When Tomorrow Starts Without me

by Stacy Claflin

  "I said I'm not helping you with nothing. Go away." The call ends again.

  "Argh!" I kick the bed's leg, not that it does any good other than hurting my toe. As much as I want to call him back, I don't bother. He's determined to make everything difficult for me.

  Maybe there's a way to make him give me the paperwork. It's legally mine, so he can't keep it from me. But maybe I can get a copy of my birth certificate on my own. I have my identification. That has to be enough.

  It can't be that hard. I should have every legal right to all that information. It's just a matter of finding out how to get it.

  My mind spins out of control as I pace. I need to find the answers. Sure, I won't be able to speak with my parents, but there have to be other people who can help me out. They didn't have family besides my dad—my adoptive dad—but they must've had friends. People who could answer my questions. Doctors who could tell me their medical issues.

  I just need a place to start. The answers feel like they're just out of my grasp.

  Anger pulsates through me. Why should I have to go through all those hoops to get the information when my dad could just give it to me?

  I storm over to the window and look out as if that'll help. The evergreen branches sway slightly and I can almost see the lake behind them.

  Knock, knock.

  I groan. I'm so not in the mood to talk to anyone. Maybe if I don't answer, they'll think I'm sleeping.

  Knock, knock.

  Or maybe not.

  "Come in!"

  The door opens, and Rogan stands in the hall.

  All of a sudden, everything feels better—not completely, but like I can get through this madness my dad is imposing on me.

  "Why are you staying in the hall?"

  "I'm not allowed in."

  "What do you mean?" I walk over. "I said you can come in."

  He shakes his head, getting his bangs in his eyes. "I can't. My mom said that we can't go in each other's rooms or we can't live here."

  "She'll kick you out?"

  "Yep. How are you doing?" He tilts his head and studies me with deep concern in his eyes.

  My heart nearly leaps out of my chest. I step into the hall and throw my arms around him. "Is this okay?"

  "We're not in a bedroom, so it'd better be." He wraps his arms around me and presses me against him.

  When I'm here in his arms, I don't even care about anything else. Nothing matters, not my family or anything at all.

  "Why won't she let us in each other's rooms?"

  "I might have fallen asleep next to you when I brought you up here. She might have found us and assumed the worst, then freaked out."

  "Might have?"

  He sighs. "That's what happened. I am sorry I fell asleep on your bed, but not because she found me there. It's because I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable."

  I lean my head against his. "You don't. You make everything right in my world."

  He steps back and studies me again. "You mean that?"

  "How could I not? You saved me, Rogan. And you keep saving me from myself. I'm messed up and broken, but you don't stop believing in me."

  He puts his hands on my shoulders. "You are not messed up or broken. You've been handed a crappy deck of cards in this game of life. Once you replace those with better ones, you're going to win. Not just one round—you're going to be a champion."

  "Where do you get this stuff?" My cheeks burn, and I rest my head on his shoulder.

  "It just comes to me, and it's true."

  "I appreciate it. I really can't thank you enough for everything you've done for me. If it wasn't for you, I know where I'd be."

  He shudders. "Don't remind me. I hate the thought of what would've happened if I hadn't been there."

  "I don't think it was chance. You were meant to be there."

  "What? Like fate or something?"

  "No, nothing impersonal like that. More like someone was watching out for us."

  "For us?" His tone held a hint of teasing. "Are you saying I need you as much as you need me?"

  "Maybe."

  Rogan presses his mouth against my temple. "I think you're right. And not just because of my new flow of songs. Seriously, I can't imagine my life without you."

  I cling to him. "Neither can I. I'd either be dead or living on the streets. Or worse, back at home."

  "It crushes me that you feel like the place you grew up is worse than being homeless or dead."

  "And that's why I—" My throat closes. Why I what? Love him? Even if it's true, I can't say it. Can I?

  "Why you what?" He steps back and holds my gaze.

  I swallow. "Appreciate you."

