by Jill Penrod
Chapter 5
It was almost four in the morning, but Shawn couldn’t sleep. He’d put every bit of himself into finals, and he’d had a splitting headache ever since he’d finished his last at ten thirty yesterday morning. It was official now—semester was over and he had no job.
For two days he’d tried to tell his mother, but she always came in late and said a few frantic things about getting Tony ready for school, and then she disappeared to bed. She sold real estate, and early summer was her busiest time. Still, though, he was disappointed not to get even a moment of her attention. When he thought about it, they hadn’t communicated in a long time. He had no idea how she felt about things right now. He’d wondered about Seth’s question several times in the past few days, wondered what Mom expected him to do when he graduated. Could she support Tony alone? Would he get enough attention?
He went into the kitchen to take another dose of painkiller, and then he ran a hot bath, hoping he could kill this headache and sleep. Tomorrow he and Seth would have dinner with the Clearwaters, and he didn’t want to nod off during appetizers. He also needed to be clear-headed enough to successfully put together Mr. Clearwater’s system, because he feared Seth was right, that he was undergoing a test, although Mr. Clearwater might not be aware of it.
Could everyone tell he liked Jenny? How could he be subtler? He enjoyed talking to her, for where he often felt lost in conversations about the Bible, she always put him at ease. Beyond saying things in a way he understood, she often suggested she got insight from him, and that was more reassuring than she could imagine.
While the water ran, he went back to his room to get clean clothes, slipping his shirt over his head and walking back into the hall. When he heard a gasp from the end of the hallway, he cringed.
“You have hidden this from me,” his mother said, her voice cold as she moved closer and touched the scars across his back. He pulled away, aggravated with himself. She’d seen the scars, of course, but not since the accident, and more than once he’d lied to her and told her they had healed well to keep her anger at Dad at bay.
“I hide this from everyone. It’s nobody’s business but mine.”
“How can you say that?” she spat. She was tiny, but he backed up a step at her anger. “I brought him into this house and gave him children. Everything that happened between you is my business.”
“No, it isn’t,” Shawn said, hearing the anger in his own voice. “That day was between him and me. I was sixteen years old, Mom. I’d known what he was for years; I knew how to handle him. That day I just let things get out of hand, and we both paid for it, and now it’s over.”
“Shawn,” she said firmly, taking her face in his hand, forcing him to look into her eyes. “It was not your fault. In any way. You had nothing to pay for. Do you understand me?”
“Yes, Mom,” he said without enthusiasm, pulling away. He’d never wanted to have this conversation with her.
“I don’t think you do,” she said quietly. “I don’t think you ever will. Why did you have to hide this from me? Why tell me it was better when it wasn’t?”
“I didn’t want you to hate him more than you already do,” he said. “Mom, I have a horrible headache. Can this wait?”
“Apparently this has waited for four years,” she said, tears forming in her eyes.
“Please don’t cry.”
“I don’t know you. We’ve both worked like crazy all this time to make a family, and yet we’re strangers.”
“We aren’t strangers. This is all I’ve withheld. Well, and one other thing. I tried to tell you this week, but—“
“I’m not attentive,” she said, hurt in her voice. She was a short woman, a trait she’d passed on to Shawn himself, with fair skin and delicate features. She was young to have a college-aged son, and she was still very beautiful, but Shawn saw fatigue and age in her eyes he hadn’t seen before.
“You’re attentive. It isn’t your fault everyone waits until spring to buy houses. Mom, my computer job was canceled at the last minute. I’ll look more tomorrow, but most of the good jobs are gone. If I can’t make enough this summer, I’ll have to take a semester off or take just a couple courses in the fall. You may be stuck with me longer than you’d planned.”
“I didn’t plan anything,” she said, stroking his face with her small, delicate fingers. “You are such a hard worker, and there are no rewards for that. I wish there were. For your sake, I wish I could give you the world. Mostly I wish I could return your childhood to you.”
“Oh, Mom,” Shawn said, hugging her as she wept. “I didn’t miss anything. A lot of kids work while they’re growing up. It will look good on a resume, and then I’ll get a good job and we can all take a long vacation. Where do you want to go?”
“Someplace with sand and tropical breezes,” she said, pulling back and touching the rough skin on his shoulder. “You didn’t need to hide.”
He shrugged, remembering her bitter hatred of Dad after the accident, remembering how he felt responsible for that anger. He loved her dearly, but she had made it impossible not to hide.
“Mom, I need my bath. I have a post-final headache of epic proportions.”
“Then try to sleep in tomorrow,” she said, going back downstairs.
He watched her go and then climbed into the scalding water. He didn’t think it possible, but his head hurt worse. He hoped the water could soak away the tension.
