by Sara Cate
I whisper for him to go faster and he comes undone, slapping his hand against the wall behind me for leverage. He thrusts in and out his breath coming in heavy pants as his teeth dig into my shoulder.
And then it happens, my lips part involuntarily, and the little fire building becomes a thousand small fires all over my body. I’m shaking, clenching around him as his eyes connect with mine, and he comes with a shudder that leaves me certain this will not be our only time.
5
After, we washed the remaining mud from our bodies, wrung our clothes out and laid them to dry over a boulder inside the cave. Neither of us spoke. Instead we lay in one another’s arms until the daylight streaming through the hole in the ceiling of the cave became dark and peppered with stars.
In the morning as we prepared to leave the cave and return to camp I broke the silence.
“What do we do now?”
Tanner looks up from where he is zipping his bag. He has picked three rocks from the cave to bring home and add to his collection. He swallows hard.
“We can’t tell anyone we broke the rules.”
My face falls in disappointment. After everything that has just happened, his first thought is rules?
“Or what? What will they do?” I ask. “We have every right to suggest a change.”
Tanner shakes his head. “No one forced us to vote yes years ago. We did it because it was right.”
“At the time.”
“Even now,” he corrects. “If you were to have a baby...” His ears redden at the tips. “I couldn’t bury another.”
Somewhere deep in the back of my mind a memory comes flashing back with uncensored brutality. We are fifteen and eighteen, and we are digging a hole deep in the forest. The wet soil from the summer rains is easy to remove but every shovel feels like a thousand pound weight. Lena and I continued digging while Tanner and Cade carried the woman’s body up from camp. We couldn’t waste any materials back then so her bare arms and legs dangle as they lower her into the hole and place the child on her chest. It never opened its eyes. Not for a second, but in my memory they are a bold and clear blue.
Tanner is right. And I hate it.
“You don’t think?” I ask, unconsciously drawing a hand across my abdomen. “From just one time?”
Tanner reaches up to rub the back of his neck. “I don’t know. I took health in school, but those kinds of thoughts feel a million years away, now that we’ve been lost so long.”
Instantly I think about my mother. And the families of all the other passengers. What if they really were looking for us, and days from now a helicopter swept down from the sky to scatter the crabs on our beaches.
In the real world, in the world outside of our group where there were hoards of women our age, would he pick me?
Tanner rises to his feet and tosses the Cookie Monster bag in my direction. I tuck my arms into the straps and take a deep breath.
“We should head back,” he says and looks ahead to the mouth of the cave.
Maybe he can walk out under the sun and go back to life as if we hadn’t spent the last twenty four hours wrapped in one another’s arms, but I can’t.
I grabbed the straps of his bag and pulled him to me. With no hesitation I yank him down to my level and press my lips to his. At first he is tightlipped and tries to step backward, but when I don’t let up, he leans into the kiss and for one amazing moment we aren’t thinking about whether or not this will be enough to last forever, we’re thinking about whether or not we have the willpower to pull away.
When we finally separate his eyes are burning and he shakes his head. “There’s no pretending this didn’t happen huh?”
“I don’t want to.” I answer, and he loops his arm through mine to lead the way out of the cave.
Epilogue
In the weeks that pass after the monsoon I don’t worry about whether or not there will be a baby. Not even when thirty days come and go without my monthly reminder that I am a woman. I don’t worry about a baby because my mind is full of thoughts of Tanner and I wound up together in that pool, and I am terrified that there will never be another time.
We can’t go back to the way it was before the cave, but we can’t go forward either and the limbo keeps me wondering and waiting for a time when we make our own rules. Until then, I nestle into the crook of Lena’s arm and pray I dream of firm hands and his lips.
Preorder Out of the Wild…
Seven years after a plane crash strands 47 passengers on a remote island in Australia. Cade and Lena begin to question the rules of their society.
Men and women are not to be alone together, prohibited to touch, and sex is the ultimate taboo.
They've followed the rules since they were children, but when a group member needs medical attention their makeshift society cannot provide, the two must leave the comforts of camp in pursuit of civilization.
The climate they can endure, the terrain, survivable, but the rules? They are one forbidden touch from being broken forever.
Preorder Cade and Lena’s story now.
F*ck Roses
By Sara Cate
Alice was convinced she found the perfect man in Eli. He’s funny, handsome, charming...perfect. Until he dumps her on national television.
Reeling from the rejection of losing America’s most popular reality show, Alice finds herself stuck in a beautiful oceanfront suite on Wickett Beach with the world’s broodiest cameraman.
It’s up to him to capture her grief and humiliation on camera, but when an epic storm hits, Alice and Sam become stranded in the hotel room without power or a way out.
Being stuck with the perfect rebound sounds nice, but with the way Sam looks at her, Alice is starting to wonder if he’s ever going to let her go...even after the storm passes.
