by Kasie West
I wanted to point out that it didn’t matter. I had the money to spend on the car. But that probably would’ve just proved her point. “I’m not stupid, Blaire,” I said.
“Just a little too trusting.”
“Okay, thanks for your concern.” Now I was getting irritated. I could’ve pointed out all the times I felt like my own friends had taken advantage of me in the last month: dorm room decorations, a party I didn’t want to throw, my birthday bowling game I paid for, expensive pizza. But I didn’t. Because I had wanted to do those things. That didn’t make me naïve. It made me nice.
Elise reached forward and squeezed my arm.
I pulled it away.
Blaire grabbed Elise’s hand, like they were a united front against me. “I feel like you weren’t good enough for Trina until you were noteworthy. Until you had money and fame.”
I closed my eyes to keep the stinging at bay.
“I’m sorry, Maddie,” Blaire said. “I just don’t like to see people using you.”
“You’re entitled to your opinion. I’m sorry you feel this way.”
“Just think about the Trina situation, okay? We care about you. If she spoke to that reporter for notoriety or to hurt your reputation, what else will she be willing to do?” Blaire asked.
Why did this feel like an intervention? Or an ultimatum? Was Blaire telling me that I had to pick? Was she asking me not to talk to Trina again? My friends were the only ones treating me badly right now, so I wasn’t ready to make that decision. I nodded before I turned to walk away. “I’ll keep your warning in mind.”
At lunch, I couldn’t bring myself to search out Blaire and Elise. They had made it clear that they didn’t want me around until I was on board with their unproven theories. Plus, I needed to think.
As I walked by the commons on my way to the food trucks, I heard a voice yell out.
“Maddie!”
I almost didn’t look. My name felt overused these days, people calling it out just for fun. I knew how my mom felt when one time she told me that if she heard the word mom one more time she might hide under her bed until we all figured out when we really needed her.
But I did look. It was Trina. She was waving me over to the group.
“Sit with us, Maddie,” she said, pointing to an empty space on the bench in between her and Beth.
“You guys aren’t going off campus today?” I asked, walking over. Daniel stood beside the bench looking at his cell phone, and Heidi was sitting on the ground in front of it.
“Mason is picking up a pizza and bringing it back here,” she said.
Pizza and Mason. More reminders of the article.
“Did Mason tell you he came to a study session with me and my friends the other night?” I asked Trina.
“Mason? At a study session?” She laughed.
“So he didn’t?”
“This is the first I’m hearing it.”
So she didn’t know about the underwhelming tip to the delivery guy.
I stared at the empty spot next to her, wondering what to do. If I sat down, was I making my choice? It was hard for me to believe that this was the group I was being warned against when they’d done nothing but welcome me in. My own friends were the ones kicking me out. Jealousy was a weird thing. I was learning that firsthand. I sat down beside Trina.
The last words I remembered saying to Seth on Sunday night played over and over in my head as I pulled into the zoo parking lot. I’ll be here as long as you want me. Could I have been any more obvious? I wished I could remember how he’d reacted to that line. I had no idea how he felt about me. He did call me a lot. That had to mean something. But he never asked me out. That had to mean something, too. Maybe he called all his friends. Maybe he was talking to Rachel on the days he wasn’t talking to me. Or maybe he sensed I’d say no to a date. Because I would. Now was the time to focus, like I’d told him. Not to get distracted.
Just as I was about to get out of my car, Seth pulled into a spot nearby. I slid down in my seat until my head was below the window line. He could not see me in this fancy new car. How would I explain it?
When my neck started to hurt from my cramped position, I figured I had given him enough of a lead time. Still, I crept out of the car like some sort of spy, hunched over. I quietly closed the door and didn’t stand to my full height until I was two cars away from mine. And I didn’t push the lock button on my key until I was nearly to the sidewalk. Then I picked up my speed and tried to catch up with Seth, who I could make out already at the entrance.
Just pretend I didn’t say anything embarrassing or desperate on the phone, I told myself. If I never acknowledged it, then it never happened.
I came up behind him and grabbed hold of his shoulders with a bounce. “Hi.”
He flashed his brilliant smile at me over his shoulder. “Hey, sleepy head.”
Or he would acknowledge it right away and ruin my plan completely.
“Yeah,” I replied, trying not to blush. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to fall asleep in the middle of whatever you were saying the other night. I’m sure it was super interesting.”
“Yes, so interesting you couldn’t keep your eyes open.”
I smiled. It was cloudy today and the air smelled like rain. I looked up at the sky. The zoo didn’t close when it rained but everything became a bit more unpleasant. A large crack of lightning burst across the sky followed by a loud boom of thunder. My shoulders instinctively went up and I ducked my head.
“That’s new,” Seth said. I noticed he had taken a step closer to me, his arm extending behind my back without touching it. When he saw me look, he dropped his arm and stepped away.
“And a statistic I actually don’t want to be a part of.”
“What?” he asked.
“One in seven hundred thousand people a year get struck by lightning.”
“I don’t want to know why you know that.”
“I was curious as a kid.” And still was.
