by Siân James
I also reminded myself no matter how my feelings were changing, Matt was temporary in my life.
“Hey, you.” A pair of strong hands wrapped around my middle and pulled me back so I was flush against a hard body. Matt leaned in, kissing my neck, then peered over my shoulder at the flower arrangement I was finishing off. “Talented and beautiful. You're definitely my kind of woman.”
I laughed under my breath but couldn't stop the pink hitting my cheeks. “Thank you.” I finished placing some eucalyptus leaves before turning in the circle of his arms and looping mine around his neck. “Hey, yourself.”
His sapphire blue eyes sparkled down at me, affection and another emotion I couldn't name swirling in their depths. My breath caught at the force of emotion I felt for him. I tried to tell myself it was all the emotions rolling through me because of the day itself, but I knew there was more to it.
We fit. Things clicked together like we were two parts of a whole.
Gah, would you listen to me? I was a cliché.
“How're you feeling?”
“Nervous. It's T-minus-five hours till opening, and I have so much more to do.”
At a meeting with Matt and the business owners, we'd all agreed for the stores to open this afternoon at four. All except the Beach Shack Café, which had opened for business this morning,
“You'll be great. This place looks amazing. I can't imagine what more you have to do.” He gazed around, confusion written on his face, and I sighed.
“I'm tinkering because I'm nervous. My team worked so hard this week there's nothing left for me to do.” I was part pleased and part disappointed to have nothing to fuss with. At the very least, it would have taken my mind off all the customers who were going to come pouring through my doors in five hours.
“Sweetie, where shall we put all the fliers about the upcoming evening classes?” Mum had poked her head into the back workroom.
“Some on the table by the door and some on the counter. A few stuck in the window too so people can see the timetable from outside.”
“Now worries, sweetie.” She winked at Matt and disappeared again.
“How are you feeling? It's your building,” I pointed out.
He shrugged, making my arms lift up and down with his shoulders. “I'm excited, but I'm more excited for everyone with a business. This is really your day.”
He was so thoughtful. I grinned and gave him a peck on the mouth. He hadn't kissed me yet and I could feel my lips tingling with need. I began to pull back but his arms wrapped around me tighter.
“Is that all I get? I was hoping you'd lay a hot and heavy one on me.” He waggled his eyebrows and I giggled, lifted up on my toes and did just that.
He didn't let me lead for very long, tilting his head and sweeping his tongue inside to tangle with mine. I melted into him and lost all sense of time for a while before he pulled back.
“I have something for you.”
“Oh?”
He nodded and suddenly appeared nervous. “You're one hard lady to buy for, you know that?”
I grinned. “You didn't have to get me anything,” I said as he let go of me, then moved back to the door to the shop floor and retrieved something from just out of sight.
He came back towards me with it held behind his back. “I know, but I wanted to get you something to let you know how impressed I am with your dedication, with the hard work you put in to make your dreams happen, and to show you in a way I think you'll understand how much you mean to me.”
Bemused, I didn't have a chance to reply before his dad stuck his head through the door, his body off to the side and making his head appear disembodied. “You ready, son? Only the appointment is in twenty minutes, and it'll take nearly that long to get there.”
“In a few,” Matt replied, and Mick's head disappeared.
“What are you going to do?” I asked, distracted by Mick's question. I thought Matt would have been staying on the site for the rest of the day to help organise the festivities.
Thrown because clearly he had something on his mind, he answered distractedly. “Dad's coming with me to check out a property for my next renovation project.”
I nodded, wondering how he was going to manage the renovation when he went back to Sydney.
“Anyway,” he said, and I grinned, my attention back on his gift. He paused, uncertainty clouding his features as he searched for the right words before shrugging self-deprecatingly. “I'm no good at this. Here.”
He pulled a small but beautiful bouquet from behind his back. It was a somewhat eclectic mix of flowers but they worked well together. White calla lilies and carnations, purple agapanthus and larkspur, a red dahlia, a red chrysanthemum, amaranth and some beautiful soft green shoots of shell flower to set it all off.
“Oh, it's lovely.” I said, because it was.
“I know you're a florist and could get any flowers you like, but argh—I don't know. What I'm trying to say is I wanted to give you something meaningful, and I thought this would be it.” Nerves made his words flow faster, and anxiety was written on his face.
“Izzie,” Camille popped her head into the doorway. “Your mothers are trying to stick fliers to the window, but it's in the wrong spot and they won't listen to me.”
“I'll be there in a minute.”
She disappeared and I focused back on Matt.
“I selected the flowers myself.” He gave me a pointed look, lifting his brows just so. “Your friend in Byron Bay helped me and put it all together.” He waved his hand at the bouquet.
He selected the flowers himself? How sweet was that?
“I love them, Matt.” I placed a hand on his arm. “You're right, I could get any flowers I wanted, but you chose these for me. That makes them so much more special. I know people think a florist doesn't want to be given flowers, because they can choose their own, but that couldn't be further from the truth.” I leaned up on my toes and kissed the underside of his jaw. “Thank you.”
Finally he smiled, though I could still see the edge of uncertainty behind his eyes.
