by Marie Hall
Again he looked back over his shoulder. Ian was adjusting the covers around her. He looked forward again and stomped his feet to fend off the cold.
"You have not said much." Mark stepped over and turned to stare in the same direction.
"What should I say?" Xavier asked, stomping his feet more.
"You do understand she acted in self-preservation, right? Her not telling you about the tunnel—"
"Not telling me placed the entire house in danger." The anger he barely restrained bumped the surface again.
"Xavier look around you, no one has been through here. The snow would have shown evidence of trespass. There was not even a trace in the yards anyone had been out to that cellar."
"She should have said something when she discovered it." Xavier refused to concede any point.
"Are you sure you gave her the chance?" Mark asked, kicking down a pile of snow.
Xavier ground his teeth but was saved from answering when Jon appeared out of nowhere. Gerald appearance disclosed the entrance to the tunnel. Xavier and Mark made their way towards them as they worked to push through the snow drifts.
"Well," Gerald said, shaking his head. "It is a tunnel."
Xavier sighed and turned to look back at Io who now sat tall on the horse trying to see what was happening.
"It does not appear as if anyone was through it though. There were footprints, but all small, bare feet." Jon said. "There is also a place that looks to have been used as a shelter. Some candles and a few old, ragged furs," he paused and looked at Io, "and quite a few apple cores are scattered."
"She spent time in there for sure," Gerald added.
"What do you make of the structure?" Mark asked and Xavier turned back.
Jon, his engineer, rubbed his chin. "It is very basic. Narrow in most spots but mostly direct in its heading."
"Can it be knocked in, made impassable?"
"Perhaps, but it risks the integrity of the wall at the point they cross. It is not deep. You could probably spill in a few wagon loads of rock and seal it up well enough. Xavier?"
Xavier turned his back on the men. Dropping his head so he didn't have to see Io looking at him in anticipation of his reaction, he rubbed at his forehead, hoping the pounding would stop. Had he given her the chance to tell him? If she was using the tunnel as a hiding place, that could be her reason for not telling him of its existence. All those times she vanished from sight for days. Had she slipped from the house without her guard using the tunnel? Every measure he put in place to assure her safety, she managed to thwart. The only thread holding back his rage was the knowledge that she was able to use the tunnel to escape the people trying to kill her.
"Xavier?"
Damn it all, he couldn't have this from her. The very fact she had an escape was likely what kept her silent about the attempts on her life. Rather than come to him, or to anyone she might have trusted and tell them what happened, she made her only option running.
"Xavier?"
Still the tunnel might have been what saved her life.
"Xavier!"
"What?" he yelled, turning back to face the men.
"You need to yoke that anger," Gerald said, putting himself between Xavier and Io so his line of sight was cut off. "Go tell Ian to take her back to the house." Mark didn't hesitate and Xavier watched as Io was told to go back but seemed to resist. Ian and Mark spoke with her for a few minutes more before Ian turned the horse and rode away. Xavier watched until they were gone from view. "You will not act rashly in this manner. You will hear her out." Gerald said, stepping closer, perhaps hoping to threaten with his posture.
"Xavier, what do you want to do with the tunnel?" Jon asked. Xavier could hardly think about it now, so only shook his head. "It would not be hard to bring in a few loads of rock, even this time of year."
Xavier scrubbed his hands over his face. Io did use the tunnel to save her life. It wasn't something everyone knew about, though that wouldn't be long true. He was sure the main players in the attempts on her life were in custody and they'd hang soon. Tunnels in general were a major hazard to any house, but properly defended, they could be an asset.
With another deep breath, Xavier set his focus on this problem. Io could wait to be dealt with, perhaps the wait would add to her remorse. Certainly it'd help him kill the urge to strangle her. "Can it be secured without sealing it?"
"I think," Jon said with some surprise. "Again it is not deep. It would not be hard to drive posts down and set gates. You think to keep the access?"
"I think I need to think about it. Tell me what might be done."
Xavier took a deep breath then pushed into his chambers. He'd spent a few hours going over the structural ideas Jon managed with the little information he had. Then he'd spent time rescinding the warrants for the group of men who'd been accused of dereliction of duties. More time was spent confirming the nine left were still as guilty as they were when he woke up this morning.
The hour was late now, and he wouldn't be shocked to find Io in bed. He rather preferred if she was. He couldn't promise his temper. As much as he went over it in head, as many reasons and justifications he gave for her, as much as he tried only to see the end point, it still angered him beyond any memory.
That his wife was capable of pushing him to the very edge of sanity was nothing new, that she could infuriate him past reason, again was not new. But that she'd go to such lengths to subvert his authority, disobey him so underhandedly. And he didn't know the whole of it even now. He crossed the room and made his way into his private chambers, stopping short when he noticed the door to the bed chambers was open. Only firelight lit the room, but he could see Io wasn't in the bed. Tossing his cloak forcefully into the chair, he spun and paced the room. She'd have to go through here to reach the bed.
He was torn. He didn't want to face her yet, but he didn't want to leave the solitude of these rooms. He stopped pacing then. It could be Io had found a different bed for the night. That thought only added to his temper. He'd let her out of their chamber once and all that created was distance which created the circumstances leading to this very moment.
