by Bailey Dark
The time is coming close where I will need to choose between my life and the life of others. Tonight, is just a small sample of what I will continue to go through if I don't do something about whatever is happening inside of this man that I thought I knew. As I stare over at the mortals curled into balls, comforting each other, hiding their fears and whimpers to avoid another beating, I realize just how impossible my choice is. Do I save the man I love, if he's even still in there? Or do I sacrifice me and him for the mortals, the innocent?
Chapter 15
Briar
"The answer is simple," William says sternly as we stand within the refuge of the hedges out on the lawn of the castle grounds. "We go back to the original plan."
I shake my head. "I don't know what you mean. "What original plan?"
Willem pauses for several moments as if he doesn't want to let the words come out of his mouth. He takes a deep breath and puts his hand on my shoulder. "You need to kill Kane. It is the only way to protect everyone. If he brings Drogaem back, everyone is doomed anyway. Kane will no longer matter, he will just be a puppet to Drogaem. He has Drogaem's crown and I know you've heard stories of his reign of terror, but I can promise you they are nothing compared to the truth. If Drogaem keeps either of you alive, it will only be to torture you both, to peel the skin straight from your bodies, to keep you alive long enough to feel every ounce of pain radiating through your body. He will kill your family right in front of you. He will kill Kane right in front of you, or vice versa."
My lip quivers, and I try to keep my emotions at bay as I know it bothers Willem when I am not strong. "If I kill him, my body will still remain but my soul will be gone."
Willem shakes his head, walking over to the bench, turning away from me. "What do you care what happens to your body if your soul is gone? It is just a capsule. It's just meat and muscle. You only care because you are currently mortal. Don't you understand that your soul can live without your body and vice versa. You will not know pain any longer because you will not be here. Neither will Kane. But more importantly, Drogaem will not be here."
I wrap my arms around myself and turn away from Willem, the tears welling up in my eyes. I have always known that there is a chance I will die, but not in this way. I thought my death would be like any other soul, my body just a figment, something to comfort me, to feel normal. But I would go on, just in a different existence. What Willem is asking me to do is to completely not exist any longer. It's scary to think about, and though I know once it's done there will be no more thought or feeling, or fear. Making the decision, actually doing it, that frightens me more than anything.
Willem lets out a deep sigh and turns toward me, walking toward the exit of the hedges. "I cannot force you to do anything, you have to think about it. Think about your family, think about everyone here that you've met, and think about yourself and Kane. I know you think this is another ploy for me to take control, but it's not. I will happily step away as long as Drogaem is nowhere to be found. Once you are gone, and Kane is gone, I will burn Drogaem's body so that this can never happen again. The Kane you see up there, the Kane that is angry and bitter, that is not the Kane that you care about. At some point you have to understand that he is gone."
I shake my head and turn away as he leaves. I don't want to believe it. I don't want to believe that that glimmer of fire that I feel deep within this shell of a man is nothing more than my imagination. Even my own instincts tell me that that's not true. The Kane I know is still in there, the man that I care so deeply about, the man that I have a soul bond with. He cannot be dead as I still live.
I leave the hedges, knowing that our time of secrecy there is drawing to a close. Kane is becoming more aware of my existence, watching me, speaking to me on a normal basis, and forcing me to see him every day. I don't mind being near him, even with the abuse that I take, I just don't want to go back down to the crypts. I don't want to face the mortals. And in some ways, seeing Drogaem laying there, hearing Kane's plans to transfer a soul into him, only pushes me more toward the idea of killing him. I feel trapped as if there's no other alternative.
Back in my room I begin to pace, my emotions bubbling over. I run a bath, and strip all of my clothes off, my anxiety reaching a fever pitch. I step into the steaming hot water before it's even full and slowly slink down, pulling my knees to my chest. The steam rises all around me like the fog, and tears stream down my face. I take the moment to cry out, using the running water to shield the sounds of my voice. My sobs become thicker and thicker and anger rises deep inside of me. I clench my fists and scream, letting it out no matter who hears me. I don't care anymore, I can't keep it all in anymore.
