by India Kells
For the briefest of moments, Ellie’s fingers hovered over his damaged skin. Sam wanted nothing more than for her to reach out, almost pushing himself into her hand for the contact.
Once more, it was Ellie who seemed to draw into herself and step away as he finished dressing. “Should we barricade ourselves in here? How will we know when your brothers have breached the compound?”
Sam wished he could reassure her, but he didn’t have answers. Just when he opened his mouth the lights went off.
It was pure instinct to grab Ellie and go to the corner of the room, which offered the best view to the door. If anyone came through, he’d protect Ellie, and for that, he had to make each one of his limited shots count.
Ellie had a hand on the middle of his back and Sam was grateful for the contact. He needed to know she was safe. She was the only thing that mattered. Since his abuse, his life had been tilted off its axis—until he’d called his angel. After all, who was trying to save who? Who was playing white knight?
Sam’s thoughts came to a complete halt when he heard shouts and the familiar pops of gunfire from a distance. Ellie’s hand jumped before grabbing his sweater.
He wished he could take her hand, but Sam needed to be able to move quickly and intervene if danger came through the door. It was frustrating not being in contact with his brothers, not know what was happening, or if he could help.
He could feel a low rumbling under his feet, followed by more shots, this time much closer.
Time accelerated, and there were people running in the hallway. With only the faint moonlight seeping from the window as his guide Sam aimed at the door.
Silence returned for an instant, quickly followed by a knock. “Sam? It’s Kai and Aleksei.”
Tension fled from Sam’s shoulders when he recognized his brother’s drawl.
With Ellie still clinging to his sweater, Sam unlocked the door. Immediately, Kai’s big frame filled the door while Aleksei stood guard.
Before he could react, Sam was caught in his brother’s hug.
“Dammit, Sam! You scared the shit out of us!”
Stunned, Sam awkwardly returned the hug. His brothers had banded together with an unspoken loyalty between them, but Sam had never realized how much he mattered to them, and them to him.
Kai stood back in a jerk, noticing Ellie’s presence. “Oh! Hello! You must be Ellie. I’m Kai, and this is our brother, Aleksei.”
Aleksei snorted from his position at the door. “And I’d prefer we do this little family reunion where I’m not at risk of getting shot!”
Kai rolled his eyes, but it was clear that Aleksei had a point, and from what Sam could see, they’d come prepared.
Kai handed him a few of his own weapons. “I couldn’t carry extra body armor for you and Ellie, so you’ll have to stay between the two of us.” Aleksei groaned, which seemed to annoy Kai. “Would you stop complaining! You sound like a big Russian baby.”
Sam brought Ellie by his side as she spoke. “And the others? Your other brothers, are they safe?”
Kai smiled. “So far, so good. We wouldn’t have come to your room unless the situation was mostly under control. We have the guards secured and the police are on their way. Liam is waiting for them to explain the situation. It should be easier as he’s a cop. Lazarus and Archer went after Finch but they haven’t found him or the one you called Panem yet.”
Ellie shivered and Sam couldn’t help but kiss the top of her head. “He’s been taken care of. No need to worry about him anymore.”
Kai’s understanding was immediate and he opened his mouth to speak when he touched his ear, as did Aleksei. From the look on his brothers’ faces, it wasn’t good news.
“Lazarus is in the basement searching for Finch and said to leave, now.”
Sam wanted to agree, to get Ellie to safety as quickly as possible, but something nagged at him. “Why?”
Kai was already asking that very question and cursed at the answer. His eyes flew to Ellie and back to him. “There’s a bomb in the basement, hidden behind a block of computers. Lazarus is trying to defuse it and Archer is trying to get someone from the CPD bomb squad, but we might not have time. He thinks it was set up by Finch to deflect attention so he could get away.”
Sam’s mind was running wild. “If everything is destroyed, we might not be able to find Finch again. I was trained how to defuse bombs in the army. I can help.”