  "Oh." His face falls a little.

  His disappointment crushes me. Do I love him? And if I do, do I dare say it out loud?

  How can I? I've never said that to another person in my life. At least not that I remember. Maybe I said it to my real parents when they were alive.

  Besides, isn't the guy supposed to say it first? Or is that totally backward? I wish I had more experience with relationships to know what to do.

  Rogan's gaze reaches to my soul. "Kenna…"

  Rules are made to be broken, right?

  I step closer, still holding his gaze. "I love you."

  Rogan

  Kenna's voice rings around in my mind as I process the words. She loves me. She loves me!

  And now she's staring at me with a look of hope mixed with dread in her eyes. I need to say something, and quick.

  She caught me so off guard, my voice won't cooperate.

  I pull her close and press my mouth on her sweet lips. She tastes of cherry soda lip gloss, and she relaxes in my arms, kissing me back. Her fingers tighten around my sides. I deepen the kiss for just a moment before pulling back and staring into her eyes in a love-drunken stupor.

  "I love you too, Kenna. So much, it kind of scares me."

  "Good." She sounds breathless. "It scares me too. But in the best way possible. Kind of like being at the top of a rollercoaster."

  "Exactly." I thread my fingers through her hair and cup my hand around the back of her head before tasting her lip gloss one more time. I keep it quick, not trusting myself. I could lose myself in my feelings for her, and I swore to let her lead the way.

  One wrong move, and I could send her running. She's used to men taking advantage. I would never do that, but her past might not let her trust that just yet.

  "Is this okay?"

  She nods. "It's better than okay. You don't have to stop."

  "Don't tell me that." I swallow, hardly able to keep myself in check.

  "Why not?"

  "We need to take this slow."

  Kenna frowns. "Because of me."

  I rub her jawline with my thumb. "Because I want to savor every moment with you. Because I want this to be the most special thing either of us ever experience. This isn't cheap or about taking anything from you. It's about giving and about you feeling like the princess you are."

  Her mouth gapes, and she stumbles back.

  I wrap my arms around her, resting my hand at the small of her back. "Easy there. I've got you."

  My phone rings. I ignore it.

  "Aren't you going to get that?"

  "After you just said you love me? Not a chance."

  "Shouldn't you at least check it? You're waiting to hear from that one agent, aren't you?"

  "Unfortunately." I pull out my phone.

  It is the agent we've been holding out for.

  "Answer it!"

  I give her a quick kiss and accept the call just before it goes to voicemail.

  "Good luck!" She blows me a kiss, then disappears into her room.

  "Rogan here." My mind races as the agent discusses her offer. It's hard to pull myself away from what just happened with Kenna—I don't ever want to forget any of what just happened.

  Somehow I manage to focus on what the agent says. Not that it matters—the band already agreed that if she
offers us anything at all, we'll accept. She represents some of the biggest names in the area and has turned them into huge successes.

  By the time the call ends, I had verbally agreed to her terms. The only thing left was printing out the paperwork once I got the email, and then getting everyone to sign.

  The guys are going to freak out! I send them a quick text, then the conversation explodes with excitement. Ellis says he's going to treat us all to dinner.

  Once everyone is done texting, I lean against the wall, hardly able to believe my fortune. Kenna loves me and Flaming Combustion has one of the most coveted agents around. Has anyone in the history of the world ever been so lucky?

  I'd promised her a dozen new, never-before-performed songs, and thanks to Kenna as my inspiration, I had at least that many. And if I didn't have quite enough, I was sure to be able to come up with the rest easily.

  "How did it go?" Kenna's voice pulls me from my thoughts.

  I run over to her, swing her around, and give her a quick kiss. "We're going to sign with her! Holding out was the right choice."

  She smiled wider than I've ever seen her before. "I'm so happy for you!"

  "Thank you!" I set her down. "Ellis is taking everyone out to eat so we can celebrate. You ready?"

