Morning light brought a moment of disbelief, a moment of hope. Perhaps it had all been a horrible nightmare after all. But here I was waking in my clothes. Reality would not be held back. I got undressed, showered, and changed. By the time I went downstairs, Cary and May had gone to school. The house was quiet. Even Aunt Sara was gone. I made myself some coffee and toast and then I sat on the porch. About a half hour later, I saw Aunt Sara coming down the street. She was nicely dressed.
"Good morning, dear. Have you had anything to eat?" "Yes, Aunt Sara."
"I was just at church, praying for Haille."
"Thank you," I said. I felt guilty not getting up and going with her.
"You can go with me tomorrow, if you like. It's a horrible tragedy," she continued, "but I want you to know you have a home here forever, dear. We love you."
"Thank you, Aunt Sara."
"I stopped at Laura's grave on the way home," she said with a sigh, "and told her the sad news. She was such a crutch for me whenever there was bad news. Laura had a way of filling me with hope, her smile, her loving, gentle smile. You should go to her grave and pray. You'll be comforted."
"Maybe I will," I said. That pleased her.
"Come in whenever you want, talk whenever you want," she said. I nodded and she went into the house.
I was on the porch when Cary and May returned from
I school. May started running the moment she spotted me. We hugged and she signed stories about her day, showing me a paper with stars all over it.
When she went in to change, Cary sat on the steps and told me about school, how everyone had heard the news. "All your teachers send regards and told me to tell you not to worry about your exams. They'll provide make-ups."
"I'll take my exams on time," I said. "I don't need to make extra work for them."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes."
He thought a moment and then smiled. "I was really surprised by how many kids came over to me to ask about you this afternoon, once the news had spread. You're more popular than you think. I bet you could have run for senior class president and gotten elected, instead of that blowfish, Betty Hargate."
"Somehow, that doesn't seem too important right now."
"Yeah, I know." After a moment he said, "My father says the funeral will be Saturday. Your mother's--your mother will be back here by then."
I turned away and then I got up.
"Where are you going?" he asked, concerned.
"Just for a walk on the beach."
"Want company?"
"Not right now," I said. I threw him a smile and walked away.
It seemed as if the terns were following me, circling overhead. Against the horizon, I saw a cargo ship heading south. The ocean was calming, the tide more gentle than I had ever seen it. I walked close enough so my bare feet would be washed by the tip of the waves. The cool water felt wonderful, like some magic balm.
One of my science teachers told me that scientists believe all life came from the ocean and that was why we were all fascinated by it, drawn to it. Somehow, the sound of the surf, the feel of the spray on my face, the sharp smell of the salt air in my nostrils, and the freshness of it filling my lungs was comforting. A thousand sympathy cards, a thousand mourners in church, dozens of sermons, and hours of organ music couldn't bring any more consolation than the cry of the terns and the sight of the seemingly endless blue water. It revived me and gave me the strength to do battle with my own sadness.
The funeral was two days later. The church service for Mommy's funeral was long and very impersonal. Of course the casket was closed. The minister barely mentioned her name. Because she was a member of the Logan family, the church was filled to capacity. Grandma Olivia, regal as ever, ran the service with a nod of her head, a turn of her eyes, the lifting of her hand. Cars were drawn up instantly and the procession moved on to the cemetery. There, beside Grandma Olivia's father and mother, my mother's remains were laid. The minister said his words and pressed my hands. I was in a fog most of the time, but when I turned away from the grave, I saw Kenneth Childs off to the side watching. He wore a dark blue sports jacket and a pair of slacks. He actually looked rather handsome. His father, the judge, had been at Grandma Olivia's side throughout the funeral.
Cary was as surprised as I was to see Kenneth attending, even if he stood apart from the party of mourners. He left before I could say anything to him.
I went back to school the following Monday to take my finals. All of my teachers were sympathetic, but I asked for no special treatment. Studying helped take my mind off the tragedy. Cary worked hard to prepare for his exams as well. The day after they ended, Cary, Aunt Sara, May, and even Uncle Jacob surprised me at breakfast.
It was my birthday. I had vaguely thought about it but between studying and taking exams and all the tragedy, the event didn't have any meaning or joy for me. Somehow, they remembered and there were presents waiting for me at the breakfast table. I opened May's first. It was a tape recorder. She explained how she picked it out by herself and paid for it with her own money. She said she wanted me to tape myself practicing on the fiddle and singing. I thought it was amazing that someone so young would think so selflessly of those around her. She was truly like a little angel. I kissed and hugged her.
