy. Then he snapped open the can and poured some into his glass and Mommy's.
"There are other empty rooms," I declared.
Archie paused with a surprised look painted on his crimson face. "There are? That's not what baldy in the office told me. Well, how do you like that? He just wanted to get us into a more expensive room, I bet."
"Wouldn't he be better off renting two?" I asked, snorting.
"Naw. This room is more expensive than two," he asserted.
"What difference does it make now?" Mommy said. "The difference is I'm tired."
"So go to sleep. We'll put down the lights for you," she said and did so. Then she turned the radio low.
Seeing that I had no other choice, I unbuttoned my blouse with my back to them and took it off. Then I kicked off my shoes, slipped out of my skirt and quickly slid under the blanket. It smelled as if it had been stored in a box of mothballs. I kept my back to them, but I knew they continued to dance, drink their gin, and whisper. I prayed to fall asleep quickly, and miraculously, maybe because I was so exhausted, I did.
But later in the night, my eyelids snapped open. I heard a soft moan and a subdued giggle, followed by the sound of bed springs squeaking. They thought I was asleep, so I didn't turn around. I had heard similar sounds before through the thin walls of our trailer. I knew what they meant then and I knew what they meant now.
How could Mommy let another man put his hands on her and be so intimate with her so soon after Daddy's death? I wondered. Didn't she still see Daddy in her mind, hear his voice, remember his lips on hers? Archie Marlin was so different from Daddy, too. He was a weakling. Couldn't Mommy wait until she met someone with whom she was really in love?
She was just confused, frustrated, afraid to be alone, told myself. Maybe it would all change when we found another place to live and she was happier with herself. Surely she wouldn't want to spend the rest of her life with a man like Archie Marlin.
I squeezed my eyelids tighter and pressed my ear to the pillow. I tried to think of something else, but their heavy breathing grew louder. Mommy moaned and then they grew silent. Moments later, Mommy slipped into bed beside me.
For now, at least, we were all supposed to pretend I heard and knew nothing. In the morning she would be here in bed with me and Archie Marlin would be in his.
It was a sad way to start a new life. . . lying to each other.
We left the motel as soon as we were all washed and dressed the next morning. In the daylight, the motel looked seedier. Even Mommy commented. Archie laughed it off, saying, "Any port in a storm. I've slept in lots worse."
"I believe that," I muttered. If either of them heard it, they didn't react. We stopped for breakfast off Route 95 north of Richmond and then continued. I saw the Capitol building in the distance from the highway, but we didn't stop in Washington, D.C., to do any of the sightseeing Mommy had promised. Nor did we go to Baltimore or any city along the way. It was apparent that Mommy and Archie Marlin wanted to get us to Provincetown as soon as possible. I began to think about the family I was about to meet.
I knew very little, of course, but I did know that Daddy had a younger brother who lived on the Cape with his family and that Daddy's family had been in the lobster business for a long time. Daddy's father was retired and he and my grandmother lived in a house too big for just the two of them. That was all I knew. When I asked Mommy how many children Daddy's younger brother had, Mommy said she remembered he had twins, a boy and a girl. Another child had been born after she and Daddy left Provincetown. She couldn't remember if the third child was a boy or a girl, but she did say that she thought the twins were about my age, maybe a year older.
"Daddy's brother got married before you and Daddy?" I asked.
"I think so. Maybe. I don't remember. Please, Melody, don't flood me with questions I can't answer. You'll get all your answers when you get to
Provincetown."
"But. . . well, how much younger than Daddy is his brother?"
"A year or so," she said. "He's different," she added. "What do you mean?"
"You'll see," she said and refused to do anything but leave it at that.
With all this family mystery looming ahead me, I couldn't help being nervous. Mommy had obviously told them about Daddy's death. Was his parents' grudge over? How come, after all these years, we were finally going to see them?
When I pushed Mommy about why we were finally going to see Daddy's family, she sighed deeply and said, "It's what your father would want now, I'm sure."
I told myself that must be true and I must be strong and do what I could to make things right again among all of us.
"You know," Archie Marlin said as we headed into Massachusetts, "I just realized I've never been to the Cape."
"How is that possible?" I asked dryly.
Mommy flashed her eyes at me, but Archie widened his smile. "I'm not one for sailing or fishing," he said.
"But I thought you went river rafting," I followed quickly.
"That's not sailing or fishing. That's just a thrill," he replied.
"Cape Cod has its charms," Mommy said, "but the people can be hard. The ocean makes them that way."
"It didn't make you hard," Archie said lustily.
