by Erica Penrod
Max arched his brow and gave me a quizzical look. We both burst out laughing. “Yeah, right.”
“Okay, maybe just a few of them.” I looked over towards Jovi and Nile. They huddled close together around the fire. Nile said something about polo, and Jovi smiled, watching him as if there wasn’t another person around for miles. I reached out and touched his hand. “You know how we said us scholarship kids have to stick together?”
“Yeah.”
“Would you go to the Halloween dance with me?” The sweet look on his face touched me. Man, he was a good guy. If I tried a little harder, this might work between us.
“Yeah.” Max smiled as his thumb brushed back and forth along my skin.
I waited, hoping for a reaction to his touch. All I found was contentment, which wasn’t a bad thing. In the recess of my heart, a little ache began to thrum, and Grandma’s voice rattled through my head, saying, Just because something isn’t bad doesn’t make it right.
I brushed it off like spiderwebs clinging to my brain. Going with Max to the dance would be more fun that sitting in my dorm all night. With a little more effort, we could make something of this new friendship. I just wasn’t sure what.
Chapter Thirteen
Rain seeped from the sky like a slow leak until about 10 on Saturday morning. I’d woken up feeling restless, wishing I could go home and see my grandma. She was doing well; she’d moved into the rehabilitation center and expected to be home by the end of the month. I wasn’t worried like I’d been before, but I missed her more than usual, especially on days like this—days when I wanted to sit in her kitchen as she buzzed around, making everything right in my world just by being near.
Nothing was wrong in my world, but I couldn’t quit thinking about Crue and the dejected look on his face last night. Nor could I push aside the guilt I felt, concerned that Max thought I liked him more than I did.
I grabbed my jacket and left the dorm room. Somehow, I’d won the lottery when it came to dorm rooms, because I didn’t have a roommate. The dorm resident said I might get one at some point, but so far, my luck held out. I loved having the space to myself, even though my social life probably could’ve benefitted from a roommate in the beginning of my days at RLA. Now that I had Jovi and a bigger social circle than I’d had since I’d arrived, I’d be bugged if I had to live with someone else.
Closing the door, I stepped out into the contemporary space. The building was modern and sleek with the same architectural design as the rest of the school. I hustled through the hallway and slipped on my jacket before I stepped out the double doors. There wasn’t an intended destination; my feet just led the way.
Jovi had gone shopping with her mom this morning, and we were going to hang out later. I didn’t know if that meant Nile too. Either way was cool with me; now that I had Meat Loaf, I wasn’t alone. Not that long ago, Crue would hang out with us too, but Chloe’s control extended into the weekends as well. I was amazed he had gotten away long enough to come with me to Montana.
As I wandered through campus, fallen leaves crunched beneath my shoes. I zipped up my jacket as the breeze seemed to pick up. I passed the tennis courts and the aquatic center and waved at a girl I’d often seen in the hallways. The fresh air combined with the stretching my muscles invigorated my mind. What had seemed so overwhelming earlier this morning now felt manageable.
Until I saw him.
Curse my subconscious. I hadn’t realized I’d been headed straight for the indoor barn and riding facility. Outside of the buildings, there was a warm-up arena for when the weather permitted. Crue and his horse were taking advantage of the break in rain. I stopped in my tracks, ready to turn back before he saw me, but I was too late.
His gaze settled on mine. His shoulders rose and fell as he sighed, and there was a resignation that hadn’t been there before. The neutrality in his stare paralyzed me. Something was very wrong with me in that I found his indeterminate look so unnerving.
“Hi.” He set the reins down on the horse’s neck, and if I’d ever thought Crue was beautiful before, seeing him seated on the black horse nearly dropped me to my knees. Crue’s thick crop of hair jutted out from beneath the riding helmet, and the chin strap followed the square line of his jaw. He wore tight-fitted pants tucked into tall dark leather boots and a windbreaker in ice blue.
“I didn’t know you were here.” My apologetic tone sounded pathetic. I had nothing to be sorry about. “I mean …” I swallowed the lump in my throat. “I didn’t know you practiced on Saturdays.” Which referred to me knowing his schedule, which made me sound like some sort of stalker chick.
