by Claire Angel
I was so sure that I was in the throws of a nightmare of epic proportion. Why couldn’t I wake myself up? Was I still on the plane back from Paris? This was ridiculous, I told myself. It couldn’t be true. I needed a fucking tequila!
I walked over to the kitchen, took a bottle of tequila from the shelf, and poured a double. I brought the shot glass up to my mouth, but then I stopped. If I were pregnant, I couldn’t very well down the drink in good conscience.
FUCK! Pregnant!
I called Diane immediately. She was on her bluetooth, driving home after work.
“Hello! You all better, princess?” she asked. “Shall I swing by with some Chinese?”
“Forget the food. Get over here as soon as you can.”
“What the hell’s happened? You’re scaring me.”
“Just move your ass.” I ended the call and moved to the couch. There I sat like a statue and waited for Diane to ring the doorbell. I didn’t have to wait long.
“What the fuck, Lau? Are you trying to give me a stroke?” Diane said when I opened the door. “You look like shit again! What did you eat over there in France? A bucket of diseased snails?”
“I’m pregnant.” There was no easy way of breaking the news, no easing into the fact that I was going to be a mother. Diane stared at me.
“Pregnant? Are you sure?”
“Yes, I’m sure. The doctor took my blood and my urine. Unless his lab staff are complete fucking morons, I’m definitely knocked up!”
“Fuck. Now what?”
“I have absolutely no clue. My mother’s gonna have a shit fit. My Dad will probably never speak to me again, and Sadie is going to throw me out of the window of our sixth-floor office. No matter what I do now, I’m screwed.”
“And the father? Is it Chris?”
“Of course it’s Chris.”
“Sorry, just checking. Are you gonna tell him?”
“I don’t know.” I stared through the glass doors at the trees outside. I saw the olive grove, I saw Chris’ beautiful body moving against mine. I tasted his kiss and smelled his skin. I felt him moving inside of me. It was like I was right there again. Caught in that sweet moment.
“I think you need to tell him, Lau,” Diane said as I stared at the trees.
She was right. But how could I tell him when he ignored my calls? How could I tell him that he was about to be a father with a woman he didn’t give a crap about? I wouldn’t humiliate myself like that. I’d never give him the satisfaction of thinking that I was trying to trap him. The poor little social climber out to sink her claws into the handsome billionaire.
“He’s made it quite clear that he has no interest in me,” I said. “No, he must never know. He doesn’t deserve to be in this baby’s life, or in mine for that matter.”
“I’m sorry, Lau. Is there anything I can do to help? Feeding, changing, you name it. Aunty D is all over it!”
I laughed at her silly reassurance. Then I burst into tears. She came over to me, wrapped her arms around me, and said, “Don’t worry, Lau, we’ve got this. You’re not alone.”
Then why did it feel as if I was the only woman on the planet ever to have a baby on her own?
Chapter 12
CHRIS
Two weeks in Texas was exactly what I needed to snap out of my funk. I had to fly to Zurich for a meeting, so I went straight there from Texas. My mind was on Lauren, but I put it on the backburner for a while. I had to get my head straight before I made my move.
Germany was a pleasure, as always. My meeting was a productive one, and after five days of intense negotiations, and taking in the culture of the magnificent city, I was ready to return to Paris. I called Janet from my plane to make sure all was well at the villa.
“Hello, stranger. How’s the little one?”
“Hello, Christopher. He’s adorable. I like being a grandma. I get to spoil and have fun, and then I go home.”
“Oohh, you’re a mean woman, Janet!” I laughed.
“What time shall I expect you home?”
“Should be landing in about an hour, then I’ll drive straight home.”
“I’ll be sure to tell chef to prepare a good dinner for you. Will you be dining alone?” She was fishing, of course, but it was sweet.
“All on my own, thanks. Unless you feel like joining me?” I giggled.
“I’m way too old to keep up with you young ones. I’ll take a rain check, thanks.”
