Workplace disrespect affects employees’ morale, engagement, productivity, and health. It also negatively affects coworkers who witness it, causing them stress and job insecurity. It becomes contagious, creating a greater likelihood of rudeness throughout the employee population. Disrespected employees are more likely to leave jobs, increasing their companies’ severance and benefits pay, recruiting, hiring, and training costs, and potentially, legal fees. As Dr. Robert J. Cuomo, Ph.D., dean and professor of business at Dean College, said, “People don’t leave jobs. People leave people.” Disrespect ruins companies’ reputations, loses customers, and eats up managers’ valuable time.
The benefits to companies that establish genuinely respectful cultures are enormous, including everything from greater productivity and increased bottom lines to happy shareholders. The enhanced reputation of a respectful organization means it is able to hire and retain the best and brightest, resulting in a distinct competitive advantage. Teamwork, trust, and creative problem solving are also fostered, and employees realize greater job satisfaction, self-respect, and even enhanced earning potential.
Employers must enforce a zero-tolerance policy in order to realize the benefits of a respectful culture. The law now protects victims of the most egregious forms of disrespectful behavior, but how much better it would be not to need to rely upon the law for enforcement. Management can educate employees on the company’s Code of Respect and invest in civility training to make sure all employees understand the policy.
Employers need to look closely at their hiring practices. Carefully watching for behavioral clues during the interview process and not hiring candidates with red flags is easier, faster, and less costly than dealing with them after they are hired. The candidate who casts blame on a former employer, exhibits disrespectful body language, or comes across as arrogant during the interview can be expected to display the same or worse behavior once hired. Employers can hire for “attitude over experience” as the Four Seasons does, or heed the call of Howard Schultz, CEO of Starbucks, for civility and values-based leadership. They can emulate the practices of Fortune’s “100 Best Companies to Work For” and view corporate culture as their greatest tool.
Employees, on the other hand, need to know bosses mean what they say. Management should encourage the reporting of disrespectful behavior without fear of consequences. This can be achieved through anonymous 360-degree reviews or by identifying an HR representative or independent workplace consultant to whom employees can make confidential reports. And if disrespect is reported, management must confront it specifically and immediately and take appropriate action.
Companies can reward good behavior with positive reinforcement. At Zappos, employees who show exemplary behavior can earn “Zollars” (Zappos dollars) and peer-to-peer “Wow” awards from their coworkers. Anything from holding a door open, to smiling, volunteering, or cleaning a common area might qualify someone for a $50 reward. Regularly scheduled employee recognition luncheons, holiday parties, and summer outings that bring together various employee populations can do wonders to build trust. Bosses can also publicly recognize and value employees for their ideas and accomplishments and reward initiative and creativity.
Most important, bosses must consistently model the behavior they want to see in their employees. Smart bosses recognize that treating employees with respect is critical to attracting and retaining workers. They also realize that what happens at work does not stay at work. Sites like glassdoor.com, which has a database of more than 8 million company reviews, enable job seekers to evaluate rankings of companies’ cultures and values before deciding whether or not to join their ranks. At such sites, salary and benefits reports, CEO rankings, interview questions, and insights into what it’s really like to work at a company are all at a job seeker’s fingertips.
Employees also need to do their part, beginning with becoming aware of any unconscious biases they may harbor. Recently, I had a personal experience with the concept of unconscious bias. While walking home through the Boston Common from the gym early one morning, I heard a voice say, “Hey, lady, you don’t have to be afraid.” Lost in thought, it took me a second to realize the person was talking to me. I stopped and walked toward two African American men sitting on a bench. I said I was not afraid and asked them why I would be. One man said, “When you saw us, you walked to the other side of the sidewalk.” I assured him I did not; he assured me I did. What ensued was a remarkable 15-minute conversation about the concept of unconscious bias. We exchanged names and parted as new friends, promising to pick up our conversation if our paths crossed again. In continuing to think about what happened, I know for sure I was unaware of any bias. But did I cross to the other side of the walkway? I simply do not know. This question, and its lesson, have stayed with me.
Employees can embrace everyone’s uniqueness and extend simple common courtesies such as listening attentively and valuing others’ opinions. While not always easy, they can also challenge disrespect when they experience or witness it. When you witness what you think is disrespectful or exclusionary behavior, it is important to assess the situation to make sure you are reading it correctly. Once you are certain, it’s time to take action. Depending on the seriousness of the situation, you could try to diffuse it with humor by saying something like, “Don’t hold back. Tell us how you really feel!” Such an approach might get an interaction back on a respectful track. If this does not work, you’ll need to be more direct. You could say, “Something seems to be bothering you. What is it?”
