by Jessica Ames
“That’s why you stayed gone so long?” I ask.
I don’t get told a lot of shit that goes on in the club, but I do know Ravage hadn’t been too happy about Sasha being back in town at first. That was common knowledge. I don’t know what changed, whether it was him learning he had a daughter and that Lily-May was ill, but he and Sasha managed to move beyond their messy past. The love Ravage has for Sasha is clear in his face every time he looks at her. He looks at her with such devotion, such need. It’s uncomfortable viewing sometimes, but it’s also special. He would hang the moon for his girls, and I’m jealous she has that.
Sasha’s smile is thin. “I had a lot of reasons for staying gone. All of which seem stupid now.”
I glance down at my hands in my lap. “Don’t tell Levi I was here. He’ll worry.”
She considers me for a moment. “Does he have a reason to worry?”
“No.” The lie falls far too easily from my lips.
“It’s not an easy life being attached to an MC. There are more rules, more shit we have to abide by to keep safe. It can get a little much.”
It’s not the rules I have a problem with. It’s the Sons themselves. Apart from Daimon…
I’m starting to trust him, even if I shouldn’t. Layla thinks he’s bad news, and maybe he is, but he’s been nothing but good to me.
So was he before—
I slash that thought dead. I don’t need to think about what happened that night, or any other nights.
I want to take another sip of my drink, relish the burn, but Sasha’s presence keeps those intentions locked down. I can’t do shit with her sitting next to me.
“You know, if you need to talk, I’m a fucking fantastic listener,” Sasha tells me, her gaze locked on her daughter as she plays in the grass on the other side of the path.
“I’m okay.”
“Drinking in the park in the middle of the morning doesn’t seem okay to me.”
She’s right, but it’s the only way to keep the darkness at bay, to stop from shutting down completely.
“I told you—bad morning.”
“Most people have a coffee and doughnut when they’ve had a shitty day. They don’t drink themselves into oblivion, Brie.” She turns to face me, and I wilt under her sharp scrutiny. “So, you want to talk about it?”
I turn my gaze to Lily who is picking daisies from the grass.
“You wouldn’t understand.”
She lets out a breath that is filled with so much emotion it makes my heart hurt. “You’d be surprised by the things I understand, honey.”
I dip my head to look at my hands folded in my lap. She would be horrified if she knew the truth. They all will be.
Sasha surprises me by grabbing my hand. “Don’t suffer alone. You have a family who loves you.”
She’s the second person to mention family and the fact I’m part of something bigger than myself now. Whether I like it or not, the Sons are part of my life. I don’t know if I’m assured by that or not. How am I meant to tell her that because of her family, I’m hurting?
“Thank you,” I glance at her, then bend to hug her, feeling like this talk changed something between us.
“I’m here, any time you need to talk and you can come to me about anything, Brie.”
“I’ll keep that in mind.” I push to my feet. “I better get home. Layla will be wondering where I am.”
She won’t. She thinks I’m still eating breakfast with Daimon, who I just walked out on.
I smile. “Bye, Sash.”
Then I rush off, snagging my half-drunk bottle of whiskey from the bench, ignoring the worried stare boring into my back.
13
Daimon
Layla is glaring at me so hard, I feel like I might combust. I ignore her and focus on the front door of the flat. After Briella ran out on me, I rode around for a while, trying to spot her, but she’d vanished into the fucking ether. I figured the best idea was to head to her flat and wait for her to return. That was over two hours ago and I’m starting to get fucking antsy.
What if something has happened to her?
Worst case scenarios attack my mind, forcing me to think of situations that I don’t want to imagine. Fear for her safety has surpassed anger and I just want her to come home. Layla tried calling her a few times, but she hasn’t answered, which makes me even more concerned.
“What the hell did you say to her?” Layla snaps out after a long moment of silence.
This bitch is pissing me off. She’s a haughty, judgemental cunt and I’m not used to answering to anyone, let alone some kid.
She’s the same age as Briella.
I ignore that voice in the back of my head. Brie might only be nineteen, but she sure as fuck doesn’t act it.
“You got something you want to accuse me of, then fucking say it,” I snap out.
She folds her arms over her chest and glares at me. “Does Levi know you’re sniffing around his sister?”
She smirks when I don’t answer straight away, which pisses me the hell off.
“What’s your fucking problem?”
“I don’t like you.”
I snort. “That feeling is completely fucking mutual.” I run my hands through my hair. “I’m just trying to help.”
She stares at me for a moment. “Briella isn’t your pet project to fix.”
“Ain’t what I’m trying to do, darlin’, and if you opened your eyes for five seconds you’d see that. Something ain’t right with her, and she needs to get it out in the open because whatever it is, it’s tearing her apart.”
“The last thing she needs is someone from your club trying to fix her.”
Her words piss me off. My club might walk a knife’s edge, mired in the darkness, but that doesn’t mean we don’t want the best for Briella.
“The fuck is your problem with my club?”
I never find out, because she opens her mouth and closes it again at the sound of a key in the lock.