“Okay. See you in the morning. Good night, Janet.”
“Good night, Christopher.”
I was relieved to be going home to my own bed. Traveling was exciting but after having done it for years on end, I loved nothing more than chilling at home. My ambition was leveling out. No one enjoyed a challenge as much as I did, but I felt it was time to take a new direction. I wanted what my parents had, what Harry and Irene had. I wanted a family.
I knew there wouldn’t be a shortage of plastic queens and pretenders to the throne who would gladly amalgamate. But I wanted a soul mate, a lover, someone I wanted to spend the rest of my life adoring, not a business partner. That was as rare of hen’s teeth. Giselle would do the jig if I even alluded to such an arrangement, but I didn’t see why I had to settle. No matter what her wealth and breeding was.
My father came from substantial wealth. My mother not so much. But the day they met, my father knew that he wanted to spend his life with her. His parents weren’t impressed, and threatened to disown him if he married ‘beneath’ him. Needless to say, my father was victorious, and my grandparents learned to suck it up. I was my father’s son in that regard. No one would tell me who to marry.
It was late by the time I drove into the estate. My butler was waiting for me and took my bags, while I went upstairs to freshen up before dinner. That was another thing I was tired of—dining alone. After dinner, I watched the news channels, then went to bed. I drifted off with the smell of home in my nostrils, and Lauren’s beautiful green eyes on my mind. I wondered what she was doing, what the family emergency was.
I drifted off to sleep determined to take steps to finding Lauren. I’d waited long enough. I had to know where I stood with her.
***
LAUREN
I spent the whole day arguing with myself. The bone of contention was Chris Carter. Do I tell him about the pregnancy, or do I keep it to myself? A jilted woman is an unreasonable one, but a jilted pregnant woman was an atom bomb waiting for a place to go off.
My hormones were all over the place, which is why I thought it best to give the situation some thought before I jumped in boots and all and made a gigantic mistake either way. As bumps do, mine would soon start to show, which meant that I couldn’t avoid the subject forever—I had to tell my parents. It wasn’t something I wanted to drop on them over the phone, so I invited myself over to their place for dinner. They were happy to have me over—like lambs to the slaughter, they were.
I thought dinner a better option than breakfast, as I was still puking my guts out until at least two in the afternoon. Dad was doing so much better. He was up and about with his walker, which he hated, and his head was less foggy. I knew he was on the mend when he told me he was looking for a camping site for the holidays for the family, to which Mom rolled her eyes as she always did.
We sat at the table digging into Mom’s signature spaghetti and meatballs, when I dropped the bomb shell. Then I waited for the backdraft. Nothing. Shit! Silence was bad. I was expecting my Mom to chew me out, and Dad to lecture me, but to my utter surprise, neither of them exploded. So I sat, quietly, feeling like a criminal.
“Do you love him, my darling?” my mother asked. It was the worst question I could have anticipated. It was punishment enough right there.
“Is he a good man, my girl?” my father chimed in. Uhg, the pressure!
“I’m raising this baby by myself,” I announced, ripping off the bandaid in one go. I wasn’t prepared for too many questions, and to my surprise, Mom and Dad didn’t ask too many.
Mom didn’t say much, which was a shock, but I could see she was processing the news. I felt badly, as she just got over the shock of Dad’s accident.
“I’m sorry, Mom,” I said, not sure why, but the words just spilled out.
“Don’t be, my darling. Are you okay?” she asked softly.
“I don’t know yet, but I know that this will be the most beloved baby in New York.” I smiled.
“When you’re ready, we’d like to know who the father is,” Dad said. Then, he left it there.
“I love you guys so much,” I said, tears threatening to spill onto my cheeks. Mom got up and hugged me tightly.
“My darling girl. You are the most precious thing in the world to your dad and me. If I’ve learned anything from his accident, it’s that life is short, and blessings should be cherished. A baby is a blessing, no matter how he or she is conceived. Take your time. Just know we love you, and we’ll do anything to help.”