I don't want to see the truth. I want to ignore it. But the reality of it is, there's no future for me and Kane that involves love. He may still be inside of the man pacing the crypts below, but whatever love we had is gone. That glimmer of hope that teases me within Kane is just small flame of his soul. I don't know how to bring him back, but I do know that I've reached a point of no return. If I don't kill him, Willem is right, Drogaem will kill everyone.
I begin to think about the logistics of it all, how I will go about it. It won't be hard for me to get close to him, he wants me close to him. It's not an emotional thing, it's a control, and something else that I just can't put my finger on. An obsession with my powers, powers that I don't even use. I have the dagger, hidden in the garden. All I need to do is go and retrieve it, and he could be dead by nightfall.
We could be dead by nightfall.
I begin to think about my life, what it's been like up to this point, and how if I kill Kane this is where my story ends. They may or may not talk about my bravery, saving the Underworld and the Mortal Realms from Drogaem. Most likely, seeing as I am mortal, they will hide it all. I will be the crazy lover, mad with mortal rage. But the truth is, none of that matters to me. I don't care what they say about me when I'm gone. I just want to make sure that if there is even a flicker of the old Kane left inside of him, he knows that I have no other choice. That what I'm doing is out of love. No matter what version of Kane is present, I can barely think about plunging the knife into his heart. To kill the man, the only man I've ever cared about, it's cruel, probably the cruelest thing that he will ever force me to do.
I get myself out of the bathtub, dry off, and pull on a simple black dress, scoop neck, with laces up the back. It's not too conservative, but not Lilith either. I know that no matter what I wear, I will not attract that kind of attention from Kane. Everything he does has a purpose and it's not to be with me like it used to be.
After letting out my emotions and rethinking everything, those walls that I learned how to build around my emotions to keep Kane out, have now become what I'm using to keep my own heart from my own mind. I have to keep it like that, or I'll never be able to follow through. I walk toward the door, reaching my hand out for the handle, ready to go retrieve my knife. As I do though, my vision begins to blur again, and I stumble, putting my hand up and catching myself on the wall. The sounds from outside, and the footsteps within the castle grow muffled as if they're further and further away. That same voice whispers as if it's blowing through the wind.
"No… Not yet." The voice feels so familiar, and though at first, I thought that it was the woman who haunts me, I know now that's not who it is.
I put my hand to my forehead and press my fingers to my temples, clutching my eyes shut. Flashes of visions pop through my mind, me, heading toward the gardens, me standing at the doors, a fear dropping into my belly. I gasp and open my eyes wide, pushing it all out of my mind. Something or someone is telling me not to go and retrieve the dagger. Call it a vision or a gut instinct, it doesn't matter. One thing I've learned living in the Underworld is that when you feel truly and deeply about something, you listen to your instincts. It can be the difference between life and death.
I lock my door back and take off the dress, pulling on my night dressing gown. I am resigning to stay in my roo
m for the rest of the evening and won't be joining anyone for dinner. I feel exhausted, out of it. I don't know if I'm coming down with something, or if that's even possible in the Underworld, but all I want to do is crawl beneath the blankets, lay my body on the soft knitted sheets, and fall into a dreamless sleep.
I walk back over to the door and open it up, poking my head out. Just as I thought, the Guardsmen are back. After everything that Kane and I have been going through, it doesn't surprise me in the least that he's put them back there. "I need you to take a message to Kane or Willem. To whom is up to you. I'm not feeling well, and I'm going to go to bed. I will not be joining them for dinner but I will see them in the morning for breakfast."
The Guardsman nod, smacking his heels together and hurrying off down the hallway. I glance at the others but they don't even look at me, much like everyone else in the castle. I shut the door and lock it again, feeling a slight urge to push a dresser or table in front of it, but I don't. I know at this point anything like that is futile. Kane is far too strong and that would do nothing but piss him off further if he were trying to get into my room.
