by Adele Buck
“I think I would have liked your mom.”
James stepped closer, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her to him. “She definitely would have liked you.”
“Would she?” Freddie’s throat closed, an irrational nervousness welling up in her as if she would actually meet the woman, face the uncertainty of whether or not she would approve of her.
“For sure. She was a lot like you. Took no nonsense from anyone. Was organized and passionate.”
“Was she also short?”
James shook his head. “Nope. That’s where you’re different. Mom was pretty tall, actually. Somewhere in all these boxes I have some pictures.”
“I’ll bet she was beautiful.”
“What would give you that idea?”
“Duh. She produced you.”
“You’re good for my ego, you know that?”
“You’re an actor. You don’t know you’re gorgeous?”
James shrugged, grimacing. “I try not to think about stuff like that.”
“You have people building fan sites around you.” Freddie strode into the bedroom and pulled her phone out of her jacket pocket. Walking back into the living room, she pulled up the tumblr site. “Oh, shit.” Freddie’s heart hammered against her sternum as if it wanted out and her stomach roiled.
“What’s the matter?” James strode over to stand next to her, looking down at the device in her hand, his eyes widening at what it displayed. “Fuck.”
The first image on the site showed Freddie and James on the subway, his fingers tucked under her chin to bring her gaze up to meet his. The look on her face was embarrassing in its openness. Everything Freddie felt for James was there for anyone to see on her face. Then she noticed what they were wearing. “This was from today,” she said. “It must’ve been that woman who was glaring at me.”
James’s arm went around her shoulders as she scrolled through additional images. The last one was the moment he had stepped in between Freddie and the woman. At the bottom, the poster had written, “OMG, my heart is breaking—it looks like OUR JAMES is seeing someone. Who is this woman?! An actress? Has anyone ever seen her in anything before??? I need to know who she is!!!”
James held out his hand and Freddie gave him the phone, her hand shaking. He put it on the bookshelf and turned her so he could fold her in his arms. “I’m so sorry.”
Adrenaline coursed through Freddie. Every sense was heightened. The weight of James’ arms around her, the rapid rise and fall of her chest as she breathed, the press of the very air around her. It was all too much. She felt invaded. “Who does…why…how did she feel she has the right to do that?”
“I don’t know. The paps are bad enough, but you can usually spot them because they’re out there with the big cameras and the bigger lenses. This…”
“It’s just people. Regular people. Who think they own you. Who think they have the right to know about me. It’s wrong.”
She blames me.
Well, if he searched his soul, he blamed himself. He was almost used to the paparazzi, even though they didn’t usually have much use for him. Cameras in amateur hands intruding in his life was a change, but it wasn’t a huge one.
But Freddie hadn’t been inoculated like he had.
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” He rubbed his palm over her back as she trembled in his arms. “It’s my fault. I should have…” He had no idea what he could have done to either prevent this from happening or prepare her for it, but the sense of responsibility threatened to overwhelm him.
Freddie pulled back and looked up at him. “How exactly is this your fault?”
James shrugged helplessly. “I… I don’t know. But this is the world I deal with. This happened because of my job, my choices. It shouldn’t have intruded into your life. I should have…”
The look Freddie gave him was withering. “Done what? That no-class, dumb-ass woman with the smartphone was the one who should have known better. I’m not mad at you, you big goof.”
A trickle of relief threaded through the tide of anxiety. “Well, I knew that all this attention was going to affect you eventually, but I didn’t think it would happen this soon. Or this directly.”
Grasping her hand, he pulled her over to the sofa and sank onto it, pulling her against him.
She snuggled against his chest for a moment, then sat up and looked him in the eye. “So what’s our next move?”
“What do you mean?”
“This might be the first time something like this happens, but it’s not going to be the last. We need a plan.”
“We can ignore the internet, how about that?”
“That wouldn’t work for long. We might ignore it, but other people won’t and I’d rather not be blind-sided. Again. It was bad enough when Susan tried to play mind games over that article from a while back.”
“That woman.” James’ voice sounded tired, even to him. “Okay. Let me think. It’s not like I have experience with this.”
“Well, I sure don’t.”
James snapped his fingers. “I’ve got it. Alexander.”
“Alexander who?”
“Alexander Fox.”
She gaped at him. “Alexander Fox?”
“Why not? He’s already given me excellent advice.”
She looked at him like he’d lost his mind. “Why not? Because he’s Alexander fucking Fox.”
“Still star-struck over that one, huh?”
“My mother will lose her…well, her everything, to find out I’m one degree away from Alexander Fox.”
“That reminds me. You free next Sunday night?”
She gave him a cautious look. “Yeah.”
“Wanna go to a movie premiere with me? You’ll be zero degrees from Alexander Fox.”
“What?” Freddie wasn’t sure her ears were working right. “You mean like a red carpet, sparkly dresses, people with cameras yelling, ‘James, over here!’?” She suppressed a shudder at the thought.
James’s hand squeezed her shoulder. “Well, red carpet and cameras, yeah. The fancy dressing up? Not so much. It’s a kid’s movie in the same comic book universe as the show. We’re all supposed to show up to support it. Brand loyalty. Taking care of the family, you know? I don’t think we’re supposed to get all spiffed up for it. In fact, I was thinking you could wear my shirt and some heels and look pretty killer.”
