When I looked back at Ash and Sawyer across the parking lot, they’d gotten in the car. Would he drive her home, or would he take her back to his house? I didn’t want to think about them together, but I knew I couldn’t put anything past Sawyer. As their car started up and he backed out of his parking space, I headed to my own vehicle, getting in and starting her up. I was a good ways behind them, but I was able to follow.
Sawyer was too lost in himself to realize someone was following him, and Ash…Ash trusted me. I hated breaking that trust, but I had to help her. Had to save her. She was under Sawyer’s spell, and I was going to do my damnedest to snap her out of it.
The only ones she needed were me and Declan. Just the two of us. We could be happy together. I knew we could. I had faith in us.
To my utter relief, Sawyer dropped her off in the turnaround. I drove right by, heaving a sigh to myself as I watched Ash get out through the rearview mirror. So he wasn’t taking her home, wasn’t going to try to tear off her clothes like the animal I knew he was. That gave me a sense of relief, but I knew the relief was only temporary.
I drove back to my apartment. It took everything in me to not go to Sawyer’s place, to not circle around campus and follow him home, take care of him tonight.
No. He’d proved that he was at least attempting to be better. And maybe he was. Maybe he honestly, genuinely wanted to be better for Ash. Maybe she could be good for him, but it was something I wouldn’t allow.
I couldn’t.
If I’d been obsessed with my father getting his before, I was just as obsessed with Sawyer getting his now. It was like my attention had moved, landing on Sawyer. I didn’t doubt that once Sawyer was out of the picture for good, my new obsession would be Travis. One by one, until Declan, Ash, and I were only surrounded by good people. People who would never hurt us, people who we could trust.
Really, though, I knew we could only trust each other.
Some might think that’s hypocritical of me, considering what I did—to which I’d say, yeah. A little bit. I was a liar, after all. A liar, a killer, a freak, a psycho. Whatever you wanted to call me, I knew I could go overboard sometimes.
Corey Weinberger was…halfway between an unfortunate accident and a planned attack. I’d worn a black hoodie, took a kitchen knife, and stood outside his building, watching as Ash walked out—way after his office hours were officially over—and then him. I followed him to his car, all the while letting my anger, my jealousy, get the better of me.
Was Corey Weinberger innocent? Probably. He wasn’t a student, didn’t know Sawyer, wasn’t a pawn under anyone’s thumbs. But I knew, deep down, he had to be looking at Ash wrong. Everyone did. Right now she was the only female on campus, save for the professors and the other workers. Next year would be different; there would be other girls to draw attention, but right now, Ash was the only one.
I had to take care of him. I had to make sure he wouldn’t come between us. Did that make me wrong? Did that make me a monster? Maybe. Maybe I was just some hypocritical monster who would only come to realize at the end of my story that I’d been the villain all along.
But that was the thing about most villains—they never knew they were on the wrong side until it was too late. They never realized how twisted their views were, how evil they were. Everyone was a hero in his own mind, and I supposed I could be no different.
I was, though. I was different. I was no Ray Ruiz—being a serial killer didn’t run in my blood, although I supposed, with my current kill count, I was getting there. But, I would argue, all of those kills were necessary. Not one was unwarranted. I had to protect Mom from Dad, had to save Declan from Dad and Sabrina, had to keep Ash away from Corey. Now, Sawyer. Next, Travis.
My methods had gotten better over the years. Younger me was foolish to not go directly to the source of the problem and end it there. Younger me thought that by taking Mom out of this world, I was helping her finally escape the man she could never free herself from. Again and again she told me my father never hit her, but I never believed her. Even if the bruises weren’t there, my mind saw them. My mind placed them on her skin, and I wouldn’t believe otherwise.
What was that? Hallucinations? Delusions? Was I some schizophrenic mess whose parents never took him to a psychiatrist to get diagnosed? Did this all boil down to shitty parenting?
You know what? It didn’t matter. Not anymore. What I did, what I would do, everything from here on out was on me, not whatever was wrong with me. I decided what to do, and I would come up with a plan that would take Sawyer away forever.
