Playing by Heart

by Cleary James

  ‘So, what do you think?’ she asked, pulling back.

  ‘I can’t wait,’ he grinned. ‘When do you plan to move?’

  She thought. ‘As soon as possible. I’ll have to wait until Martha finds someone to replace me in the cafe. I don’t want to leave her in the lurch. I’ll have to give notice for my flat too. So I suppose in about a month. Then I’ll have to find a job here, and somewhere to live—’

  Grayson took her hand. ‘Move in with me,’ he said. ‘Please.’

  Lisa was torn. She would like nothing better than to live with Grayson. But she didn’t want to be financially dependent on him. He was looking at her anxiously.

  ‘I’d love to live with you,’ she said, and his face lit up with a smile. He was leaning in to kiss her, but she held up a finger, halting him. ‘On condition that I pay my way,’ she said.

  Grayson sighed. ‘Well, I don’t have a mortgage.’

  ‘I’ll pay my share of the bills, then, and contribute to the groceries and so forth. We’ll split everything down the middle – fifty/fifty.’

  Grayson hesitated. ‘You don’t earn as much as me. That doesn’t seem fair.’

  ‘I’ll still be saving on rent,’ Lisa said.

  ‘How about eighty/twenty?’

  ‘Fine,’ Lisa shrugged, ‘as long as I’m paying the eighty.’

  ‘No way.’

  ‘Fifty is as low as I’m prepared to go. Take it or leave it.’

  Grayson gave an exasperated sigh. ‘You drive a hard bargain. Okay.’ He nodded. ‘If that’s what it takes for you to move in, you’ve got yourself a deal.’

  Lisa grinned, holding out her hand to shake on it, but Grayson pulled her into a kiss instead.

  ‘I’ll have to find a studio too,’ she said when they pulled apart. ‘I can ask Susie about that. She might know of somewhere.’ Now that the decision was made, she was excited and couldn’t wait to start making plans for this new phase of her life.

  ‘If you’re going to be paying rent on studio space, maybe I should let you off the bills,’ Grayson said.

  ‘No, we made a deal,’ Lisa grinned. ‘You kissed on it. You can’t back out now.’

  Lisa couldn’t wait to see Daniel and Susie again and tell them that she was moving back to London. On Friday she met them in a bar near Susie’s studio. It was jam packed with the after-work crowd kicking off the weekend, and the atmosphere was lively and high-spirited. Daniel was as overjoyed to see her as Susie had been, and pulled her into a fierce bear hug, squeezing her so tightly she could hardly breathe. After jostling for drinks at the crowded bar, they sat together at a long, scrubbed wooden table.

  ‘Cheers!’ Daniel said as they clinked glasses. ‘This is like old times.’

  ‘It is,’ Lisa said, grinning at him over the rim of her glass. The three of them had spent so many Friday nights like this when they were in college. It seemed such a long time ago, but as they talked and talked, catching up on each other’s lives and filling in the missing years, it started to feel like they’d never been apart.

  ‘We should do this more often,’ Lisa said.

  ‘Well, whenever you’re in town, it’s a date,’ Daniel smiled.

  ‘Yeah,’ Susie said. ‘Now that we’ve got you back, we’re not going to let you get away again.’

  ‘Absolutely not,’ Daniel said. ‘I still can’t believe you’re really here.’

  ‘Well, now that we’re all together,’ Lisa said, ‘there’s something I want to ask you. Do either of you know of a studio that’s available for rent?’

  Daniel looked puzzled, but Susie got it immediately. Her face broke into an ear-splitting grin. ‘Oh my God, you’re moving back!’ she squealed.

  Daniel’s eyes widened in delight and he beamed at her. ‘Really?’

  Lisa nodded slowly, grinning back at them. ‘Yep.’

  ‘Oh my God, this is fantastic!’ Daniel said excitedly. ‘There’s a space available in my building.’

  ‘Really? Where is it?’ Since she had last seen him, Daniel had forged a modestly successful career for himself as a painter, supplementing his income by doing freelance book cover design.

  ‘In Limehouse. Hang on.’ He got out his phone and started thumbing through it. ‘This is it,’ he said, holding it out to Lisa and showing her a listing on a property website for the vacant studio.