“No!” Ellie’s cry tore at him. “No way, it’s too dangerous. We just need to leave, all of us. There’ll be other ways to stop him.”
He could lose himself in those wild blue eyes, his only oasis in the desert of his life. It was difficult to deny her plea. He cupped her cheek, tracing her soft skin with the pad of his thumb. “He’s hurt too many people and won’t stop until he’s behind bars or dead. I can’t allow him to hurt you again.”
Sam knew what Ellie would say in her desire to keep him safe. They were cut from the same cloth, and it was why he knew how she felt, and how he’d have the upper hand.
“Take her out. Keep her safe.”
As he ran toward the basement, he didn’t turn back, but from Ellie’s shouts, he knew that Aleksei and Kai were doing as he’d asked and dragging her out of this place against her will, but whatever happened down there, at least Sam would find peace in knowing Ellie was alive.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Ellie didn’t know where she was, but that didn’t unsettle her as much as not knowing if Sam was safe. Aleksei had carried her like a potato sack out of the mansion and she could hear Kai speaking, but she was unable to make out the words.
The big Russian only let her go when he shoved her into a big truck. She watched as Kai ran back inside the compound. Ellie tried to leave, but even as she tried the door handles it seemed only the stubborn Russian baby, as Kai had called him, could unlock them.
Soon, another man appeared, different in appearance, but who was a similar build to Sam. Another brother, maybe Liam or Archer.
Less than a minute later, blue and red lights brightened the night with sirens blaring, but Ellie couldn’t take her eyes from the mansion, praying Sam would walk out unharmed.
Officers swarmed the area. Someone ran out of the house, and Ellie held her breath. Unfortunately, the man who came out had short black hair, and was clean-shaven. He had the same build as the others so she guessed it was another brother. Now with four of the brothers outside, two remained inside, in harm’s way.
There seemed to be a battle of wills between the brothers and the brass that simmered until Aleksei lost his control and was held back by Kai and the black-haired one.
How long had it been since she’d been forced out of the mansion and Sam had gone down to the basement? Her eyes scanned every corner, every window, every potential shadow for movement, until darkness turned to light.
It was blinding, and strangely beautiful, until a reverberation shook the car and the noise deafened everything else. Maybe Ellie shouted, but all the sounds blended together until darkness fell again.
With colored dots dancing in front of her eyes, Ellie couldn’t move or look away from the flames now engulfing the structure and debris falling following the explosion. The stunned crowd started moving, drawn to the left. She heard a man shouting a name, and Ellie turned her head to see Sam and Lazarus running from a side gate. Both men seemed unharmed.
A heavy weight vanished from her chest. Sam was safe. He wasn’t hers, but at least he was alive.
Her energy dissolved as she sat in the car. People swarmed all around her like bees, but nothing mattered now. Not even when the police came to speak to her, not when EMTs probed and checked every inch of her, and not even when Lazarus came to sit by her side on the back of the ambulance.
“Are you okay?”
Ellie managed to give the somber man a smile. “Yeah. I’m alive, you’re alive, so are all of your brothers. I think it’s a good day. I should be the one asking you how you’re feeling.”
L
azarus leaned back and shrugged. “I guess my ears will be ringing for a while, but if it’s the only side effect, I’m happy to endure it.”
“And what about Finch? Did you get him? And all that data you wanted to save from the basement?”
Lazarus shook his head. Ellie could feel his frustration but also see the resolve in his expression. “Finch is in the wind. Again. He’s smarter than I gave him credit for. He programmed a series of bombs around strategic structural points to make sure the building collapsed on itself and burned to cinders. Sam was able to slow the countdown but not stop it. Hopefully, it allowed me enough time to transfer some of the data. I don’t know how much I was able to save. I’ll see when I get in front of my computer. I know that the police are extremely interested in it. What matters now is that we’ll be able to cut off access to the last of his funds. He won’t have anywhere to go. If we’re lucky, he’ll kill himself.” With a sigh, Lazarus stretched and rubbed his neck before continuing. “The cops will need to speak with you some more, but I don’t think they’ll ever discover what really happened to Panem. I’m guessing the fire and explosion will erase any evidence.”