Freddie snorted. “Right. Couture by James.”
“I’m telling you, this isn’t that kind of premiere.”
Stomach fluttering with nerves, she asked, “So what am I supposed to do? Show up and get my picture taken?”
“Not necessarily. I know you hate that.”
“So, stay out of the way and let you get your picture taken?”
“You’re not supposed to do anything except what you want. I have to go, but you don’t. But it strikes me that it might make things a little easier if we just get out there in the public eye and say, ‘Yes this is a thing. We’re a couple.’ Maybe the internet randos will even leave you alone.”
“Ha. They’ll probably just figure out a way to poison me via email. Murder by internet. Besides, they’re not just randos, they’re your fans. They keep the lights on at Chez James. They are going to pay for all this splendor.” Freddie waved at the mess that was his apartment.
“You’re being nicer to them than they are to you.”
“It was just the one. And she was, well, she was invasive, but she wasn’t mean. I guess.”
“There will be more.”
“Swelled head much?”
“No, just thinking about what Alexander said.”
“What did he say exactly again?”
“In a nutshell? That he saw my future in his past. And he wanted to try to keep me from making the same mistakes he did. Mistakes that included losing a relationship with a woman he loved.”
Freddie tried to swallow, but her throat had closed. “Oh.” Down girl. James hadn’t said he loved her. “So we do…what?”
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James bit his lip, looking at the bookcase for a moment before refocusing on her eyes. “I think I’ll see if we can get some dinner and advice from Alexander before the premiere. That is, if you want to go with me.”
“I…” Freddie’s breath caught in her chest. “Okay. I’ll go.”
“Stop fidgeting, Fred.” James squeezed her hand and Freddie took a deep breath, trying unsuccessfully to calm her frantic nerves. Not even the rich smell of marinara and fresh bread could soothe her. James had chosen to meet Alexander and Ella at the Italian restaurant he had discovered with Freddie in the hopes that its familiarity would help keep things low key for her.
No such luck. She was ready to jump out of her skin.
Freddie grabbed her napkin and smoothed it onto her lap, then lined up her silverware just so. “I can’t. On top of being nervous about the premiere, I’m going to meet Alexander Fox. Alexander. Fucking. Fox.”
“He’s just a guy. An actor like me.”
“I’ll do my best to bear that in mind.” Seriously, she had to chill out or she was going to make the whole evening weird. Or weirder than it was already destined to be. “Seriously I look okay?”
“You going out of your way to impress Alexander?” James’ eyes twinkled with mischief.
“No, smartass. I’m worried about looking like an idiot later this evening by being way too underdressed or something.” James had hooked her up with one of the costume managers on the show who moonlighted as a stylist and she had helped Freddie pick out an outfit. It was not so far off from what she had worn to the Chelsea Market the week before. The slinky blouse and moto jacket had met with the woman’s approval, but she had insisted on black jeans, heels, and a long silver necklace that echoed the deep v of the blouse’s neckline.
“You look great, Fred.” James pushed back his chair and rose. “They’re here.”
Freddie swallowed and scrambled to her feet. Alexander was taking his wife’s coat just inside the front door of the restaurant. She turned and smiled her thanks and he handed both their coats off to the hostess before he steered her toward Freddie and James’ table, his hand on the small of her back.
Seeing the man in the flesh was surreal. Freddie’s mother had had all of his movies and would watch them repeatedly when Freddie was growing up. His hair had gone from black to silver, but his eyes were still the same—a deep, piercing blue. Freddie shook Ella’s hand and then Alexander’s as James made the introductions.
“Freddie. That’s an unusual name,” Ella said as they seated themselves.
“Short for Frederica. I have four older brothers and my parents were expecting another boy. I was going to be named Frederick after one of my uncles. They were surprised, but decided not to entirely change their plans.” Heat rushed into Freddie’s face. “Sorry. Babbling.”
Ella, a pretty, well-preserved brunette in her fifties, smiled. “Not at all. But let me guess: your mom or your aunt is a fan of Alex’s.”
“My mom.” Freddie ducked her head as she took a chunk of warm bread out of the basket that James was offering to her, then passed the basket to Alex. “She’s a huge fan.” She barely stopped herself before she blurted that she had grown up on his movies. She was pretty sure highlighting their age difference wouldn’t exactly be the most polite thing in the world.
“You can see how my wife keeps my ego in check,” Alexander said to James, accepting the bread basket from Freddie and offering it to his wife before he took a piece for himself and passed the rest across to James. “Not for an instant did she assume that someone as young as Freddie would be a fan of mine.”
Freddie gaped. “I… didn’t mean…”
Alexander chuckled. “Stop, Freddie. I know my fan base. You’re at least twenty years too young. Truly.”
Freddie wanted to sink into the floor, but Alexander’s self-deprecating deflection seemed sincere. He winked at her and glanced at Ella, who looked serenely amused. James covered her hand with his own and mouthed “relax.” Pushing her shoulders down away from her ears, she attempted to comply.