  Lisa took the phone from him and studied the details. The rent was two hundred and fifty pounds a month, and the studio looked ideal.

  ‘It’s a great place,’ Daniel said. ‘The landlord’s a decent guy, and the rent’s pretty reasonable for the location. It’s not easy to get somewhere so central.’

  ‘It looks perfect,’ Lisa said, handing the phone back to him.

  ‘We could be neighbours,’ Daniel said, grinning excitedly.

  ‘Well, I think this calls for another round of drinks,’ Susie said, crashing her empty glass onto the table. ‘My shout,’ she said, getting up.

  The next day Daniel took Lisa to view the studio.

  ‘I know you’re not moving back to London immediately,’ he told her on the way there, ‘but if you want it, you should probably take it straight away and pay a deposit. Places like this are hard to find and they don’t come up that often.’

  The studio was perfect, and she already felt excited about working there as she looked around. It was on the top floor of the building, a large, bright room flooded with light.

  ‘If you need help making up your mind,’ Daniel said, ‘the pizza at the place across the road is to die for.’

  ‘Well, that would definitely swing it,’ Lisa said. ‘But I’ve already made up my mind. I’ll take it,’ she told the estate agent.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Lisa gave Martha her notice as soon as she got back to Porth Heron, and Martha found a replacement for her before the month was up. It was a bittersweet time as she wound up her life in the little village that would always have a special place in her heart. She was looking forward to moving in with Grayson and starting her new life in London, but she was sad to be saying goodbye to the friends who had been such an important part of her life. She would always be grateful to them and to this place for the second chance they had given her. Together they had helped her to heal and start over.

  Katya and Martha were sorry she was leaving, but not surprised. It seemed that after meeting Grayson, they had both decided it was only a matter of time before she would move back to London to be with him.

  ‘Just don’t forget about us,’ Katya sniffed as they said goodbye. Grayson had driven down the day before, and this time, Lisa was getting the flight back to London with him. Most of her belongings had already been sent to London. Martha and Katya had come to help her pack up the last of her things and wave them off.

  ‘Don’t worry, I’ll keep in touch. Anyway, Grayson’s parents are near here and we’ll be visiting them often. I’ll come and see you guys whenever we’re down here.’ It made it easier to leave knowing that she’d be back regularly.

  ‘And you’re both welcome to come and stay with us anytime,’ Grayson said.

  She was glad that her first few weeks in London were too busy to allow her time to brood, as she was immediately thrown into preparations for her show at the end of the month. Luckily, she didn’t have to find a job right away. She had been working most of her time in Porth Heron and she had been careful with her money, so she still had some savings to live on while she concentrated on painting. She spent long days in her studio, putting finishing touches to the pieces for her show, and she worked closely with Isabel, doing what she could to help raise her profile ahead of the opening.

  Isabel had been thrilled when Lisa told her she wanted to take her up on her offer. She had immediately swung into action, organising catalogues and invitations, and helping Lisa make the final selection of paintings. She was a powerhouse of energy, and her excitement about launching Lisa as a new artist was inspiring. Despite working harder and longer than she’d ever work
ed in her life, Lisa felt energised and invigorated by it rather than exhausted.

  She’d never been happier. Living with Grayson was bliss. She loved her new studio, and it was wonderful having time to concentrate on her art. She was looking forward to putting it out in the world, though a little nervous about how it would be received. But whenever she had a wobble and doubted herself, Isabel’s faith in her boosted her confidence. She just hoped she could do it justice.

  The only cloud on the horizon as the big day approached was the thought of seeing Mark again. So far she had managed to avoid bumping into him since coming back to London, even though she had visited Isabel’s Mayfair gallery many times. She had even hung around the area longer than necessary, half hoping that she would run into him and get it over with. Now it seemed likely that the first time she’d see him would be at her show. She wondered how he’d felt when he got the invitation.

  ‘I don’t have to invite Mark if you don’t want me to,’ Isabel had said when they were discussing the guest list.

  ‘Wouldn’t that be weird?’

  ‘Well, he would usually come to openings at my gallery,’ Isabel shrugged. ‘But if you don’t want him there ....’