It was her turn to shrug. “I don’t care. To be honest, I don’t want Panem or Finch to take any more of my peace. I’ll do my best to forget them as quickly as possible.”
“And what about Sam? Are you going to push him away and forget him too? Since we let you out of the truck, you’ve avoided looking at him and haven’t asked about him. I don’t know you well, but I know my brother. The moment he spotted you, he hasn’t let you out of his sight. Even now, while he’s talking to the cops, I’d wager he’s wondering if you’re all right.”
“I’m fine.”
This time, Lazarus leaned forward, with those familiar silvery irises, as if trying to look deep inside her. “Really?”
What could she say? Only one thing was certain, Ellie loved Sam. It was undeniable and wasn’t something that would change. She wanted him safe, but not to save him. She wanted him to be happy, whether it was with her or not.
If this entire ordeal taught her anything, it was that she was stronger than she’d realized and she was ready to take on whatever was in front of her.
“I think Sam needs to sort some things out. So much has happened and I have the feeling that everything is mixed up in his head and in his heart. He’s suffered so much and never believed he could live a full life. You want to know if I love him. I never thought I could love someone so much. That’s why, even if all I want is to see him, be with him, I’ll step back and wait for him, without any promises or certainty.”
It was in disbelief that Lazarus looked at her. “Why?”
“Because that’s what people do when they’re in love. They wait.”
With a low laugh, Lazarus gave her a half hug. “I wish I was that wise. Do you need anything from me?”
On impulse she gave him a full hug. “Is that what you do? Take care of those around you? Who takes care of you in return?”
The stoic man seemed lost for words. “Don’t worry about me. I don’t need to be taken care of.”
“Well, I think we’ll agree to disagree on that.”
Not deterred by the arched eyebrow of a man who didn’t seem used to being put on the spot like that, Ellie added to it by giving him a peck on the cheek. “Thank you for the offer, but I don’t need anything but a cab. Unless you think it’s not safe for me to return home.”
“Sam would definitely disagree, but I doubt Finch will reappear for some time.” He fished out a key and handed it to her. “I had your door replaced and the locks too.”
Baffled, she took it. “Is there anything you can’t do?” Seeing the somber expression on his face, it was clear he was thinking about his father. “You’re a good man, Lazarus. And you’ll succeed. There’s no doubt in my mind. It will happen at the right time.”
Her body felt as if it had rusted into place as she stood. A few steps away from the ambulance, Ellie turned one last time. “Please take care of Sam. He loves you all, but sometimes, the pain is too hard, too much of a burden. I know you have a heavy load of your own, but just don’t forget about him.”
“I promise, Ellie. And if your load gets too heavy, we’re here for you, too.”
Ellie stepped away before she allowed herself to crumble. The air was cold as she walked away from it all. It was crisp, but clear and refreshing. It didn’t alleviate the sadness and longing she felt for the man she was leaving behind. With each step, Ellie sent him all her love, and hoped that when everything cleared, just like this winter night, he’d realize how noble he was, and that he was worthy of peace, love, and happiness. With her or without her.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Days followed nights in a continuous and soothing cycle. Ellie realized that this new routine grounded her. All those weeks inside the manor, not knowing if she’d see the next day, had built up so much stress and pressure. Working through it had been difficult.
Madge had been all over her when she’d resurfaced, asking questions, but mostly worried about her friend. Ellie remained vague about what had happened, but had talked about Sam, her love for him, the doubts, and the uncertainty over whether she’d ever hold him in her arms again.
Through all the laughing and crying, Ellie realized that Madge had been right the last time they’d talked and decided to see a therapist. It was a revelation to discover the different layers of pain, distress, and abandonment she’d dealt with in her life, and as the cold weather turned into warmer spring temperatures, so did the state of her mind and heart.
