His look of amusement only increased. ‘My Majesty, you did the right thing. Surely you can see that.’
His voice made me sick; I hated him as I’d never hated anyone. ‘You wanted this,’ I whispered.
The smile slid from his face, and he grabbed my arm, my face was only inches from his. ‘Do not blame me for your sins, my Majesty. You did this not me, and now he will despise you forever. You were the one who ruined everything. He was meant to be a toy, a distraction, not a king.’
His grip tightened, and I cried out in pain. ‘Stop. You’re hurting me.’
His mouth twisted into a snarl as he leaned closer. ‘Can’t you see that everything I have ever done, I have done for you, for us. I have spent an eternity trying to make you happy. We were meant to rule together; to be together.’ He threw me to the ground. ‘You never have been, and you never will be anything without me. This is all your fault.’ I crawled away and struggled to my feet. Several guards now stood behind Samuel, his cold stare bore down. ‘Take her back to the palace,’ he commanded calmly.
A guard helped me into the chariot and urged the horse forward. I clung to the sides not caring if I fell out.
The house was soon out of sight, but Aydin’s screams still chased me. The crushing agony, filling my soul was unbearable. I could never see Aydin again, but I also couldn’t live without him.
As the chariot shot through the gates, I barely waited for it to slow.
‘Bring Aydin to the palace and tell me when he is here,’ I said, before walking away dazed.
Back in my chamber, I stood at the window, staring out at my kingdom. People were working the fields, ships sailed on the river—I couldn’t understand how life could just carry on when mine was over. I was numb and nothing made sense, yet I knew exactly what I had to do.
A knock rattled my door. ‘Enter,’ I said, my gaze still fixed on the horizon.
‘The prisoner has been brought back to the palace my Majesty.’
I turned around, catching the kneeling guard in a harsh stare before he quickly looked away. ‘Do you mean Aydin?’ He nodded. ‘He is a free man, not a prisoner. You are to let the entire guard know this. Do you understand?’ He nodded again and I swallowed hard. ‘Tell me of the baby?’
‘He brought the child with him my Majesty.’
‘Good, take Aydin and the child to his residence. Give him anything he asks for, but do not let him out until midday tomorrow, then bring me Samuel and Joziah.’
He hurried from the room, and I returned to my pointless examination of the countryside.
Soon Samuel and Joziah both kneeled before me.
‘Please stand Joziah,’ I said quietly. He stood with an obvious look of confusion. Samuel glanced up. ‘Do not look at me!’ I screamed.
Samuel’s eyes darkened, and he dropped his head slowly. I stood staring at the man who had thwarted my one chance at happiness. The hatred I felt burned like hot coals in my chest. I detested him; he revolted me, and I wanted him to suffer. I was Queen, unquestioned and unchallenged. I could do anything I wanted, and finally, after a life of fear and submission, I realized that.
‘Stand up,’ I whispered.
He rose smoothly not even bothering to avert his eyes. I examined the contours of his face. In all the time I’d known him, he’d barely aged. His golden eyes glowed with defiance, and he exuded complete self-assurance.
I smiled, and he returned the gesture. ‘Kill him,’ I mumbled.
Joziah gasped. ‘But my Majesty.’
I ignored him and looked to the door where two guards stood. ‘Did you not hear me?’ The guards glanced at each other. Samuel didn’t flinch, the smile remained fixed on his face. ‘I said, kill him.’
‘On what grounds do you condemn him my Majesty?’ Joziah protested.
I turned to him. ‘Deception, treason and murder.’
‘But…he was not the one who commanded the execution of the woman.’
I winced but did not falter. ‘I was not talking about Aydin’s wife, I was referring to the hundreds of citizens who have died from ill health, starvation and neglect, all brought about by his greed.’
Joziah looked away. ‘I see.’
I stepped closer to Samuel. ‘I hope they fling the gates of Hades wide open for your arrival.’
He bit his lip and grinned. ‘And I will make sure they stay open in anticipation of yours, my Majesty.’