I pull the drapes on my window and crawl beneath the covers, laying my head down. The exhaustion takes me over, and I let it. It's a feeling of peace and comfort as I drift off to sleep.
* * *
A flame crackles deep within my soul, a heat that is so intense its almost painful. I wince, bringing my hand to my chest, feeling a familiar calmness float over me.
It's Kane.
My eyes shoot open and I find myself standing in a field, long vibrant grasses twist and blow, drifting around me in a sinuous dance of fancy. The sky overhead is a brilliant cerulean, with wispy puffs of playful clouds slowly drifting by. The intensity of heat magnifies in my chest and I search the grounds, looking for him, yearning for him.
As if my eyes clear for the first time, Kane's image flickers into fruition, standing amongst the wavering vacillating blades. I gasp, bringing my hands to my mouth, and take off at a sprint, running straight for him. His dark eyes flicker and he contrasts the brightness of the field so starkly it looks as if he isn't truly there.
"Kane," I yell out, thrusting my arms to the sides as I leap into the air, landing in his.
I tilt my head into the crevasse of his neck, feeling our hearts once again begin to sync. His arms are cool to the touch, but warm compared to the icy cold solitary life I have been leading. There is no question in my mind that it is him, I can feel him surging through me. The intensity of our connection is raw and hot, and I feel as if I can never let go.
My feet dangle above the ground as he holds me close. I pull my head back searching his eyes. That flame is there, the one that ignites so simply for me each time our bodies touch. It is a flame that connects with me. A flame that sends a tingle down my spine. I open my mouth to speak but he puts his finger to my lips, pursing his as he coos a soft lullaby, quieting my mind.
Where one part sleeps, the other awakens.
We stare into each other's eyes, revealing the want and need that has clung so closely to me since the night in the tomb. He tosses me, releasing his arms, and instead, grabs my waist with his strong hands. The feeling of his fingers pressing into my skin is arousing, an electric sizzle spreading over my flesh. My breath quickens and my breasts rise and fall, our lips growing closer but hovering there, just inches away. I try to swallow but the pressure is so tight in my chest it won't go down.
He slows his movements lifting me higher as I instinctively wrap my legs around his waist. When I come to rest, my breasts graze his face, and he leans into them, running his soft lips over my gentle flesh. My body shudders and my eyes grow heavy, the seduction burgeoning thick between us. I wrap my fingers in his hair and push forward, forcing him to take me, forcing the games to end. I've had enough games.
He swallows me, his tongue ravaging my need and desire, tasting me once again. I give into his pull, letting him lead, letting him reduce me to nothing but an extension of him. His lips pucker as he pulls away, and he lowers his mouth, running it down my neck. I lean back, the straps on my dress falling to each side, exposing my hard supple breasts. I gasp as he scrapes his fangs along my skin, finding the perfect place to sink them in. I can feel the sting of his venom and the euphoria that heightens my senses.
Kane spins me around and lowers down onto the ground, leaving me straddling his robust body. I quickly remember the pleasure that blew through me on the beach when he met me once, in my dreams. Instinctively, my hips begin to rock, this time knowing exactly where to find him. His eyes darken even further, and he growls, gripping my waist tightly as he moves with me, thrusting his hips upward as my body runs along his thick singular line.
Despite the inexperience that plagues me, I feel as if my body will take control, moving with the dance of the grasses that surround us. I bite my lip and lean my head back, taking in a deep gulp of air as he moves me faster over top of him. Without warning, he grips me tighter and rolls, flipping me gently onto my back. This time he doesn't need to restrain me, my arms rise over my head and my thighs open, welcoming him into me. He grips the straps of my dress and rips them loose, pushing the thin translucent material to my waist. His fingers move downward as I arch my back, begging for his touch. He pushes the thin streams of skirt fabric up, moving his hand inward, and up my thigh.