  Kenna glances down at herself. "Do I have time to change?" She pats her hair. "To fix this mess?"

  I kiss her forehead. "Take all the time you need, but you look beautiful just as you are."

  "You're just saying that, but thank you." She squeezes my hand. "I'm so excited for you! I'll try to hurry."

  "Like I said, take your time." I swipe the screen to my email app and send the paperwork to the printer in Mom's office.

  Then I pinch my arm to make sure I'm actually awake.

  Ouch!

  All of this is really happening.

  Kenna

  I lean against the door and close my eyes. I cannot believe I actually told Rogan I love him. It's surreal, and even more unbelievable is the fact that he returns my feelings.

  We're the most unlikely pair in the world. Him, a soon-to-be rock star and me, a literal nobody—my past is a lie and my real identity a mystery.

  I need to find a way to make something of myself. He's not going to want a nobody at his side for long. Not when he's going to have the world clamoring for his attention.

  Sighing, I open my eyes and fling myself onto the bed. I replay every little detail from out in the hallway. I nearly died after I told him I love him and he didn't say anything right away. It felt like days, but then as soon as he said it back to me, I felt like I could fly.

  I could still feel his tongue in my mouth, brief as it had been. It was the first time that had been enjoyable. Wanted.

  Knock, knock!

  Crap. I'm supposed to be getting ready, but instead all I'm doing is reliving the kisses like a lovesick puppy.

  "Hold on!"

  "Just wanted to let you know Ellis got us reservations in an hour. You have plenty of time."

  Phew.

  "Thanks!" I scramble to the closet and rifle through the clothes and realize I have no idea what I should wear.

  I end up deciding on a turquoise skirt and multi-colored sequin top that can easily be dressed up or down depending on the accessories. After putting everything on, I slide some additional jewelry into my purse in case I need to fix my look.

  In the bathroom, I fight with my hair. It's sticking out at funny angles because I slept on it. No amount of watering it down or adding products tames it. There's no time to wash it and start over, so I pull it up and use some clips. Nobody'll ever know how difficult it's being.

  "Almost ready?" Rogan's voice comes through the door.

  I fling it open and smile.

  He lets out a low whistle. "Look at you. You're gorgeous."

  My face flames. "Stop."

  "I mean it. I've never seen anyone so beautiful." He pulls me close and gives me a quick kiss. "Everyone is going to be so jealous of me."

  I shake my head. "You have that backward." He's wearing a bright blue dress shirt that does nothing to hide his muscular frame. It's all I can do to keep myself from running my hands up and down his arms.

  He says something, but I don't know what. I clear my throat and pull my attention to his eyes. Somehow we make it downstairs and to the front door.

  Sutton stops us. "Look at you two." She looks us both over with a hand on her hip. "Where are you going all dressed up?"

  "Out to dinner. Move aside."

  She exchanges a glance with him, but then steps out of the way. "Have fun, you guys. I'll come up with something to tell Mom if you're out late."

  Rogan stands taller. "You don't have to. We're both adults."

  "Yeah, but she's getting strict with her rules lately. I'm just saying I have your back."

  "Thanks." I give her a big hug. "Thanks for everything."

  She wraps her arms around me. "Don't mention it. The clothes look better on you, anyway. Now get out of here."

  Rogan takes my hand and leads me out to his car.

  Across the street near some mailboxes, a brunette watches us, her arms folded. I swear she glares at me, but I must be imagining it because I've never seen her before.

  "Who's she?"

  He groans. "Emily. I wish she'd move away."

  I don't ask why. She doesn't seem very pleasant.

  Emily glares until we drive by and I can't see her in the mirror anymore.

  Rogan forgets about her and talks excitedly about the agent, and I do my best to keep up and remember everything he says. It's hard to focus, though. Between the way he looks in that shirt and my mind constantly going back to my parents, I can't pay attention to any one thing for long. One moment, I'm focused on what he's saying, then suddenly I remember the feel of his tongue in my mouth and my heart nearly bursts out through my sequined top. Then I'll remember something my dad said, and anger will pulse through me.