I push up to my feet as the door opens and reveals Briella. I skim my eyes over her, checking she’s unharmed and when I see she’s whole and healthy, I relax.
She doesn’t.
Her whole body stiffens at the sight of me, and isn’t that a kick in the balls?
My brain screams at me to treat her gently, but worry makes my anger flare.
“Where the fuck have you been?” I demand.
“Hey!” Layla snarls. “Don’t talk to her like that!”
I spin to Layla and she shrinks back from whatever she sees on my face. “You done being a fucking cunt today?”
“Daimon,” Briella chastises me and moves to stand between me and her best friend.
That cuts me. Layla might be a twat, but I wouldn’t lay a fucking finger on her. I thought Briella knew me better than that.
As she moves in front of me, I smell the booze on her breath and my anger mounts. She was off getting drunk while I was sitting here, scared shitless something had happened to her?
“You’re shit faced,” I accuse and my tone isn’t calm. Anger courses through my veins, liquid fire burning everything it touches. She recoils back at my words, before she manages to straighten her spine enough to spit her words back at me.
“I’m not shit faced,” she denies and maybe she’s not drunk, but she’s been drinking and that pisses me off.
“I’ve been sitting here going out of my fucking mind with worry while you were off getting tanked.” I scoff, unable to believe her. “What the fuck, Brie?”
She raises defiant eyes to me, her mouth pulling into a tight line.
“I never asked you to wait for me. I never asked you for anything.”
I throw my arms out in frustration. “You were upset. You think I was just going to walk away without checking you were okay? Do you really think I’m that much of a dick?”
I want to roar my words at her, but somehow, I manage to keep control of my temper, which is a fucking achievement. I feel the anger tingling through
every cell in my body, ready to erupt at any moment. Her fear is palpable and I watch as she shuts down, her eyes glazing over, her arms wrapping around herself as if she can protect herself from my outburst with her body alone. I force myself to calm down. I don’t want to freak her the fuck out, but I’m so furious.
Layla moves in front of me and points a finger in my face. “You need to leave.”
I peer down at her, both frustrated with her interference, but also grateful Briella has a friend in her corner. Doesn’t seem like she has a lot of that outside of me and Levi.
“Ain’t going anywhere.”
Layla sneers at me, rolling to her toes, so she can get in my face. Her almond shaped eyes flatten out as she glares at me. “You don’t get to come into our home and start shouting, dickface. She’s an adult. If she wants to get drunk in the middle of the day, that’s her business. Honestly, after dealing with you for even five minutes I’m driven to drink.”
That would be funny as fuck, if I wasn’t already riled to hell.
I ignore Layla, my gaze going over her head. “Why you drinking?”
“To forget.” Briella says the words so softly, I almost don’t catch them.
My heart starts to pound in my chest and my stomach rolls. “To forget what?”
She rakes her hair back from her face and for a moment I see the vulnerability there before she shuts it down again. “Layla’s right. You should leave.”
“I know your father did you dirty, baby. Know he screwed you in ways I don’t even want to imagine, but losing yourself in booze is a one-way ticket to nowhere. Believe me. I’ve been there, done that. Don’t let him have that hold over you.”
Something passes between Briella and Layla that has my heckles standing on edge, something that tells me this has nothing to do with her father. But if she ain’t drinking to forget her father, what the hell is she drinking to forget?
Once again, I’m standing in the dark, unsure what the fuck is going on.
Brie lifts her chin and I see the moment she puts that steel she needs in her spine. “I appreciate everything you’ve done for me, but Layla’s right. I’m an adult. I don’t need to be babied by you, by my brother, by anyone.”
Desperation claws at me that I’m not penetrating through that stubborn as fuck facade she’s put up.
“Ain’t doing that. I’m just trying to look out for you. Please, let me help you.”
Her eyes narrow on me. “Why do you care?”
Why do I care? I don’t have a fucking clue, but all I know is I do. My need to fix her world, to make her life easy is a persistent itch I can’t scratch.
“You’re family.” I fall back on that line, but it’s more than that.
If I was being truthful with myself, I’d admit it’s because I feel something for her, something I can’t explain, but I’m not about to open up and chat about my fucking feelings. Especially not with cunt face standing right there looking haughty as fuck.
Her face pulls into a snarl that surprises the hell out of me and has ice clawing up my spine.
“The club isn’t my family and it’ll never be my family, Daimon. You’re not someone I need involved in my life either, so you need to leave me alone. Please.”
My stomach twists unpleasantly at her words.
I stare at her, willing her to take that shit back, but she doesn’t. She just ducks her head, avoiding my gaze. God-fucking-dammit.
“Going to give you the space you’re asking for, but if you think I’m going to leave you alone, you’re out of your fucking mind. Ain’t how shit goes in this family, and whether you like it or not you are fucking family. In our world that counts for something.”
With that parting shot, I walk out of her flat.
14
Briella
I don’t see Daimon for the next few days. I throw myself into work, trying to focus on anything but the fact I might have fucked things up with him. I was so terrified of him poking holes in my life, that I panicked and tried to push him away. I’m scared I went too far. The thought of losing him makes my heart feel heavy and my stomach cold. I’m not ready to lose him from my life. He’s one of the few bright spots in the darkness that consumes me.