The Clearwaters lived in a stately home in the Monroe neighborhood, a large community of other stately and even extravagant homes. He’d worked one summer for a builder a few streets over, and he knew the neighborhood well. He thought the street was beautiful, with large trees shading the road and hiding some of the homes.
“Nervous?” Seth asked as he pulled into the driveway.
“No. I expected to be, though. I got about two hours of sleep last night; maybe exhaustion helps get rid of anxiety. I left my last final with a whopping migraine.”
“Sorry. Mine were rough, too.”
Mrs. Clearwater answered the door, grinning and hugging Seth when she saw them. She said something in Spanish, and he replied in kind, and they laughed.
“I’m sorry,” she said. “I know too few people who speak my native tongue. This young man has been such a trooper to put up with my need to chat in Spanish.”
Seth smiled as she led them to a small library off the foyer. The house was bright and decorated with light-colored, small-scale furniture. Although the Clearwaters obviously had money, they chose not to flaunt the fact. In the corner of the room stood a computer system and wireless router.
“Well,” she said, “this is one of the machines. He also has one downstairs, and there’s one in Jenny’s room. Bill will be home in a few minutes if you have questions, although I doubt he can answer them if you do. Jenny’s out, but she’ll be back before dinner, which will be ready in about an hour. Seth, if you get bored in here, you’re welcome to help with the cookies.”
Mr. Clearwater had emailed Shawn yesterday with he wanted, so Shawn sat down at the desk while Seth sat on the sofa. He felt strange messing around in someone’s system without them around, but he used the password he’d been given and began. Mr. Clearwater arrived just as he was installing the last wireless card, and he sat on the sofa with Seth and watched Shawn type in wonder.
“I’ve just about got you set up,” Shawn said. “For the next part I’ll need your input. You want to bring all your computer data home?”
“I’ve wanted to work at home for a long time, and in this economy it makes sense to get rid of my office and just work here.”
Shawn finished the skeleton of the system when Jenny came in with a shopping bag. She put her purchases away and then joined the other two behind Shawn.
“So, can you get Daddy working at home?” she asked. “He’s wanted this for a long time.”
“I can,” Shawn said. “It’s easy. Just r
einstalling his software and data from work here.”
“So, Shawn,” Mr. Clearwater said, “have you lived here long?”
“All my life, sir.”
“Oh? What part of town?”
“River Park.”
“I worked on that neighborhood when I was finishing my degree. I’ve always liked it over there. You live with family?”
“My mother and brother.”
“Your parents are divorced?”
“My mother is a widow,” Shawn said shortly, looking hard at his work and not at his audience.
“I’m sorry,” Jenny said, and the sympathy in her voice caused him to look up and smile.
“It’s been six years,” he said. “It’s okay.”
The room filled with a tense silence, and Shawn was very relieved when Seth broke it.
“I hear Alex and Tom will be working at Jefferson’s Auto this summer. Alex was trying for a co-op job, but it didn’t pan out.”
Sounds familiar, Shawn thought, grabbing the thumb drive with Mr. Clearwater’s data.
“I think you’re the only one whose summer job relates to his life,” Jenny said to Seth. “What are you doing this summer, Shawn?”
“I’m in Alex’s boat; my job sank at the last minute, too. I’m looking for something else, but it’s pretty late to hope for anything good.”
“Things happen,” Seth said, a strange look in his eyes. He looked at Mr. Clearwater and then shook his head just a little, as though jarring thoughts into place.
“How about you, Jenny?” Seth asked.
“Very funny,” Jenny said. “I’ll be kicking up sawdust at Hope again, same as always.”
“You don’t like it?” Mr. Clearwater asked, looking surprised. Shawn had no idea what they were talking about.
“Of course I do, Daddy, but I don’t like the farmer’s tan and callused hands.”
“What’s Hope?” Shawn asked.
“Hope Homes. I’ve worked there many summers now, but I guess I have no choice with Bill Clearwater for a father.”
Things fell into place then, and Shawn turned to Mr. Clearwater in disbelief. “You’re the Clearwater of Clearwater Homes?”
“I am,” he said, amusement in his face. Shawn glanced at the computer screen, where the Clearwater logo had just popped up.
“I worked for Hyden Homes one summer. He had nice things to say about your houses.”
“Thank you.”
Mrs. Clearwater called Jenny and Seth in to help with the baking, and Shawn was alone with Mr. Clearwater. For several minutes they discussed computers and files and software, and then Mr. Clearwater sat back a bit and looked hard at Shawn. He hadn’t been nervous before, but he was getting there now.
“My daughter has said many good things about you, son. You’re a new Christian?”
“Yes, sir. Seth took me to a Christian concert where I accepted Christ. I’ve really enjoyed the college group at your church. Ben Atwood is incredible.”
“I think so,” Mr. Clearwater agreed. “I worried about Jenny growing up, about dealing with college life and the pressures there. So far, it’s been a great experience for our family. Ben introduced us to the courtship ideal, too. Have you heard of it?”