A light flickered in his eyes as if he read my thoughts. My cheeks blushed and I bit my lip, hoping to detour the rush of color to another, less revealing feature on my face.
“This is my first Saturday. The coach gave me permission to ride while the team is away at a match.” The horse pawed at the ground. “Hopefully, it won’t be too much longer until our facility is ready at home. I’d prefer to exercise Stallone there and practice polo here at the school.” He patted the horse’s neck and smoothed the midnight-black mane with his fingers. The horse calmed beneath his touch.
“Stallone?” I grinned. “As in Sylvester Stallone?”
“Yeah. What can I say?” Crue’s dimples flashed like a laser beam and cut straight through to the heart. “I’m a fan of the Rocky movies.”
I wrinkled my brow. “Then why didn’t you name him Rocky?”
“Because my grandma has a cat named Rocky.” Crue’s smile widened. “And I never wanted to think of a cat coughing up a hairball when I looked at my horse.”
We both laughed, and for just a moment, we were back to who we’d once been. “You look better when you smile.” Regret strangled the air from my lungs as I watched his body slouch, like a heavy weight had been set upon his shoulders. “Are you okay?” I saw past my own insecurity, praying to catch a glimpse of what was really going on with Crue. “You don’t seem very happy lately.” I left off the “ever since you’ve become an official item with Chloe” part.
He sat up tall as if he’d just secured his armor. “I’m fine.”
“You don’t seem fine.” I shook my head softly. “You can talk to me about whatever and whoever.” That part twisted like a knife to the heart. I’d thought I didn’t want to be his friend, but I couldn’t stand seeing him like this. If I could help him in any way, the hurt would be worth it.
“Thanks, I’ll remember that.” Crue shut down right before my eyes. He wasn’t going to let me in. “Max seems like a nice guy.”
I gave a slow nod as he switched the subject. “He is.”
Crue pinned me with his stare, and the same confusion I’d dealt with since I’d first met him seized my heart and mind. He felt something for me, that I was sure about, but Crue was never going to give in to his feelings, and I had to quit hoping he would.
The horse whinnied and pulled on his bit. “You could do worse.” Crue broke the connection between us and distracted me with his dimples.
“Yeah.” I put my hands in my jacket pockets, unsure about what else I was supposed to say. Talking about Max with Crue felt weird.
“Em.” His smile faded as the tone in his voice dropped. “You deserve a good guy.”
Um … thanks? How was I supposed to respond to that? Of course, you idiot. I do deserve a good guy, and I wanted that guy to be you, but you can’t seem to stand up to Queen Chloe or admit there’s something between us. “Yeah, I know.” I plastered on a smile. “I’ll see you later.” Spinning, I moved as fast as I could in the opposite direction, destination unknown. Anywhere was fine, as long as Crue Zeplin was nowhere in the vicinity.
Inside my room, I pressed the phone to my ear as I sprawled out on my bed. “I know.” I pinched the bridge of my nose, hoping to relieve some of the pressure building in my head. Grandma had called on my way back to the dorm as if she had some sixth sense about me and when I needed to hear her voice. “I thought I had
made my mind up about Crue, but every time I see him, I can’t remember why I’m not supposed to like him like that.” Until I left and my heart was crushed once more. Really, it didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out I was like a hamster trapped in a wheel.
“You’re a resilient girl, and no matter what happens, you’re going to survive this.” Grandma’s voice sounded stronger today, which was the one beam of sunlight in this otherwise dreary day.
“Surviving isn’t the problem.” I blew the air from my lungs. “I’m afraid I’ll continue to exist in the world where Crue is with Chloe and completely miserable.”
“If he was happy with Chloe, would that make a difference?”
Dang my grandma and her insightful questions. I didn’t want to dig to see how deep my feelings for Crue went. If his face lit up every time he saw Chloe, would that change anything? Growing up wasn’t easy, and I considered myself a mature sixteen-year-old, but I wasn’t sure I’d ever be able to give Crue and Chloe my blessing.