Aunt Sara and Uncle Jacob had bought me two gifts. One was a gold dress watch and the other was a pretty white cotton sundress with pastel embroidery trim. The hem was at least five inches above the knee. I was quite surprised, but Aunt Sara explained she had asked the shop owner for something fashionable and then had convinced Uncle Jacob it was proper and nice and something Laura would have loved.
Cary whispered that he had my gift on the sailboat.
"Taking you sailing today is my first gift," he explained. After breakfast, that was exactly where we went. He made it all look easy, and in minutes we were riding the waves, both of us screaming at the spray and laughing at the fish we saw jumping out of the water. When we settled into a calm for a few moments, he handed me a small, gift-wrapped box. I opened it to find an I.D. bracelet. On each side of the inscription, Melody, was a musical note.
"Look on the back," he said and I turned it over.
May there always be wind in your sails. Love, Cary
"This is beautiful, Cary. Thank you," I said and leaned over to give him a kiss on his cheek, but just as I did, he turned his head and my kiss fell on his lips. He smiled.
"Happy birthday, Melody," he said.
I sat back, stunned. I put on my I.D. bracelet and we continued our wonderful sail.
As we walked up from the beach later in the afternoon, I saw Cary squint and then I heard him say, "I'll be damned."
I gazed toward the house.
"What?"
"Kenneth Childs's jeep is in our driveway," he said. We glanced at each other and quickened our pace. When we reached the house, we hurried inside to find Kenneth sitting in the living room with Uncle Jacob and Aunt Sara.
"Well now, how was the sailing?" Uncle Jacob asked quickly.
"It was good, Dad," Cary said. We both looked at Kenneth, who sat with his legs crossed. He wore a light brown safari jacket and khaki pants with sneakers, no socks. "Well, you two know Kenneth Childs, apparently. You've visited him, I discover."
"Aye," Cary said. He nodded at Kenneth, who was concentrating on me. My heart was thumping. "Hello," I said.
"I didn't know today was your birthday," he said. "Happy birthday."
"Thank you."
"Kenneth has come with a proposal. Seems you told him you weren't doing much this summer, Melody."
"I had plans, but they have changed."
Kenneth didn't smile. Instead, his eyes darkened.
"I've decided I need an assistant," he said, "to help with the slave work, do odd jobs around the house and the studio, take Ulysses for walks," he added with a smile. "Naturally, I would like someone who has an appreciation for art and understands a little about my needs."
"Oh," I sa
id. I glanced at Uncle Jacob, who looked very satisfied with himself.
"It's a trip to get out to my place, I know. But I get up early every morning to do my shopping. Beat the tourists," he added looking at Uncle Jacob, who nodded. "I could swing by and pick you up. Of course, I would see to it that you were brought home."
"Well?" Uncle Jacob said.
"I guess. . ." I looked at Cary, who looked even more amazed than I felt. "Sure," I said. "I'd like that."
"Okay. Jacob and I have settled on a salary we both feel is fair," Kenneth said.
"I think you should discuss that with me," I blurted. Uncle Jacob lost his self-satisfied expression and Kenneth smiled.
"Absolutely. I was thinking of a hundred a week. And food of course," he said. "Is that fair?"
"Yes, it is," I said not really knowing if it was or not, but happy I had taken control of my life.
"Then, it's settled. You can start right after the last day of school. Oh," he said standing, "you can bring your fiddle along. Ulysses likes music."
He started out, Uncle Jacob following. Cary and I gazed at each other with surprise again and then I looked at Aunt Sara who seemed confused as she stared at me. It was as if she had discovered I wasn't the person she had thought I was. It gave me a chill. I tried smiling at her. She smiled back, and then I offered to help with dinner. But it was to be a special dinner because of my birthday: she wanted to do it all herself.
We had lobster and shrimp, wonderful home fries and mixed vegetables, Portuguese bread and a chocolate birthday cake. May helped blow out the candles and sang along with everyone else. I thanked them all. Even Uncle Jacob looked calmer, softer. How complex and confused all the people in my life now had become, I thought.
Cary pleaded with me to play the fiddle and finally I gave in. I brought it down and played for them. Afterwards I went outside for a walk with Cary. The stars blazed above, barely a wisp of a cloud to block their majestic beauty.
"Why do you think Kenneth's done this?" I asked him.
"It's probably the easiest way he knows to get to know you and to eventually tell you the truth," Cary said. "I'll come by as much as I can to see if everything's all right."
"You don't have to worry so much about me."