F*ck Roses
Copyright © 2020 by Sara Cate
All rights reserved.
No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without written permission from the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.
Created with Vellum
1
Alice
“I can’t believe he didn’t pick me,” I sob into the decorative pillow on the plush couch. My caked on makeup is now staining the gold satin fabric three different shades of nude skin tone. My face was so contoured for the camera, I almost didn’t recognize myself in the mirror. I thought it was because I was about to be an engaged woman. The glow, the smile, the glimmer in my eye was due to the new love in my heart. Now I see it all for what it was. A show.
A stupid fucking show.
What Eli and I had felt so real, so special, and I felt it all shatter when he told me he was picking Katrina, the social media marketer from San Bernardino with fake tits and a terrible personality. It just goes to show guys will pick anyone for looks over character.
“Ms. Lane,” a sour voice calls from the doorway. It’s Deb, one of the producers, a woman who rarely looks up from her phone but loves to serve orders and manipulate people’s lives without consequence.
“What?” I answer, pulling my face back from the pillow. For a moment, I hold out actual hope that she’s about to tell me that Eli changed his mind and wants to see me. Of course, she doesn’t.
“Your stay on the island has been cut short due to an incoming storm. So instead of filming your reaction on the beach, we’ll be filming it here.”
She doesn’t even look up. Her expression is nonchalant and indifferent. This is a business to her, and I’m her cash cow. The people want to see the bawling loser.
“Whatever,” I grumble.
“The makeup crew is already off the island with the couple, so we’ll just have to get you like that.” For the first time since walking into my room, she looks up at me. The immediate scowl on her face proves that even my real grieving face is too real for reality television. “Maybe you have some powder in
your bathroom or something?” she asks with a grimace.
“You get me like this or you get nothing at all,” I bark back.
A low chuckle from the hallway behind the producer catches my attention. I recognize that laugh. It’s one of the cameramen, the last one I want to see at this moment. And I’m really not in the mood for his laughter. Sam thought he was being subtle on set, but I always caught his eye rolls and snickers while we were filming our dates. He made me feel pathetic, and I’ve lost sleep over my hatred for him.
“Fine,” she answers, suddenly very invested in her phone. A second later, she’s holding it up to her ear. “What is it?” she snaps to the person on the line.
Sam steps into the doorway and looks at me with a blank expression. Suddenly feeling so vulnerable and exposed, I feel my lip tremble. He doesn’t react, just keeps watching me like I’m already on television and my torment is his favorite show.
“Evacuated?” the producer shrieks. “Well, good thing we got the couple off the island already. No, just Alice and the cameraman now. We still need to get the reaction shot. How much time do we have? Fifteen minutes?” She looks at me, squinting her eyes and then her stare passes to Sam. “It would look great with the rain falling behind her like that,” she mumbles toward Sam.
His mouth twists up in annoyance but eventually shrugs and nods.
“Okay, just wait for us to get this shot and we’ll be out of here.”
“I’m not even packed,” I cry. “You told me I had the room for six weeks.”
She ignores me as she continues talking to the person on the phone. Sam’s piercing stare is still fixed on my face. I want to throw this pillow at him. Right now, I couldn’t hate him more than I do. He thinks I’m a joke.
“Deb, get off the island with the crew. I’ll get the shot and take Alice to Newport in the truck. I can get the shot in five minutes.” He doesn’t take his eyes off of me as he talks. Then, he glances around the room like he’s looking for the perfect place to film my downfall.
The producer puts her phone down and pauses a moment, clearly considering this insane idea. They can’t really leave me alone with this man just so they can get a good shot of me bawling with the rain falling behind me.
Staying on Wickett was the only good thing I had to look forward to. Not only is this room the most beautiful I’ve ever stayed in, the rolling waves on the beach just outside my door reminds me of the trips my mother and I used to take here when I was a kid.
“Five minutes?” she asks, glancing at him without even thinking to ask me.
“I’ve filmed enough of these things. I know what to do.”
“You’re the best, Sam,” she says, clapping him on the arm before turning toward me with a business expression. “Okay. Give us your gut reaction to the last “rose ceremony.” How did it feel to hear Eli picked Katrina? Do you have anything you’d like to say to him? Sam has the rest of the prompts if you need them. Just be sincere and give us one last shot.”
She turns to Sam and hands him a set of keys. “The hotel staff is all gone so make sure to lock up the suite when you’re done. We’ll send a crew in the morning to clean up, but it looks like the north side of the island is about to be evacuated until the storm passes.”
He grunts his approval before he picks up the camera and walks toward me. Deb doesn’t even say goodbye to me before she’s back on her phone and out the door. It’s just Sam and I alone in the room, and I watch him numbly as he sets up the camera with the dim light outside.
As he holds up the camera to his shoulder, he stares at me with a blank expression. “Okay, Alice. You want to tell me how you feel after that royal douchebag Eli did you a favor and picked the girl with the personality of a wet mop?”