We rushed through the entrance and toward our normal meeting spot with Carol. It appeared the whole staff was there waiting for direction—including Rachel. She joined Seth and me.
Our arrival seemed to bring the rain with it, because as soon as we stopped near Carol, the rain dropped from the sky.
Carol held her clipboard over her head. “Okay, guys, the zookeepers will need our help putting animals away this morning.”
“I thought the zoo didn’t close for rain,” I said, holding my arms over my head. They did not make an effective umbrella.
“It doesn’t. It does for lightning, though. We need to protect the animals.”
Seth, Rachel, and I were handed cheap plastic zoo ponchos and directed to the petting farm, where we helped herd all the animals to their covered pens. The animals were scared and skittish but I managed to direct several goats.
Rachel wasn’t having as much luck with the pigs across the way. Seth must’ve noticed as well because he went over to help her.
The rain stung my cheeks as it increased in intensity. A crack of lightning lit the sky and seemed to jolt my thoughts. “Heeboo,” I said.
Seth had ducked under an overhang with Rachel and was gesturing for me to join them.
“I need to go check on the anteater!” I yelled, backing away from them. Water dripped from the hood of my poncho and down my face.
“Are you crazy? Come on, she’ll be fine. I’m sure the others have put her away by now.” He reached for my hand but I spun away and began to run.
I couldn’t see very well through the rain but I heard the carousel music in the distance and followed its sound. Seth caught up with me just as I passed by the carved horses that were going up and down around their never-ending loop. Someone must’ve abandoned the carousel during its test run that morning to take care of the real animals.
Seth steered me away from the large metal structure. “You and your anteater,” he mumbled.
I smiled at him but kept walking. We splashed our way throu
gh the zoo until we came to Heeboo’s enclosure.
“Looks like she was put away.” Seth held his hand up, shielding the rain from his eyes as he searched.
I took a breath of relief but then saw a movement in the corner. “No. She’s there.” I rushed around the side and into her pen. I was glad Seth had followed me because it took the two of us to herd Heeboo and her shivering baby into the covered house. The roof still wasn’t fixed so it would probably be a little leaky, but she’d be fine.
Seth latched the door closed and took my hand. “Come on, we need to get inside somewhere, too.”
Together we headed back toward the staff building. The rain was coming down so hard I couldn’t see two feet in front of me.
“Over here,” Seth said. We ran across a section of sloshy grass and Seth pulled us under the protection of what I realized was the tunnel over the train tracks. The tunnel was about twenty feet long. We walked to the middle of the tunnel and sat on the dry ground. I could hear the rain pounding down above us. I struggled out of my plastic poncho and placed it on the tracks next to us. Seth did the same.
“We seem to have a water theme going on lately,” Seth said. “You just want to see me in a wet T-shirt, don’t you?”
I gave him my best effort at a smile but it was hard. My chest was quivering from the cold and my head was pounding. I pulled my knees up to my chest and stared out at the rain. Water dripped from my hair down my cheeks and I wiped it away. It kept dripping and I kept wiping. And then it was more than water, it was tears, soaking my cheeks with warmth.
“Maddie?” Seth said softly. “What is it?”
I shook my head and buried my face in my knees.
“Are you hurt? Are you cold?” He scooted closer to me.
I wasn’t sure what I was. Overwhelmed? Everything that had happened was suddenly hitting me hard. “My best friends hate me,” I began.
“Why? What happened?”
He would hate me, too, when he knew that I hadn’t been truthful. “I just wanted to be around someone who I felt like myself with.”
“What?”
I was mixing two trains of thoughts. Of course he wasn’t following.
“They hate you because you wanted to feel like yourself?” he asked.
“No, they hate me because they want me to believe something I’m not sure is true and because I’m different.”
“Different than what?” he asked.
“Than how I used to be.”
He placed a hand on my arm. “You seem the same to me.”
Those words brought a new wave of tears. “To you, I am.”
“I don’t understand.”
And he never would unless I told him. But I couldn’t. How could I when everyone else in my life was abandoning me? Or using me? I needed him. I sat up and wiped my cheeks. “I’m fine.”
“Whatever it is, you can tell me,” Seth said.
I leaned back against the curving cement wall behind me. “I know, and I will … soon.” Then he would have to decide if money changed everything, like it had with my friends. No, I wasn’t going to let my money change things. I was going to fix things with my friends. I had to.
I looked down at our feet. Seth wore green Vans and I had on an old pair of black Converse. They were shoes I had before my shopping spree. I always wore them to the zoo. The left shoe had a small hole in the toe and my sock was soaked.
Seth bumped my foot with his. I answered back.
“Tell me a story,” I said.
“A story?”
“One that you’ve written.”
“Let’s see … ” He leaned his head back against the wall, too, and looked up as if in thought. “There once was a girl named Maddy.”
“I thought you said you didn’t write stories about depressed teenagers. Only messed-up adults.”
He laughed. “Messed-up adults and completely normal teenagers.”
“So this is definitely not about me then.”
“Not at all. My Maddy spells her name with a Y.”
I smiled. “Oh, right, sorry. Go on.”