The tickle of his fingers moving closer and closer toward my pulsing mound is pain and pleasure defined. I writhe beneath him, my breath catching as he stares deeply into my eyes. Without breaking our connect, his fingers smooth through the plump wet folds beneath. I have never felt something so delicious, so perfect as his cool fingers dancing across my ecstasy. I reach down and run my cupped hand up his shaft, trapped beneath fabric and string. When I reach the top, I untie the singular bow that keeps us separated. His pants slide down his strong chiseled abdomen and his restless cock emerges, searching for engulfment.
My body shivers for him, feeling as, even with the incredible connection that barrels through me, I will never be complete without becoming one. He pulls my hands back over my head and lowers down, wrapping my thighs around him. As he pushes the head of his manhood against me, he pulls my lips to his, kissing me gently. I feel us connect, and he slides through the juices that my body erupts with. As his cock buries deep within my quivering walls, my mouth falls open and I moan deeply into his sending my calls of pleasure down into his soul. The connection that binds us only grows stronger, sending a wave of ecstasy through both of us. It is so deep and powerful it moves our bodies over the soft grasses.
But still we cling, his hips rolling slowly against me, feeding that pleasure, growing it until my vision no longer focuses on anything but his muscles tensing and easing with each thrust or twist. His hands slip from mine and his claws dig into the ground on either side of my head. He groans, holding back, moving faster and faster. His head dips down, his breath heavy and aromatic against my skin. As my body tightens, poising for release, he lifts his head and stares deeply into my eyes.
"Kane," I whisper, those three words weightless on the tip of my tongue.
Suddenly, a blast of fear slams into me as if it has been stabbed right into my very core. His eyes begin to fog and his face goes still for just a fraction of a moment. My hands cling to him, feeling him leaving, feeling the very core of our bond disintegrating around me.
"No," he whispers.
His body yanks from my grasp and I sit up, gripping the remnants of my dress to my body. My arm stays outstretched, my eyes watching in horror as Kane soars backward, a dark ominous hole opening behind him. As his body disappears into the void, I scream his name, but he does not hear me. No one hears me. The void hovers over me casting a shadow that surges over the land, engulfing everything it touches in pure darkness.
I am left alone, the coldness seeping back into my veins, my mind returning to the sea of solitary imprisonment I am cursed with.
* * *
I can remember waking up a
t my father's home in the mornings, feeling the sun radiating through my windows, gently waking me from my sleep. I would dress, and then head down for breakfast with my father's and sisters. We would all arrive at different times, but we would all wait for each other to eat. It was a lighthearted moment of the day, and my father made it a rule that we never talked about stressful or heavy things during breakfast. Even when we were preparing for me to marry Kane, to leave the mortal plane and go to the Underworld, we didn't speak a word of it during breakfast.
Now, I wake to just a brighter evening, the tones of purple tinting my room a maroon color. I no longer find it as beautiful as I did when I first arrived. I know that when my room changes color I have to face the day. With each and every wake up, the clock begins to tic. I start the day with anxiety, stressed beyond belief not knowing what will happen that day. I thought maybe I would get used to it, but I'm not. I still wake with the same knot in my stomach.
I put the same dress on that I had worn for only a few moments the night before, and pull my hair up into a twist that sits on the back of my head like a halo. I reach for the black twisted tiara, but stop myself. I don't believe that I'm the person to wear that anymore. Just the thought of it chokes me, and I swallow back the tears, finding my sentimentality almost annoying. Kane is right, my human traits may just be the death of me.
Walking into the dining hall, Willem stands and pulls out my chair but Kane doesn't even look up. I nod knowingly to Willem and he stares at me for a moment before shifting his eyes away. He can tell I've come to a decision. He can tell I've come to a hard decision. But it won't happen right now, right now I will enjoy breakfast, and then go about my day making permanent plans for mine and Kane's death.