“And thus I love to gaze on thee, and then I think thou’st power, to mix the cup of joy for me, even in life’s darkest hour, thou’rt like a star—whene’er my eye is upward turned to gaze, upon those orbs, I mark with awe their clear celestial blaze…”
Evie wandered back in the cabin, leaving me alone with this painful yearning that I feared would only grow in time, her voice mingling with mine as we finished the poem together.
“And then thou seem’s so pure, so high, so beautifully bright, I almost feel as if it were an angel met my sight.” I watched her close the door, convinced beyond any doubt that fate had brought us together. Within a few days, all the Gods would return from their vacation and Evie would be gone.
I didn’t have much time.
I’d have to work fast.
But maybe, just maybe, if I remained strong, I could get close to her.
Just once. Just once is all I need, because after that, I’ll have the memory to sustain me, just as my memories of Catherine keep me going now.
Oh, how I longed for Catherine, for Evie, for both of them…
My thoughts raced through my head as I concocted a plan.
All I had to do was get close.
How hard could it be?
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
EVIE
By late afternoon, dark rain clouds formed overhead, and minutes later, with a loud, thunderous crack, the rain seemed to explode from the sky, falling on the cabin with an incessant, pounding song.
“I guess we picked a good day to stay inside,” Jeremiah said.
“Yeah, I guess so,” I said, staring out the window. Endless beads of rain streamed down the windows as I contemplated what to do. I knew the phone would ring later and I’d be forced to make a decision as to whether or not to tell Diana about the book.
I’d placed it back on the bookshelf, but my eyes kept wandering over to it. Unable to shake the fear, and unable to get the poem out of my head, I found myself reciting it in my head over and over.
It was one of the most beautiful poems I’d ever read. And yet, it wasn’t calming me. In fact, the more I thought about it, the more I seemed to worry.
It was my job to protect Jeremiah, and yes, while he may be perfectly safe at the moment, something was terribly wrong, and that fact was undeniable.
When Diana finally called, I nearly jumped out of my skin at the sound of the ringer.
“Hey, sis,” I answered, my voice shaky.
“Hi, Evie!” she replied. “How’s everything going?”
I hesitated.
“We’re fine,” I said. “How’s Hawaii?”
“It’s hot,” she said. “The exact opposite of Oregon right now. But my goodness, it’s absolute paradise here.”
“You’ve got that right,” I said. “It’s raining cats and dogs right now. We decided to stay in today. We made a fire and Jeremiah’s been watching cartoons all day.”
“Oh, that sounds nice,” she said. “So, there haven’t been any problems?”
I hesitated again.
“No, not at all,” I finally said, deciding I couldn’t bring myself to ruin her vacation. “Quiet as can be.”
At least I wasn’t lying.
“Hey, have you ever caught Jeremiah sleepwalking?” I had to ask. I was grasping at straws, but it was all I could come up.
“Sleepwalking?” she repeated. “No, never, why?”
“Oh, it’s nothing,” I said. “I thought I heard him last night, that’s all.”
Okay, so there’s my first lie. I felt terrible about it, too. But I needed to ask because it was literally the only explanation I could come up with after thinking about it the entire day.
“You’re sure everything is fine, Evie?” she asked. We’re sisters and I knew she might pick up on my fear, so I rushed to get off the phone.
“Yep, it’s all good,” I said. “You go enjoy yourself and I’ll talk to you tomorrow, okay?”
“Okay, sweetie, thank you again for everything,” she said.
“You know it’s my pleasure,” I said, hanging up quickly.
I turned back to the bookshelf, the book practically staring me in the eye, daring me to pull it back out. I walked over and grabbed it, then walked to the kitchen and threw it into a drawer, slamming it shut.
“Out of sight, out of mind,” I murmured, turning away, the lines of the poems still echoing in my head.
Thou’rt like a star, for when my way was cheerless and forlorn, and all was blackness like the sky before a coming storm…
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
HAWK
I spent the day resting, trying to make myself as strong as possible, and waiting for the perfect moment.
Evie sat on the porch swing in the early afternoon, while Jeremiah napped on the couch in front of the television. I was pleased to see she’d rescued the book of poetry from the drawer she’d banished it to earlier and was now flipping through the pages again and sipping a cup of chamomile tea.
Finally, I mustered the courage and strength to step from the shadows and walk up to the porch.
“Beautiful afternoon, isn’t it?” I said, doing my best to keep my voice gentle and even, so as to not alarm her with my sudden presence. Still, I startled her.
“Oh!” she gasped, rising quickly to her feet. “Um, hello…”
Her eyes darted around to see if I was the only visitor.
“My apologies for startling you, ma’am,” I said, bowing slightly, and removing my hat from my head. “I’m just out exploring and saw your cabin. It’s lovely.”
“Oh,” she nodded slowly, a wrinkle forming on her brow. She was even more beautiful up close. I took another step forward, until I was standing just at the bottom of the steps. “Thank you, it belongs to my sister.”
“And you are?” I asked, knowing full well what her name is, but wanting to put her at ease with a little small talk.