1 turned my attention back to the scenery flying by. That night we slept in a much nicer motel. We
stayed in a suite and I had the sofa bed all to myself. I was able to wash my hair and shower, too. We ate dinner at the motel and I returned to the room while Mommy and Archie remained in the lounge listening to music and drinking. They stumbled in hours later, giggling and whispering. I pretended to be asleep as they clumsily made their way into the bedroom and shut the door.
Even though the conditions were better, I had a harder time falling asleep. Now that we would be in Provincetown the very next day, and meeting Daddy's family, I had a small trembling inside. Where was my new home to be? I felt like a balloon, floating, bouncing, carried this way and that by the winds of Mommy's and Archie Marlin's fancy. Maybe we didn't have all that much back in Sewell, but now I had nothing: not a friend, not a familiar sight, no one in whom to confide. I had never felt so alone. I could squeeze my eyelids shut until they ached, but I couldn't close out the fears that kept me tossing and turning, fretting in and out of nightmares until the first light of morning streaked through the motel room curtains.
Mommy and Archie slept very late. I washed and dressed and sat reading a visitor's guide, wondering if at least we could do some sightseeing. Finally, tired of being shut up in the stuffy room, I went for a walk around the motel. By the time I returned, Mommy and Archie were awake. We went for breakfast. They were both very subdued, they hardly talked and their eyelids drooped.
"Are we going to do some sightseeing before we go on to Provincetown?"
Archie groaned.
"On the way back," Mommy said quickly. "We want to get to the Cape as early as possible today."
"I thought we were exploring new places," I muttered. "Oh Melody, please. No complaints today. I'm afraid I had a little too much to drink last night," she said.
1 said nothing. After breakfast, we moved mutely, repacking the car and getting in for the drive. I saw many good views of the ocean, especially when we crossed the Cape Cod Canal. It was a beautiful warm day. The sailboats and fishing trollers looked painted on the blue water. As I smelled the salty air, I had the funniest feeling, as if I were truly returning home. Perhaps I was experiencing what Daddy would have felt if he were alive and with me on this journey. I would learn more about him by going to this place. I began to overcome my nervousness and fear. In a way, Daddy would be with me.
Mommy fell asleep as we continued our journey up Route 6. The miles slid by like a long ribbon with no end. When the road signs indicated we were getting closer to Provincetown, a tiny charge of excitement passed through my heart. How could Mommy sleep through this? After all, she was going home, too. Finally, Archie, who had been quiet himself, announced we were close to the tip of the Cape, Provincetown. Mommy stirred, opening her eyes and stretching.
I caught sight of the dunes. "It looks like the desert." Then Pilgrim's Monument came into view and Mommy told me what it was.
"The pilgrims supposedly landed here first," Mommy said. "The blue bloods make a big deal of that."
"Blue bloods?" I asked.
"People who trace their family history back to the Mayflower. Your father's family," she added disdain-fully. "They think that makes them better than the rest of us."
"Is that why you and Daddy left?"
"That among other things," Mommy said and sewed her lips shut.
"Where do we go?" Archie asked.
"Turn left," Mommy ordered.
"Are they expecting us today, Mommy?"
"Yes," she said. "Jacob should be home. I see the tide is in."
"How can you tell?" I asked.
"The waves are breaking on the beach up at the beach grass. See?"
I nodded.
"Fishing boats go out and come back at high tide," Mommy explained. "I remember that much, but don't ask me too much more," she said quickly. It was as if it were painful for her to remember.
Archie followed her directions. We moved slowly through the narrow street, on both sides of which were small souvenir shops, boutiques, restaurants advertising fresh lobster dinners, and taverns with names like The Buccaneer and Mast Head. Here and there were signs advertising bed and breakfast accommodations. The buildings, some of which looked very old, were made from gray cedar shingles. All had Vacancy signs dangling in the breeze.
Mommy explained that it wasn't the season yet, so the tourists really weren't here. "These small streets get so crowded in the summer, it's wall-to-wall people."
"Yeah, just like the Vegas strip," Archie commented.
"Turn here," Mommy directed. We went east on an even narrower street that had small Cape Cod houses on both sides, none with much more than a couple of a hundred feet of rough-looking grass in front. But some had flowers. I saw one with a lilac bush towering as high as its roof. As we rolled along, I heard Mommy mumble, "It seems like a hundred years ago, but not much has changed."
Suddenly, there were no more houses, just a stretch of dunes. I thought we would stop, but Mommy told Archie to continue following the road. It turned north, and then, on the right, just a few hundred yards or so farther, a house appeared. I could see the beach and the ocean not too far away. A flock of terns circled over something on the sand.
