by Jill Penrod
Chapter 15
When Ben said Seth wanted to talk to the group a moment, Julie turned and raised an eyebrow at Shawn, who shrugged. He had no idea what his friend planned to say. Alex poked him in the ribs and shot him the same look as Julie, and he just grinned.
“Um, I need to apologize,” Seth said. He was dressed in nice shorts and a golf shirt, his hair neatly pulled back. Shawn knew he’d dressed well tonight so he could do this, say whatever was on his mind. He spoke not with his normal confidence, but instead with a humble sadness.
“Last week I took off. I had trouble with some friendships, and I chose to run. It wasn’t right. I missed group, and I missed church when a friend could have used my presence, and I didn’t show up at Hope Homes. I’ve been thinking a lot, about what it means to belong to the Porter college group. While I was gone, a friend took care of things for me. A few times I’ve taken care of things for him.
“I’ve had some talks with people lately about what it means to be a united team, like Christ told us to be. When I left last week, I didn’t tell anyone where I was going. I didn’t tell anyone that I was going. But some of you tracked me down. That’s amazing to me. I just want everyone here to know how special you are. All of you. I hope we can always be a group like this, a group that really lives out what Jesus wants from us. I hope we take what we learn here and become parts of groups like this for our whole lives. Anyway, I was really moved, and I’m glad to be here. Thanks.”
Seth came back to his seat beside Shawn, who grinned and held out his hand.
“Well said,” Shawn said. Instead of shaking his hand, Seth hugged him. Everyone in the room said ahh, and Seth and Shawn both laughed.
“It won’t happen again,” Seth said quietly.
“If it does, I’ll just sic Julie on you again,” Shawn said. Seth laughed.
When group was over people had a lot to say to Seth, and Shawn drifted away with Alex.
“My mom is really looking forward to tomorrow,” he said.
“Good,” Shawn said. “My mom is excited, too. I think they really hit it off.”
“I know. It’s nice. Single moms who work don’t always have time for real friendships, you know? So, I see Seth got in safely. I guess he called you Tuesday?”
“No,” Shawn said, laughing. “He drove by my house when I was looking out the window, at, ah, almost midnight Monday night. I got in my car and followed him home. A little spontaneous and not too considerate, but I had to know if he was okay.”
“I don’t think he was too upset,” Tom said, joining the conversation. Mark joined as well, looking over at Seth.
“He looks okay,” Mark said.
“I think he is.”
“Violet looks okay, too,” Tom said.
“She does. Dating and breaking up are hard in a small group like this,” Alex said.
Seth broke away from everyone and moved to Violet, hugging her. They exchanged a few private words, and then he joined the guys.
“So, Shawn, are we working at Hope this weekend?”
“We aren’t scheduled, but we have some work to do,” Shawn said. “Don’t be surprised if Julie calls you Friday night to see if you can come. We have a deck and roof to do. A big grant came in, and Mr. Clearwater thinks he can get two more homes done this summer beyond those planned. The high school group leaves Friday, and another comes Saturday, but it’s a small group. Smaller than we thought.”
“I’ll be there,” Seth said.
“Me, too,” Mark said.
“I don’t know about my schedule,” Alex said, and Tom nodded agreement.
“Good. I’ll have Julie call you if we don’t work, okay?”
The group broke up, and Seth asked Shawn if he wanted to come over and crash.
“Sure.”
“I just don’t like living alone,” Seth admitted. “The apartment is too quiet.”
“We don’t have to start so early tomorrow,” Shawn said. “I haven’t told you about Becky, have I?”
“No.”
“I’ll tell you tonight. I think maybe I broke through to someone who needed it this week.”
“Hey, that’s great,” Seth said. “Let’s go. I want to hear about this.”
Shawn woke with a start, looking around a moment in confusion. The house wasn’t on fire. This wasn’t even his house. His pulse raced, and he ran a hand through his hair. What was happening to him?
“Shawn?”
He jumped at the voice, and he looked up where Seth stood in the doorway, wearing boxers that made him look skinny. Shawn was vaguely aware that he wore no shirt, but this was Seth. He’d seen it. At the edge of his memory a bit of his dream held on, and he heard himself scream.
“Nightmare,” he said. He got up and walked to the kitchen, getting himself a drink of water.
“You don’t look so good,” Seth said.
“It wasn’t just any nightmare. It was that night. For the first few months after the fire, I dreamed about it a lot. But they went away. After you left, they started again. I thought they’d stop now that you’re back.”