That was it. The waterworks turned on, and I became a blubbering mess. With my parents’ support, the pregnancy felt less daunting. I was thankful.
***
CHRIS
Well, it was official. I called Platinum Events and left a message for Lauren. That was a week ago, and nothing back. I put it to rest. Clearly, she wasn’t interested, and I refused to hound or stalk her. Lauren was a wonderful distraction, but life was back to normal.
“Good morning, Mr. Carter.” What my PA, Barbara, lacked in people skills, she more than made up for with dogged determination. The woman was a miracle worker. Multi-tasking was her superpower, so I never fretted when I left matters in her capable hands.
“Good morning, Barbara. Did I miss anything exciting while I was away?” I asked as she grabbed her notepad and followed me to my office.
“Nothing we couldn’t handle, Sir. There was the odd temper tantrum here and there from the odd associate, but overall, the ship is running tight.”
“Good to know. Did I miss any important calls while I was away?” I asked gingerly, scratching around for something in my desk drawer, in case Barbara saw the dejected puppy dog eyes I was sporting.
“There was one woman who called a few times. Wouldn’t leave her name.”
Crap! Giselle was like a dog with a bone. I really stepped in it...again!
“I refused to give her your new number, Sir. She was a little pissy.”
“I imagined she would be.” I smiled. Not that Giselle was a laughing matter. She was the ‘boil your bunny’ type of woman.
“There was someone else,” Barbara said, “someone by the name of Lauren, but that was a while ago. I’m not sure how it happened, Mr. Carter, but our temp at the time must have dropped the post-it behind her desk. We found it, after she left, when we were moving the office around. I apologize.”
My heart was hopping around in my chest. My face was warm and my palms sweaty.
“Lauren, you say?”
“Yes, here’s her number, Sir. Apologies again for the mistake.”
“That’s okay, Barbara. Thank you, you may go.”
So she did have feelings for me. I had to pull myself together and calm down. Perhaps she was calling about something else. There was no way to know unless I called her back. I stared at the mobile number on my desk. As excited as I was to talk to her again, I was equally nervous about what she may say.
It was time to stop being such a wimp and call her. Big boy pants, Carter!
I dialed the number and turned my swivel chair to face the window of my high rise office building.
‘We're sorry, you have reached a number that has been disconnected or is no longer in service.’
I dialed again, just in case I missed a digit. The same message. Shit! I looked up the number for Platinum Events, New York, and dialed.
“Platinum Events, good afternoon. Annie speaking. How may I direct your call?”
“Hi, Annie. May I speak to Lauren Styles, please?”
“I’m sorry, Sir. She’s out for the rest of the day. Would you like to leave a message?”
“Uh, no, thank you. I’ll try again in the morning. Goodbye.”
I thought the least I could do was to call her. Expecting her to call me back was more than a little cheeky on my past, seeing as it was my staff who screwed up. I hoped she would accept my apology.
***
LAUREN
The morning sickness was passing, thank God, but was replaced with a few annoying alternatives. Like backache from hell and pressure in my pelvis. I knew pregnancy wouldn’t be a picnic, but I made an appointment with Dr. Berning anyway. His diagnosis was less than thrilling. Cervical insufficiency.
After a pseudo heart attack, I calmed myself and listened carefully as he explained it to me, then suggested I stopped working and did as little physical activity as possible. He asked me if my mother had the same condition, as it was usually genetic. I made a note of chatting to Mom. It would explain the fact that she had one child only.
Diane insisted she drive me to my doctor’s appointment. She was like a crazed mother hen, but after the unfavorable diagnosis, I was glad she was there for me. Fortunately, my largest projects for the year were behind me, and I had every confidence in Scotty and my team’s abilities to handle what was left for the rest of the year.
