by Low, JA
There was still a moment I was afraid that maybe you were not the man I had spent months with, getting to know.
Then I read your letter.
Hope suddenly blooms deep down inside of me.
In my mind I was punishing you, but I realized it wasn’t as badly as you were punishing yourself. I can’t let you give up everything you have worked for all of these years because of my ex and his inability to let me go. I won’t allow you to give up your business. Please, don’t put that on me.
Shit. She’s right, that is a lot of pressure. How the hell did I mess this up so much?
I did see the news, and I can’t tell you how happy I am that karma is heading Harris’ way. I would have been fucking angry if you had been charged with murder. You know you’re too pretty to make it in jail.
This makes me chuckle. Maybe there is hope if she’s cracking jokes.
Things are a little mixed up for me at the moment. I don’t know how I feel anymore.
Well, that line’s like a punch to the gut.
All I can ask is, please, give me time.
That’s fair enough.
What happened on the island has brought up some past issues for me, and I have to rework through things. If you’re going to stay here in Australia, I’m okay with that.
So that’s good, isn’t it?
But, I understand if you need to go home.
There is nowhere else in the world I want to be. I told you I will wait, Camryn, and that’s exactly what I’m willing to do.
Thank you for getting justice for me.
Camryn
PS: I’ve unblocked you.
Okay, that wasn’t as bad as I thought it could have been, especially now that I’m unblocked. I guess that’s why none of my messages were going through.
I’ll stay the course because she’s absolutely worth the trial.
* * *
It’s been twenty-four hours since receiving Camryn’s letter, and I somehow feel lighter. Even if things don’t go the way I want them to go, and we can only be friends or acquaintances, I’m okay with that too. Because I get it, I get where she is coming from.
I’ve decided to throw myself into everything this luxury health retreat has. Maybe it’s good that I take some time out for myself. Maybe all this hippy stuff is starting to rub off on me.
I’m up early for a yoga session on the hill watching the sunrise. There’s a couple of people scattered around. I roll out my yoga mat and attempt to follow the instructions of the trainer. I’m stretching my body in all kinds of unnatural ways, attempting something called the half-moon pose, and I end up overcorrecting myself and falling on my ass. I’ve totally embarrassed myself, and for the first time in my life, I think I’m blushing.
Then I hear a giggle off to the side. Looking over at who’s laughing at me, I see Camryn, and everything stops around me. It’s like the world ceases to exist, and all I can see is her. She stops laughing when she notices I am looking at her. She’s dressed in a white sports bra and black leggings, her blonde hair is pulled up in a high ponytail, and she looks awfully thin.
I can’t do this.
I can’t be this close to her and pretend that she isn’t the love of my life.
Rolling up my mat, I cut short my yoga lesson and head on back to my cabin.
“Nate,” Camryn calls out behind me. “Nate. Wait! Please.” Her plea makes me stop and turn around. There she is striding toward me, her ponytail bouncing from side to side. “Why did you leave?”
“I can’t be that close to you…” hurt falls across her face, “… when all I want to do is reach out and touch you, but I know I can’t.” I let out a long sigh. “You asked for space, so I’m giving it to you.”
Turning on my heel, I start to head back to my cabin feeling utterly defeated.
“Nate,” Camryn calls after me again, but I don’t stop.
My heart is breaking, and there’s nothing I can do to stop it. Her hand reaches out and touches mine, and when she does, sparks fire under my skin.
“Do you hate me?”
Tentatively, I reach out and cup her face with my palm. “I could never hate you, Camryn. Never.”
“Then why are you walking away from me?”
My hand falls away from her face. “I’m too brokenhearted to stay.”
Tears well in her eyes. “Nate, I…”
Shaking my head. “Sshh… you don’t need to say a word.” A solitary tear falls down her cheek. “I’ll always be here for you, things are just messed up at the moment.” She nods her head in agreement. “I don’t know if you’re going to heal if I’m here. I don’t want to get in your way of recovering from what happened, Camryn.”
“I don’t know how I feel,” she confesses.
“I think you should stay and work through what you need to. Maybe ask Harper and Kimberly to come down. I know they miss you.” Camryn’s steely façade begins to crack as more tears fall down her cheeks.
“I don’t know what to do anymore.” Reaching out, I pull her against me, she wraps her arms tightly around me as she breaks down and sobs.
“I’ve got you,” I tell her, kissing her temple. “I’ve got you.”
We stay wrapped around each other for who knows how long until Camryn pulls away from me. She tries to straighten herself out.
“I’m sorry, Nate.”
Shaking my head, I reply, “You have nothing to apologize for.” She sadly nods. “I wish nothing but the best for you, Cam. Just know that.”
“I do.” She gives me a weak smile.
“If you need anything, I’m a phone call away.”
Then I watch as she walks off down the path giving me a wave over her shoulder.
Then she’s gone.
43
Camryn
It’s been four months since I’ve seen or spoken to Nate. Not because I haven’t wanted to, but because I didn’t know what to say, and then so much time had passed, and I let the window of opportunity slip by me. Not that I haven’t been busy or anything.