“I’m sorry.”
“No, it wasn’t you. It was how I reacted.”
“Maybe you should talk to somebody. God doesn’t expect us to deal with everything ourselves.”
“I don’t know. I don’t want to talk about it, you know? You saw what happened last time.”
“You got sick. But since then you’ve seemed better about it.”
“Maybe. Maybe it will just go away.”
“Ben would listen,” Seth said. Then he shook his head. “Sorry. Holding on too tight again.”
“I never meant that. I don’t know why I said that. Pretend I didn’t, okay? Don’t worry about offending me.”
“Easier said than done.”
“True.”
“May I venture a theory?”
“Shoot,” Shawn said, drinking his water and heading back to the sofa to lie down.
“You’re still in love with Jenny Clearwater. I was lost, and you thought I might be gone like your dad. Maybe you’re afraid of losing her, too. So your mind goes back to the last time you lost someone.”
“Maybe,” Shawn said. He didn’t give much thought to these psychological things. He had a feeling Jenny would have a theory about his nightmares, too. He suddenly wondered if Seth was right. “I can’t do much about it, then.”
“You’re stubborn, you know that?” Seth said with a grin.
“Yep.” Shawn yawned. “I never dream it more than once a night, so I guess I’m done for tonight.”
“You’ll be okay?”
“Yeah. When I’m up like this I like to pray.”
“I pray when I’m up at night, too. Sometimes I get busy and don’t give God time during the day. When that goes on awhile, I always have trouble staying asleep at night. I think God wakes me up to spend time with me. He wants to commune with me that badly, and he knows I need to be with him, too.”
Shawn smiled. He liked thinking God pursued his loved ones that way.
“Pleasant prayers,” Seth said, going to his room.
“You, too,” Shawn said. He lay back down. “God, thanks for bringing him safely home.”
His arm ached on Thursday from the painting. The girls were all short, so he’d done most of the high part, and even on the ladder he’d had his arm too high for too long. Today he worked alone, breaking the group into pairs in the other rooms. When Julie came in, he jumped, thinking of his prayer time the night before and how he’d kept thinking about Jenny. He’d prayed a long time about her and how he should act toward her.
“Whoa,” Julie said when he startled. He looked at her, surprised at the grim look on her face.
“What’s wrong?”
“Mr. Clearwater and Mr. Johnson want an audience.”
“What happened?” he asked, following her. She didn’t answer, instead shaking her head.
> Mr. Johnson, the youth leader, was a man in his early thirties. He always looked nervous, and right now he looked angry as well. They stood in a house the group was siding today, just him, Jenny, and her dad.
“Mr. Carpenter,” Mr. Clearwater said, his voice grave, “there’s been a complaint about your behavior toward one of the young women.”
Shawn was sure his mouth dropped. His first reaction was anger at such an accusation, but he stood unmoving, not looking at any of them directly.
“I’m told you exposed yourself to one of the girls in an improper manner, and you were then touched by that girl,” Mr. Johnson said. “Do you care to explain yourself?”
From the side of his eyes he saw Jenny slip out the door, and his heart sank. What if she believed this? For a moment he said nothing. He thought he knew what had happened, and he didn’t want to get Becky in trouble. He had to say this well.
“I think there’s been a misunderstanding,” he said quietly. “I assume the girl in question is Becky Woods?”
“Yes.”
“She has a disability,” Shawn said, aiming his words at Mr. Clearwater, whom he felt to be the judge in this matter. “She struggles with it. I had talked to Jenny and Julie about her, because I felt she was too withdrawn. Yesterday we painted together. I painted with all of them individually, so I could get to know them. They’re great girls.
“Anyway, I said some things to Becky. I acted like I understood what it’s like to be physically different, because I do understand. She didn’t believe me. So I showed her. I was in a house fire. I have scarring across one shoulder and over sixty percent of my back. I took my shirt off, and she did touch the scars on my shoulder. I didn’t think it was inappropriate. People with physical problems don’t always get touched enough, and they don’t always touch. Nothing sexual occurred.”
“That isn’t how the story was told to me,” Mr. Johnson said firmly. “This girl’s parents are not Christians. We run a very good chance of finding ourselves in the middle of a lawsuit, Mr. Carpenter. Do you understand the seriousness of this problem?”