I called Sadie from home and explained my situation. After a few chosen expletives, she settled down and suggested I take extended maternity leave. Apparently, the dragon did have a heart. The team was shocked when I first shared my news of impending motherhood with them. When the dust settled, Scotty threw me a surprise office party. Everyone drank to their heart’s content—I sipped on punch.
Mom came around often to check on me, and Diane practically moved in with me. Mom apologized for not telling me about the cervical insufficiency and said that she was sure it was an isolated case. It was good spending time with her, which was one upside to being forced to spend time on your back like an upturned turtle.
“Have you spoken to the father of your baby yet?” she asked one day as we sat in the living room, enjoying a pot of herbal tea.
“No,” I said. “I don’t think he was in for the long haul. I don’t want to guilt him into a relationship with an unplanned pregnancy.”
“Don’t you think he deserves to know? You should at least give him the option to decide, shouldn’t you?”
“I’ve given it a lot of thought, Mom. This is best for both of us.”
Mom didn’t push. After she left, I allowed my mind to wander back to the night I spent with Chris. It was magical, however brief, and I wished we had time to let the relationship develop slowly. But life wasn’t predictable, and from his lack of response to my messages, I assumed Chris had moved on. It hurt like hell, but I was a big girl.
My baby was my only priority. I was starting to get excited about being a mom.
***
CHRIS
I called Lauren’s company again the next day, after I summoned up the courage to eat humble pie.
“Platinum Events, good morning. Annie speaking. How may I direct your call?”
“Hi, Annie. Is Lauren Styles available?”
“I’m sorry, but she’s gone on maternity leave, Sir. Can someone else assist you, perhaps?”
Without thinking, I ended the call. I felt shaky, so I took a deep breath and opened a bottled water. I started doing math in my head. No matter how many times I did the sums, the outcome stayed the same.
Either Lauren was already pregnant when we had slept together, or she got busy when she got back to New York. The other possibility was just too scary to contemplate. What if I was the father? Was Lauren carrying our baby? Surely she wouldn’t keep such a thing from me? If it were our baby, surely she would have told me.
Which led me to only one conclusion. I w
asn’t the father, and she didn’t have the heart to tell me she was pregnant by someone other than me. My gut was hurting. All the months I spent pining after that woman, only to find out that she was pregnant with someone else’s baby. Heartless bitch! At least Giselle had the decency to be upfront about her crazy ass motivations. Lauren made me believe that what we had was special. I wouldn’t make that mistake again.
Chapter 13
LAUREN
Spring was in full swing, while I lay around my apartment like a beached whale. Lily was kicking up a storm, showing a substantial amount of potential for the girls’ soccer team. That’s what I decided to name her, Lily Mae Styles. I was eight months along, and both Lily and I were in good health.
Like her father, Lily couldn’t be still for long. I wondered how he was. I was even tempted to call him a few times, but thought better of it. No, it was better for Lily and me to get on with our lives, and leave the past where it belonged.
It was three o’clock in the morning, and I had to pee, again. As I walked to the toilet, I wondered if I’d ever see my feet again. What if I was the kind of woman who never shed her pregnancy pounds? The thoughts of a new mom to be were crazy. I joined a support group for single moms, actually, Mom dragged me to one under false pretenses, but once I got to know the other women, we shared a bond. So I kept going.
As I waddled into the bathroom, I heard a popping sound, followed by a warm sensation down my legs. It was too early for labour, so I assumed I’d lost my ability to control my bladder while Lily was using it as a hacky sack. That all changed when the first contraction hit me like a pantechnicon, leaving me holding onto the side of the bath, grunting and gasping for air.
I waited for my breath to return to me before I shimmied back to the bedroom to get to my phone. I called 911, gave them my location, and then I called Diane.
“Holy shitballs!” she shouted on the other side of the call. “I’m coming! Hang in there, I’ll be there in a flash.”
“Hang on, D! I called the ambulance already. Meet me at the hospital.”