My jaw drops as the red button on the camera lights up. My tears have already dried, and I can feel the mascara along my lower lashes melt onto my cheeks. Just as I let out a loud laugh straight from my belly, a crack of thunder outside rumbles the glass behind me and the lights go out.
Sam
This girl isn’t going anywhere. I’ve settled in through enough of these storms on Wicked to know you’re better off sitting them out in safety instead of trying to race the rain off the island. Especially on the north side.
These beach suites were built to withstand the storm. The bedrooms in the back are surrounded by concrete walls with east facing windows that are triple pane and practically bulletproof.
Alice is perfectly safe here with me. From the storm at least.
I have some choice words for her, and it’s about time I tell her what I really think about her behavior on this joke of a show.
Look, I don’t like being a cameraman for this network, but work is work, and it’s good money with a fair amount of entertainment involved. Usually these girls come in, act a fool for some loser with more money than personality, and I can laugh my way through the job, but something about Alice was different.
I was sure that dirtbag Eli was going to pick her. It wasn’t any surprise that she made it this far. Alice is the kind of girl that has the sincerity behind her eyes. She’s down to earth, smart, and too goddamn good for this joke.
She’s the real thing, and there ain’t nothing real about this reality show.
Eli and Katrina have about as good a chance of making it as I would flying a kite in this hurricane.
“You think I’m such a joke, don’t you?” Alice sulks, wiping the dried makeup off her face. She doesn’t want me to see her crying, like everyone else can see her fall apart, but as far as I’m concerned, she wants me to think she’s tough as nails—which she is.
“No,” I answer, keeping the camera on my shoulder.
“So what is it? Why are you always laughing at me?”
“Who says I’m laughing at you?” I ask, keeping the smile off my face.
“I see you behind that camera laughing at me from your high horse. You think you’re so much better than me.”
“Not even close, sugar.”
She pauses, and I see her swallow. I threw her off calling her that. It’s like she suddenly realizes she’s alone with me in a hotel room.
“We should get the shot and head back to the city. I’m not even bringing my luggage. I don’t care about any of it.”
Just then, the thunder cracks again.
“I don’t think we’re going to make it,” I say as I turn the camera off and stand up. “We should get you away from that window.”
“Wait, what? Really?” She says as she jumps off the couch and toward me.
“Yeah. It’s too late to try and outrun it.” I pull out my phone and open up the radar app on my phone, watching the eye of the storm close in on us. Getting in a car now would only mean getting stranded somewhere as the flood waters rise. Even in my full-size truck. Those idiots just left in a midsize SUV. They’ll be lucky if they aren't’ swimming to Newport.
“But you told Deb you’d be driving me to the city! We can’t just stay here!”
I hear the panic in her voice. She’s been through a lot today. I bet she woke up this morning and envisioned herself jetting off with her new fiance in a limo to quarantine herself away from social media and the public eye for the next six weeks.
Instead, she’s stuck here with me.
We always end the show here on Wicked. The city promises us privacy, and it’s remote enough that no one bothers us when we’re here. The couple gets jetted off somewhere tropical to spend their new lives together while the loser stays on the beach until the finale airs.
In my opinion, they get the better end of the deal.
“Calm down, Alice. The storm will pass by morning and I’ll get you to Newport then. For now, go get comfortable and I’ll let them know you’re safe here.”
She glares at me, her cute little eyebrows bent together like she doesn’t believe a goddamn thing I’m saying. I don’t blame her. I’m glad she’s being cautious. The girl doesn’t have a cell phone or friend in the world, and I just told he
r she has to spend the evening with me, the one guy on set she has a certain disdain for.
“Am I?” she asks, straightening her shoulders.
“Are you what?” I reply, looking down at my phone while I send a text to Deb that doesn’t want to go through. There’s too much interference and Wicked isn’t known for great cell service.
“Am I safe?” She draws out the word, enunciating each little sound.
“Of course you are, darlin. I’ll sleep out here on the couch. You can lock yourself in the bathroom for all I care.”
As I expected, Deb couldn’t care less where Alice sleeps tonight. What a bitch. A second later, her next text comes in.
Deb: Did you get the shot?
I roll my eyes.
Sam: I got it.
A lie. When they check my footage, they’ll find nothing more than me insulting America’s boyfriend while Alice confronts me for laughing at her. Which of course, I wasn’t. It was never Alice I was laughing at.
2
Alice
It’s starting to get dark. The dim lights of the room are becoming darker by the moment, and pretty soon, I’ll be left in complete darkness with a guy I barely know, not to mention, stares at me like I’m on the menu for a midnight snack.
Which wouldn’t be the worst thing I have to admit.
It’s not like anything fun was happening in the boom-boom room last night. But I won't be telling him that. At least cameras weren’t allowed in there to have him laughing at me as I got shut down while trying to bang my almost boyfriend.