“Like I was saying, there was a girl named Maddy who was smart and fun and a little weird.”
“Hey,” I said.
“What? Are you taking offense on Maddy’s behalf?”
“We share a name, I’m feeling defensive of her.”
“A little weird is a good thing.”
I looked at him. “You think so?”
“Weird is the new cool.”
“So what happened to weird Maddy?” I pressed my feet up against the train tracks in front of us.
“She met a guy named Leth.”
“Leth?”
“Yes, and Leth asked her out on a date.”
“Why?” I wasn’t sure if he was being serious or this was all part of his teasing persona he wore so well.
“Why what?”
“Why would he do that?”
“Because he promised to right a wrong from a crappy birthday she had.”
Right. My crappy birthday that resulted in a lottery win that he knew nothing about. “Isn’t Maddy going away to college soon and doesn’t want to leave behind loose ends?” I asked, my heart suddenly beating hard.
“Loose ends? Well, when you put it that way, I think you’re right. Leth wouldn’t want to take her out if she thought of him like that.”
“I’m sorry. It’s just … I have a plan and … ” I needed to stay on track with it. It was the only thing holding me together at this point when everything else around me seemed to be crumbling.
“Why are you sorry?” he asked. “It was just a story.”
Why was I so stupid? Now I’d hurt his feelings and I hadn’t meant to. I hadn’t meant to let myself get that close to him. A rumble of thunder made me jump.
“I’m actually surprised by your lightning statistic,” he said, probably trying to lessen the awkwardness I’d created. “I thought the odds would be less likely. I mean getting struck by lightning is the go-to phrase when people are trying to say something is impossible, right?”
“No, they use it when they’re saying something else is impossible,” I said. “For example, people might say, you should try to win the lottery. And someone else would say, you’re more likely to be hit by lightning than win the lottery.” I met his eyes.
A crack of lightning lit the tunnel. Seth broke our gaze to look out at the rain. Wind whipped through the openings, making it a literal wind tunnel. A shiver went through me.
“We can probably find a warmer place. Do you want to make a run for it?” Seth asked. “I’m sure you can defy those odds at least. Everyone else is probably in the staff building.”
I was being selfish. I didn’t want to leave this tunnel. I wanted to stay where the rest of the world seemed like a blurry nonexistent place. Here I had him all to myself. Here he was sitting close, our legs pressed together, our shoulders touching. I wanted to say, Tell me the rest of the story about Maddy, I do want you to take me out. I wanted to forget about my pact with Blaire and Elise, and everything I’d been planning for the last six years. I quickly stood. “Yes, we should go.”
Seth stood, too, slower than I had.
He held out his hand and I stared at it. I placed my hand in his. It was the only part of my body that now felt warm.
“Maddie, you should know I’m here if you need to talk. About anything.”
I nodded.
We ran hand in hand, through the pummeling rain, all the way to the entrance of the zoo where the staff building was. Everyone was there. As soon as we were inside, Seth dropped my hand. I made my way to the bathroom, where I used the air dryer on my soaked hair so I’d stop shivering. My reflection in the mirror was scary—streaked mascara, sopping wet tangled hair, and bright red cheeks. I pushed my hair out of my face, wiped away mascara, and joined the others in the room.
Seth was sitting by Rachel on a long couch by the refrigerator. I checked the time on my phone. Rain or not, I needed to get out of
here.
Everything okay? You left without saying good-bye.
I sat in my car and read Seth’s text. The second the rain had let up a little, I’d rushed out of the zoo and into the shelter of my Corvette.
I’m fine, I sent back to Seth.
Then I started my car. It was time to fix the only thing I felt like I could right now. Then maybe I’d feel a little better.
I stood at the brightly lit counter, looking at the rows and rows of diamonds—diamonds in rings, in bracelets, in earrings. Diamonds on broaches and in hair pins. The staff at the jewelry store had greeted me once when I came in. Now they stood in a corner talking to each other, as though waiting for a more worthy customer to bestow their energy on. I did look like a wet mop, I was sure. I didn’t blame them.
What would my mom like?
She wasn’t super flashy or over the top. Something simple and yet elegant.
“Excuse me,” I called. “I’d like to buy this necklace.”
The man who joined me at the counter seemed surprised at the item I was pointing to. “That’s a ten-thousand-dollar necklace.” Did he have to look at me like that? Like the girl who stood in front of him was more likely to grow horns than have ten thousand dollars?
“Really? Huh. Do you have one closer to twenty thousand?” I asked.
What was wrong with me? Maybe I had changed, I thought as the startled-looking man led me over to another section. I purchased the first one he suggested and shot out of there.
Getting my dad alone that night wasn’t hard. I told him I wanted to show him a special feature in my car. He was more than willing to look. When we sat side by side, him looking at all the buttons expectantly, I pulled out the box.
“I want you to give this to Mom.”
“What is it?”
“It’s a necklace.”
“Okay.”
“I want you to tell her it’s from you. That you’ve been thinking about her and bought this for her.”
“You don’t have to do this, Maddie.”
“I know, but I want you two to get along. I love both of you and hate to see you fight.”