‘Kill him!’ I screamed, and Samuel started laughing. The guards tried to drag him away. ‘Do it here,’ I demanded.
One of the guards attempted to draw his sword but Samuel reacted violently, flinging his arms outwards, tossing them sideways. They landed at the far ends of the room; both knocked unconscious. I leaped back, stunned by his display of inhuman strength. Joziah froze.
Samuel took a moment to straighten his clothes then he casually walked to one of the guards and retrieved his sword. He came back and handed me the weapon. I took it without thinking, too shocked to refused.
His smile returned. ‘If you wish me dead, then you must do it yourself.’ The sword hung in front of me; it was so heavy I had to hold it with both hands. I couldn’t move, I just stood there staring. Joziah took a step forward. ‘Stay where you are Joziah,’ Samuel growled, without even looking at him. ‘I will not hurt our Majesty. You want to do this,’ he cajoled. ‘Because if you don’t, I will kill Aydin and the child.’ My shock eased, diluted by the hate that’d brought me here. His malignant smile built. ‘Yes, that’s it, feel the hatred. Doesn’t it just taste sublime.’ He reached out and took the sword, lifting the tip to the middle of his chest. ‘Just one little push and it will all be over.’ His eyebrows dipped, and he leaned onto the sword. ‘You will be free, and Aydin will be safe. Avenge your people. Right all the wrong. You can do this my Majesty, you can.’
Inside the anger was tearing me apart, filling me with a palpable desire to kill. I did want to do this; I needed to do this. His death would fill me with joy and calm the raging monster that screamed to be fed. All I could see was his eyes, his fiery amber eyes—they encouraged me, coaxed me; begged me to do it.
Suddenly he gasped, and a look of divine satisfaction smoothed his features. He slipped to his knees with the sword deep in his chest. Blood flowed from the wound, and my insane hate instantly disappeared.
‘Samuel,’ I cried, as he fell sideways. Joziah crouched down. ‘Help him,’ I pleaded.
‘I can’t my Majesty.’
Samuel was struggling to breathe, but he was looking at me with an affection I didn’t understand. I kneeled beside him. ‘I…I am so sorry,’ I whimpered.
He smiled softly and reached for me. I took his shaking hand, suddenly aware that this was the first time I had ever touched him. The red of his lips started to fade, succumbing to the blue tint of death. His life was draining away, and all I could do was watch. He squeezed my hand, and I felt a strange tingle run up my arm. ‘I will see you soon,’ he whispered, and then the light left his eyes.
I lay his hand down and stood. ‘What have I done?’
No one said a word.
‘Take him away,’ Joziah commanded the guards.
I turned away but the sound of his body being dragged across the floor sliced through my heart. It was done; everything was done, and now there was nothing left for me. Joziah did not go with the guards, I could hear his uncomfortable shuffling, and I could feel his stunned disbelief.
I looked at him. ‘Later tonight I will send two documents to you. Do not open them. It is market day tomorrow. At midday when the crowd is at its peak, you will read the one addressed to my people from the terrace, so all may hear. Aydin must be by your side. The other document is for him and him only. Do you understand?’
‘Yes, my Majesty.’
‘Good, I must rest now. Come see me tomorrow once you have completed this task.’
I turned away from Joziah’s pale face; I heard the door shut quietly confirming his departure. Stumbling to my desk, I fell into my chair
. Beams of light streamed through the window staining my hands with the soft red glow of the setting sun. In the distance, the dying light illuminated my river. I took one final look before I started writing.
***
Even in the dark, the river was strangely beautiful. I’d never visited it at night before, and for a fleeting moment, I lamented not doing so. The rising crescent moon, cast a small path of light across the surface—like a lighthouse of the underworld, guiding me into the darkness.
I stepped into the water; it was bitterly cold, but it didn’t slow my movements—no amount of physical pain could be worse than the sharp-toothed creature, feasting on my heart. I inched forward till the cold water reached my waist; it was getting harder to breathe, but I was grateful for the numbness engulfing my body.
