He shook his head, grabbed her hand and held it tightly. “No, Sera. If only one of us goes in, it’s gonna be me.”
She wanted to scream and smack him. She’d thought they were past all that. Once he believed in her, knew what she was capable of, there was no longer any reason for him to treat her as second class, to treat her like a kid, to feel like he had to look after her.
She tipped her head back and closed her eyes, fighting for patience. “Ryan. It has to be me. You know that.” She opened her eyes and looked deep into his, willing him to understand and agree.
He shook his head. Pulled her closer against him. “No.” He pressed a hard kiss to her mouth. “We’ll talk to Carlos and the guys, and rework the plan.”
“Ryan. Don’t do this. You know it has to be me. You know I can take care of myself.”
The corners of his mouth kicked up. “You know, that could be kind of insulting to my masculine ego.”
“You know what I mean!” She pulled out of his grasp and paced across the room, turned and stared at him, talons of aggravation clawing inside her. “I thought you knew now that I can take care of myself. That I can do just as good a job as you can.”
“I do know that,” he replied softly, crossing the room and standing right in front of her. “I know that, Sera. I’m not being chauvinistic or bossy. I just want to know you’re safe.” He touched her hair and drew it behind her shoulder.
She looked at him. “Ryan.”
He blew out a long breath. His eyes went unfocused for a moment as he stared past her. Then he dragged his gaze back to her. “Okay,” he said. “You do it. You go in.”
Sera’s breath stuck in her chest. It felt like a golf ball had lodged there. “Really?” she choked out. She touched her fingertips to his cheek.
“Yes.” He closed his eyes briefly. “You’re right. You are the best one to do this. They trust you. And I know you can look after yourself.”
She continued to gaze at him, her heart swelling inside her chest, her body softening. Her expanding heart felt like it had cracked, and soft and messy emotions began leaking out. Ryan believed in her.
“I care about you, Sera,” he continued. “That’s the only reason I didn’t want you to do it.”
She blinked at him, his words robbing her of speech. She was afraid if she tried to talk, her tight throat would have the words coming out incomprehensible. She wasn’t even sure what she wanted to say. She didn’t know how to express all the things bubbling up inside her. It was probably better if she didn’t.
She flew into his arms it seemed without even moving her feet. The feel of his strong arms wrapping around her undid her even more, and she leaned her face against him, pressed her nose to his throat. She inhaled the warm masculine scent of him. She would never forget Ryan’s smell. She closed her eyes and just breathed him in, over and over, while his arms held her, rocked her.
Gratitude, relief, and honor all mingled inside her, warming her from the inside out, and she lifted her head, cupped his lean, raspy cheeks in both hands and kissed him. His mouth moved beneath hers as he kissed her back, and she pressed herself closer, unable to get close enough.
A groan rumbled in his throat, and he hardened against her as the kiss went on and on. When she finally lifted her mouth to meet his eyes, they were both panting.
“Sera.”
“Ryan.”
The corners of her mouth kicked up and she went up on tiptoes and kissed him again, winding her arms around his neck. “Oh, Ryan.”
The heat building between them snapped into an inferno, consuming both of them in licking flames. “Christ,” he muttered against her mouth, his hands sliding up under her shirt. His rough touch sent shivers over her body. Then he stroked lower, down the curve of her back and dipped his fingers inside her jeans, as far as he could, cupping her butt.
She wriggled against him, wanting more of his touch, and when they again separated and stared at each other wide-eyed, gasping, she reached for the hem of her top and pulled it off over her head.
“Black lace,” he murmured, looking down at her chest. She followed his gaze to where the curves of her breasts swelled against the scalloped edges of the lacy cups. His hot hands burned her bare waist, and she started unbuttoning his shirt, a blue-and-white-striped buttoned shirt so different from his usual black T-shirts.
When she reached the last button, she separated the sides of his shirt to reveal his chest. She trailed her fingers over his flat, brown nipples, the dusting of hair between, the slabs of muscle over his abdomen, and the trail of dark hair disappearing down beneath his pants. He gasped.