"Of course I do," he said. He smiled. "I see you wore Laura's scarf tonight. That's nice."
"Somehow, because of all that's happened, I feel closer to her than ever," I said.
He smiled softly and reached for my hand. Then he turned me toward the ocean. We stood there, listening to the surf. In the roar both of us heard voices, his different from mine, of course. And then we walked back to the house under a downpour of starlight.
Epilogue
Who I Am
.
The auditorium was filled to capacity. People
even stood in the rear. Mrs. Topper said it was the biggest variety show they had ever had. I knew that many people had come to see and hear me play. The principal, Mr. Webster, revealed that when he came around to wish us all good luck.
"I knew a fiddle would attract interest," he said, but I understood many people hadn't come to hear the music so much as to see Olivia Logan's new granddaughter.
Everyone in the family attended, even Uncle Jacob. None of the students, except for the ones who had been at our rehearsal, had ever heard me play. Some of the girls came to laugh. I know the three witches from Macbeth had. They found themselves front-row seats. Behind them sat Adam Jackson with his friends and girl friends surrounding him, all woven together with giggles of ridicule.
Most of the other students in the show sang or played guitar. One student played "Carnival of Venice" on the trumpet. It was a performance that brought the house down. Two girls performed part of a scene from The Taming of the Shrew, and a boy juggled eggs. When one splattered at his feet, the audience roared and cheered. He was embarrassed, but he continued to do his act until they stopped laughing and applauded.
After so much talent, I felt even more nervous. When it came to my performance, I waited in the wings while Mrs. Topper introduced me as the newest student. There was polite applause when I walked out onto the stage. I could feel all eyes fixed on my every movement. I was wearing the new dress Aunt Sara and Uncle Jacob had bought me. I also wore my identification bracelet, as well as what had once been Laura's charm bracelet.
I don't know what made me want to do this after so much sadness. I could easily have been excused, but I felt Papa George especially would have been proud to see me on the stage. My fingers trembled so badly when I started, however, that I hit a sour note. Those waiting for me to fail roared and clapped. I stopped, took a deep breath, and looked beyond the audience. I looked back through time and saw Papa George on his patio, his pipe in his mouth. I saw Mama Arlene sitting on the lounge and then I heard Daddy shout, "Wait for me!"
I turned on the stage as if he were running from our trailer to Papa George and Mama Arlene's, and when he sat down, I lifted the bow.
The audience grew quiet. I began to play "Beautiful Dreamer" and closed my eyes to sing. When I did, I saw my Daddy's smiling face. He had loved me so much. Perhaps he never told me the truth because he had come to believe I really was his daughter, or perhaps he didn't want me to ever love him less.
I could never love him less.
The music and my singing continued. Papa George was smiling, Mama Arlene beamed. Somewhere behind me, Mommy was
chattering, complaining that, as usual, we hadn't
waited for her.
Daddy told her to stop chewing on her lip and
hurry over. I was about to begin another one. She
joined him, and for a moment we were a family again,
untouched by lies and deceits, without jealousies and
fears. Our smiles glowed, love was in our eyes, and I
wished only that this moment could go on forever. I played harder to keep it so.
I was singing too--my voice had never been as
strong, never so filled with hope. I was so into my own performance, I had nearly finished before I realized the entire audience had joined with me, even
the students who had come to mock me.
Cary was beaming. Aunt Sara was smiling
broadly and Uncle Jacob was nodding as if he had
seen something special. Even May, who had
experienced so much less, clapped and shouted my
name. Grandma Olivia looked pensive and Grandpa
Samuel was shaking his head and laughing.
Way in the rear, I thought I saw Kenneth Childs
standing by the door. Before the deafening applause
ended, he had disappeared.
But he would be there that first morning as he
had promised.
I waited for him on the porch. The morning sun
wasn't very old or high and the air was still quite cool.
Cary had already gone to the boat with Uncle Jacob.
May was still asleep and Aunt Sara was cleaning up
after breakfast, humming to herself, pausing
occasionally as if she heard Laura's voice, and then
nodding and smiling and going on as usual.
His jeep made the turn toward the house. A
long time ago, perhaps, my mother waited like this for
him. That was before the great lies began and, like
some monster, took over all our lives for a long time. This was the beginning of the end of that, I
thought. This was the beginning of truth. Lies had
brought me here, but I would stomp them out. There
was a reason for all this then.
Kenneth Childs knew it too. He was coming to
get me because in his heart, he had seen and heard a
similar voice. The voice that had said, "Tell her. Let
her know who she is."
Melody Page 35