"My lord?"
Her soft call nearly tripped him, and he took his time turning to face her. She stood mostly in shadows, but he could see well enough to know she'd been affected by today's events. Events she put in motion with her deception.
"Go to bed," he commanded, giving her his back.
"Xavier, please speak with me."
He made fists and squeezed until he felt his nails bite into his palm. The air he pulled in through his nose couldn't seem to fill his lungs.
"Please," she pleaded again. "Speak with me."
"Speak with you?" he bellowed, spinning around and swiftly crossing the space separating them. "Speak with you?" he yelled again as he stalked her back into the bed chambers. "What would be the point of speaking, my lady? What truth now will you give me?"
"Xavier I will—"
"You will what? Have to find a new means of defying me?" He heard her gasp, watched her cover her mouth the way she did when she didn't want to be heard crying. "How long have you been acting against me? When did you discover the tunnel? And why did you wait to leave until I could not live without you?" He turned and left her standing alone in the room. He hadn't meant to say the last, to give away the hurt she caused. He needed to go before he said more.
"Xavier, do not walk away from me. Please."
"Why should I not, it has worked well enough for you," he said, turning to find Io standing in the center of the room. "I think I will never be taken aback to find you have deserted me again."
Her hurt at his words registered quickly and she bent in half a moment before she was able to stand and face him. "I did not know what else to do. I did not want to die. As much as I have spent my days hating my life, I did not want to die." She shook before him, but she held her ground when he came at her.
"How long have you known about the tunnel?"
"I w
ill tell you, but—"
"No, Io. Tell me how long have you known?"
"Please, Xavier, hear me out. I will tell you everything, but hear me out. Do not walk away." He managed a curt nod. He'd have his answers. He'd learn the breadth of Io's betrayal. "I discovered the tunnel my first week here." Her announcement startled him. "I intended to ask you about it, but those first weeks were so busy, so chaotic and challenging. I set it out of my mind. Other matters took priority, it seemed of no consequence."
"Consequence? A tunnel like that puts the entire house at risk." How did she not understand that? "And you have been using it to slip from the house without an escort the entire time."
"No, Xavier, no I swear."
"How do I even start to believe that? After everything, how do I believe that?" She took a step towards him. "Is that why you never came to me and asked to again be allowed to leave the house when I forbid you that freedom? Because you were leaving against my command?" He recalled trying to bend her to his will by forbidding her from leaving the house. Her knowing of the tunnel made his efforts worthless. "Do you understand how much more difficult you made everything by keeping this from me? Have you even once given me the courtesy I am deserving as your husband?"
"I didn't know to trust you as I do now," she shouted at him. "I did not use the tunnels as a means to defy you."
"You left this house without consent, without security, using that tunnel. You used it to defy me."
She gasped and cleared her throat, "Xavier, please it was not like that," she paused, "it was not how it was." Her voice cracked
"No? Then tell me, how was it." Her reminder that he'd not gained her trust as he'd thought hurt.
"I did not think about it." She took another step towards him. "I didn't give it any thought until I could think of no place at all to feel safe." She paused and took a deep breath. "I did use the tunnel as a place to hide. I did not know what else to do."
"You should have come to me," he shouted and saw her flinch. He needed to stop, it was his own actions that made her feel unsafe. He didn't need to be reminded, but Io put it plainly before him.
"I tried, but you were not hearing me. You sided in favor of them. You punished me without cause to satisfy them. What safety could I have hoped to find with you?" He so wanted to deny the words. "I did not use the tunnel for anything more than shelter from all of you until the very day I made to leave for good. I swear I only took shelter. I swear on my life Xavier."
He wasn't sure how to respond. Her account matched what Jon and Gerald reported. Still…
"I did think about the tunnel often as things became worse. But I did not have a plan to use it until much later."
He couldn't deny her words. Turning his back to her, he folded his arms across his chest. She'd plenty of opportunities to tell him before now and she remained silent. Might have remained so if she'd not needed to speak up to save those men.
"Xavier, please, I know I was wrong to keep it from you."
He turned his head a bit to glance at her, and his knees almost buckled. She stood before him in only a short shift, her robe pooled at her feet. Her arm was outstretched, and in her hand, she held the cane he'd used on her so very long ago. Turning back, he crossed to her. It was the closest he'd stood since she confessed at the barracks.
"Please, my lord." She urged him to take it from her.
How tempting. To simply lay welts across her arse. To make her hurt as he was hurting. It'd be easy to bring this to an end that way. He snatched the cane from her hand, making her cry out in surprise. He could lay it on her flesh, and in a matter of minutes, this entire thing would be settled. The way it always was before.
But the way it was before was how they came to be here, now, with this problem between them. Turning, he walked over to the table Io had brought in to replace the one he'd damaged when she ran. It was nowhere near as fine, but Io only thought to bring back the comforts he once knew.
He hadn't heard her approach, but she was there at the end of the table, looking as if she waited his instruction to bend, to yield to his wrath. As much as he wanted to, maybe needed to, "Go to bed, Io," was the command he gave.