My good friend, Vanessa, had her twin girls, Ruby and Sadie, in LA, so I flew out to catch up with the new parents. That was so much fun, especially seeing her poor husband, Christian, this rock star, utterly besotted with these two tiny little girls. Not going to lie, my ovaries exploded watching him cuddle the tiny bundles—I’m only human.
Olivia and Axel are engaged, which was exciting. It’s going to be a short engagement because, let's be serious, Axel is over waiting for his woman. Kimberly and I are organizing the wedding for her in one of her châteaus in France. It must be great to be royal.
That’s where you find me now, as one of the bridesmaids in Olivia’s wedding. We are currently in Paris for their bachelor and bachelorette parties. It’s going to be the first time seeing Nate in a long time. Thankfully, he wasn’t at the Eiffel Tower dinner with everyone. That would have been too much of a romantic place for our first meeting.
I’m walking around in a bundle of nerves waiting for him to arrive. The girls thought it would be a great idea to surprise the boys at Moulin Rouge, doing a can-can routine. Honestly, how the hell do I get pulled into these crazy things by my friends.
“Okay, the lights have gone down. Everyone’s leaving, the boys have been asked to stay behind, and we go on in five,” Kimberly tells us. I’m dressed in a ridiculous costume—it’s what you do for friends. “You look like you’re going to puke,” Kimberly tells me.
“I’m nervous.”
“Don’t worry, people won’t be looking at you.” She smiles, elbowing my side. She’s right, all the men sitting in the audience are taken by the gorgeous ladies surrounding me.
“Two minutes, ladies,” Kimberly advises. We’re all messing around with our costumes without last-minute nerves.
“Go time, ladies,” Kimberly tells us.
The lights turn on, the stage flashes, the music starts, and off we go.
The whole thing lasts maybe five minutes, and we’re all in fits
of laughter afterward.
Once the music stops, the boys rush down from the VIP section, and that’s when I notice Nate is with them. He looks tanned, he’s toned up a little more, and he’s grown a bit of scruff. He doesn’t look as polished as he used to, though. Everyone is distracted by their significant others, kissing and hugging them.
“Have you been moonlighting on the Moulin Rouge since I last saw you,” Nate breaks the awkwardness between us.
“My secret’s out.” Both of us smile at each other.
“The gang’s heading over to my club afterward.” He shoves his hands into his pockets, obviously not knowing what to do with them.
“Oh… Yeah, I might head home.”
“Okay.”
Well, this is awkward.
“I like the scruff.” I am not sure what else to say because I’m feeling awfully nervous.
He scrubs his hand against his jawline. “You’re looking well,” he compliments me back, and I give him a little curtsey which makes him chuckle.
“Looks like we’re going.” Nate points to the couples heading on out to the limousines.
“I’ll let you go then.” I give him some sort of pathetic wave.
“It really was good to see you again.” And with that, he’s gone.
“How did that go?” Kimberly asks, wrapping her arm around my shoulder.
“Awkward as fuck.”
“Well, it’s over now. You can relax.”
Maybe she’s right.
* * *
We’ve arrived at Olivia’s family’s château, and it is spectacular. The whole crew is here getting ready for their wedding. Kimberly and I have spent the entire day getting everything ready for the wedding tomorrow. It’s late. I can’t sleep. So I am prowling the château’s corridors by myself, maybe with a ghost or two. I sneakily walk into the kitchen to grab something to eat, maybe another eclair, which is probably not a good idea because I won’t be able to fit into my bridesmaid’s dress in the morning. Opening the refrigerator, I stare long and hard at the eclair weighing up the pros and cons of eating it.
“If you don’t eat it, I will.”
“Holy shit!” I scream at Nate’s voice behind me. “You scared the hell out of me.” I lightly slap at his chest. His super hard chest. Shit. Not a good idea.
“I just arrived and am starving, so thought I would sneak in and grab a bite to eat. Then I saw you staring into the fridge for what seems like an eternity. It was then I realized what you were looking at.”
“Wanna go halves?” I quirk a brow at him.
“Sure,” he agrees.
I grab the plates, and he fetches a knife from the drawer and slices the éclair in half. We both bite into the pastry goodness, and both of us moan in appreciation of the baked good.
“It’s amazing,” Nate states with a mouth full of dessert.
I just nod my head in contented agreement.
“Want some wine?” Nate asks, spying the opened bottle of red on the counter.
“Sure.”
Grabbing two glasses from the cupboard above, Nate pours the ruby liquid into the glasses, we cheer, and take a sip. I jump up and sit on the large island bench in the middle of the kitchen, the wine now relaxing me, but an awkward silence falls between us.
“How’ve you been?” Nate breaks it first.
“Busy. Planning a million weddings.” I roll my eyes. “And you?”
“About to launch Paradise Club by the Sea for the summer.” He shrugs. “So, I’ve been in Monaco for most of the time.”
I bet. Surrounded by stunning French women, I internally groan.
“What’s that face for?” Nate catches my reaction before I have a chance to hide it.