I returned to my apartment, locking myself inside. The moment I was alone, I tore off my baseball cap and took off my thick black hoodie.
I couldn’t take care of Sawyer the same way I took care of Corey. There could be no pattern. And, unless I wanted Sawyer to die a martyr, for Ash to forever long for a lost love, I needed her to see his true colors before I snuffed him out. He had to go down in flames while simultaneously pushing Ash away. He had to die, and there had to be no doubt in Ash’s mind that he was nothing but a fuck-up.
Because that’s what he was. Sawyer might try to act like a better guy now, but he was no better than he was last year. Just a fuck-up masquerading as a dandy.
This would be Sawyer’s last year at Hillcrest, I’d see to it. Had to make it memorable, and since he didn’t give into the temptation of the pills I’d left him, I’d have to think up another way to send him spiraling.
Or…maybe I’d force him into his next spiral.
Chapter Eighteen – Ash
Midterms were in two weeks. Yeah. Two weeks were all I had left to really buckle down and get my shit together. It was the end of February, which meant spring break was coming up. Not once in my life had I ever really cared about that week off in the middle of the second half of the school year, but this year I did. Probably because I had boyfriends who could keep me company. Hell, maybe, for the first time in my life, I’d actually go somewhere. Every other year I just spent it at home, with Kelsey, running around town.
And sneaking around with Ray, but…best not think of those particular times.
I was currently in the Hillcrest library, working on a midterm paper for my sociology of aging class, my phone on silent. That wasn’t to say I was totally focused on my work, because I was also texting Kelsey.
Our spring breaks did not line up, unfortunately. There would be no running around town with her. The guys mentioned going home with me, meeting my mom, but with how my mom was around boys—remember that rape whistle she gave me at the beginning of the year? Yeah, me either. Didn’t know where the hell that thing went—I didn’t really want to bring a whole gaggle of boys home to her.
Hey, mom. Meet my boyfriends. I’m starting a collection, you know, like how I used to collect Pokémon cards.
Yeah, somehow I didn’t think that would work out too well. Kelsey thought it’d be hilarious; she told me to videotape it, but I would much rather go someplace else. Like a beach. Someplace warmer. Somewhere I could appreciate my boyfriends’ shirtless bodies all at once.
I was about to text Kelsey back, my paper about halfway done, when a tall figure stood beside me, blocking out the light above. Turning my head, I was about to tell him off—in a whisper, of course, since we were in a library and yelling was strictly forbidden—but once I saw who it was, my heart skipped a beat.
Will.
I set down my phone, moving my bag and skateboard off the chair beside me. The library had dozens of work stations on all of its floors; students very rarely sat directly beside each other, unless they knew one another. And I definitely knew Will.
“I didn’t know you were coming to the library today,” I whispered, giving him a smile as I leaned over and kissed him.
Three big books rested beside the computer in front of him, and Will gave me a grin. “Had to do some research for one of my psych papers. You?”
“Same, only I’m at the writing stage, and for a sociology clas
s.”
“Maybe we could work together?” Will asked in a bare whisper, lifting his light brown eyebrows. His hazel eyes bored into me, practically peeling back all of my layers and peering directly into my soul. I both loved and hated how he could do that.
“Sure, as long as you’re not too distracting,” I teased.
Will had been distant for a long while, but lately he’d been making a comeback. He was really trying to play nice with Sawyer—for me—and I appreciated it so much. I loved how he could swallow down his animosity towards Sawyer and everything in the past because he cared so much for me.
It really said a lot about our relationship, I think.
We got to work, both of us acting like good students. Will had to get up every few moments to make copies of articles in the books he’d pulled out, and I whipped out that midterm paper like my life depended on it.
It was never difficult for me to write papers. Regardless of the subject, I was always able to talk about them. It just came naturally to me, I guess. I couldn’t imagine what it was like to not be able to write papers or take tests with ease.