“I’m not sure.” I twirled the end of hair between my fingers. “I’d like to hope so.”
Grandma sighed. “If Crue is as unhappy as you say he is, perhaps you should just try to make him smile whenever you’re around him. We can’t always solve other people’s problems, but we can be a bright spot in their lives.”
Hmmm. So if I didn’t focus on Crue looking like his pony had run away every time I saw him or speculate on why he was with Chloe and how that affected me, and if I tried to be an unconditional friend, I might really move on. I’d spent so much time fighting my feelings for Crue when I should’ve cared enough to be there for him no matter what, no matter what I got in return. “Grandma, you’re a genius.” Little bubbles of hope began to rise within me. I wasn’t the type of person to hold back my happiness, which I’d inadvertently forgotten until now.
“I know.” She chuckled. “If only the rest of the world realized it as well.”
“Thanks so much.” I sat up and glanced at the clock on my nightstand. Jovi should be home soon, and I wanted to tell her how my grandma had just cured me. “I’m so glad you called.”
“Me too. I’ll talk to you again soon.”
She said goodbye, and we hung up. I chewed the corner of my lip and tried to imagine what the situation would look like—or better yet, feel like—when I saw Crue again. If I zeroed in on the dimples and did whatever I could to make them appear without any strings attached, I just might find a way to care for Crue that didn’t break my heart.
The first few times we’d hung out with Nile and Jovi popped into my head. There hadn’t been any expectations or disappointments to get in the way of having a good time. Although I didn’t know what was going on with Crue lately, I did know one thing; Crue was in definite need of some laughter in his life.
I picked up my phone. Would it be weird if I Googled how to make someone laugh? Crue’s voice chuckled in my mind—“Em, you’re such a nerd”—and then his dimples flashed before my eyes. Nerdy or not, I’d do whatever I had to do to make Crue smile again. He might not ever care about me like I cared about him, but I could live with that, as long as he was happy. I might have to repeat my mantra over and over for a millennium or two, but eventually my heart would get used to the idea.
Chapter Fourteen
The garment bag slipped from my shoulder as I rang the doorbell. It was 4:00 p.m., the night of the Halloween dance. Jovi had asked if I wanted to come over and get ready at her house, which of course I did, because she was truly an artist when it came to hair and makeup. The front door opened. “Hey, Smith—” Oh. I paused. “Sorry. Hi, Crue.”
“Smith is off today.” Crue stepped back with the door. “I guess I’m on door duty.”
I smiled as I passed by, thinking about what a strange world I’d become privy to, where butlers opened doors and a Jaguar parked in the driveway wasn’t out of the norm. “Nile is here.” Not so much a question as an observation as I gestured to the silver sports car.
Crue closed the door. “He’s hanging out with me until the boss tells him it’s time to get ready.”
I laughed, as I focused on the jovial tone of his voice and not the little pangs of longing pinching in my belly. I liked happy Crue, and soon I found myself lost in his smile, forgetting about everything else. The emptiness of what might’ve been disappeared, and all I wanted was to see that spark in his eyes and the grin tugging on his dimples. “Hey, how’s polo going?” The air lightened between us, and I inhaled, savoring the moment. Grandma’s advice seemed to work. All I had to do was try to make him smile, and my own worries melted away. There was no way I could feel bad when Crue looked so good.
He nodded. “Good. Got a couple lessons in with Nile this week.”
“How’s your indoor arena comin’?” I noticed the tiny flecks of light in the dark night of his eyes.
“The plans were just approved, and they’ll start next week.” His voice oozed with excitement, and his mouth curved into a wide smile, dimples and all.
Bingo. Goal accomplished.
“We’re all going to have to take up horseback riding.” Roc Zeplin walked into the entry way. His honey-blond hair was several shades darker than Jovi’s, but he’d passed his coal-black eyes on to his son. “There’s no sense in having just one horse in a space that big.”
Crue shook his head, but the big grin on his face defeated the purpose. “Dad just got the final estimate back on the facility.”