Soon the water was at my chin, and it was time to let go. Exhaling slowly, I let my feet float up. Now I was entirely at the mercy of my beloved river. It was so cold, so quiet, and as life seeped away, thoughts of the last few hours filled my head.
The two sealed documents I had prepared now lay in the hands of Joziah. The first document, the one written for my subjects was a confession of sorts, declaring Aydin and me lovers for longer than was true. It told the story of how scared I was when I fell pregnant, and how grateful I was when Aydin and his wife agreed to take the boy. The people had fortunately seen so little of me over the years that they could readily accept I’d conceived and delivered in-between appearances.
The people wanted an heir, and now they had one, and I was confident the advisors wouldn’t dispute my story. Even a bastard child would be better than a monarchy with no king at all. It felt wrong denying the child its real mother, but I knew, in time, Aydin would tell him the truth. I also instructed that Aydin be appointed chief advisor, effectively ruling till the child came of age. I hoped he’d be able to see past the horror I’d caused and continue the work he’d started.
It also spoke of Samuel and detailed his involvement in the peoples’ oppression, justifying my decision to execute him. It was not something I was proud of, but I hoped it would ease the tension among the guard.
The second document intended for Aydin was not a confession, nor was it a plea for forgiveness; it was my last chance to speak to him, and I’d indulged my need to do so. I could hear his voice in my head as I imagined him reading the words…
My dearest Aydin,
I did not deserve the love you gave so freely, or the happiness you brought to my life. I am not worthy of your forgiveness, or even the breath required to utter my name. I will forever remember your face, your touch, the sound of your voice, and I will never forget the pain that I caused. Whatever afterlife the gods see fit to grant me, I promise to spend in lament and shame. I leave you my kingdom, my heart and my soul. Take better care of them than I did. You deserve them more than I.
And then I was gone, consumed by the dark waters, knowing I would never hear my beautiful river god sing again.
Chapter 5
Disorientation owned me as I struggled to decipher where I was. My conscious flailed between the human and spiritual realms until it was almost unbearable. Suddenly I felt Isaac, and I clung to his presence like a rock in rapids. He pulled me back to the beach, and I took time to settle. We sat together on the sand, his arms wrapped around me.
‘How could I have done that to him, to her?’ I finally asked.
‘It is what the human world is for Callie, to learn, to make mistakes.’
‘But I killed her. That’s not just a mistake.’
‘Yes, this is true, but sometimes our choices are not completely our own.’
I looked at him. ‘Samuel?’
He nodded. ‘He is what we call a dark one.’
I shut my eyes briefly as echoed voices battered my skull. The words ‘dark one’ repeated over and over, stirring an instinctive terror.
‘I don’t understand what that means.’
He turned his face to the ocean; it was in turmoil. ‘Few of us do. Long ago I heard someone describe dark ones as the tragic remnant of a once human soul. It seems the best fit.’
‘I should know what you’re talking about, but I can’t…remember.’
His eyes drifted back, their spark had dulled. ‘Then I am sorry to remind you.’
‘You have to tell me everything,’ I pleaded.
‘It is a long story.’
‘Everything Isaac, please.’
He looked pained. ‘Very well. It started long ago, in a place forgotten by most. Several souls, as old as time its self, chose to come to Earth. They call themselves leaders, we call them the fallen.’
‘Fallen? Like fallen angels?’ I interrupted.
He nodded. ‘They lived alongside humans, collecting wealth and power. Initially, they worked alone, but they soon saw the benefit of human allegiance. They sought the greedy and the powerful, manipulating them into puppets of destruction. Some they realized did not even need manipulation, they merely needed an invitation.’ He sighed heavily. ‘They were happy with this partnership, but human mortality did not serve their purpose, so they offered eternity, and those who agreed were taken from their weak bodies and granted agelessness. These were the first dark ones, condemned to a life of servitude in an earthbound purgatory.’
