by J. J. Fogg
He leaned beneath the counter to sneak another sip. Well, Eddie, if you're going to be a bad bartender, it might as well be here. Cheers to the shitty bartender!
Chapter 4
It had been just over a month and Lily figured Sarah was about due to make another appearance. But she had her back turned to the door momentarily and missed it when she did. She didn't see Sarah peering in through the window nor did she hear the bell above the door ring out when she entered. She did feel a slight breeze from her long skirt, though, as Sarah made her way past, heading straight away to the back where Nick was waiting.
She watched him rise to greet her with a huge cheesy smile plastered across his face.
“Please, don't look at me that way, Nick,” Sarah pleaded.
“Look at you how? I'm glad to see you. I'm glad you came.”
“That doesn't mean I've changed my mind. This can't happen. I think you know that. You do know that, right?” She hadn't even sat down and was already getting straight to the point.
“Sarah, why? How many times do I have to say I'm sorry? I never should have said those things to you. There's not a day goes by I don't wish I could take them back. And maybe then, you wouldn't have stormed off and maybe then…”
“But you did say them. You can't take back things like 'maybe we're not meant to be together.' And the truth is, you were right.”
“No…but, I wasn't. I was completely wrong.”
“Please stop this, Nick. Just because you feel guilty doesn't mean you were wrong. For whatever reasons, this is just how things were meant to be. And you shouldn't feel guilty, not for being honest with someone.”
“No, Sarah. Please don't say things like that.”
“But it's true. Don't you understand? It's true. You did nothing wrong. And trying to hold on to this idea of 'us' isn't right. It's actually quite dishonest.”
Nick's face suddenly looked heartsick. He knew what she was about to say; she said it nearly every time she visited.
“Nick, I was never your true love. And you weren't mine…I don't love you.”
His eyes were already wet, pregnant with tears that wouldn’t fall.
“That doesn't mean I don't still care about you, though. I only want to know you'll be okay. I need to know that. But…I can see you're not there yet and that makes me sad.”
“Oh god, Sarah, please don't leave…you're about to leave, aren't you?”
From Lily's vantage point at the bar, it looked like he was begging. Oh, Nick, no… not again… She longed to reach out to him, to tell him he wasn't alone. She wanted to be the one to be there for him. And yet, she knew, he'd have to open up to her in his own time. As the scene continued to unfold in front of her, the tears that refused to land on his cheek, somehow landed on hers instead.
“Sarah, look…” he implored, pointing at the table. “I bought some red wine for you. Won't you please just stay long enough for one drink?”
“I'm sorry, Nick. I don't drink when I'm sad. You know that. The day you tell me you're moving on…maybe I'll have that drink then.”
“Don't go, Sarah. Please don't.”
“Good night, Nick.”
She was halfway to the door before he'd even pulled himself away from the table. He chased after her, calling her name. “Sarah…stop…please!”
Lily stepped slightly in his path as he approached. “Nick, I'm so sorry…”
He paused, but only for a second. “I can't talk right now, Lily. I just…I can't talk.” Then he hurried to the front door, pushed it open and looked both ways up and down the street for Sarah, but she was already gone.
Lily watched him leave the bar, helpless to stop him, and didn't hear Eddie come up behind her.
“Still say you don't have a thing for him?” he teased.
“Oh, fuck off, Eddie!” She snapped, watching Nick disappear into the night as the door closed behind him. Then she wiped her tears as she spun around to face Eddie. “And you need to stop drinking on the clock if you want to continue working here. Maybe then you won't be such an ass to me all the time.”
“Oh, come on. You know you won't fire me,” he spouted callously. “Doc's proviso, remember?”
“Oh god, I so can't deal with you right now. Just…fuck you, Eddie…you insensitive shit!”
Lily almost ran to the back, then unlocked the back door that led to her loft above the bar. She knew she'd overreacted to Eddie's ribbing and part of her regretted it already. But he didn't need to play the whole 'I told you so' game with her, especially with such terrible timing. And he really did need to stop with the drinking, too, though she knew that wasn't the right way or time to address that, either.
Eddie watched Lily run off, unsure what to do. He felt he should do something, but felt even stronger that he'd just screw it up if he tried. Even when he was only trying to kid a little bit, to lighten the mood, he still managed to blow things up. He leaned against the back wall and cursed himself for being so…himself.
He looked across the bar at the remaining guests; only a couple of them seemed to have even noticed the scene they'd made. Damn, this is a strange place.
Chapter 5
The following Friday, Lily waited in anticipation for Nick to arrive. She wrung her hands together nervously and jumped every time the bell hanging above the door rang out to announce someone arriving.
Eddie noticed, but didn't say anything. Even if he wanted to, he wouldn't know what to say. Besides, they'd barely spoken all week; now seemed like a bad time to try.
Still, he felt bad for her. Lily always seemed so all-together. But she was falling apart over the man at the corner table. He started to wonder if this Nick character was really so messed up that he didn't notice her, or maybe, he was just an idiot.