“Nothing.” Taking a sip of my wine, Nate’s sapphire blue eyes stare me down. “Fine! I thought of all the gorgeous French women that probably have been keeping you company.”
I’m such an idiot.
“No one has been keeping my bed warm,” he adds. There’s a slight smirk. It’s as if he knows I was wondering if he’s slept with anyone since we last spoke.
“You don’t like sharing your bed, so doubt they stayed long.”
Why, do I give a shit?
“Why don’t you just ask me if I’ve fucked anyone, Camryn?” He seems annoyed with my question.
“Fine. Have you then?” My heart thunders in my chest, waiting for his reply.
“No.”
Huh? What! As if. I don’t believe him.
“Have you?”
“I haven’t had time to.”
“So, you would have if you had the time?” Anger laces his voice.
“I don’t know,” I answer, feeling very confused.
He throws his wine back, his glass slams onto the counter. “Good night, Camryn.” Nate turns and walks out of the kitchen.
Throwing back the rest of my wine, I follow after him. “Excuse me.” Grabbing his arm, I turn him around. “Where do you get off getting angry at me?”
“I’m not.”
“You sounded like it.”
“Maybe wishful thinking on your behalf,” he shoots back at me.
“No. You’re the one who sounds jealous, not me.” I’m poking my finger in his chest. His damn hard chest.
His nostrils flare. “Of course, I’m fucking jealous, Camryn.”
With that, he turns on his heels and storms up to his bedroom leaving me shocked in his wake.
44
Nate
I couldn’t hide it anymore, my feelings for Camryn. Finding her all alone in the kitchen was a blessing and a curse. I wanted to spend time with Camryn, but then, on the other hand, things are so awkward between us.
Then I caught a flare of jealousy telling her about opening my club in Monaco. There was every opportunity to have hooked up with someone, but in all honesty, nothing felt right. Then I had to know if she had moved on.
Honestly, I don’t know if I’d be able to cope if she has met someone else.
You know she hasn’t.
Fine. I’ve been keeping tabs on Camryn, wanting to make sure she’s okay because I can’t stop thinking about her. Even after all this time, I reach for my phone to call her and realize she isn’t in my life anymore. This is all so fucked up.
Taking my seat next to the aisle, I watch and wait for the wedding to start. Sucking in a deep breath, I turn and look just as Camryn begins to walk down. It’s been about eight months since the last wedding we were both at when I watched her walk down the aisle, and in all honesty, my feelings haven’t changed one bit. She is still the most beautiful woman in the world. I guess my feelings have only intensified because last time we were still flirting around the issue.
As she passes me, her green eyes meet mine. There is a tiny smile pressed across her lips, and then she’s gone.
What does that mean?
Camryn’s been avoiding me all night. The last straw was when Johnny from Sons of Brooklyn asked Camryn to dance, and she accepted. I couldn’t watch any longer because he was looking at her the exact same way he did at Vanessa and Christian’s wedding when they hooked up. The way they’re dancing, he’s probably going to take her back to his room and fuck her. He won’t make her come like I do. I’m sure it will be good, but he’s not me. It might take her a while to realize that, but I am confident she will.
I walk outside, taking a seat, and just stare up at the stars trying not to think about what’s happening back inside. I’m out here for a long time, just not feeling like socializing.
“Is this seat taken?”
Looking up, I see Camryn standing there with two glasses of wine in her hands.
“No.”
She hands me a glass of wine and takes a seat beside me, then she stares up at the stars too.
“Someone two maybe three hundred years ago stood in this same spot and looked up at these exact stars,” she murmurs to herself.
“If these walls could talk,” I add, taking a sip.
“Imagine all
the gossip. The liaisons…” Camryn smiles at me. “All those years ago, me sitting here in the middle of the night with you would have been a scandal.”
“Still would be a scandal nowadays, too.”
“Do you really think that?” She questions me, then turns her body toward me.
“My business is hardly… traditional.”
“It’s probably one of the oldest, though.”
She surprises me with her answer. Silence falls between us as an undercurrent of sexual tension wraps around us.
“I miss you, Camryn.” Reaching out, I place my hand on her leg.
“I miss you, too.” She places her hand on top of mine.
“Are you taking Johnny to bed?”
Camryn shakes her head. “I wanted to make you jealous,” she confesses, which surprises me.
“I was. That’s why I came out here.”
Now Camryn seems surprised by my confession. She intertwines our fingers together.
“Do you think we can get back to the way we were?” she asks, looking at me in the moonlight.
“I think too much has happened to go back to the way we were.” Her shoulders deflate at my comment. “But I think we can start again.”
“You do?”
“These months have been torture, Camryn. I haven’t stopped thinking about you. I’ve wanted to call you so many times when something has happened in my life, and then I realize you’re not there anymore. It kills me every single time.”
“I’ve wanted to call you for so long, but then days turn into weeks turn into months, and I thought I’d missed my chance.” Those green eyes look up at me with so much vulnerability shining through.
“I thought I might have missed mine.” My heart is practically beating out of my chest.
She shakes her head. “I’m miserable without you,” she confesses, a tear falling down her cheek.