Now, that statistics midterm? That one might get me, but the new professor had said we’d still be able to use a cheat sheet, like we did for our weekly quizzes. If that was the case, I was golden.
Multiple-choice exams and essay exams? I had those down pat. Hell, I practically memorized my entire notebook before the exams. It was just a habit—although the habits I’d gotten last semester were a bit tougher to continue this semester, mostly because I now had four boyfriends.
Yeah. Four. Sawyer was included in their number, although he and I hadn’t gone past first base yet. The guys said they were okay with it, and when we were all together, they got along, but…I didn’t know. A part of me was still nervous, I guess. Letting Sawyer in completely could mean I’d only get hurt in the long run.
But I supposed that could be said about all of these guys, huh? I wasn’t the kind of girl they’d ever normally bring home to their families.
I was done with my paper first, had it printed and saved onto my flash drive, but I didn’t mind waiting for Will. It allowed me to watch him concentrate, watch the muscles in his jaw clench when he found something confusing in one of the books. Will was devastatingly cute, and I honestly didn’t know where I’d be without him. He grounded me, grounded Declan. Hell, he’d almost died because of me. If that didn’t put a new perspective on things, I didn’t know what would.
I happened to check my phone, seeing I had a missed message from two people. The first was Kelsey, and I was quick to respond to her. She was talking about doing something over the summer with her and Levi. I wanted to meet the boy who had nailed down my wandering best friend, but a part of me was hesitant because she wanted me to bring along my gaggle of boys, too.
Which included Sawyer.
I mentioned him only in passing to her, because it was too awkward. I knew they hadn’t known when it happened, but that didn’t really lessen the pain I felt. Still, after all this time. It’d been months, and yet some days I still felt like that Halloween party was yesterday.
Totally stupid, because what did I go off and do? Ray.
Yeah, I couldn’t afford to talk there.
The other message was from Travis. He, Declan, and Sawyer were at the dorm room—his, specifically—and he wanted to know when I’d be done at the library. There was something he wanted to talk about.
I leaned over to Will, “You about done? The guys are waiting.” Travis’s text didn’t mention Will outright, but he knew better than to try to separate me from the people I cared about again. It wouldn’t happen. It’d only end up bad for him, for me, for all of us.
“Yeah,” Will said, “just need to find one more article.” He was nose-deep in the third book he’d picked out, and I waited patiently.
Okay, maybe not-so-patiently.
Once Will was done, I helped him return the books he’d been using, gathered my stuff, and left the library. Will had his backpack thrown over his right shoulder, using only one strap; his other hand found mine. I held onto my skateboard and let him do it. It wasn’t like I could skate away and beat him there, anyways.
I could, technically, but I wouldn’t.
The weather had become nicer. We got a few snowfalls, but now we were at the end of February, spring was right around the corner. You could get away with a hoodie most days, and I was back to being best friends with my skateboard.
It was nice. I didn’t miss the cold and all of the snow we got back at home, up north.
It was quiet today, being a Saturday. The sidewalks were pretty empty, and I let myself relax. Here, now, I wouldn’t change anything. We were all happy, and I was happy. Hard to think where we were a few months back, but I was glad we made it through.
Not only that, but we were together. There was literally nothing better than that.
Will must’ve been staring at me, for he said, “You look happy.”
I grinned up at him, squeezing his hand. “I am. For the first time in what feels like forever, I really am happy.” I knocked into his arm playfully. “And I know I owe it to you and the guys. I’d seriously be so lost without you.”
Mushy-gushy Ash didn’t often make appearances, but when she did, she sure laid it on thick.
“And I’d be nowhere without you,” he told me, and I knew he meant it. He might’ve been stabbed, might’ve nearly died because of me, but I had somehow taken a place in his heart, a place that I knew had been, until me, reserved only for Declan and brotherly love.
I tugged his arm, stopping us both, and I stood on my tiptoes to give him a gentle peck on the lips. It was impossible to not feel my heart skipping a beat or two inside when Will said things like that.