Lily popped up from behind the bar, just in time to see Doc walking in. “Oh, Doc. I didn't hear you come in, but hey, I'm so glad to see you.” She rushed to meet him. “Do you have a minute? I could really use some time with you.” She spoke quickly and sounded a little bit desperate.
He shrugged and waved his hand apologetically. “I'm so sorry, Lily-bug. I really wish I could. But I'm actually here for someone else.”
“Oh…yeah…I understand…provisos…” Her heart sank.
Doc had told her this would happen and that it would be hard, but this was one of those things she'd agreed to that she didn't think would be a problem, until now.
Doc made his way to the bar and waved Eddie over to him with a single flick of a finger.
Eddie wiped his hands with a towel and headed over. From the look on Doc's face, he fully expected a lecture was awaiting him. He hadn't seen Doc for a couple of weeks. Still, he wondered if someone had told him about the previous Friday night's events.
“Hi, Doc,” he offered tentatively. “You look upset.”
“Disappointed, son. Just disappointed.”
Eddie lowered his head in shame. “So, I guess you know about last Friday?”
“Yeah, I heard.”
“Did Lily tell you about it?”
“No, not Lily. One of our regulars. A few of us run in the same circles these days.”
“I see.” He didn't actually see anything. He felt like the same wayward idiot in that moment as he'd been that first night he'd met Doc and nearly every day since.
“I need you to do something for me, Eddie.”
“Sure, anything,” he promised before even hearing what it was—Anything to get back in Doc's good graces and hopefully, eventually, Lily's.
“I need you to lay off the juice.”
“Oh.” He wasn't expecting that, though it had actually been a long time coming. In fact, once it sunk in, he was partly surprised Doc hadn't brought it up until now. He mulled it over a few seconds. “Doc, I don't want you to think I don't want to…but I'm not sure I can.”
“Non-negotiable.”
“Doc, I'm sorry about upsetting Lily last Friday, but…”
“No, son. This isn't about Lily—not
completely, anyway. Listen, people drink for lots of reasons, but most of the time it's because they want to forget something—a long week at work, bad finances, a mountain of stress, a loss. Countless reasons, right? But haven't you noticed there's never any drunks in my bar?”
“Actually, yeah. It's weird.”
“Oh, I know it's not typical. Trust me. The point is people don't come to my place because they want to forget, Eddie. Don't you see? They come here because they don't want to. Alcohol gets in the way, son. That's why I said no karaoke machine, no decorations, no televisions playing sports twenty-four seven. All that stuff, it all gets in the way.”
“Gets in the way of what? I'm sorry, Doc, I'm trying…I really am…but I just don't understand. I mean, I hear you saying I need to lay off the drinking and I get that, but the rest of the stuff you said…”
“I'm not sure how to explain it, but it's whatever they're trying to work through. Maybe it's something keeping them back, some unfinished business they're trying to settle. Maybe they just need a nudge—some encouragement or something. I really don't know. Everyone's different, right?”
“The point is, what we do here is almost like a ministry to the folks who find us. This place helps people and you get to be a part of it. Not to mention, you even make a livable wage doing it. But, Eddie, just trust me, okay? The drinking is getting in the way. It messes with your perception, your ability to make right decisions and good judgement calls. Like last week when you apparently picked the worst possible time to take some jabs at Lily.”
“But Doc, I'm really sorry about that…”
“No. just stop. Don't be sorry, son; be better.”
“Yessir.”
“No more drinking on the clock. Got it? If you can stop the drinking, you just might perceive better. And maybe then, what we do here will start to make some sense to you. And perhaps, you'll also be able to find your way.”
“Yessir.”
“Good, now the other thing…”
“There's more?”
“Just one more thing and I promise, it's simple.”
“Okay?” He only sounded nervous because he was.
“You need to apologize to Lily.”
Shit! Eddie's face went pale. “Doc, I can't.”
“What do you mean you can't? Do you regret what you did?”
“Well, yeah.”
“Do you wish you hadn't done it?”
“Of course, I do.”
“And do you want to make things right, as much as you can, anyway?”
“Yes, sir.” He could see where this was heading, but it still scared him. It really wasn't a question of his desire.
“Then what's the problem?”
“I…I'm just so stupid…” He grabbed at his hair. “Doc…I don't know how. Whatever I do or say, I'm going to mess it up, I'll make it worse. I just know I will. I'm such an idiot.”
“Well, first of all, you're not an idiot; you just keep getting in your own way. Second, you need to do this and my advice is you should say exactly what you just said to me.”
“What? That I'm stupid?”
“Actually, that might help, now that you mention it.” He smiled. “Just keep it simple, son. Tell her you're sorry. Tell her you feel stupid, if you want. Tell her you're afraid you'll make things worse if you say anything more. Then walk away.”
“Just like that?”
“Just like that.”
“Okay, Doc…I will.” Eddie looked around for Lily, finding her standing at the corner table. Nick had apparently snuck in while he'd been talking with Doc.
She was about to start talking to Nick, keeping her hands at her side and rubbing her legs as she tried to muster some courage.
Eddie knew his apology would have to wait.