“Evie,” she said.
“My name is Hawk,” I replied. “It’s nice to meet you, Evie.”
“Do you live around here?” she asked, her voice trembling slightly.
“I used to,” I replied. “A long time ago.”
“Oh,” she nodded.
“Isn’t it a lovely day?” I asked. “I wasn’t sure if the rain would stop, but it’s turned into a gorgeous afternoon.”
“Yes,” she agreed.
I peered up at her, her eyes a dazzling, sparkling, ocean blue that I felt like I could drown in for days, if she’d allow it.
“How did you end up here, though?” she asked. “I’ve never seen anyone just wandering around on this property.”
“As I said, Evie, I used to live around here a long time ago. I know the back trails and come by here a few times a year. This house used to be abandoned.”
“Yes, my sister and brother-in-law just renovated it,” she said.
“Well, they did a beautiful job,” I said, with a smile.
I could smell her. If I allowed myself to get a little closer, I’d be able to practically taste her. Oh, how I longed to reach out and touch her silky skin, to caress her white blonde hair that looked as soft as the feathers of a dove.
“What are you reading?” I asked, pointing to the book dangling from her hand.
“Oh, just an old collection of poetry,” she said, her eyes raking over my frame. I knew I appeared outdated, old-fashioned, and most definitely out of style, but I was hoping she’d overlook that.
“Ah, yes,” I nodded. “Excellent day for that.”
She nodded, watching me silently. I struggled for something charming to say, to somehow leave an impression on her, other than terror from a suddenly appearing stranger.
“Who’s your favorite?” I asked.
“My favorite what?”
“Your favorite poet,” I replied.
“Oh, right,” she said. “Emily Dickinson, I suppose.”
“Dickinson!” I replied. “She’s one of my favorites, too. Hope is the thing with feathers, that
perches in the soul…”
“And sings the tune without the words, and never stops, at all,” she finished.
I clapped with glee.
“That’s my favorite poem of all time,” she said.
“It’s one of mine, too,” I replied, standing there and beaming at her like she was an angel that landed on Earth.
A moment passed with us staring into each other’s eyes, my heart swelling with emotion as our mutual appreciation hung heavy in the air between us.
“Well,” I said, finally breaking the intense eye-contact, “I should continue with my exploring. I wish you a wonderful evening, Evie.”
“Thank you,” she whispered with a smile. “Hawk, right?”
“That’s right,” I nodded. “Goodbye, Evie.”
And with that, I forced myself to do the exact opposite of what I really wanted to do. I walked away slowly, leaving her standing alone on the porch, watching as I disappeared around the corner of the house. I rushed into the woods, and once I was sure I was out of sight, I collapsed on a downed tree, my hands trembling, my knees weak, my heart racing with exhaustion and happiness.
I’d done it.
I’d gotten close to her.
I’d spoken to her.
She’d actually seen me!
I told myself I was only going to show myself to her once, but now that I’d done it, I knew I was hooked.
I knew I wanted to get even closer.
I knew I wanted so much more from her now.
And, for the first time, I realized just how much I was falling in love with her.
I spent the rest of the day floating on a cloud of happiness.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
EVIE
Who the hell was that?
Hawk appeared seemingly out of nowhere, like a vision waltzing out of the trees and standing in front of me, all while being hands down the most handsome man I’d ever seen in my life.
How does a man like that just come out of nowhere?
My heart was pounding in my chest so loudly after he left, that it took several long, deep breaths before I was able to even think properly.
Tall and lanky, with dark hair that flowed down and curled around his collar, he looked like he’d walked straight out of a movie. His eyes were a ghostly blue, so pale they were almost icy. But his smile was warm and kind and soft.
Dressed in a long, dark trench coat and a dark hat, with heavy black boots, he didn’t look like any hiker I’d ever seen.
The fact that he was on the God’s property, however, was the most concerning thing about him.
That, and the mention of poetry. Was he the person who’d left me the poem?
“That’s ridiculous, Evie, don’t be paranoid,” I said to myself, out loud.
He’d been a perfect gentleman and given me no reason to be afraid, but I was left completely shaken.
The feeling didn’t subside throughout the evening, and I couldn’t stop thinking about him.
His eyes, his smile, those long, lanky fingers…
And where had he gone?
A moment after he wandered off, I’d run down the stairs and around the house, hoping to see which direction he was walking in, but he’d simply disappeared.
When Jeremiah woke up, I asked him if he’d ever seen anyone wandering around outside.
“Just this one time,” he said.
“Tell me about it?”
He shrugged, “It was no big deal. Just some old guy who was down by the creek one day. I was down there by myself and he was collecting rocks with me.”
“Did you get his name?”
“No,” he said.
“Did you ever see him again?”
“No.”
“Did you tell your folks?”
“No, I don’t think so,” he shrugged. “I forgot to tell them.”
I nodded, wondering if it could be the same man. I wanted to ask him a million questions, but I didn’t want to alarm him, so I left it alone.