“Son, we really have to go.” Mick's head was back in the doorway.
“Okay, Dad. I'll be there in a minute.”
Mick's disembodied head disappeared again.
“Is your dad going to run the renovation when you go back to Sydney?”
“Yeah, just for a month, then I'll take over again.”
I nodded. “How are you going to do that with your new job? I imagine you're going to be very busy. Plus, you won't be here.” I pointed out what I thought was obvious.
His forehead wrinkled. “What?”
“You told me how busy you'd been in your job the last few years. So did your mum. I can't imagine making partner is going to mean you're going to get more free time. How are you going to manage the renovation all the way up here when you're busy in Sydney?”
Matt shook his head. “I'm only going back to Sydney for a month to work out my notice and hopefully find a replacement for my role, then I'll be back in Emerald Cove.”
The shock hit deep in my chest, and knew I wasn't hiding it on my face.
“I'm moving here permanently,” Matt added when I didn't respond. “I thought you knew that?”
Goosebumps prickled across my skin. “Nooooo, no I didn't. You didn't ever say.”
“Uh, yeah I did. When we were talking about what I wanted to do with my career. I said I'd like to have my own business doing small scale property development and renovations.”
“But I thought you meant someday years from now. You never said you were going to start right now. You've been offered partner in a huge engineering firm. You can't say no to the opportunity!” I was angry and I didn't know why. Matt was essentially telling me there was no longer and end date to our relationship, which in my heart of hearts I was ecstatic about, but I could also feel the panic rising in my chest.
Matt was much calmer than I was. “I can,” he replied. “And I did. That's one of the things I
did while I was down there a few weeks ago.”
“But … but why?” Thoughts raced through my head, disjointed, panicked and frantic. My first thought was quite vain, and I wasn't proud of it—had he made this decision because of me? We'd barely started dating when he was down in Sydney. No, he was a smart guy, he wouldn't have upped and quit his job because we'd shared one kiss. One mind-blowingly amazing kiss. But still, if I was even a teeny part of the decision he'd made, the pressure was way too much for me. I didn't want to be even the tiniest bit responsible for Matt ending such a prestigious career.
And then there were his expectations on where we would go from here. What if he expected me to sacrifice my consulting business permanently to spend time with him? He'd just said he was impressed with my drive and dedication in making my dreams become a reality, but he'd also said only a week ago that he'd be very flattered if I could find some time in my schedule for him, and I'd gone and postponed almost all of my consulting appointments!
Matt watched me closely as the thoughts ran through my head, and I could tell I wasn't hiding my freak-out at all. My hands were both gripping the bouquet in front of me like a lifeline.
“Why? Because I want a change. I've worked hard the last decade of my life, and I don't want to keep working that hard, not having a life outside my job. Plus, my sister is about to have her first child, my parents are getting older, and I've loved spending time with my friends and—”
I started shaking my head before he could say it.
“—you.”
“But you don't even know me,” I whispered.
He lifted his hands slowly to my upper arms and rubbed gently, putting me in mind of someone approaching a skittish horse. “It's true we're still getting to know each other, but what I know so far I really, really, really like. More than like, in fact.”
I nodded because I really, really, really liked him too. And I suspected, as fast as it was, I more than liked him as well. But … “I thought you were leaving soon,” I said and watched the change in his features, as if I'd landed a blow.
His hands stopped moving. “You thought I was leaving soon and you still started something with me?”
I nodded, and my mouth ran off in verbal diarrhea, spewing out my thoughts with no filter or concern for how they would sound. “I thought it was just a fling. I thought you were going back to Sydney in another week or two and everything would go back to normal and I'd start my online consulting again. I don't have time for a relationship and my businesses. You know that. I had to postpone all my appointments to be able to make time for you.”
Matt reared back this time, and I felt the disconnect of his hands deep inside, as if something had been broken. It wasn't that I didn't want to continue spending time with him, but I was having trouble seeing how it would happen.
“Son, time is up. We have to leave two minutes ago.” Mick's head was back, and this time he wasn't alone. Mum and Camille were both with him.
“Izzie, we really need your help up here. People are milling about outside asking if there's a signup sheet for the class list we've just put up. Plus, there's a delivery man with four boxes of proteas and five boxes of sunflowers waiting for your instruction.”
“Okay, I'll be right out,” I said.
At the same time, Matt said, “Coming.” He turned to go and I grabbed his arm.
“Wait.”
He regarded me through shuttered eyes and I pulled my hand back. I'd said all the wrong things. My jumbled thoughts frantically tried to rearrange themselves so I could say just the right thing to fix this, but my mind was a blank.
“Good luck with the opening, Izzie,” he responded when I didn't speak, then he turned and left.
“Izzie?” Camille was still in the doorway but thankfully my mum had left. “Is everything okay?”
My brows furrowed, I glanced from the vacant doorway where Matt had disappeared, and back to her concerned face. I shook my head. “No, yes, no, I don't know.”
Her brows rose questioningly and she moved further into the room.
“He's staying in Emerald Cove.”
“Oui,” she agreed.