The waiter came and they took a few minutes to look over the menu and order. When he had gone, Ella said, “So, James, I hear you have a bit of a fan problem.”
James wanted to say that problem was an understatement. But that sounded melodramatic. “You could say that. Fans taking pictures of me is one thing, but taking pictures of Freddie seems overly invasive. She didn’t sign up for this circus.”
Ella popped a bit of bread into her mouth and chewed, her face thoughtful. Swallowing, she focused on Freddie and said, “But you kind of did, didn’t you?”
“What do you mean?” Freddie’s eyebrows drew together in a frown.
Ella waved at James. “It’s not like he’s low profile. You had to have had some inkling that a relationship with him would come with some complications of this kind.”
James focused on Freddie’s face as she thought this over. “I guess. But we knew each other before his profile blew up like this. We met years ago. I didn’t think about stardom, I just knew James for James. I mean, he was an actor and he was known, but there wasn’t this frenzy.”
Even though he already knew that was the truth, hearing her talk about their history warmed him, made him feel more secure and grounded.
Ella pursed her lips. “Ah. That makes things more complicated.”
“I thought it made them simpler,” James said.
“No, a person tends to recognize that they change when they’ve had time apart from someone else, but they forget that other people also change.”
James avoided looking at Freddie, but he could feel her gaze boring holes in his head. Okay, fair enough. He’d certainly been guilty of that on his return. But he’d gotten better, right?
“So what do we do?” James asked.
“Depends. What do you want, Freddie?” Ella’s eyes met Freddie’s and Freddie seemed to take a lot of time and care with a little bit of bread, dredging it in oil and parmesan, eating it slowly. The delay, her not having an instant answer, started James’ nerves jumping.
“If I had my absolute druthers, I’d want to have a guy who wasn’t famous. Or getting famous.”
James’ stomach turned over and he began to regret the fra diavolo pasta that he had ordered.
Freddie went on. “But that’s not possible. I don’t want some random, imaginary guy. I want James. So I guess I want to preserve my privacy as best I can while still seeing if this will work in the long term.”
“Ella’s your guru for that,” Alexander said, cocking a thumb at his wife. “She hates being photographed and stays away from lenses as best she can.”
“How do you avoid the attention?” Freddie leaned forward, eyes intent, as if the other woman had the secrets of the universe to impart.
“Mostly I can’t,” Ella said. “Where I can—like on the red carpet tonight—I just hang back and let the photographers have their way with Alex. They don’t want me on a night like tonight. It’s all about the stars, not their un-celestial spouses and partners. But on the street?” She shrugged, her face resigned. “If I’m with Alex, I’m going to be photographed. There’s nothing I can do about that. I have to ignore it.”
“Good to know that I won’t have to stand there and face them tonight at least,” Freddie said.
James didn’t know how he felt about that. On the one hand, he respected Freddie’s desire for privacy.
On the other, he was proud of her, wanted her to be proud of him, standing beside him. To be able to claim her and have her claim him for everyone to see.
Stepping out of the limo onto the red carpet was like stepping into a giant disco ball. Camera flashes and shouting immediately started and Freddie fought the urge to throw her arm across her face and dive back into the car. Instead, she looked up at James, who smiled and squeezed her hand.
“Courage,” he said as he pulled her out. “It’s just cameras.”
“Right.” Only photographs. Which she hated. N
o big deal.
They moved aside to let Alexander and Ella get out of the limo, and the blare of lights and the shouting redoubled.
“Alex is the real star,” James said in Freddie’s ear.
“For now, maybe.” Despite her apprehension and dislike of the scene in front of her, she couldn’t help but feel oddly proud of the way James was handling the attention. He didn’t seem fazed or changed by it. Didn’t seem jealous of Alexander’s obvious appeal and higher profile.
An assistant with a headset and a clipboard approached them and conferred with Ella. “If you’ll follow me,” she said, hooking a finger at Freddie.
Freddie squinted at the assistant, who looked familiar, then recognition crashed over her. The woman had been a couple of years behind Freddie in college and had dated Tara, one of Freddie’s college girlfriends, after they broke up. Freddie racked her brain. “Corinne, right?”
The assistant turned and her eyes narrowed as she looked over Freddie’s face. “Yeah.” She snapped her fingers, remembering. “Freddie Alves?” Her eyes flicked back to James, who was standing with Alex and the young female star of their show, the three of them looking relaxed and gorgeous in the camera flashes. A look of disbelief spread across her face. “You’re here with James Martin?”
Freddie nodded, not trusting her voice. The gulf between them now seemed wider than ever. Who was she supposed to be in this? Standing off in the corner while the world fell in love with James?
“So you’re straight now, huh?”
Freddie tore her gaze away from James and focused on Corinne, who was looking at her, mouth twisted up in an “I knew it” expression.
“What?” What the hell business was her sexuality to this woman? Freddie hardly knew her.
“You know, straight. Into dudes. Done with your experimental college Sapphic phase.”
Freddie’s jaw grew tight and she glanced over at Ella, who was chatting with someone Freddie didn’t recognize. She pitched her voice low. “Not that it’s any of your business, but I was always bi.”