“Yes, sir,” Shawn said, closing his eyes a moment. How had this happened? He thought he’d made a connection with the girl. How had he offended her this much? Where had these stories come from?
“Mr. Johnson,” Mr. Clearwater said, “who brought the complaint to you? Was it this girl herself?”
“No. One of the other girls brought this to my attention.”
“Have you spoken to Becky about it?” Mr. Clearwater asked.
“Not yet.”
Shawn stood entirely still as the men talked. He thought he knew what had happened, but to say it would damage Becky’s reputation, and he couldn’t do that. Of course, being dismissed from a job for molesting children wasn’t a pleasant thought, either.
The door opened, and Jenny entered with Becky clinging to her hand.
“I think Becky has something to say,” Jenny said firmly. Shawn had never seen Jenny angry before.
“I don’t think questioning her here in front of him is a good idea,” Mr. Johnson said. Shawn was glad the youth leaders at Porter were nothing like this nervous, angry man.
“I do,” Mr. Clearwater said. Shawn carefully did not meet Becky’s gaze. He had never felt so vulnerable before. He wanted to disappear into the floor.
“Jenny told me what somebody said about Shawn,” Becky said, her voice full of tears. “It’s my fault. He was nice to me yesterday, and he told me things I didn’t think he told everybody. Guys aren’t usually nice to me. So when we got back, everybody was talking about him, because he’s cute and nice”—Shawn rolled his eyes, and he saw Jenny suppress a smile—“and I told them about my time with him. Only I made it bigger. I wanted them to think a guy could like me. Please don’t do anything to Shawn. He never did anything wrong. I lied.”
Mr. Johnson stared at them a moment, clearly not sure what to believe. Jenny regained her look of anger, and Shawn glanced at Becky, at the tears streaming down her face. He wanted to comfort her, but he was still afraid to move.
“Becky, tell me what happened between you.”
She looked at Shawn, and he smiled at her. She was scared.
“It’s okay. Tell him the truth. You won’t get in trouble.”
“Mr. Carpenter,” Mr. Johnson warned.
“Howard, let him talk,” Mr. Clearwater said. “This isn’t a trial.”
Jenny smiled again, and Becky took a deep breath and told a story much like Shawn had. When she was done, she walked to Shawn and looked up in his face.
“I’m sorry,” she said. “Please don’t hate me.”
He smiled and nodded, looking up at Mr. Johnson and Mr. Clearwater. He couldn’t tell what either was thinking.
“Mr. Carpenter,” Mr. Johnson finally said, “I’m sorry to have accused you of doing wrong. Becky, we need to have a little conversation.”
“Yes, Mr. Johnson,” she said penitently.
“May I speak with her a moment first?” Shawn asked. Mr. Johnson looked at Jenny’s dad, who nodded. The Clearwaters left, but Mr. Johnson stayed. Shawn crouched down so he could look at her eye to eye.
“I didn’t mean to say those things.”
“I know, but I’m disappointed you felt you had to do that. The girls like you, and if the guys don’t, it’s because you’re thirteen years old. You are going to be a lovely woman someday.”
“But I limp.”
“You remind me of Jenny Clearwater.”
“How? She’s beautiful.”
“She is. But you know what I like most about her?”
“What?”
“The way the Holy Spirit shines through her. She is wise in the Word, and wise about people, and more than once God has spoken to me through her. And you know what? If her legs ever stop working, or she’s in a fire, I’ll still think she’s beautiful, because the Spirit will always be part of her. A blind person could talk to her five minutes and know she was beautiful. Anyone who talks to you for five minutes can see that in you, too. And anyone who won’t talk to you for five minutes is hardly worth worrying about, don’t you think?”
“I guess so.”
“So, maybe from now on you can show off to the girls by being the wisest.”
She nodded, and he went with her to the door, stopping in surprise when he saw Jenny standing there. Becky left with her youth leader, and Jenny frowned.
“Did I say something offensive again?” he asked.
“I was just thinking how you used to talk to me like that.”
Her words were full of hurt, and he ran a hand through his hair.
“I’m sorry if it seems I’ve been distant—“ he started.
“Shawn, what did I do to make you run from me so hard? Was it just the way I looked at the scars?”
“No.” He took her hands, holding them close to him and then dropping them. “No, not at all.”
“So? One minute we’re friends, and then you can’t seem to spend five minutes with me,” she said, still angry. It was nicer to have her angry for him than at him.