“No, I mean he's staying forever. He's got to go back to the city for a month to work out his notice, but then he's moving back here for good.”
One of Camille’s blinding smiles broke out across her face, but I was too distracted to let it cheer me up this time. “But surely this is a good thing, no?”
I nodded, shook my head, then finally shrugged. “I don't know!” I wailed. “I really, really like him. In fact, I think I more than like him. And he just said the same thing to me, but it sounds as if he's had plans to stay for a while and he thought I knew. But I didn't. I'd assumed he was always leaving and—”
“And your relationship would end at some point?”
I nodded, my teeth biting hard into my bottom lip.
“And you told him this?”
“Yep,” I whispered.
Camille cast a concerned glance towards the door. “And now he thinks you do not feel the same way about him, no?”
“Pretty much sums it up. I think he's upset because I went into this imagining he'd leave—that it was a fling. But it seems he didn't.”
“I guess not, judging by those flowers.” She gestured to the posey I was still gripping in my hand, and I looked down.
“He said he chose them himself.”
“White carnations, lilac agapanthus, white calla lily, red chrysanthemum, red dahlia, larkspur, amaranth and”—she touched the delicate green bell-like leaves—“I think these are the leaves of the shellflower, but I've not seen it before, so I'm not certain. It is a strange collection.”
It was a strange collection and something about it tickled the back of my mind.
I selected the flowers myself.
Matt's words sounded in my head, and I focused on the flowers once more, a memory from weeks ago piquing my curiosity.
In the language of flowers, I knew a white carnation meant sweet, lovely and adoration. But despite my profession, the rest were a mystery to me.
“Izzie!” Mum was back. “It's getting out of hand out here. People want sneak peaks inside before you open. Gladys is outside with a flock of her bingo ladies, and they have walking sticks. We need your help, now.”
“Okay, okay. Coming.” I grabbed a vase, filled it with water and carefully placed the bouquet in it on my desk. Before long, I was hurrying out the door with Camille to sort out the gang of old ladies trying to prey their way into my shop.
The afternoon just got busier form there, but Matt and the bouquet he'd given me were never far from my mind. After an hour or so, I started checking out the windows, searching for his face in the hustle and bustle of people making last minute arrangements for the Grand Re-opening but I didn’t see him anywhere.
The band Matt had hired from Byron Bay were setting up and doing sound checks. Vendors selling locally made products were already lining the street—which had been closed for the weekend. And sunflowers were tied to the poles of streetlights, the heads strung together to create canopies of yellow petals over benches painted by the local artists society.
My heart leapt in my chest when Mick and Joy snuck in through the back door with sandwiches and coffees. They had a bottle of bubbles to match the bottle of bubbles Mum and Jim had brought to celebrate the opening of my store. But Matt wasn't with them.
“How did the meeting go?” I asked Mick as if I knew what was going on.
“Great. The property has a lot of potential, and the owner seemed happy to sell for the price Matt negotiated with her. The only thing we're waiting for now is the contract to be finalised.”
I nodded numbly, both happy for Matt and sad I wasn't getting the news directly from him.
“I'll tell you what, love. I knew my son was clever, but it was something else seeing him charm then propose a business deal like he did. He was fair but firm, and I think both he and the current owner will come out of it v
ery happy. I am really proud of him.” He hid his rough voice by swallowing more champagne.
“That's great. Where is he now?”
“Dropped him at home. He said he needed to get some stuff. Should be here soon enough. I'm sure he wouldn't miss the opening for the world.” He winked at me, and I smiled weakly, not sure he was right.
“Would you excuse me for a moment?”
With less than half an hour to go until opening, I needed a minute.
Champagne flute in hand, I weaved my way through the small crowd to the back room where Matt's bouquet still sat in the vase. I moved the mouse to refresh the screen and started my search, using the pen and paper on the desk to note down my findings.
As I worked, my heart beat faster and faster as I confirmed my suspicions.
When I was done, I read through my list:
¥⁃White carnation - sweet, lovely, adoration
¥⁃White Calla lily - magnificent beauty
¥⁃Agapanthus - secret love
¥⁃Larkspur - an open heart
¥⁃Amaranth - unfading affection
¥⁃Dahlia - dignity and elegance
¥⁃Shell flower - luck
¥⁃Red Chrysanthemum - I love you
I tried to swallow, but my mouth was dry and the swallow got stuck. My heart clenched uncomfortably hard in my chest, and I felt as if a stone were sitting heavy in my stomach.
What had I done?
Due to my big mouth, Matt thought I considered our relationship as temporary. And I absolutely had, at first. But spending time with him had changed my mind significantly. I hadn't asked when he was leaving, because I was afraid of mourning the end before it had happened. I hadn't realised his plans had changed. He never mentioned it when we spoke on the phone when he was down there. I didn't know anything.
Thinking back on our conversation of over a week ago, he hadn't specifically said he had quit his job either. The more I thought about it, the more I realised we'd both neglected to mention a lot of information. I hadn't spoken to him about the finer points of my business plans or how they left little room for much else, and he hadn't told me that he was moving to town permanently.