Travis’s dorm was on the opposite side of campus, and it took us fifteen minutes to walk there. We went in through the front glass vestibule, heading directly to the stainless-steel elevators.
As we went up to his floor, I couldn’t help but wonder what Travis wanted to talk about. I wasn’t about to walk into an orgy, was I? Not going to lie, that’d be kind of hot…but also probably just something in my imagination. The guys had reconciled, but I wouldn’t say they were that close.
Yeah…nighttime imaginings, those.
Travis’s door sat open an inch, and I pushed in, having to let go of Will’s hand. Travis stood near his bed, his arms crossed as he leaned on the wall. Sawyer lounged on the couch on the other side of the room, looking as relaxed as he could possibly be. Declan looked like he had tried to sit on the couch, but Sawyer’s tall, muscular frame took up the whole thing, leaving Declan to stand beside him and scowl. However, when I walked in, followed shortly by Will, all eyes turned to me.
Seeing them clustered together like this never got old. My cheeks warmed—along with other places—and I struggled to say, “Don’t all rush to greet me at the same time, guys.” Dry, sarcastic, because although they’d looked at me, none of them had made any moves to actually come over to me and say hello.
I mean, we just saw each other earlier, but still. Longing made the heart grow fonder or some shit, right?
Declan sprang into action as Will stepped around me, nodding at both Travis and Sawyer. Declan, the sweetie, wrapped his arms around me and pulled me in for a slow, tender kiss that set my insides on fire. Declan’s kisses could do that. “I’m glad to see you,” he murmured against my lips.
From the couch, Sawyer mumbled, “Kiss ass.”
Both Declan and I shot Sawyer a look. As Declan moved aside, I set my bag and skateboard down, moving toward Travis, purposefully glaring at Sawyer as I rubbed myself against his tattooed arms, practically acting like a horny cat. All I had to do was tilt my head back, and Travis placed a warm kiss on my lips. He tasted of smoke, but that was alright. I’d come to get off on the taste, the scent of smoke. It just reminded me of Travis.
And if you’d ever met Travis, you would know how impossible it was to not be turned on by him
.
“Well, that’s not fucking fair,” Sawyer muttered, sitting up. My lips were still attached to Travis when I felt a strong hand grab me and spin me to another chest, this one hard and wide, the most muscled out of all of them.
“Sometimes life isn’t fair,” I told him with a smirk, poking him on his left hip, right on the side.
Right where I knew he was just a hair ticklish.
I’d found out accidentally, of course, during one of our dates. I couldn’t say why, but I found it absolutely hilarious that the big, strong, take-no-shit-but-give-a-lot-of-shit Sawyer was ticklish. Endearing. I found it endearing.
Sawyer jerked away, releasing his hold on me as he nearly tripped backward to get away from me. His handsome face twisted into a scowl, and he shot me a dirty look. “Hey, I told you not to do that.” He then glanced at the others, probably wondering if they all saw it, too.
And they did. This room wasn’t that big. They all now knew Sawyer Salvatore had a ticklish spot.
“And I told you I’d do it when I wanted to,” I said, laughing as he continued to scowl, looking like I betrayed him by revealing his weakness.
The more time I spent with Sawyer, the more I wanted to throw caution to the wind and be with him. He was a real person, not just the tough guy with a vendetta against the boy he thought hurt his baby sister. He had a personality, likes and dislikes, and I enjoyed learning all about him.
I did love him, not that I would tell him that anytime soon. The bastard would get way too smug. He’d probably become unbearable.
“Anyway,” Travis broke into my thoughts and Sawyer’s pouting, “I have a surprise.”
All attention turned to him. Even Will was curious, and when it came to the others, he didn’t often let his emotions show, preferring to keep them close to his chest.
The lower part of my gut warmed up. Any other time a surprise was mentioned and Travis was involved, it usually involved sex. Sex, bondage, threesomes, all that good stuff. My body reacted that way out of habit.
Liar: A Dark College Romance (Hillcrest University Book 6) Page 17