To improve a relationship, you could say, “I want us to work well together. How can we do that?” If someone interrupts you, you could say, “Hold on . . . I’d like to make my point.” If someone displays aggressive body language, you could say, “You look upset. What’s wrong?” If someone uses inappropriate language, you could say, “Can we rein in this discussion? We’re at work.” If someone is spreading gossip, you could say, “I was surprised to hear you said (something) about me. Is that true?” And if someone is blatantly rude, you could say, “You may not realize how negative that sounds.” Sometimes none of these work, in which case it’s time to get management or HR involved.
Once the personal and institutional groundwork for showing respect has been laid, we are ready to consider what respect means to the various populations of today’s workplace.
Respect for Experience
Bill takes a deep breath and braces himself for today’s weekly staff meeting. Sixty-five years old, Bill is a workplace survivor. He has lasted 42 years with the same large bank and has had nine different bosses and seven different jobs in four different locations. He has assiduously played the political game, always keeping his head down. Bill has risen through the ranks to management and enjoys a comfortable salary.
Bill knows the workplace has changed dramatically and has tried, as much as possible, to keep up. Despite his best efforts, he still cannot seem to connect with his much younger staff. At last week’s meeting, Bill rolled out a new marketing plan that Josh, the new hire, immediately questioned before offering a “much better idea.” Drew asked for feedback on a project but seemed put off by Bill’s constructive suggestions. Colin, three months on the job, asked Bill, again, when he would be promoted. Gina said she hadn’t prepared a report for the meeting because she doesn’t listen to voicemail or read email, and in the future, would Bill please text her.
Bill has tried very hard to stay current. He’s taken Salesforce and database management training and mastered Excel. He’s up to speed on social media and active on LinkedIn. He knows he has a lot of experience to share, but somehow his staff treats him like a “has been,” as though he should just retire. But with a couple of kids still in college, that is not an option for Bill. So he squares his shoulders and enters the meeting room. He will continue to try and relate to his staff as well as he can—he has to.
Millennials are the fastest growing, most sought-after demographic in the workplace. By 2020, there will be 86
million millennials in the workplace, representing 40 percent of the total working population.6 Should a new business etiquette playbook be designed exclusively with them in mind?
The simple answer is no. Millennials, born roughly between 1981 and 2000, are still outnumbered by traditionalists, baby boomers, and Generation Xers combined. And these folks are still largely in charge. According to statisticbrain.com, the median age of an S&P 500 CEO is 55.7 Warren Buffet and J. Willard Marriott, Jr., are in their 80s and 90s, with countless lesser known CEOs in their 70s and 60s. The U.S. retirement age is also going up. A 2014 Gallup survey reports that the average age at which non-retired Americans expect to retire is 66,8 the highest age Gallup has found since first asking the question in 1991. What’s needed is a new playbook for respect that acknowledges the perspectives and values of all ages, not the least of whom are those still making the hiring decisions and signing the paychecks.
The current four generations in the workplace come from distinctly different social, political, and business times in history. Their perspectives evolved as they were exposed to people, places, and ideas, but were still largely informed by the prevailing social mores of their formative years. The great disruptor, digital technology, has only widened the gap. While opinions differ on their precise characteristics and birth years, the following represents generally held views of the generations.
Traditionalists
Born before 1946, traditionalists joined a work world where women were primarily in support roles and social behavior was the template for business behavior. Men traditionally showed respect to women by doffing their hats, holding doors open, pulling out chairs, paying bills, and refraining from vulgar speech. The flip side of the coin was a kind of Mad Men approach to women, job and wage discrimination, and bias along lines of race, religion, class, age, marital status, and sexual orientation. Traditionalists are respectful of seniority and rank and are loyal, disciplined, and self-sacrificing. Technology for this cohort consisted of a radio, a rotary telephone, and a television.
Baby Boomers
Born between 1946 and 1964, baby boomers came of age between the mid 60s and the early 80s. They witnessed or participated in the civil rights movement. The Equal Opportunity Act of 1972 was enacted when the first of the boomers were in their 20s. By 1986, when the last of the boomers had entered the workplace, more than half of college graduates were women taking their places beside men in traditionally male-dominated fields such as law, medicine, and business. Acceptable behavior on the job was changing dramatically. It was no longer considered appropriate to focus on gender rather than ability. Boomers, while less respectful of rank, still believe in corporate hierarchy and strive to climb the corporate ladder. Touch-tone telephones were one of the technological innovations of their time.
Generation X
Born between 1965 and 1980, Generation X entered the workplace in the mid 80s. The Civil Rights Act (1991) and the Americans with Disabilities Act (1990) were both enacted while they were in their 20s. Astronauts Sally Ride, a woman, and Guion Bluford, an African American man, broke ground by going to space during this time. Members of Gen X were the first to have two parents work outside of the home in great numbers. They also saw many of those parents lose their jobs. As a result, this generation does not have the same respect for job titles or rank, nor do they believe in job security. Known for being distrustful, self-reliant, and tech-savvy, Gen Xers are protective of family time and value work-life balance. They were the first to experience mobile technology.