The rest of the evening flew by uneventfully, but Hawk’s eyes haunted my dreams that night. I dreamt I was flying through the forest, Oliver and Olivia leading the way as I soared through the air, dodging tree limbs along the way. We stopped to rest on top of a large hill overlooking a meadow that was thickly blanketed in brilliant pink wildflowers. Oliver and Olivia left me alone, soaring overheard, and I sat on the grass, feeling more at peace than I’d ever felt before.
I looked to my right, and Hawk sat there silently smiling at me.
I could feel the heat rolling off his body, and I was struck with the urge to kiss him. I smiled, slowly reaching out to touch his face, bringing my lips closer to his, the anticipation coursing through me like a raging fire.
My fingertips made contact with his cheek and I gasped as he began to disintegrate, his skin melting and disappearing, his lips, his cheeks, his chin, all gone, leaving only his pale blue eyes blinking at me in the dark.
My scream woke me up, and I sat straight up in bed, my heart pounding in fear.
I jumped up and ran to the front door, checking to make sure the lock was in place, then did the same thing with the back door, and then all the windows. Finally, I checked in on Jeremiah, relieved to see he was sleeping soundly.
I stayed up the rest of the night, building a roaring fire and watching mindless television shows, until the light of dawn began streaming into the windows, warm and comforting in a way the dark of night could never be.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
HAWK
I hate that I scared her.
That I gave her bad dreams.
I wanted nothing but to bring her pleasure, be her friend, perhaps, with some crazy miracle, we could even become lovers.
Now that she’s smiled into my eyes, every cell of my body is yearning for her.
I want to touch her. I need to feel the softness of her hair, wrap my fingers around the fragile, velvety skin of her neck, feel her pulse under my fingertips…
My yearning grows until it snaps. And then, it’s all screaming inside of me.
Reminding me of the man I used to be. Before my strength was stolen. When I could, and did, possess anyone I wanted.
Forgiveness wasn’t necessary then. I convinced myself that the darkness inside of me was just a tool, a release for when those feelings built up inside of me.
I had a heart of gold, truly. Under it all.
There were just those days. When it got so bad that I was forced to do something about it. When I needed things.
Who can blame me? I did whatever was necessary to obtain that release.
That was real strength, in my opinion.
The instinct to know what you needed and how to get it, no matter the cost.
And now, it’s all coming back. I’ve spent decades in the shadows, pretending I lived in the darkness.
But that’s not true…
That darkness lives in me.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
EVIE
I couldn’t stop thinking about him.
Those eyes. That deep, soft voice.
The way he looked at me.
Unnerved as I was by the dream, in the light of the day, the fear wasn’t as overwhelming. A dream is just a dream, it’s not real, I told myself, and let it go.
Instead, I thought about what was real. Those few fleeting moments with him. I was kicking myself for not asking more questions.
He was unlike any man I’d ever met.
My job as a cocktail waitress at the Kit-Kat club had me dealing with men constantly. I knew what to expect when it came to them, and yet Hawk had blown all that I thought I knew about men out of the water.
It was merely a few moments, I kept telling myself. I was overreacting.
But it was the feeling I was left with that was so hard to shake.
Not only was he different than other men, the way he made me feel when he looked at me was starkly different, as well.
I longed to see him again, but I figured that was impossibl
e.
Still, I caught myself looking out the window of the cabin dozens of times. I wondered if he’d come back. I wondered if I would ever see him again.
I strolled out onto the porch, staring out into the trees, willing him back to me. Part of me wanted to go looking for him, but that didn’t seem wise. Besides, when I’d asked if he lived around here, he said he used to. Past tense. Meaning all my chances at ever seeing him again were also in the past.
Lucky me.
All of these feelings arising inside of me made me realize just how lonely I had been.
My life had been a mess ever since my father died. Just a few weeks later, I figured out I had a sister I’d never known about and a few weeks after reuniting with her, I was kidnapped by that snake freak.
To say I’d been rattled by all of that was an understatement.
It’s taken a few years, and I’m getting better, but I haven’t been very eager to trust many people since then. I spend most of my time alone, outside of work and hanging with Diana and Jeremiah as much as I can. But the loneliness is almost palpable.
Hawk intrigued me.
For the first time, in a very long time, a man had piqued my interest.
Maybe it was just as well that I’d probably never see him again. Yeah, he was sexy as hell, and mysterious, but that didn’t mean he was trustworthy.
The phone startled me out of my daydreams and I quickly picked it up.
“Hey, sis,” I answered.
“Hi, Evie!” she said, her voice slightly slurred.
“Are you drunk?” I asked.
“Maybe a little,” she giggled. “The margaritas they serve on the beach are so strong! The sun doesn’t help.”
“It sounds like you’re having fun,” I said, smiling.
“We are!”.
“Hi, Evie!” Slade called out in the background.
“Hey, Slade,” I answered back.
“How’s my boy?” Diana asked.
“He’s great, he’s such a good kid, Diana,” I said.
“I know!” she gushed, slurring her words. “He’s so good, isn’t he?”
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