“Jenny, I know you and your parents want to be careful with your emotional life, your dating life. I don’t understand courtship that well, but I’ve talked to your dad a bit, and I know I’m not what you need. You are wise and knowledgeable and experienced in Christianity, and I can’t begin to be a spiritual head over you. I know I’ll grow in Christ, but it’s like standing on a molehill and longing to be as tall as the Rockies. But when I’m with you…” He shook his head and shrugged, out of words. They died in his throat.
“But what?” she asked. “Daddy told you not to be my friend?”
“No. I promised him I’d be careful with your heart and mine. And then I kissed you, and I can’t get my heart under control. It isn’t fair to pull you into something with no future.”
She nodded, looking confused, and said nothing. When she turned awa
y, still silent, he called her back.
“Jenny, thanks. For getting Becky.”
“I knew you wouldn’t hurt that girl. Daddy knew it, too.”
“I wasn’t convinced of that,” Shawn admitted. “I was worried.”
She smiled and patted his shoulder, pausing and feeling the rough skin beneath. “You let her touch it. I’m proud of you.”
He nodded, and she left, and he had no idea where they currently stood.
The rest of the day passed without incident, for which Shawn was thankful. He didn’t see Mr. Clearwater again, and Mr. Johnson pointedly avoided him. The girls were more reserved than they had been, apparently aware they had gotten Shawn into trouble, but he said nothing of it. When the day was over, Julie came to help clean up, and Shawn was surprised to see Seth and Alex with her.
“Jenny called and said you had a rough day,” Seth said, clapping Shawn on the shoulder.
“Where is she?” he asked Julie.
“She went home with her dad,” Julie said. “So, let’s go have some dinner. You can tell us what it’s like to be accused of a major crime.”
“How about dinner at my house?” Shawn asked. “I have to watch Tony tonight.”
“Sure,” Seth said. “Alex and I will pick something up. We’ll surprise you.”
When they got to the cars, Julie went with him.
“So, did I upset Jenny?” he asked.
“No. She wasn’t sure what to think. She told me, by the way. I hope you don’t mind.”
“No. I guess I should have been honest with her a long time ago.”
“I think she was a little miffed at her dad, though.”
“Great. I really needed to get my employer in trouble.”
She laughed. He wasn’t sure it was funny.
Dinner was light and enjoyable. Tony ate quickly and went to play basketball with the neighbor kids, and Shawn told his friends of his day. The ordeal from earlier in the day sounded almost amusing when he told it again, especially when Alex and Seth added humorous comments every few seconds, and by the end of the meal he felt at ease again. Apparently they had planned this, because as soon as he was comfortable, they ambushed him.
“So,” Julie said, “this is unfair of us, but we think you need to reconsider with Jenny.”
“What?” He nearly spit out his dessert.
“Come on,” Alex said. “It’s pretty clear how you feel about her.”
“Seth, this is your doing,” he said.
“No, they called me. I told them your mind was made up, but they insisted I join them.”
“Shawn, what’s keeping you from asking her father to court her?” Julie asked.
“Well, let’s see. I was caught kissing her; I ran away from him when they all saw the scars; and today he practically accused me of molesting little girls. Say nothing of the fact that I don’t come from a stable Christian family and I have no hope of being a Christian head of her household. Have I left anything out?”
“You love her. You respect her and bring out the best in her,” Julie said.
“And she has feelings for you,” Alex said.
“And you’re on the same path,” Seth said. “In more ways than one.”
“You don’t think he’d reject me on the spot?” Shawn asked.
“Would we send you to a slaughter?” Seth asked.
“I don’t know, guys. I know I really like her, but I don’t know, okay? Can we just leave it at that for a while?”
“Sure,” Julie said. “Just think about it. I don’t know much about courtship, either. But if the idea is to stay pure, I think you’re doing that. You’ve been careful and treated the idea of courtship with respect.”
“I’ll think. Now, you all eat your dessert and quit ganging up on me.”
They laughed and obediently finished eating. Except for the little conversation about Shawn’s future, the evening had been relaxing. It had been great, really. But he was left with an uneasy feeling, wondering if his friends were right and he was wrong about his future.
Mom came in late, but Shawn was up waiting. She laughed and fell into the recliner.
“Oh, Shawn, I haven’t had such fun in ages. Emily is a hoot.”
Shawn had to laugh at his friends’ mom being called a hoot.