  I take a deep breath and try to relax. I'm on a date with Rogan Scott, and he said he loves me—that's got to be the craziest thing I've ever heard.

  We pull into the parking lot of a fancy French restaurant I can't pronounce the name of and I've only ever heard about. The popular kids at school would rave about it behind me in classes.

  Part of me hoped one of them would see me tonight with Rogan and his friends. Maybe they'd regret the way they treated me, then I could snub them for a change.

  Once inside, a waiter takes us through the restaurant—I don't see anyone from school—to the back by a huge window overlooking a lake and sits us next to Poppy and Ashton.

  Rogan holds a chair for me and scoots me in. I thank him and look around the table, saying hi to everyone. Instead of Cove sitting with Ellis, a different blonde is next to him. Her hair is longer and her makeup more exaggerated. She's also whispering with Tiana, who's glaring at me.

  I lean closer to Poppy, whose hair is now an electric orange instead of pink. "Who's the new girl?"

  "Cove pissed off Ellis, so he brought Shay."

  "What, is she Tiana's best friend?"

  "You'd think, huh?"

  "What can I do to make her stop hating me?"

  She laughs.

  "What's so funny?"

  Poppy puts a hand on mine. "Just don't let it get to you. You're gorgeous and dating Rogan. There are going to be a lot more jealous girls than just her."

  Great. More people to hate me. On the bright side, at least I'm used to it. Although the jealous angle is new.

  "Can you believe the band signed with Frost Amberley? They're going to be on all the radio stations in no time. And now they're going to have mind-blowing music videos! Ashton says we can be in some. Can you imagine?"

  My stomach flip-flops. With so much going on with the band, will Rogan still feel the same way about me? Or will he just swap me out for someone else like Ellis did with Cove and Shay?

  The server brings over appetizers, and we all dig in and order our meals. I don't kno
w what anything on the menu is, so I get the same thing as Rogan.

  Tiana rolls her eyes at me. Maybe she thinks I'm trying to be a suck up or something. I remember Poppy's words and try to push aside Tiana's disdain. I don't know why I care—I should be used to being hated, but somehow it never gets any easier.

  "You okay?" Poppy wipes her mouth with a napkin and picks up the dessert menu.

  "Do the band members go through a lot of girlfriends?"

  "You hoping Tiana gets the boot?" Poppy snickers. "Yeah, me too. She was nice at first, but now I wouldn't mind pushing her off a cliff."

  My eyes widen.

  "I'm kidding. Mostly. She went from nice to ice queen overnight. I'm so tired of her, but what can I do? Lathe likes her. Until he stops, we're stuck with her. Hey, did you see that meme I posted earlier?"

  "No, I haven't checked today."

  "Girl, we've got to get you checking more often! All the band's fans have been…"

  My eyes glaze over as she speaks seemingly in code about the various social media apps. Though I'm starting to get the hang of it, I haven't been using them since I was in preschool like everyone else.

  Before I know it, Poppy has her phone out and is taking a selfie of the two of us. "We have to replace our profile pictures before Ellis has a fit."

  I arch a brow. "We can't have the picture of us with Cove?"

  She shakes her head. "He's pissed at her."

  "And he calls the shots?"

  "No, it's just how it works. It could be anyone."

  My mind spins. Does everything in life have to be complicated? People just hate simplicity, apparently.

  I pull out my phone and update my profile pictures. Poppy points out my requests and gives me pointers on several of the apps on how to keep the fans happy. I end up replying to what feels like hundreds of comments and messages.

  "How are we going to keep up once the agent makes them big?"

  Her eyes light up and she adjusts her nose ring. "It's going to be nuts, right?"

  "It already is."

  Poppy laughs and taps her thumbs on the screen. "Not compared to how it's going to be. I can't wait."

  I groan. "Are we going to have to respond to everything when it gets worse?"