Lust escalated in her, and she fumbled at the button and zipper of his pants. He took over, and while he got rid of the rest of his clothing, she wriggled out of her jeans. In a matching black lace thong, she then flattened herself against his hot, naked body and kissed him again.
“Jesus,” he panted. “Sera.”
“I know, I know, but I need you. I need you right now.”
She straddled his thigh and rubbed her pussy against it, knew her panties were wet. With a long groan, he fisted his hands in her hair and tugged her head back to kiss her throat.
He licked and sucked gently there, and sensations whipped over her, building so fast and strong she shuddered helplessly. When he tugged harder at her hair, pleasure pursued pain and excitement sizzled over every nerve ending.
She yanked the elastic out of his hair so she could run her fingers through it too, scraping her nails over his scalp, making him hiss.
His touch was firm, confident. His hands gripped the cheeks of her ass, bared by the thong, and squeezed. Then one hand slid around and cupped a breast, and she swelled into his palm. Her nipples tingled, hardened, ached to be touched, and she pulled the cups of the bra down.
“Damn, Sera,” he muttered, staring at her breasts. Then both hands captured her flesh, gave a gentle squeeze, grazed over her nipples. He took each pointy tip between his fingers and pinched them. Her body twitched hard, flames licking up inside her from between her legs.
“Yes,” she hissed. “More…please.”
She was begging. Begging him to touch her, touch her harder. She loved the edgy feeling of his bold caresses. Her head fell back and he continued to play with her nipples, tugging, twisting, then sucking and nibbling on them until they felt glowing hot. Mindlessly, she reached behind her to undo her bra and let it slide off. When she dragged her eyes open she found him staring at her nipples, deep red and burning, and she ached down low inside with a fierce, urgent need. “Oh Christ,” she groaned. She gripped his shoulders to keep from falling, her legs going wobbly, and then he swept her up and carried her to the bed in two long strides.
He tossed her down, immediately fell upon her, kissing her with long, hard, demanding kisses. Her mouth met his, her tongue twined with his, their teeth bumped. He dragged her panties down, and she bent her legs, lifted her hips and kicked her feet to get them all the way off. Then they rolled together across the king-size bed, hands frantic, mouths devouring. Ryan grabbed her wrists, and pinned them above her head, his lower half pressing her into the mattress. He stared down at her with hot eyes, both their chests heaving.
“Fuck me,” she whispered. He gave the barest of nods, held both her wrists in one hand and slid the other down between them. He found her center where she was wet and aching.
She stared into his eyes, at the heated emotion there. His firm touch, his dominating posture thrilled her to her very core. Her pussy throbbed and wept, and she parted her legs and arched her pelvis for him.
His cock, long, hard and thick, pressed at her softness. She wanted to touch it, wanted to taste it, but he held her down, hands captured above her head, the position forcing her breasts up and out.
He took a nipple in his mouth again, suckled hard, and she felt it right in her pussy. He nipped with teeth and the burning pleasure shimmered outward from her nipples, suffusing her body in heat.
“I love th
at!” she cried. “So much.”
He moved to the other nipple, while his fingers stroked through her folds. She moved against his hand in an erotic rhythm, needing more, needing his touch right on her pulsing clit, but he circled around it, up and down, dipping into her opening, slicking her juice over her outer lips, then dragging his fingers through the patch of curls between her legs.
“Ryan, please,” she choked out. “Please…”
“What do you want, Sera?” He kissed her chest between her breasts, rested there for a moment, breathing heavily. His cock twitched against her and she moved her legs restlessly.
“I want you inside me.”
“Mmm. I want that too.” He reached down, took his cock in hand. Yes! She arched deeper, ready for him, but then he released her hands and the next thing she knew she was facedown on the bed.
The slippery bedspread had slithered to the floor, the blanket and sheets rumpled beneath them. With a gasp, she felt his hands on her hips, lifting them.