Although she’d decided to focus on herself, her thoughts never strayed too far from Sam. As time passed, he remained intertwined with every fiber of her heart. With each passing day, Ellie knew that the chances of seeing him again faded, but to love was to also let go, and she accepted that inevitable fact. It didn’t make it any easier, so she decided to be strong, for him and for herself.
Even with gloomy thoughts knocking at the back of her mind, Ellie wouldn’t listen to them. When she crossed the bridge on her way to work, the water beckoned to her to stop and relax, no longer drawing her to jump.
Chicago slowly emerged into spring, still dirty from the remnants of winter. Ellie worked the day shift now. It helped to steady her, and compensated for other parts of her life where stress couldn’t be avoided. She appreciated walking home when the light was fading, like tonight.
Ellie stopped at an intersection as people milled all around her and couples held hands. It made her smile, even if her heart tightened. Maybe one day she’d be able to put herself out there again. Maybe one of the apartments in this city had someone she could connect with on the same level she had with Sam. Maybe.
Just a few blocks from home, she grabbed a sandwich and salad and added in a piece of chocolate cake, her little indulgence she couldn’t resist.
Back home, Ellie always glanced at her neighbor’s door. Since she’d returned, a new tenant had arrived, a girl named Julie who’d taken the apartment. Bubbly and chatty, she’d just finished studying to be a nurse and worked long hours.
Tonight, Julie seemed to be out as only silence welcomed Ellie to her floor.
She walked into her home, and locked the door behind her with a sigh. Ellie kicked off her shoes and went to take a quick shower. She couldn’t wait to put on her pajamas and slouch on her couch. There was a new series she wanted to watch and a delicious piece of chocolate cake to end her day.
As she was drying off, a creaking sound came from the living room. Ellie froze, listening, as she wrapped herself in a large towel. Since her ordeal, she was oversensitive to unexpected noise. Often, her old building played tricks on her and shifted with the weather. How many times had she jumped out of her bath, ready to strike at an intruder? It took time to lower her level of reaction and stress, something she’d need to work on for the rest of her life. However, it didn’t mean she shouldn’t be careful. Her therapist would probably frown at her for keeping
a knife in her bathroom, but Ellie didn’t care. If it brought her some peace, there was no way she’d deny herself. At least she’d turned on the lights on her way in.
Heart pumping and armed, Ellie opened the door only to drop her knife at the sight before her.
“Ellie.”
Sam stood in her living room, filling her small place as well as her heart to the brim.
He’d changed while they’d been apart. His hair was a tad longer, wilder, as if the wind had messed it up. His jaw sported a full beard now and she would swear he appeared larger, as if he’d filled out. Against his tanned skin, his eyes shone like moonlight, much like she recalled.
Dressed in dark jeans and a black leather coat, he drew her like a moth to a flame. There was nothing she wanted more than to go to him, however Ellie remembered the promise she’d made to herself, and to him.
“Ellie.” His voice repeating her name sounded like a siren’s song. A smile stretched his mouth; he looked so handsome. “I wasn’t sure if you still lived here.” He took a few steps toward her. “Your hair is longer.”
Ellie’s hand went to her head. “I’ve been so busy with everything I haven’t thought about my hair.” Anxious, she felt the need to fill the silence, or maybe she wasn’t ready to hear what Sam had come to say. “You look well. Peaceful.”
“I didn’t always feel that way. When you left that night, I wasn’t peaceful. I was so angry at you. And then at myself. To be honest, I was so lost. Like I was drowning in all that pain you kept at bay when I was with you. It took me some time, but I understood, what you meant when you said we needed to find the right way to be together. That’s why I went home.”
One more step, and she was surrounded by his heat. “I can’t change what happened to me but talking to my mother and being alone in the desert forced me to either find a way to live or end it where it all began. I’ll always have a scar, but I don’t want Finch to color the rest of my life.”