by Wood, Lauren
There was no way that I was going to consider it for more than a second. I knew that it would never happen. I didn't even like to be around Anika the very few times that I had seen her since the divorce, and if I was honest with myself, quite a bit before that as well.
“I will take it into consideration, uncle. Thank you for bringing me your wisdom.”
That seemed to brighten his mood. He was under the impression that I was going to continue on in the pleasing manner that I had been before. That was not the case though. This was where I was going to draw the line. I let my father run my life for many years and I was unhappy for it. I would not make the same mistake again. Not with Angie.
Just knowing that I wasn’t going to follow down that path, brought me peace. Was it really Angie that gave me the confidence and balls to do what was necessary? Or was it the mere thought of losing her again that made my mind reject anything that didn’t have that as the final goal?
14
Angie
Lisa was at my house when I got home, and I was thankful to see her. I told myself that what happened would be kept between me and Jaime, but that wasn’t truly what I wanted. I wanted to talk to Lisa about this and the smile was genuine.
“You can’t know how happy I am to see you.”
She looked at me weird. “What’s gotten into you? Or should I say who?”
“I think we both know the answer to that. How long have you been here?”
I set my coat down on the table. We had talked not too long ago, but it was always good to see her. Lisa and her husband were running around a lot more lately and it was hard to get ahold of her. Especially when she was by herself. I asked her where the baby was and she said that the baby was at daycare.
“How is everything going?”
“It's fine, Angie. I want to hear what's going on with you and your mile-high guy.”
“We didn't do it on the plane.”
“That is a tiny matter that doesn't even matter. I want to know what happened between the two of you. I thought you were going to leave him alone.”
“I thought as much. I don't know what I was thinking. I went over there this morning and he just had it in his mind that that's what we were going to do. I tried to be good, really I did.”
“It doesn't sound like you did a very good job.”
“No, not at all. I don't know what I was thinking. There's no way that I can be around him and not do something that I'll regret.”
“Do you really regret it?”
I paused for a moment, because it was still so fresh in my mind. At the moment, I did not, because my body still hummed from him, but it's not like there wasn’t going to be consequences later on.
“I don't know, Lisa. On one hand, of course I don't regret it at all, but on the other, I do. You know how much that guy messed with my head last time and that was only being with him once. I don't know if I want to go through that again.”
“Because you were a virgin.”
“I know.”
But now you know how it is, so it won't be like that. You were the one that always said if you met sometime in the future, it would be fate. Why is it not fate now?”
I had said those things because I liked the sound of it. Truthfully, I never thought I would see him again. I was always telling myself that I would wait, but it was for a moment that I didn't really think was going to happen. I had basically set myself up for failure and not even realized it.
“It is too early to have this conversation, I think.”
“You wanted to tell me about.”
“Yeah, but now after saying it out loud, it's even more strange than before. I don't know what I was thinking. I just know that I want him more than I should. Like I said before, he's different now.”
“So different?”
“No, there were certain parts of him that were exactly the same.”
I said it out loud and she kind of chuckled. “You just can't worry about it. Sometimes you just have to let things play out and let it happen.”
“That does not sound good at all. Not a very good plan.”
“No, I would imagine it doesn't sound too good, especially to someone like you that wants to control the situation. There are some scenarios that you just can't control. You just have to let it play out.”
I mean, it sounded good in theory, but practice? That was a killer. She just didn’t understand. How was I supposed to pretend like nothing happened between us? I wasn’t that talented.
I had tried to keep it professional with Jaime, but now it felt impossible. We’d gone too far and I didn’t know how we were ever going to come back from that. Or, if I even wanted to.
I switched the subject to something else, because I did not want to talk about Jaime anymore. He was already on my mind way too much. It couldn’t be healthy, to think about a man so much. It just filled me with longing and anxiety of what was to come. Lisas was right. I liked to be in control, and I liked to know what was going to happen next. With Jaime, I didn’t get either one of those things.
Jaime was a leap.
15
Jaime
The request of Colin was weighing heavy on my mind. I knew that he was not alone in his considerations. My family was powerful and rich and kept the status quo by making sure that their progeny did not mess up. We were all so tightly controlled that we were merely living out their decisions for us. I was starting to truly see it for what it was. I increasingly did not want to be a part of it.
The problem was in the power of the company. The board ran things and they were family. They had more power than me, even though dad had left me the presidency. It was in title more than anything. They could destroy my career in a moment and there was really nothing I could do about it.
I was being held by the balls and I didn't know how to get out of it. There was no easy way out, not one that I could think of or see. It just seemed so complicated and I tried not to think about it all that much. It never did me any good.
Now though, they asked too much. I was never going to bring a woman like Anika into mine and my daughter’s life again. I don’t care if she was her mother or not, Marjorie deserved better. We both did.