Generation Y/Millennials
Born between 1981 and 2000, Gen Y/millennials do not remember a time before mobile devices. Entrepreneurial and tech-savvy, they have fostered relationships with people all over the world through social media. Laws enacted as this generation grew up and came of age included the Family and Medical Leave Act in 1993, same-sex marriage in Massachusetts in 2004, and the Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay Act in 2009. Millennials value diversity and social responsibility and are known for being especially close to their parents. They’d like to make more money, but seem less concerned about that than about making a difference.
Respecting Age Difference
The need and desire for respect, appreciation, and acceptance cut across generational divides. By taking the time to learn about other generations, we can begin to embrace rather than judge or discount others’ experiences and points of view and realize the vast personal and professional benefits that accrue to us in doing so. Younger generations can also keep in mind that if they’re lucky, one day they will be part of the older generation and that karma—good or bad—may await them!
Respect for Diversity
Ginny didn’t sleep well last night. New to her job as an event planner, she is due to meet with her boss today and needs to steel herself to discuss the evaluations from last week’s annual clients’ conference in New York.
Ginny knew from the initial tepid response that attendance would be low. But she had not anticipated so many complaints from those who did attend about everything—the food, the venue, the transportation, the speakers—virtually the entire conference had been panned. She realizes in hindsight that if she had put a little more thought and research into the conference, she would have saved herself a lot of trouble.
She had been pleased to find a great rate, within her budget, at a fabulous hotel for the last week in March, but she completely failed to anticipate that Passover and Easter, coinciding this year, would affect turnout. She thought she’d covered her bases with food by offering two menu selections: a vegetarian and beef option. It had not occurred to her to request that vegan and kosher meals also be available. She had made sure that the entrance to the venue was accessible but did not think to see if there were some low cocktail tables or if the coach she’d hired was accessible for people with disabilities. She thought the speakers she had invited represented an interesting mix of experience, but it had not occurred to her that they were all middle-aged white men.
Ginny prepared for the likelihood that the meeting with her boss would be as much of a disaster as the conference had been. Now she was wondering if this first meeting would be her last.
Today’s workplace has many faces, and those faces have changed considerably since the oldest of the workforce first entered. Approximately 70 years ago, non-Hispanic white men made up about 80 percent of the workforce. Today, the workplace is approximately 66 percent non-Hispanic white, 16.4 percent Hispanic, 11.7 percent African American, and 5.8 percent Asian.9 Census data tells us that by 2050, there will be no racial or ethnic majority in the U.S.10 In general, most respectful behaviors are appropriate for all employees, but some groups require different or additional considerations.
Diversity refers to race and ethnicity, but also to gender, sexual orientation, persons with disabilities, and former military. Women make up 46.8 percent11 of the workforce today. In 1950, it was just 29.6 percent. Gay and transgender workers represent another 6.28 percent of the workforce, persons with disabilities, 5.5 percent, and former military, 9 percent.12 Employers have embraced diversity, not only because it is the law, but also because a diverse workplace is a productive, adaptive, competitive, and innovative one. But there are challenges.
Gender Respect
Make no mistake; sexism is still alive and well. An older male employee of an insurance claims office tells a young female colleague that he’d love to have a “front-end collision” with her. A recent college graduate who works for a high-end clothing retailer is given some “friendly advice” by her boss: If she wants to get promoted, she will have to lay off the cookies. Management doesn’t promote “fat girls.” A top producer at a tech company rebuffs advances from her male boss and is then passed over for promotion, because she is not a “team player.” A young male employee has an impressive physique. His female boss responds by squeezing his bicep. The older male coworker is expected, yet again, to pick up the check at lunch.
Men and women in the workplace represent cl
ose to a 50-50 split, and mutual respect is imperative. Yet sexual harassment and sexist behavior, illegal and unacceptable as they are, still exist. While men are considered the main culprits, women may also be guilty of sexist behavior toward men or even toward other women. Language, presumptions, or behavior that relegates particular responsibilities or excludes, demeans, or offends based on gender is considered sexist, no matter who the perpetrator is.
It is critical that employees present a united front against sexist behavior in the following ways: Eliminate the use of sexist labels such as men are “assertive” and women are “aggressive.” Reject sexist expectations such as women make coffee, arrange celebrations, and take office collections, while men change water coolers, lead meetings, and open doors. Don’t exclude based upon gender by inviting only women to join book clubs, take cooking classes, or get pedicures, or by inviting only men to join golf outings, have after-hour drinks, or play cards. Don’t use sexist language, tell sexist jokes, or make sexist presumptions. And finally, scrupulously avoid offering unwelcome complements, unwanted advances, and making any inappropriate gestures, gazes, stances, or touching. In a nutshell, treat all coworkers respectfully, professionally, and the same, regardless of gender.
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