Dear god in heaven, this was the position of ultimate submission. Now he did have her pinned to the bed, his body heavy, his face pressed to the side of her neck. Strong as she was, she wasn’t strong enough to throw him off her, even if she wanted to. Which she didn’t. Did. Not.
She’d never let a man fuck her like this. Never let a man pull her hair, bite her nipples, pin her down. A flood of moisture between her legs signaled to her that all these things turned her on until she was out of her mind. God!
As she struggled to make sense of it, Ryan’s fingers sliding between the cheeks of her ass, down into her slickness, his breath a warm sigh in her ear, she realized the only reason this turned her on was because it was him. Ryan.
Emotions rose in her, threatened to swamp her, brought stinging tears to her eyes and she blinked rapidly. Christ, she didn’t cry. She hadn’t cried since her father had left when she was fourteen. What was happening to her?
For a moment, she struggled, pushing against Ryan in a feeble attempt to move him off her. He pressed back and she realized she wasn’t fighting against him, but rather against the unfamiliar feelings assailing her.
“Hey,” he murmured in her ear. “Stay still.” And with that, his hand landed on her ass in a smarting caress.
She went still.
He had not just done that!
Warmth spread from where his hand had landed, through her entire body, nerve endings sizzling with it. And then he did it again. And more liquid spilled from her pussy and she cried out with wanting and needing.
His fingers plunged into her roughly and she pushed her butt up to give him access. “Christ, you’re wet,” he muttered. “You like that, don’t you?
And one more firm smack landed on her butt.
Then he probed her pussy with the head of his cock, drawing it up and down through slick folds to wet the head and ease his way. When he shoved into her she cried out at the intensity of it, the feeling of being stretched and full. His cock touched a spot inside her she hadn’t even known existed, something exquisitely sensitive that sent shivers cascading over her.
He pulled her hair to one side, pressed his mouth to the side of her neck, his breath a ragged rasp in her ear. As he thrust into her, pleasure slammed through her and she fought to breathe.
His hand slid around, under her stomach, then lower, finding her clit, and she jerked at the touch on the sensitive flesh. His fingers there combined with the sensation of his cock inside her and the two sensations twisted together into a hot spiral of delight.
“Oh god,” she groaned into the sheets.
“Wanna make you come, baby,” he murmured, breath teasing her ear. “But first…”
He lifted up, and the removal of his heavy warmth left a cool feeling on her sweat-dampened back. One hand still below her on her clit, the other hand stroked down between the cheeks of her ass, swept lower to gather up moisture then probed at the opening of her ass.
She tensed at the intrusion she’d never before felt, his fingertip playing there, sending so many wicked sensations shooting through her she worried she might pass out. Her clit throbbed, her pussy clenched, and then his finger pushed inside her, into the forbidden entrance no one had ever touched.
She cried out, and then to silence herself, she stuffed the sheet into her mouth and bit down on it. Ryan’s cock inside her, his finger inside her and another finger on her clit pulled all those sensations into a stretched out coil of ecstasy, winding tighter and higher and hotter.
She reached for it, blind from it, hearing only a roaring in her ears and Ryan’s low words of encouragement. “So tight,” he murmured. “Your ass is tight, Sera. Your pussy is hot, gripping me like a fist, for Chrissake. I love it. Damn, I love it.”
His finger thrust into her in small pulses. She had never before experienced this feeling of her entire body being consumed by pleasure and it kept building so high, she was afraid she was never going to come down. Higher, tighter, to a peak of sharp, exquisite pain that burst into a shower of pleasure, heat and light surrounding her body. She cried out, her noises muffled by the linen in her mouth, fingers clenched into the blanket, pushing her ass back against him as she came in a dizzying, blinding, deafening orgasm.
His finger slid out of her, his other hand covering her pussy, and he picked up the pace of his thrusts, faster, harder and then she felt him come too, holding her ass tight against him while he spurted hot jets inside her, his cock pulsing.