  ‘No, I want you to invite him,’ she’d said. ‘The London art world is pretty small, so I’ll have to face him sometime. It might as well be now.’ She didn’t want to be a coward. Besides, it would put her mind at rest if she saw him with Rose and could reassure herself that they were a couple now and he had moved on.

  ‘Well, Grayson and I will be there with you,’ Isabel said kindly.

  ‘I know,’ Lisa said, smiling at her. ‘That means a lot.’

  The weeks flew by in a blur of activity, and before she knew it, the big night arrived. Despite all the planning and preparation, Lisa still didn't feel ready as she sipped a glass of champagne, watching the guests start to stream into the gallery.

  ‘Nervous?’ Grayson asked, putting an arm around her and pulling her into his side. He gave her a soft kiss on her temple.

  ‘Yes,’ she breathed.

  ‘You don’t have to be,’ he said. ‘The show is amazing. They’re going to love it.’

  Lisa smiled at him shakily. But the truth was, she was less nervous about the show going well than she was about seeing Mark again. Her heart was thudding in her chest and her palms were clammy as she watched the door. She tried to turn away, to focus on something else, but her eyes were always drawn back to the entrance. The anticipation was agony. She wished he would just come and get it over with.

  And then suddenly he was there. Her skin prickled and her heart leapt into her throat as he walked in, his arm around Rose’s waist. Her eyes flew to Rose. Was she imagining it, or was her smile a little forced and tense? They looked every inch the glamorous, successful couple and probably no one in the room but her would question if they were really as relaxed and happy together as they appeared. But all she could see was the slightly pinched look to Rose’s features, the tightness of Mark’s grip around her narrow waist. Rose was wearing a very revealing dress, the plunging neckline slashed almost to her waist, showing off her waifishly thin body. It was a marked departure from her usual arty, bohemian style. Her quirky individuality was gone, and she looked chic and sophisticated, but older than her years. Mark appeared suave and genial as he surveyed the room, but his eyes became flinty as they came to rest on Lisa, and she felt paralysed by the intensity in his gaze.

  She was relieved when Isabel moved forward to greet them, diverting his attention away from her. Mark smiled easily as Isabel welcomed them and handed them drinks. Then they were coming towards her. Lisa steeled herself as they approached, grateful when Grayson slid an arm lightly around her waist.

  ‘I don’t need to introduce you to our wonderful artist,’ Isabel said to them.

  ‘Lisa,’ Mark nodded at her in greeting, a sardonic twist to his lips.

  ‘Hello, Mark.’ His eyes burned into hers with such intensity, she had to look away. ‘Hi, Rose,’ she turned to the girl with a smile. ‘Thank you both for coming.’

  ‘I wouldn’t have missed it for the world,’ Mark said, his eyes scanning the room briefly. ‘Congratulations!’ He raised his glass of champagne to her.

  ‘Thanks.’

  ‘Yes, well done,’ Rose said, a glint of triumph in her smile as she nestled closer to Mark. ‘We’ve heard great things from Isabel.’ There was something smug in the ‘we’ and the way she curled herself into Mark’s body that Lisa knew was meant to unsettle her and make her jealous. But Lisa had once been exactly where Rose was now, and all she could feel was pity.

  ‘Grayson,’ Mark greeted him with a cursory nod, then proceeded to introduce him to Rose.

  ‘Nice to meet you, Rose,’ Grayson shook her hand. ‘I hear you’re a very talented artist yourself.’

  ‘Yes, what are you working on these days?’ Lisa asked her. ‘Last time I saw you you were about to have your first solo show.’

  Lisa recognised the nervous glance Rose threw Mark with a sinking heart.

  ‘Oh, I’m taking a bit of a break at the moment,’ she said airily. ‘I need some time out to ... develop.’

  Lisa recognised that line all too well. It was Rose’s voice, but they were Mark’s words. ‘Well, don’t leave it too long,’ she said. ‘Sometimes you just need to dive in and put it out there.’

  Rose gave her a sour smirk. ‘Really, Lisa? One show and you consider yourself an expert, qualified to dole out career advice to the rest of us?’

  ‘Oh, no – I didn’t mean it like—’

  But with a toss of her head, Rose stalked off before she could finish.