“It wasn’t what I expected. It’s never what I expect. Makes me wonder where I come up with these expectations. Your friends are all great, and their parents are nice, too. We may get together once a week for a while.”
“That’s great,” Shawn said sincerely. “I had dinner with Alex tonight. He’s a hoot, too.”
Mom laughed, relaxed and comfortable. He thought it was great to see her like this.
“She never brought up God, but I did. I had some questions, and she had some answers. She carries a tiny Bible in her purse. It’s cute. And she knew where everything was. We talked about forgiveness, like your pastor did last week. She had a hard time forgiving her husband, too. She was helpful.”
Mom stopped and looked at Shawn.
“You’re quiet. Are you okay?”
“Fine. I’m just listening. I’m glad you had a good dinner. I had a very strange day.”
“Care to tell me about it?”
“Maybe later, when I get it all sorted out in my head. I spent my week with teenage girls. It can be quite a trip.”
“I bet,” she said. “They wear you out?”
“They sure do. They’re great kids, but keeping up with all their dramas, and deflecting all their flirtations, can really be hard.”
“So, the girls like my boy?” she asked, ruffling his hair.
“You can’t imagine,” he said, chuckling. “I’m glad you and Mrs. Schneider are getting along, but I’m bushed and have to turn in. Tony went to bed just a few minutes ago.”
She smiled as he left, and he had a feeling in this part of his life things couldn’t be better.
It rained Friday, so Shawn and his girls stayed inside. It meant he had no chance to see Jenny, which didn’t really bother him. He’d see her tomorrow when the Porter group came. Today he was preparing to say goodbye to his group, and it made him sadder than he’d expected. He realized he’d never know how things worked out for them. They’d grown comfortable sharing things with him, and he wanted to know what their futures would hold. He wondered if this week would change them, if the work and the blisters and the teamwork would make them better Christians somehow. He hoped so. He wanted to make a difference for God. In computers he had no idea how he’d do that, but here it seemed natural. He knew Marty wanted him to continue here, and as they cleaned up brushes and said teary goodbyes, he actually found himself considering a future with Hope. It surprised him.
The bus pulled in to take them back to the church to collect their belongings, and they all stood in the drizzle as the kids climbed aboard. Shawn said goodbye to each of his girls, and when Becky approached, he grinned.
“Be the wisest,” he said.
“And you need to get together with Jenny Clearwater,” she said. “After what you said about her, I think you’re in love.”
“You’re not the only one to say that,” he said, smiling. She handed him a slip of paper.
“When you get married, send me an invitation,” she said, laughing. “Or just write and tell me about things.”
“Thank you,” he said. He wanted to hug her, but Mr. Johnson stood behind her, so he just told her goodbye and let her go. Mr. Johnson then approached and held out his hand. Shawn shook it cautiously. He was having trouble liking this man, but he thought about something Ben had once said. He would spend eternity with Mr. Johnson; he might as well learn to get along with him now.
“Shawn, I’m sorry. I hope you understand that I had to take the girls seriously.”
“I understand.”
“Thank you.”
He got on the bus, and Shawn waved as it pulled away. Mr. Clear
water then approached.
“Shawn, you did a good job this week. I’m sorry you had to go through what you did. In all my years I’ve never had that happen before.”
“It was scary.”
“Amen. I had visions of lawsuits and living with the guilt of you taking a fall for something you didn’t do.”
“Did you ever doubt?” Shawn asked, curious.
“Of course not, son. If I had any doubt of your character, I wouldn’t let you walk onto my site.”
“Thank you, sir. Is Jenny still here?”
“No. She and Julie went home to get dry. It’s supposed to stop raining tomorrow, but the roof may still be slick. Use your best judgment. I have to be at Clearwater Homes tomorrow. I’ve been thinking, Shawn. This week you really showed a gift for this work. You cared for the girls’ physical needs, keeping them safe, and you made a lovely deck, and you cared for their spiritual needs. I would like to make you a Hope Homes employee for the rest of the summer. I’ll get you the same salary, but you’ll just be out of the Hope treasury. Because of the extra grant, we can swing another employee now.”
“I’m flattered,” Shawn said. “I accept your offer, Mr. Clearwater. I enjoyed this week. It had its moments, mind you, but I liked being here. I would like to stay for the summer.”
“Good.”
He looked like he wanted to say more, but he didn’t. Instead, he walked into the misty rain and disappeared. In this area of his life, Shawn still wasn’t sure where he was going.