It put me at an impasse, because I hadn’t denied them before. It was natural for me to want to please my father, and maybe I was thinking it all through now because he was gone. Either way, I couldn’t let it happen again. Something had changed and whatever it was, it made it so I wasn’t going to let something like that happen again. Ever.
I knew that my refusal to do what was asked to me might very well end my career. I didn't even want to think about that, but it was a very real option hanging out in the recesses of my mind. I wish that I could know what going down that path would really bring, but I wouldn’t know, until I did it.
There was so much on my mind, that I made sure I was out of the house before Angie was due to show up. It was a cowardly thing to do, but I had to do it. There was no way that I could speak to her right now. My mind was going in so many different directions. At the moment, all I needed to do was somehow figure out what I was supposed to do next. It certainly sounded simple enough.
I couldn't go the way of my family’s ideas. I knew that much for certain, but I did not know what the ramifications of that decision would be. How far were they going to take it? Was I going to be uninherited? Trust fund yanked out from underneath me? I had no idea what they were going to do and I did not like the sudden feeling of being out of control. I wanted to feel like I had some say in my future, but at the moment, it didn't feel that way at all. It felt like I was nearly at the mercy of fate.
When I got to work, my uncle wasn’t around. He wasn’t in my office, but I didn't take any chances of seeing him. I grabbed a few things out of my desk and moved back towards the elevator. I could hear my name being called behind me, and I didn't have to look to see who it was. I had no desire to talk to my uncle Colin right now. He was more than happy to set me off down the road that I
wasn't ready to go down.
I was breathing a little quicker when I pushed the button to go down. So far I had done everything that my family asked of me. They picked my job. They picked my wife. They basically decided everything, and I just had to deal with it. But not anymore. This was the first time I'd really done anything against any of them. When they realized that I wasn't going to play their game anymore, I knew that the claws were going to come out.
Turning my phone off, I told Antonio to take me to my house. I had made it so complicated in my head, that I had forgotten one thing that made more sense than the rest. I should be with the one that makes me feel alive. Angie does that for me. A completely different sort of feeling, and I wasn’t ready to give that up, not even for the family.
I got home and I immediately saw Angie’s car in the driveway. I didn't get my hopes up for anything too spectacular though. She was not alone. There were four other vehicles and I knew that this was the crew that had been sick the last couple of days. There would not be the alone time that we had before. No stolen moments.
Even without all of that on the table, there was nowhere else I would rather be. Angie was the type of woman that wasn’t able to be forgotten. I learned that a while back and she was back on my mind. I just wanted to see her, though I knew I wouldn’t get what I wanted, not this time. Not likely anyways.
When I got into the bedroom where Angie was working with three other people, my eyes immediately went to the bed. Of course, I liked to think about what we had done in that bed not too long ago. I looked over to see Angie looking in the same direction and I liked to think that she was thinking about the same thing. At least I wasn't the only one that was burdened with the memory.
“Jaime, it's nice to see you. I didn't know if you were going to be back or not. You weren't here when I got here this morning.”
She didn't say it with an accusation attached, but it was clear that my absence had bothered her. I should have just shrugged it off, because I wasn't trying to portray myself this way, but that was harder than it sounded. I didn't want to shrug it off. I wanted to remember clearly that she cared.
“Yes, I had a little work to do this morning. Thankfully, I was able to call it a day early.”
“Before noon?”
I didn't even realize it was that late. I must have been lamenting my decision a bit more than I thought I was. It didn’t feel like it, but I knew that’s what was going on. I had tried my best to keep it together, but I couldn’t. Lunch gave me opportunity and I would have been foolish to have ignored it.
“Yes, well, I guess so. Did you want to take lunch with me, Angie? I think there are a few more things that I would like to discuss having done.”
I think she could see right through it, but it wasn't really meant to keep her abreast of what I wanted. No, it was more for all of the workers in the room that were around us. I didn't imagine that she would want our personal information broadcast and shared with the people that she worked with. That wouldn’t be good for her and her reputation.
When she finally agreed, for some reason, there was a weight lifted off of my shoulders. For a minute there, I was afraid that she would say no. Now I knew that wasn't the case and I was able to breathe again.
“So, are we going to have the real conversation now?”
“A real conversation? What exactly is that?”
“Well, I was thinking firstly, about why you look so sad now. I don't understand why that is.”
“Do I look sad?”
“Sad, angry at the world. I'm not really sure.”
I didn't like the sound of that at all. Most likely, it was because she was right. I don't know how I looked to her now, but I knew that things had changed. Lots of things.
“Well, as you know, I was married. It didn't work out. I have a kid that doesn't see her mother. There are a lot of reasons to not be as happy as I should be. When we met so long-ago, life was easy. It's no longer easy anymore. Life’s kicked me in the balls once too many times.”