Luckily, my job as a sales rep is hands-on. I have to be on the telephone all day, drumming up new business for my company, which doesn’t leave me time to think about Daimon or my shitty past. The way I’m sleeping lately—or not—it’s a wonder I’m functioning at all. The nightmares come after dark. The moment I shut my eyes, his face is there, his weight on my hips. His scent surrounds me, like it’s branded into my skin. I’ve managed to hide the dark smudges under my eyes with makeup, but I know Layla is getting worried about me. If our roles were reversed, I’d be worried about her.
It’s coming up to lunchtime, when a shadow steps in front of my desk. I peer up, seeing the leather of his kutte before I meet my brother’s eyes.
“What are you doing here?” I demand, panic making my words terse. Levi’s never come to my job before, which makes me think something bad has happened.
He grunts at my response. “It’s good to see you too, Brie.”
“Did something happen?” Fear claws at my stomach.
Levi’s face softens at my word. “Everything’s okay. I just haven’t seen you in a while.”
I flare my eyes at his words. He’s never sought me out at my job before. “You came to my office because you haven’t seen me in a while?”
I glance over the top of my cubicle wall and see Melanie, one of my co-workers, staring at my brother like he’s a prize cut of meat. I roll my eyes. My brother is a good looking man. Where I have brown hair, his is an inky black. It’s long enough to style and from living with him, I know he has enough hair products to open his own store. He might be a biker, but I’m pretty sure he manscapes regularly. Appearance wise, he’s all our father, which I know pisses him off. I wouldn’t want to look in the mirror every day and see that bastard’s eyes reflecting back at me, but my brother is nothing like him. Levi has a good heart, even though I know he does unspeakable things in the name of the club.
“Catching you at the flat isn’t exactly easy.” His eyes scan the office floor, always looking for threats, even when there are none. This is what the club created.
“There’s such a thing called a telephone,” I say around a smile. “You can use it to call and make arrangements to see people.”
He arches a brow at my sarcastic response. “Would you have time to fit me in?”
It’s a fair point. I work all week, as does he at the club’s garage. They repair mostly bikes, though occasionally cars, but it’s detailing the bikes Levi mostly does. He’s a hell of an artist. When I’m not at work, me and Layla are out partying. She works three nights a week at a local care home for the elderly, which makes it easy to be out drinking, something I seem to be doing more and more lately. I’m drinking myself into oblivion so I don’t have to deal with my shame.
I glance down at my watch. “I have a break in twenty minutes. Meet me at the coffee shop across the street.” He looks like he’s about to argue, so I hold up my hand. “I can’t just leave work, Levi. Twenty minutes is the best I can do.”
“Fine.” He bangs his fist off the side of the cubicle’s partition wall, making it wobble. “Don’t stand me up.”
“I won’t.”
Levi turns and walks away, the Untamed Sons insignia on the back of his kutte mocking me as he does. I swallow bile and glance down at my hands, my heart racing. That insignia once represented home, safety. Now, that’s marred by a darkness that is buried so deeply inside me I can’t root it out. Images of another time flash across my mind, visions of a different biker removing his kutte before wrestling me onto my back.
I shake myself, trying to regain control of my breathing, trying to ground myself.
I’m at work. I’m safe.
He’s not here.
I haven’t seen him in weeks, which should make me relax, but it puts
me more on edge. Where is he? Is he suddenly going to pop back up and shred the remains of my control? Is this some kind of mind game?
I finish a call back with a client for the next fifteen minutes before I snag my handbag from under my desk and slip out a little early. It’s boiling when I step outside the building and the heat feels thick and sticky. I miss the air-conditioned office.
Quickly, I dodge the London traffic and head into the coffee shop I told Levi to meet me in. He’s sitting towards the back of the room, and I notice the other customers have given him a wide berth. The Sons are well known in this part of town and probably not for the right reasons. They have a reputation for dirty deeds and mayhem. My brother is caught up in that. I know he’s no saint, but I love him no matter what. He saved me and raised me, even though he was barely an adult himself. He thought the club could offer us a better life, and it did… for a time.
I slip into the booth opposite him and place my bag on the chair. There’s a plate in front of him, a half-eaten sandwich on it, and another sitting off to one side. He pushes that over to me.
“Thanks,” I say as I get comfortable. He watches as I take a large bite of the sandwich, relishing the flavours as they hit my tongue. Beef and honey mustard—my favourite.
“I shouldn’t have turned up unannounced, but fuck, Brie, I’ve missed you. Since you moved in with Layla, I never see you.”
Guilt washes over me. I’ve been so wrapped up in my own shit, I haven’t given my brother the time of day. I have to do better.
“I’m sorry.”
He leans back against the seat, his arm draped over the backrest. “You avoiding me?”
I roll my eyes at him, even though there is some truth in that. I guess I have been giving him a wide berth lately. I don’t like going to the clubhouse in case I run into him, and Levi spends most of his time there. “You doing okay?”