"My lord?" her voice cracked and tears welled in her beautiful blue eyes.
"I said go to bed," he repeated then again when she still didn't move. "Go to bed."
Slapping her hands over her mouth, she fled, letting the door slam shut behind her. The thick wood did little to muffle her wails. Mistakes were made. But Io didn't bear the fault alone. Leaving the wicked little stick on the table, Xavier moved to the chair and sat down. If he was ever going to learn to not physically punish her because it was the easiest way to bring her to heel, now was going to be the moment the lesson was set. He tipped his head back and closed his eyes, letting every tension slip from him. What did it matter really? She was safe. She gave him her word she'd no intention of ever fleeing again. Another day and those who'd threatened her would be swinging. They could start again.
Listening, he could tell Io's crying was coming to an end. The steady sobbing was now broken into short fits. She'd cry herself out and fall asleep. Perhaps by morning the last of his temper would be extinguished and they'd speak again. He'd wait for morning to bring him calm.
Chapter 18
Io set the candle out of reach then shifted to settle on her knees before her husband sleeping in the chair. Dawn was a while away, but she'd not yet heard if those people were spared. If maybe she could gain a reprieve for the others.
She could see no such thing for herself. She'd have welcomed the cut of the cane, still would, if he forgave her. Not mentioning the tunnel was wrong, but even as she confessed, she'd not understood how dangerous the passage was. She should have realized, but she didn't. Now, she wasn't sure if she did anything but destroy her marriage. She needed to know those men had back their lives.
She needed to know, but she sat there and said nothing. She wanted to call out to him, but all she managed was to try and smooth the edges of her nails. He was there, within reach, but she couldn't reach out and touch him. A tear dropped down and splashed on her bare thigh. She brushed at it. She needed to ask him. With a sniff, she looked up and opened her mouth. The only thing that came out was a sob as Xavier's hard expression killed the little hope she was holding on to. Dropping her head, she let the guilt and grief consume her. She didn't even try now to silence the noise she made. What did it matter if anyone heard? No one would be seeking her out to force her silence.
"Io. Settle." His voice rolled over her, making her regret more what transpired this day. "Enough, settle." She felt his hand stroke down the back of her head, and her whole body ached for his touch. If only she could say something to make him believe in her. She heard his sigh then felt him shift and stand. A moment more and he was stepping away. He wouldn't even give her the comfort of knowing if she'd helped his own men.
Something solid dropped to the floor behind her, and before she could turn to see, Xavier was lifting her up and back. His attempt to set her on the stool would've been easier if she'd an idea what he intended. But once seated and steady, he circled around and retook his own seat. She couldn't look up, but when the damp cloth dropped into her lap, she made use of it. Wiping her face and her neck, trying to remove the heat of shame.
"Io, look at me." She shook her head at him. "Look at me, Io." It was the most frightened she'd been in a long while, but she lifted her chin and met his eyes. "Speak, I am listening." The invitation she'd waited for, and now, she couldn't form the words. "I suspended the executions one day, Io. I will review again all the evidence. Those on guard that day were released, their warrants destroyed."
She held the edge of the stool so the relief didn't take her back to the floor. She'd lost everything, but it'd not been for nothing.
"Why, Io?" he asked, his fist going under her chin and forcing her eyes back to his. "Tell me why."
"I… I." She gave up trying, and shook her head.
"You did
not trust me at all, ever. Did you?" He sounded so sad, so disappointed.
"I… wanted to. I tried. I did for a while but… I wanted… no place felt safe. There was no place in the whole of the house I felt safe."
"You felt unsafe from the very first day?"
"No. I… it only began to feel… wrong, dangerous after you, I, you… After I saw how Charlotte could… There was no place I could go to be away from them. And you insisted again and again they were no threat to me. I could not seek safety from you, when you saw no danger." He made a sound low in his throat at that, but his expression told her he still listened. "I swear I did not take to the tunnel in defiance, Xavier, only to get away from them. And only when there was no place at all left to go."
"You do not feel safe still, do you?"
"Sometimes, not always."
"What place can I give you, Io, that you will feel safe in? I work now to make the house safe for you. Do you need a special place? A place to find rest and peace. Be restored."
She thought on it only a moment more, then left the stool, and with only a little caution, turned and slipped onto Xavier's lap. She drew her knees up then reached for his right arm and pulled it around her. She did the same with his left as she curled against him. "Here," she started, tugging his arm more firmly around her. "Here is where I feel safe. Give me this place."
"It is yours at will," he said, and she felt his check nuzzle the top of her head. "You truly didn't slip from the house without your guards?" Io wasn't sure if she should be insulted by the sound of amazement in his voice.
"I…" She knew her next words could bring back his anger, perhaps cause his wrath. "When I said I… did not leave the house." She stopped to gather her courage.
"It was not the truth?" He didn't sound upset at all.
"There is a place in the tunnel. It is three steps beyond the walls. When I went in, that is where I would go. I was beyond the walls. I knew I was beyond them each time."
"You knew how?" Again he didn't sound angry. He did drop his arms away and lean to one side.