Shawn cleared his throat, wondering if Mr. Clearwater was aware of his feelings toward his daughter or if this was just a general warning.
“Yes, sir, Seth told me about your family’s method of dealing with Jenny’s eventual marrying.”
“You say that with some hesitation,” Mr. Clearwater said, still looking amused. “You don’t like the idea?”
“I don’t know enough to have a strong opinion. I’m a new Christian from a non-traditional family. It seems people like me are the kind of people the courtship movement tries to protect your daughter from.”
“If a man is a young believer, and he seriously feels he should be with a girl, he could disciple under the girl’s father for a time,” Mr. Clearwater said, his face thoughtful. “You may be right about the family part. I hadn’t thought of it. Jenny, her mother, and I sat down and wrote out a list of qualities she wants a husband to possess. We did decide he should have a strong family to model his family from. But losing a father doesn’t mean your family isn’t still strong.”
“No, I suppose it doesn’t,” Shawn said. He felt a bit sick. No, he thought, but in my case my family isn’t strong. And you’re telling me, not so subtly, that I am not your first choice for your daughter.
He was relieved when Mrs. Clearwater called her husband to the kitchen to help with dinner.
Shawn had most of the files ready before dinner, and while he worked he convinced himself Jenny’s father had not been speaking specifically to him about courting the girl. Surely he knew Shawn hadn’t known Jenny long enough to be thinking things like that. Except, of course, that Shawn was very much thinking things like that. He sighed, thinking none of this could be good. When dinner was on the table, he was relieved to be able to sit in the group and get out of his own head for a few minutes.
Shawn enjoyed watching Seth with the Clearwaters. They were comfortable together, and Jenny’s mom really liked Seth. Occasionally they broke into Spanish, and Jenny translated what she knew, but she didn’t know much. Mr. Clearwater knew none, and he rolled his eyes when his family changed languages.
“I apologize for their rudeness,” he said to Shawn with a smile. “Paula left Columbia when she was eight, and she loves to hear her native tongue. I always wish we’d insisted on Jenny learning more.”
“When I first started attending church, I thought Christians spoke a different language,” Shawn said lightly. “I must admit it’s an easier one to learn than Spanish.”
“I suppose we do have a lingo of our own, just like any group does. You speak computer lingo pretty well.”
“When I was growing up, I had to take a lot of odd jobs to help Mom. I speak a lot of lingoes.”
Mr. Clearwater laughed. The conversation at dinner was light, and soon they were clearing the table and then saying farewell. Seth left first, and Mr. Clearwater pulled Shawn aside a moment into the library.
“Do you have another question about the PC?” Shawn asked.
“No. I just….” He took a deep breath. “Jenny is quite taken with you, Mr. Carpenter. I don’t mind her having male friends, as long as you understand where we stand on dating and marriage.”
Shawn felt his pulse speed up. “Jenny is teaching me many things about being a Christian. I hope it doesn’t offend you if I continue as her friend.”
Mr. Clearwater frowned a moment, and then he nodded, not looking convinced. “I’m not a hard man, Mr. Carpenter, but I am concerned for her heart. Be sure you are as well.”
Shawn nodded and left, thinking that was as close to a blessing as he would get to be friends with Jenny. He still had mixed feelings about the courtship idea and how it made him feel, and Mr. Clearwater’s words hadn’t helped, but he hoped he could keep up their friendship. He didn’t know if he really wanted more, but he didn’t want to lose what he had.
“Trouble?” Seth asked when he got into the passenger seat of the old Buick.
“No. Somehow, Jenny’s dad and I ended up discussing courtship tonight.”
“Oh? How did it go?”
“I told him I’m just looking to be Jenny’s friend—like you are. He made it fairly clear I’m not Jenny’s perfect mate.”
“Are you just looking to be her friend?” Seth asked quietly.
“I don’t know what to make of this courtship thing, and until I do I can’t be more. I don’t even know if I want to. Ben talked about men being spiritual heads of their homes, and to do that for Jenny, for anyone, I’d have to do a lot of fast growing, so I think I shouldn’t be thinking about any of this yet.”
Seth said nothing more on the subject, and Shawn was left to his own thoughts as they went home.
“I’ll pick you up in the morning?
” Seth asked when they got to Shawn’s house.
“Sure.”
Seth frowned. “Don’t give up on yourself, Shawn Carpenter.”
“What do you mean?”
“You won’t be a new Christian for long, and God has always had his hand on you. I think you understand more than you know.”
Seth left, and Shawn had to smile. Behind Seth’s ornery little-kid smile was a lot of thought and a scary amount of brains. If Seth thought Shawn could grow and find his place in this life, then likely it was true, but he had no idea where that left him with Jenny Clearwater.