“Oh sweet Jesus,” he groaned as he collapsed onto her, his body a damp, warm weight that crushed the air out of her. She struggled to breathe, and after a long moment, he slid out of her and rolled to the side.
Her head turned to the side. He lay there facing her and stroked her hair back off her face and neck.
“You spanked me,” she mumbled, unable to even lift her head.
“Yeah.” The satisfaction in his voice was unmistakable. “And you loved it.”
“I did not. Don’t ever do that again.” But her words carried no heat, no conviction, and when she pried her eyes open to meet his, the warmth in his eyes and his half-smile told her he knew she lied. She did love it.
She had no idea why this man dominating her, inflicting sweet pain on her like that, doing things to her that no man ever had, thrilled her right to her very essence.
And then she knew why.
He wasn’t dominating her in the sense that he wanted to control everything she did. He believed in her, which no one ever had. He respected her abilities and treated her like his equal. What they did in bed had nothing to do with that—and everything to do with it. It was all about the pleasure she got from the things he did. He knew what she liked, what she wanted, what she needed, and he gave it to her. She trusted him with her life, in any situation, including sex.
She was in love with him.
Chapter Twenty-Three
“Sera.” He lay beside her, his body still reacting to the stunning sex they’d just had, his mind reeling. He stroked her hair back behind her shoulder. Realization of the powerful feelings he had for Sera sank in, and he felt like he’d been kicked in the gut.
This was the worst thing that could happen.
Had he not learned his fucking lesson last time? He’d gotten emotionally involved with an informant who had then died from doing some bad meth. He’d screwed up the case against her loser boyfriend/dealer because of his uncontrollable rage.
The feelings he’d had for Lucie Gonzales were nothing compared to what he felt for Sera. He’d cared about Lucie, wanted to protect her and when he couldn’t, it had destroyed him.
And here he was now, about to send the woman he loved into a complicated, dangerous operation while he sat outside and waited.
It made his skin itch, made him want to growl and shove his fist into the wall. She was inexperienced and that scared the hell out of him, but she was also strong and capable and smart, and he could only hope that would keep her safe, because if she didn’t come out of there and come back
to him, he wasn’t sure how he was going to survive this time.
What a fucking disaster. He should never have let his personal feelings for her become so intense. He needed to be professional, in control, focused on the job, not scared out of his mind for her.
As the mess of feelings tore their way through him, he continued to stare at Sera, her beautiful face, lips swollen from his kisses, eyes drowsy. Then he thought about the things he’d done to her—the things she’d let him do to her—and he knew she had to have feelings for him too. There was no way Sera would let any man pin her arms over her head and hold her down, or flip her over and fuck her from behind like that, if she didn’t care about him in ways he was afraid to think about.
What had they done?
This had gone so far beyond an act, it scared the shit out of him. If Darren Forsythe ever found out about his involvement with Sera, his ass would be grass. And yet, he really couldn’t bring himself to care, such was his worry about Sera’s safety. That was all that mattered.
He swallowed hard, ran his fingertips over Sera’s smooth cheek.
“I love you, Sera.” The words just leaked out of his mouth. He couldn’t stop them. He felt an urgent need to tell her that before what was going to go down tomorrow.
Her eyes widened, her lips parted. He expected her to say the words too, because he could read it in her eyes, feel it in her touch. But she just blinked at him, and then he saw her eyes had gone glossy. Shit! She was going to cry!
He’d never seen Sera even close to shedding a tear. Not that they’d known each other that long, but she was so tough, so determined, so independent, he just couldn’t picture her dissolving into tears.
And she didn’t now. Of course not. She blinked hard and smiled at him.
“Ryan. We can’t love each other.”
“I know. But I can’t help how I feel. You feel it too, I know you do.”
She didn’t deny it. But she didn’t agree with him either. She pressed her lips together. “I don’t have room for love in my life,” she whispered, placing her palm on his chest over his heart. “Anyone who’s ever loved me, betrayed me. Left me. I do better just on my own.”
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