  ‘Rose didn’t do herself any favours by putting her work out prematurely,’ Mark said coldly. ‘It’s not helpful to rub her nose in it.’

  Lisa gasped. ‘I wasn’t—’ she protested hotly. ‘I didn’t mean—’

  Mark smiled. ‘No, I’m sure you didn’t mean it like that, Lisa. I know you don’t have a spiteful bone in your body. But it’s a bit of a sore point with Rose. She’s very sensitive about it. So you’d be doing her a kindness if you didn’t needle her about her career, especially when you’re doing so well.’

  Lisa nodded dumbly as Mark moved off to look at the paintings and Isabel brought more guests over to meet her. She hardly knew what she was saying, her mind still spinning from her encounter with Mark, going over all the things she should have said. She couldn’t believe how easy it was for him to wrong-foot her still, leaving her speechless and gasping, hardly knowing what she’d said or what she’d meant by it. Had she come off as bitchy to Rose? It was unintentional, but maybe she had sounded like she was lording it over her now that she was having some success, while Rose’s star seemed to be in the descendent.

  ‘You didn’t say anything wrong,’ Grayson murmured in her ear. ‘Don’t pay any attention to him.’

  She turned to him, dazed. He was right. She mustn’t let Mark get into her head and manipulate her as he always had. She was distracted by Daniel and Susie arriving, squealing with excitement as they hugged and congratulated her.

  ‘Ugh, what’s he doing here?’ Daniel said, throwing daggers looks at Mark.

  Lisa shrugged. ‘I was going to have to see him some time. Might as well get the kudos of having him come to my show.’

  ‘Well, just don’t let him kill your buzz,’ Susie said.

  ‘Don’t worry,’ she smiled. ‘I won’t.’

  ‘Come on, Dan,’ Susie said, grabbing his hand. ‘Let’s go and say hi. He must have missed us dreadfully. I’m sure he’ll be dying for a catch-up.’

  Lisa giggled as she dragged Daniel off.

  The gallery quickly filled up, and Lisa was kept busy talking to guests and answering questions about her work. But she was always aware of where Mark was in the room, without even seeking him out. She knew she was being cowardly, but she made sure she was always on the opposite side of the gallery to him or surrounded by other people. She didn’t want to be on her own with
him. She did want to speak to Rose in private, though, and she watched for an opportunity to get her alone. It wouldn’t be easy because she always stayed close to Mark. But just as she finished talking to a potential buyer, she spotted Rose standing alone at the other side of the room. Now was her chance.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  ‘It’s good to see you again, Lisa.’

  She gasped, and turned around. She’d been so preoccupied with watching Rose, she hadn’t heard Mark come up behind her.

  ‘You look well,’ he said, his eyes raking over her body, lingering on the soft swell of her breasts and the curve of her hips. ‘The work is very good.’ He nodded to the painting on the wall behind her. ‘I’m impressed.’

  ‘Thanks,’ she breathed.

  ‘You’re very talented. But of course, that’s no surprise to me. I always knew you had it in you.’

  Lisa frowned. ‘You told me I wasn’t good enough.’

  He cocked his head to the side and gave her a pitying smile. ‘Come on, Lisa. We both know that’s not true. I told you you needed to develop – and I gave you the time and space to do that.’

  She stared at him aghast. She couldn’t believe he was still trying to gaslight her. For a moment he almost made her doubt herself and question the truth of what had happened between them.

  ‘And I was right,’ he said, looking around at the paintings. ‘You’ve put in the time, and it’s paid off.’

  She shook her head. ‘You didn’t support me. You sabotaged my career. You took my paintings and pretended you were trying to sell them, and instead you buried them—’

  He sighed. ‘Because you weren’t ready. You were always too impatient. I didn’t want a little early success to go to your head and ruin the career you could have. Those paintings weren’t—’

  ‘Don’t tell me they weren’t good enough,’ she said vehemently. ‘Because they were. I was good enough.’

  He shrugged. ‘Yes, they probably would have sold. But would you really have been happy with just being "good enough"? I couldn’t let you settle for that when I knew you were capable of so much more. I just wanted you to achieve all your potential, Lisa. Maybe your work was "good enough" then. But this – this is magnificent.’