Chapter 6
“Hey Nick, can I talk to you a minute?” Lily asked timidly.
“Sure,” Nick replied, “but I'm not mad, if that's what you're wondering.”
“You're not?”
“No. it's just…it was a rough night, last Friday,” he confessed.
“Yeah, I know. I wish I could make it better.”
“Yeah, well, me too.”
“I think I can help, though…maybe…if you'll let me.”
“If you think you can get her to come back to me, Lily, I highly doubt it. So, what do you mean, exactly? Help me, how?”
“Well, for starters, I thought we could just talk a little bit. It doesn't have to be about anything specific, just…anything. The weather even…or sports…so long as you don't mind that I know, like, nothing about sports. Or if you don't want to talk, we could just sit together…play a board game…do a jigsaw puzzle…like old people. Anything, really. I just don't want you to sit here all by yourself. It's not good to be alone. Besides, you'd be helping me, too.”
“Well, that's nice of you, Lily. It is. But I'm on thin ice with Sarah already. Not to be rude, but would you mind…”
“Right…don't want to be seen with a pretty girl, still?” she managed to tease, even though she felt overwhelmingly dejected. “You know most guys would never say something like that even once their entire lives?”
“Yeah…I suppose not…I guess I'm not exactly normal, am I?”
“I didn't mean it in a bad way. It's actually one of the reasons I like you.” She waited to see if he'd give her even a tiny indication that he'd heard her say she liked him, but he didn't. “Well…I'll go get your usual, then, okay?”
He nodded without saying anything.
Eddie was waiting for her when she finally reached the bar. “Hey, Lily?”
“Yeah?”
“Um, I have something to say…but…” he stopped speaking, as if he'd completely forgotten how to talk.
“Well, can you make Nick's drinks while you're thinking about it?”
“Huh? Oh, yeah…Red wine and…dammit, what's the other one? No, don't tell me…”
Even if he got it wrong, she was impressed. He was at least trying—something she hadn't really seen him do before.
“Okay, can you help me?”
“Fuzzy Navel,” she said flatly.
“Dammit, yeah, that was it. And a water.”
He made short work of the drinks but didn't want her to leave quite yet. “Hold up, Lily. Listen…you know how I'm always an idiot?”
“Excuse me?”
“That came out wrong. What I'm trying to say is…I'm sorry…about last Friday…I really am…and if I try to say anything else, I'll screw it up.” He looked over at her. “And that's it.”
“Okay? I'm not sure what to make of this, but…okay.”
“Okay?…Really?”
“Yeah…” She gave him a reassuring smile. “Okay.”
From that night on, Lily noticed Eddie slowly changing—bearing the marks of his mentor, Doc. She no longer worried so much about his interactions with customers, though to be fair, that might have been because every time she looked back at the bar, she saw Doc right there coaching him.
It reminded her of the times Doc had spent with her, too, doing much the same thing. I wonder if I was as tough a project as Eddie. God, I hope not.
Chapter 7
It was another Friday night, and Lily had made up her mind to do something about 'the Nick situation.' She just hoped it would work.
Right on time, he showed up. It had been two weeks since Sarah last visited. By her own unscientific estimates, it might be another month before she showed up again. She'd be shocked if she made another appearance so quickly from the last time. It just wouldn't match her pattern.
Nick had barely situated himself when Lily arrived with his usual drinks. This time she didn't say anything to him. Not a word. She simply set the drinks on the table, then walked back to the bar.
“Are you okay?” Eddie asked, having noticed her return so quickly.
“What do you mean?
“Well, you normally stay there and try to chat him up. Is something wrong?”
“Wow, I'm imp
ressed that you noticed. I can tell you've been paying attention to Doc. Seems like he's starting to rub off on you.”
He looked blankly at her, still waiting for her to answer his question.
“That was a compliment, by the way.”
“Oh…uh, thanks…but seriously, is something wrong?”
“Okay, fine.” Her attempt to distract him and not actually answer his question failed. “Yes, everything's okay. I'm just trying something new with Nick tonight.”
“What? The silent treatment? I had to break it to you, Lily, but that's been around awhile.”
“Well, no. Not exactly. But I figure he should make the first move this time. I'm just going to make him a little uncomfortable until he does.”
“What if,” he hesitated, “never mind.”
“What if what, Eddie?”
“Well, what if he doesn't…make the first move?”
“Yeah. I thought about that. If he doesn't, well, I guess that tells me what I need to know, right? That he really isn't interested.”
“Yeah. Well, I hope he's not that stupid.”
“What do you mean?”
“I just mean, I hope it works.”
“Yeah, me too…and thanks. Here goes nothin'.”
She made her way back toward Nick's table, but detoured at the last second to take a seat at the table next to him. She had already planted a pile of paperwork there, along with some headphones to plug into her phone. She sat in the chair nearest to him, but facing away. Then she put her headphones on and pretended to be listening to some music.
Nick had watched her walking back from the bar. He was expecting her to at least say 'Hi' and offer a listening ear which, of course, he would then graciously turn down. It was their thing, after all, so it threw him off that she'd said literally nothing to him.