"There it is," Mommy said, nodding at the house. There was a light brown pickup truck parked in the gravel driveway, and in front of that a dark blue, four- door automobile with its right rear end jacked up. A tall, lean man with hair Daddy's color was bending over a tire. He didn't turn to look at us, even when we stopped near the driveway.
"That is your uncle Jacob," Mommy said softly.
He finally glanced up. I saw the resemblances in his face, especially in his chin and cheekbones, but he was much leaner in build and he looked older than Daddy, not younger. Even from this distance I could see the deep lines at the corners of his eyes. He had a much darker complexion than Daddy's had been. He stared a moment and then went back to his tire as if he had no interest in who we were or why we were here.
"Should I pull in?" Archie asked.
"Yes," Mommy replied with a deep sigh. "Well, Melody, it's time to meet your family."
5
The Only Mother I Had
.
Archie slowly pulled into the driveway. Uncle
Jacob didn't turn around again until we came to a full stop. Then he stood up and gestured emphatically for Archie to back up.
"I need the room to work here," he explained. "Sorry," Archie said. He backed up a good ten feet and we all got out of the car. Uncle Jacob, his back to us, continued to work on removing the flat tire.
"Hello Jacob," Mommy said. He nodded without turning around.
"I'll be a while with this," he finally replied, still not looking our way. "Go on inside. Sara's been waiting on you all morning. Thought you were supposed to be here last night." He groaned as he turned the nut on the flat tire. The muscles in his long arms tightened and the muscles in his neck bulged with the effort. The nut loosened and he relaxed again.
"It took longer than we expected," Mommy said. Uncle Jacob grunted.
Mommy looked at me and then at Archie, who had his lips twisted in disgust. She put her hand on my shoulder and guided me toward the front door. The house was a Cape Codder with a widow's walk that faced the ocean. The trim on the railings and shutters was a Wedgwood blue, but like the cedar siding, it was faded by the salt air. There was a short, narrow cobblestone walkway to the front door.
On the windows were dainty eggshell white curtains, and on the sills were flower boxes full of tulips and daffodils. A bird feeder dangled from the roof of the small porch and a tiny sparrow fluttered its wings nearby, cautiously waiting for us to pass.
Mommy tapped gently on the door. Then, after a moment, she tapped again, a bit harder.
"Just go on in," Uncle Jacob called from the driveway. "She won't hear you. She's in the kitchen, I'm sure."
Mommy turned the knob and we entered. A small entryway led us to the living room on our right. A massive brick fire place consumed most of the far wall. There was a bluish-gray throw rug on the tong
ue-and-groove floor. A deep-cushioned sofa and the overstuffed chair beside it were the only things that matched. The rest of the furnishings were antiques, which included a well worn rocker, two small pine tables at the ends of the sofa, an old sewing table in the corner, and lamps made of cranberry glass and milk glass. On the mantle were framed photos. Mounted on a dark blue board and hanging over the fireplace, was a swordfish that looked at least seven feet long. Its glass eye seemed to turn toward us as we entered.
"Sara?" Mommy called. "We're here."
We heard a pan being dropped into a metal sink and a moment later, my Aunt Sara appeared in the doorway to the kitchen.
A tall woman, maybe an inch or so taller than Mommy, she wore a long, flowing light blue skirt that made her look all legs. Over her skirt she had a plain white apron, on which she wiped her hands. Her blouse had frilled sleeves and pearl buttons closed almost to the top. The collar parted just enough to reveal her very pronounced collarbone and a thin gold chain that held a gold locket. Her chestnut brown hair hung down over her shoulders. Through it were delicate streaks of gray. Aunt Sara wore no makeup to brighten her pale complexion, and she wore no jewelry but the locket.
She might once have been pretty, but the silvery webs at her temples were deep and her eyes looked a dull, dark brown. The darkness spread to the puffiness beneath her eyes, too. She had a small nose and high cheekbones with gracefully full lips, but her face was thin, almost gaunt.
"Hello, Sara," Mommy said.
"Hello, Haille," Aunt Sara replied without changing her expression. The way Mommy and Aunt Sara gazed at each other made my stomach turn. It was as if they were not only looking at each other across this room, but across time and great distance. Neither made an attempt to hug or even shake hands. A deep silence lingered for a confusing moment, making me feel as if I were floundering in the world of adult quicksand.
What sort of welcome was this? I stood there, full of a thousand anxieties, butterflies panicking in my chest.
"This is my friend, Richard," Mammy said feeling she had to explain Archie's presence first, I suppose. "He was kind enough to drive us here from West Virginia."
Aunt Sara nodded but her eyes quickly went to me with greater interest, her face brightening in anticipation.
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