“And here I thought teenagers were expensive.” Roc crossed his arms over his wide chest. “Turns out horses and teenagers combined are much worse.”
“I can’t even imagine.” Standing in the foyer of a mansion, surrounded by opulence and gold records on the wall, a person might wonder why a billionaire would think twice about putting in a riding facility, but I knew the Zeplins had been through some hard times when a producer embezzled millions of dollars from them and they had to go to court. Roc and Bonnie Zeplin had plenty of money now, but they were conscious of how and where they spent their means.
My phone buzzed in my pocket. “That’s probably Jovi wondering where I am.” I fished for the device.
“You don’t want to keep Jovi waiting.” Roc winked as he chuckled. “I’ll see you later.” He left.
I read the Snapchat from Jovi. “Yep, Jovi’s wondering if public transportation has taken me hostage.” She hated that I rode the bus to her house and offered to buy me a car or send a driver, which I adamantly refused.
“She’ll get over it.” Crue grinned. “But Nile’s probably wondering what happened to me too. I left him upstairs in the middle of a game.”
“Sounds like we’d better get going.” We walked towards the staircase. “I can’t wait to see everyone in their costumes.”
“Yeah.” Crue didn’t sound too excited, which I wanted to remedy.
“I wish you were going with us.” I looked up at him and saw shadows darkening his features. Regret tasted like a bitter pickle on my tongue; the last thing I wanted was for him to feel bad about the night ahead. Max, Nile, Jovi, and I were all going to the dance together. “But I’m sure your group will be fun too.” At least, I hoped they would.
“It’s fine.” His curt words stung a little, even though I knew his frustration wasn’t directed at me. He shook his head slightly, and a smile played across his lips but didn’t quite meet his eyes. “I really hope you have a good time tonight. Max is a lucky guy.”
The old habit in me wanted to cling to his words, then pull them apart one by one to see if there was any underlying meaning, but I didn’t give in. “Thanks. I hope you have a good time too.” I meant the sentiment with almost all my heart; I was still working on being the better person. “And we’ll see you there.” I smiled. “Maybe we can all hang out for a little while.”
Crue nodded, but we both knew that was never going to happen.
I led the way as we climbed the stairs, very aware that Crue was behind me. Grandma was right: Crue had to fight his own bat
tles, and I couldn’t do anything other than be a friend to him when he needed one. Right now, I had other things to occupy my time. I had a costume to get on, a date coming in less than two hours, and a dance to get to. I hadn’t been this excited about Halloween since I was seven.
Chapter Fifteen
“This is awesome.” I took Max’s hand and stepped out of the limo. Nearly half of the football field looked like a haunted forest with dozens of leafless trees; their limbs twisted in every direction as white spotlights erupted from the ground and cast spooky, ghost-like shadows along the ground. Beneath the cloud-covered sky, a pathway cut through the wicked woodland. Max kept me close as we followed Nile and Jovi. Animated skeletal creatures with red beady eyes sat on branches and moved as we walked by. The “Monster Mash” played in the background, and huge jack-o’-lanterns carved into detailed Halloween scenes lit the walkway, which wound its way to the entrance of an enormous black canopy tent. There, a set of doors painted to look like decrepit stone were marked, “Enter if you dare.”
A large life-sized replica of Jack, the Pumpkin King greeted us as cauldrons brewed and bubbled on either side of him. “The dance committee outdid themselves.” Nile pushed the door open, which creaked as if the hinges were ancient, and he and Jovi walked in.
Nile was dressed as a fireman with a red hat, suspenders, and yellow pants. He wore a coat the same color as his pants and tall black work boots. Black smudges, looking very much like soot, covered his face. Jovi was dressed as a Dalmatian with floppy ears and a spotted form-fitted dress. The tip of her nose was painted black, and she had a bright red collar around her neck.
Max held the door after Nile and waited for me to step into the room. He looked handsome, dressed like a king in his white billowing shirt, bright blue cummerbund, and fitted black pants tucked into knee-high black boots. His vest, a silk print of golden fleur-de-lis, matched the shade of my dress. We made a dashing king and queen.