I stared blankly trying to take it all in. ‘How many are there?’
‘We do not know.’
‘Why not?’
His head tilted. ‘Because their sole purpose is to hunt down and gather more human souls, building an army of dark ones for leaders whose greed is never sated.’
‘But…how?’
‘By manipulating the vulnerable, convincing them to commit horrific acts. This darkens the soul making them easier to claim. It is what Samuel was trying to do to you. He saw the bond between you and Aydin even before you did, and he knew your love would be volatile. The death of Aydin’s wife was exactly what he wanted, exactly what he worked so hard to achieve.’
‘Then why didn’t I become a dark one?’
‘Because you gave your soul to another.’
I glanced at my hands; they were clenched so tight that my knuckles were pale. ‘What happened to Aydin?’ I whispered.
Isaac’s jaw flexed rhythmically, but his expression didn’t change. ‘The two of you met in countless lives after that, but fear kept you apart.’
Flickers of tearful, dark eyes coursed through my mind—the agony that accompanied the cursed images screamed in my depths. I brought my fists to my temples desperate to stop the torment. ‘I have to do something. Change it. Fix it.’
‘We cannot change the past. We can only relive it.’
I felt so trapped; I didn’t want to see any more lives, but I had to know what happened before the guilt ripped me apart. I raked my nails through my scalp. ‘I have to go back,’ I muttered.
Isaac searched my face. ‘It will be harder now, the memories you are yet to see have waited so long they barely recognize you anymore. It is why the water is so disturbed.’
I looked at the strong swell and the waves pounding the beach. ‘What does that mean?’
‘It means it will be difficult. This may be hard to understand, but you have been here many times before. This is the furthest you have ever gone. Every other time the water pulled you into its depths before I could reach you, dragging you back to Earth. I do not know why, maybe it was your fear, maybe something else. Regardless you have lived more lives than you should have.’ His voice lowered. ‘And too much time in the human world can be damaging. There is darkness in the lives ahead.’
‘Do I hurt him again?’
‘That is not for me to say. We all have to own what is ours.’
A cold chill encased my body. I wanted to ask Isaac more questions, but I knew he wouldn’t answer them. I studied the wrinkles surrounding his eyes. I knew each line intimately like they were old friends and I wondered how many times I’d stood here, looking at him like this. ‘I have to go back,’ I said again.
Chapter 6
England
1899
A small, cruel wind nipped at my neck, tossing my dark curls over my face. I pulled my father’s hand closer, and I buried my head into his warm arm. His round belly was obstructing my view, and I followed the lines of his tweed jacket all the way up to his bushy beard. He looked down with kind blue eyes.
‘How much longer Papa?’
He smiled affectionately. ‘They should be here soon.’
As the ten-year-old, only daughter of an English Lord, patience was not my strong suit. My father rarely greeted new staff but today we were expecting the new stable master and his son.
I turned with a huff and examined our house. The red brick structure towered behind me, topped by endless chimneys that I’d never found time to count. I tilted my head, admiring the ivy covering the second story; it had always fascinated me how it preferred to climb, leaving the lower half bare. Maybe it could see better from there. Regardless it made my house look pretty, and I liked that.
‘Look, there they are.’
Beyond the green fields, a small buggy jostled through the main gates. As they drew closer, I could just make out two figures; one was smaller than the other.
‘Is that him?’
My father chuckled. ‘Yes Callie, that is him.’
I jumped up and down unable to hold back the excitement, the gravel underfoot crunched with every bounce. I’d never had another child in residence, and finally that was about to change. Today I’d have a playmate, and I was thrilled, even if it was only a boy.
After what felt like an eternity, the buggy pulled up. Still hiding behind my father’s belly, I craned my neck sideways trying to get a better look. They leaped out and strode towards us.
‘Good morning Lord Williams,’ the big man said. ‘I am Michael James, and this is my son Aydin.’
The boy whipped his hat off and bowed his head; sandy brown hair fell over his ears.
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