“I am sorry to hear about your divorce.”
I waved her off and told her that it was better than being married.
“I was pushed into it by my family and I mistakenly went along with it. I never should have. It was one of the biggest mistakes of my life. The only good that came out of it was Marjorie. I would never change it for the world because of her, but I wish I never would have agreed to marry Anika.”
“Anika Ferguson?”
I wasn't too happy that she knew who that was. That told me everything I needed to know. She knew exactly what kind of person my ex-wife was. At least now I didn't have to explain it much more.
“I didn't even know she had a daughter.”
“She does. As you know, Marjorie is a delight, but it has nothing to do with her mother. She's always been flaky, but since the divorce, she's really been worse than ever before. My family is friends with her family, and I have even been requested to try and talk some sense into her. Can you imagine, my ex-wife?”
“No, I can't imagine that. I definitely like to keep my old lovers away from me. They are my exes for a reason, and I don't understand why people are friends with them. I mean, I get you have to be, because you have kids together with her, but I don't know if I would want to go out of my way or not. Sounds like your family is putting you in a tight spot.”
There was something in her eyes. I had upset her in some way, but I really did not know how. There was no telling because she certainly wasn't going to say anything about it. She had this look of disgust on her face though.
“What was it, that I have said wrong?”
“What do you mean?”
“You're not very good at hiding your emotions, Angie.”
“It's nothing, Jaime. I guess it's just a moment of jealousy. She is a very beautiful woman and I guess I'm trying to figure out what it is that we're doing.”
“I don't know. Do we have to put a name on it?”
That got a bitter laugh from her. “No, I guess we don't have to put a name on it. I am just not used to not knowing where I stand.”
I pulled her close to me and gave her a kiss. It wasn't the time or place, but it was going to be right now. A restaurant was as good of a place as any.
“I haven't stopped thinking about you, since the time we were together in the plane. That draw that I had to you all those years ago when we were young and dumb. That feeling is so much stronger now.”
I let her go and took a drink. I found myself a little wobbly and I knew it was because of the intensity of emotions that came over me.
16
Angie
What was I doing? When he had asked me to come out to lunch, in my mind, I told myself that I was going to end whatever this was going on between us. I didn't even have a name for it. All I knew was that it was trouble. He was worried about something with his ex-wife. However I was more worried about what was going on between us. The kiss and his declaration left me a little wobbly-kneed. Why did he always say the sweetest things?
We finished eating lunch and there was a moment where I thought he was going to ask me to go somewhere with him. It was right after we shared another kiss in the back of his car and it got a little carried away. Within moments, I had straddled his legs and put so fast in the perfect position. It wouldn't have taken much, just a removal of panties and a pulled zipper to catapult us both into space.
When the moment passed and we were staring at each other, I decided that we did not need to do it formally. I wasn't going to wait for him to ask. I knew exactly what I wanted and Jamie was the way I was going to get it. There was no other thought about it in my mind.
I reached up and slid my panties to the side, unzipping him and pulling him out. It only took a moment to situate me perfectly above him. Then all I had to do, was press down and my eyes fluttered close. Feeling him inside of me, was always the best feeling I could imagine. This was not different. He was pushing deep and driving home. All I could do was take it.
I called out several times before he kissed me. When he paused and pulled out, he warned me the driver was going to wreck from my screaming.
I’d forgotten where we were, and I felt embarrassment rush over me.
“Sorry, I wasn't really thinking.”
“Not a problem, trust me. Antonio will watch the road.”
He thrust upwards and drug me down on top of him, so that the penetration was so much more than before. I called out, but it didn't do me any good. He had this flashing smile on his face, and it made me feel cold inside. He was doing this on purpose, and I slapped him. I threatened to climb off of him and he held me a place with his hands on my hips and started to drive in harder and faster. Without saying anything, he was making it clear that me getting off of him, wasn’t an option. Truth be told, I didn't want it to be an option.
“Why are you stopping?”
“You are getting quite loud.”
“It's your fault.”
“That very well may be. Although, I don't think it's my fault either. It is just the feeling that I have inside of me, but I need to be inside of you. I don't think it will ever be enough. No matter how hard I fuck you, or how loud you scream, it will never be enough.”
I started to move again, because it wasn't his choice, it was mine. He let me have my way and I took it to a slow crescendo. And then everything blew up behind my eyes. It really was just too much.
“Do you really want me to be quiet?”
“No, I don't care if the whole world hears us. I would never want to really stop. That's the problem, Angie. I don't know what it is you're doing to me, but I can't even think straight anymore. That can't be normal.”
I slid off of him and smiled.
“Why don't we just admit that there is some kind of something between us? I haven't forgotten about you all these years and you haven't either. Maybe that does mean something, but I’m not sure what it's supposed to mean.”